When a guy says he respects you, likes you a lot, and is attracted to you, BUT he cannot be in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

He says he is afraid that he cannot be faithful and does not want to hurt me, he wants to be with me physically and it's hard to be around me because it's difficult to control himself. He has been respectful and says he respects me and knows I'm not like other girls.

We communicate every day, see each other a couple of times a week, have done nothing more than kiss because I will not go any further unless I'm in some sort of a relationship. He literally cried because he has never liked someone this much before and said it is too difficult to be around me and control himself. he was in a bad relationship before where the girl tried to control every minute of his life and turned psycho, and he said he cheated on her and is afraid that he would cheat on me and hurt me. I don't understand if he is just trying to hook up with me, is afraid of how he feels, or is just an ass who just wants the single life.

He is a very nice guy and the problem is that I have feelings for him now, I am committing too much time and effort into him, and I'm not sure if I should bother because I really do want a relationship.

[david88va]

He wants the single life! I've used all those lines beforr & trust me, sayin all that is just to make it look like I am trying to be honest and show all my hands and making it seem like it is up to you to chose between being with me or not.

The problem is that the only two options are: "be with me in a non emotionally connected, non committed, purely physical so that I satisfy myself sexually but not have to deal with you as a person" or "you're the one who's rejecting me and its your fault that this will not work out because I am putting myself out there and this is who I am and I love you and hope you can accept me for me."

Those are never the only choses and if he really respected you and realized you were different than other girls he would treat you differently and not like a girl to put in his "casual sex" category.

The people that truly have emotional issues, are afraid of bad relationships and so on, don't parade that fact around. You know who they are because you can observe it in their relationships and how they handle themselves with others but they don't tell people about it. But guys will definitely pretend to be something to exploit that because it makes things convenient.
Alex

[Asker]

Thanks, Alex.! I have to admit that your response is what I feared. He's "proven" that he respects me when we shared a bed (long story), & he only snuggled & held my hand.(to win me over?).He only tries to get physical when we're out & he's had a few too many drinks-otherwise he is a gentleman. His best friend told me that he has never seen him care for someone as much as me, & he'll never let me go. He thinks I need to push the relationship issue, but I don't want pressure him into it.

[Longshot]

If you really want a relationship, he's not the one. I fell like it's an act and he wants the best of both worlds.

[toulouse]

Seriusly I mean i9 lnow everryone is complicated but this is rediculous- he does not have to worry about cheating- just not do it. if he recognizes it could be a problem then he should just take care of it. he robably really does like you & I bet he is not used to that . so he thinks having feelings makes him great- well you have feelings & you are not bragging about it.

he needs to decide what he wants- if you like him hang-if you get something out of knowing him, but no more than kiss-like now. ;)

[toulouse]

I know*

[Asker]

I agree, although I wish you were wrong. Thanks for responding!

[Anonymous]

Dont be a Desperate Girl. Don't be so hungry for a relationship and affection that you will ignore all warning signs and common sense just to get a piece of this guy. This guy is telling you about himself. He is giving you all the warning signs up front. This would be your cue to run the other way. If you get with him, even if you get into a relationship please don't expect anything more than cheating and getting hurt. You've been warned...I will give homeboy credit though, he could have lied and acted like Mr. Perfect until you dropped your guard, but he is being straight up with you

[Asker]

Thanks! The problem is that I mentally agree with you, but I've already begun to have feelings for this otherwise very nice and very attractive guy, and it's hard to accept the fact that he is probably just setting me up for "the kill."

[Blue_Dust]

If he's not ready for a relationship Don't try to push it if you like him give him space, if he really cares for you all that much he should come running back to you. And if he continues to just do the same thing let him know that you want more and ask him what he thinks so you can just move on.. honestly girl it worries me that he's says he don't know if he can be faithful. You need a man that will love you unconditionally I personally don't know if I could trust this guy,. l hope the best for ya.

[shimmeryns]

He simply doesn't want to be in a relationship and try to sugarcoat it by saying how much he likes you.

When a man really wants a woman, he will make sure she knows about it. He will pursue her and let her know of his intention clearly.

[Blueeyes81]

He is just trying to get laid.