My boyfriend can't get over my past what now? What do I do?

[Serenabosch]

We've been together for three months now, at first I put this emotional barrier and he managed to break through it, it all went so fast after that (emotionally speaking), we jumped straight into exclusively dating, we see each other everyday and he even told me he loves me. He's everything I ever wanted and I think one of the reasons I let him in it's because he's respected me from day one.
I have this promiscuous past I'm trying to run away from, I'm not that person anymore, I got my shit together. I talked to him about it, to make things clear from the start and he said he was fine with it, he even gave me this whole speech about leaving the past behind and personal redemption.
Yesterday we spent the whole day together, things were going great until after dinner, we were making out, I wanted to hug him after that but he was distant with me, he threw a bunch of sarcastic comments and I got mad, he realized that and started being cute again. We drove in silence to my house.
He called after he dropped me off to ask what was going on with me, I told him and he apologized but he still sounded distant so I asked him what was on his mind. He confessed he thinks about my past every once in a while, especially when we do things like making out that's why he acted all sarcastic and mean. My past is a extremely delicate matter for me, I can't even talk about it without feeling like shit so I cried when he told me that and he immediately came over to talk. He apologized and told me he still sees me as an amazing person but the reason it's hard for him it's because he's still a virgin. I get him, I just don't know what to do and I hate the feeling of knowing I disgust him sometimes even though he claims it's not like that. He told me he still feels the same way about me and that breaking up is not an option. He says he's the one with the problem not me, and that that thoughts will eventually go away. I just think he says that in an atempt to make me feel better.

Updates

+1 y

I got it all wrong, it's not that he can't stop thinking about my past is that he can't stop thinking about the fact that he's a virgin and I'm not, like he's scared he might no be able to reach my expectations or something. We talked about it last night, he told me he felt better after he told me he'd never done it (He told me that the day we fought)

[AynonOMouse]

What someone does in their past NEVER goes away. He may try to "accept" it, but that doesn't change the fact he will never feel as good about you as he could have if you didn't have that kind of past.

He shouldn't be apologizing either. Why should he apologize because of something you did in your past. What, he doesn't have the right to have feelings about something? The more you let him apologize for something that isn't his fault, the more he will eventually grow to resent you for it. He is feeling guilty for something he didn't even do. That is just wrong.

Whether it is a girl or a guy, they can, and should be judged by their past actions. Everyone is responsible for their actions and choices in life.
He can probably accept it apparently, but you really should stop him from apologizing or he will eventually not like you at some point.

Personally, I could never have a relationship with someone that has been promiscuous or did hook ups. I couldn't respect them.

[Serenabosch]

I didn't get mad at the fact that he isn't ok with my past, I got mad because he treated me badly because of it. I wanted him to know what he was getting himself into that's why I told him about my past, that had to be the perfect opportunity for him to tell me he wasn't ok with it

[AynonOMouse]

You do deserve some respect for telling him up front about it before he got emotionally attached. That was good of you.

[samhradh_leannan]

If you choose to date someone, and then you subsequently judge them, shame them, or treat them badly because of something they did while they weren't even dating you, that IS something to apologize for. Because if you can't accept and respect someone, why are you even dating them in the first place? You're basically tricking them, by pretending to accept them and then still treating them badly because of their past. That's messed up. He isn't wrong for being bothered by her past, but he is wrong for essentially leading her on by promising acceptance when he can't give it.

[Goodtreepots]

Do you have his date of birth? His star sign and the day he was born will hep me better understand him and his psych. Then we can find the best aproach to not let his pride get shoved into your past. You start crying and emotional when you feel that he isn't listening to you... and soon you will be disappointed that he's too drawn in his self beating up and too defensive and feeling hurt and challenged to hear your part of the story. He acts to be ok but its getting worse not for better like he says. its time you change your strategy. like i said i need his date of birth and to talk with you. Yes i studied Astrology, tarology and numerology. its a committed hobby.

[Serenabosch]

He was born on may the 30th, he's a gemini

[Goodtreepots]

pm me.

[Anonymous]

You cannot run away from your promiscuous past. It can run as fast as you. This is yet another case on GAG where, for whatever reason, you embark on something that feels really good at the time, without regard for the future consequences.

What can you do? Absolutely nothing. It all depends on your guy. On any guy. They will always be waiting for you to go off with the next one. It may improve with time, and may even cease to be an issue. It will be so hard for him, knowing other guys have enjoyed your body, while he remains a virgin. That does NOT mean the answer is to hop into bed with him.

You will just have to play the waiting game and see if he gets through it. You will be very lucky if he does.

[samhradh_leannan]

If he can't respect you as a person and accept you for who you are now, at this moment, in the present, then I'm afraid your relationship doesn't have much hope. Getting over your past is a choice HE has to make. It's something he has to WANT to do. If he doesn't want to, then he never will. All I can suggest is that you talk to him about it- like, a lot- and ask him what you can do to help him get over this. If you two can communicate and come to a compromise or solution that works for both of you, then great. But if that doesn't seem possible, I'd suggest that both of you move on.

[Smallorange]

Reassure him a lot. My boyfriend was the same way. Communication is KEY. Tell him that those past experiences have made you into the person he loves today, and that you have no feelings for the past guys. Tell him to trust you and accept you. WE all have baggage, the important thing is to find someone who accepts that baggage and help carry it with you. Whenever you notice him acting distant, wrap him in your arms, scratch his back, play with his hair, shower him in kisses, just do something to give him reassurance. It'll go away with time as the relationship gets older.

[Serenabosch]

He tells me it's not about trust just that he doesn't like thinking about the things I've done before with other guys. I'm realy hoping for it to go away I really love him! thanks

[dragonfly6516]

Guys usually say exactly what they mean. If he says he still sees you the same, he means it. He's probably conflicted in wanting things from you that he feels are wrong. Every man is tempted by sex, even the most chaste and virtuous. He might be feeling mad at himself. I would advise against making out until you're ready for it to "accidentally" go too far.

[lizziepooh03]

With time, this will not be an issue anymore. I have often been the one to have more sexual experience than my boyfriends have had and it has been a problem for them. But eventually, it no longer becomes a problem with time so I say, it give it time.

Good luck.

[KadBitty]

He probably doesn't like feeling like that, and tries not to, but it will continue. So you need to decide if you can stay with somebody who's still judging on your past or not.
Don't see why he would say it isn't a problem at the start if he knew he sees it differently.

[Anxxy]

honestly it sounds like he is lashing out at you because he is insecure. don't be hard on yourself for having explored your sexuality, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
As for what you can do I'd recommend being reassuring and loving to him. most of us have been in his position, being in a relationship with someone more sexually advanced than we are. for men and women it's different. from a man's point of view it is very daunting, we wonder how we compare to past partners if we are inexperienced.
That's not even taking into account the fact that he is a virgin and has no idea what sex is even like, adding to his insecurity. personally I was completely mystified by sex when I was a virgin. just love him and either he will relax or he won't, how patient you want to be is up to you.

[madhatters4]

for your part. try to understand that it may take time for him to fully comfortable

for his part. it is wrong and unfair for him to say he is ok with your past and then still condemn you and treat you poorly as a result. if he says he's ok with it then he has to be ok with it

you can be patient and understanding for a while but at some point he has to get over it... but being rude, mean or sarcastic with you as a result is never acceptable

[Anonymous]

I would say that you are part of the majority of women who all have a slutty past and then want it to simply go away when they are ready to be serious when they find a non-scumbag... unfortunately, your choices have consequences and you can't just pretend they don't exist.
He will never get over your past.
A female who gives it up easy doesn't hold the same value as a female who has standards.
If you were to go buy a car, would you want the car that has been ridden like a taxi by everyone in town (not knowing who or how badly they drove it) or would you prefer a newer car with less miles on it, knowing it hasn't had the engine torn out of it?
I know you aren't a car, but if we put that much value in a simple vehicle, you have to expect that something as intimate as a partner should have just as much or more value.

[Serenabosch]

I don't expect it to simply go away. I know the consequences! That's why I talked to him about it in the first place, to give him the chance to tell me he wasn't ok with it so he could break up with me and find someone who will actually meet his standards. So you're saying that the fact that I have a past gives guys the right to treat me however the hell they want?

[Opinion Owner]

No, it doesn't give him a right to treat you any way he wants.
You simply shouldn't be together. You have a different moral code than he does.

[Browneye57]

NEVER EVER reveal your sexual past to a SO. EVER. No good will come of it. Period.

Over time he may overcome it, but yeah, it's a disgusting prospect to think your woman is the town-bicycle.

The good news is you likely know what you're doing. So fuck his brains out and make sure he knows he's number-1 with you and it'll all pass.

[Anonymous]

I don't see how your relationship can work out in the long run. It will always be back in his mind. I don't think virgin man and very experienced woman makes a good couple. You are being the stud compared to him and it will never be completely fine for him.

[beautifuldevil]

i completely understand your boyfriend. i feel the same way as him with my boyfriend. and he was being completely honest, not just trying to make you feel better. this isn't about you. it's about him. this is just something he needs to work through.

[jakelon]

just a heads up, if you do ever sleep with him and you guys end up breaking up eventually, chances are he won't forgive you.

[Serenabosch]

I know, that's why there's no way I'm letting it happen, at least until he's comfortable with who I am as a person

[jakelon]

What this all boils down to whether you're religious or not, is that sex should be consider something sacred and intimate. and shared between 2 people. There are even animals that mate together for life. There aren't many people who are comfortable with knowing whats supposed to be consider sacred in their relationship has been shared with so many other people.

[Serenabosch]

he's not religious but yeah i get your point

[MsMediocre]

Give him some space. If he truly loves you, he'll accept you no matter what. The past is the past and you can't do anything to change it. Reassure him with gentle words and comfort him when he's ready.

[TheTallguy993]

Teach your kid/s to not make the same mistake that you once made, that's the best you can do. Teach him what pleased you in the past, he's most likely comparing his sexual competence with your exs and probably overthinking it. That should solve things for him.

[Serenabosch]

I don't think that's it. When I first told him about my past he told me he didn't want any details, and yeah I'll def teach my kids not to be the same

[albono]

my last relationship was exactly the same, unless i wasn't Virgin. but i would Tell you that that feeling (you boyfriend feeling) means he is really sensible, and still insecure, i agree with "smallOrange" advices. he needs to feel more secure. good luck

[Justinaveragedude]

It bothers him, it will not stop bothering him. He cares about you, but he can't let it go. He has asked for time, give him time to see if he can move past it, if not, then walk away because this will always be something that divides you.

[Justinaveragedude]

So let him know that sex is about the two of you working together.

[Haemoglobin]

If he cannot accept your past, whatever it is, then it's not going to work out, you'll always have issues. Not going to sugarcoat it. You cannot truly love someone without accepting his/her faults too.

[Asad1ONE1]

Sorry I feel bad for him. He's an idiot to have been with you in the 1st place. Damn pretty girls like you just have to be promiscuous don't they. Must stay away from women like you and hopefully any virgin or less experienced man does! You were meant for promiscuous men! Virgins are meant for virgins. No offense.

[cattertone]

I think he's just nervous when you get intimate because you have experience and he doesn't and he's afraid he won't be good enough for you.

[Darcabab]

He has the problem not you. Amd he himself can only solve it.

[Anonymous]

I feel like I'm reading one of those MGTOW wishful thinking stories of this is what happens to promiscuous women.

[applecromb]

Give it time he will learn to forget it but you should have waited to tell him about your past.