What does it mean when a guy "likes you" but doesn't want to be in a relationship?

[Bre_0611]

I've had a crush on this guy since high school and the last time I tried to talk to him (which was like 6 years ago) he had a girlfriend. He still tried to keep in touch with me but out of respect I just cut off contact with him. Fast forward to last month, I hit him up on Instagram. Since he's single of course, I decided to go ahead and talk to him. He would text me every morning and we would text all day, send pics, flirt etc.

Things were going great until one day he started acting strange and ofc he was around his guy friends. So we winded up getting into a little disagreement that could've been talked out easily, but instead he flipped out and then wrote me off as "just a friend" despite that not being the energy prior, and he still winded up blocking me.

3 weeks later, out of no where he came back liking all of my pics and being apologetic. He even had the nerve to ask if I "missed him". I forgave him and we started talking again but not like last time and my connection with him was very cold because of how he made me feel. Mind you, he lives in Chicago where I use to live and I'm now in Cleveland but he planned to come see me.

I still like him yet hate the way he gaslights me and makes me feel like my feelings aren't important.

Last night, we were talking and he made a comment about me "exploring my options" as is it was an issue and I told him that of course if he was with me that would not be the case but since I'm single, may as well. He then hit me with "I like you a lot but I'm going through too much to be in a relationship right now".

This morning he texts me good morning per usual, but I decided to respond "sup bro" which is not my usual response to him at all and now he's rubbed the wrong way by it.

He expresses constantly that he likes me, calling me wifey, saying things like "I'm the one who got away", and even wants to have sex yet doesn't want a relationship. Treat me like your "friend" and I'll for sure act like I'm one of the bros

[Cynicaldreamer]

Oh yeah, I've been there. Let me stop you right there-

Whenever a guy says, "I like you, but I don't want to date you," that's code for, "he's attracted to you, but not even to commit to anything serious with you."
So you get strung along for x amount of time while he plays games and gives you false hope.

No ma'am. You deserve better! Until/if he decides to act right? Back off and keep your relationship with him 100 percent platonic. If he asks why, tell him, "I'm just a friend to you, remember?"

He'll either correct you real quick, or make up an excuse or act funny- if it's the latter, that's a sign he's playing you and realizes he got caught.

[Bre_0611]

You're so right. He's lucky I didn't hit his ass with the "hey bestie" which would've really made him mad. And that's just what confuses me is the fact that he has an attitude lol. I'm definitely following your advice because he just kept turning me off at this point.

[Anonymous]

If I were you I’d be done playing his games. Words don’t matter when the actions don’t back them up. So if he isn’t trying to commit, prioritize you or just be a good man in general then you should cut your losses. Hell it’s not even a loss sense you two never gained traction.

[boggboss]

Is this the first guy u have spoken to because he is just using same old tactics to keep u as a option and u seem to be eating it up

[Bre_0611]

No this is someone else. I gave the first guy a chance before hent psycho and his intentions were only to control and manipulate. The guy in this question is a different guy

[boggboss]

No I was talking in general not any specific guy lol because the way he is acting it pretty normal fuck boy stuff like he is gaslighting u before anything is happening even if he wanted a relationship do u think he would act respectful

[Bre_0611]

Yes indeed. I'm not sure why he's upset at me though for being indifferent. And he's playing mind games at this point. Like you said he doesn't want me enough yet still decided to come back and still wants to do relationship shit when he could've just left me blocked.

[boggboss]

No he is keeping u as a option so if he ever decides to give u a go it's good to go

[Bre_0611]

You're totally right. But why me? Lol
There's so many girls he can talk to yet chooses to if anything waste his time on me, someone he doesn't even like that much

[boggboss]

Becausebu entertain him doing it

[Bre_0611]

That's not really an excuse though. There's a 6 hour distance between us. He's in a city full of thousands of other women that will entertain him. At some point we have to be logical. If someone gives you a gun and turn around and shoot them, you're still going to go to jail.
You can't tell the officer "oh well hey they let me do it, they gave me the gun so it's their fault"... like no

[Bre_0611]

Let's put it in a different perspective here. Let's say I took advantage of a guy whom I knew that liked me and instead of just letting him go, I purposely go back to him and waste his time and play the shit out of him. That would be wrong of me because regardless if he let me or if he "entertained me" or not I will could have walked away and left him alone and just found a new guy. There's a saying that goes just because you CAN, that doesn't mean you should. You should not be harassing someone you have no intentions on being with, that's just plain and simple it isn't rocket science

[boggboss]

Who said what he did was right lol I know its wrong but u are expecting a fuck boy to act like a decent human

[boggboss]

He does it to you because his foot is already in the door he dont need to put much more effort in then speaking to you and repeating the same stuff he did to keep u around where with a new girl he would have to put much more effort on before he can start acting how he treats u

[Bre_0611]

Did I say I expected him to do anything? No I didn't. Him being a fuck boy doesn't justify his behavior. Again just because you can doesn't mean you should. If you have no interest in that person, leave them alone instead of coming back to them apologizing like you're "so regretful" just to do the same shit.
It's manipulative at that point you're defending that which says even more about you...

[Bre_0611]

That's not an excuse nor does it make sense...

[boggboss]

Where am I defending his actions lol I'm explaining his actions where did I sayvwhat he is doing is right

[Texaskid1]

This sounds torturous.

How about you just walk away and find some other dude?

[eatmycupcake]

He sounds exhausting tbh. I am a big fan of you returning his energy, but at some point I think I'd just tell him he makes you tired and to go find someone else to gaslight and manipulate.

Men who don't know how to regulate their own emotions are difficult to have relationships with because they're insecure and confused about who they are. Like personally, I don't have the time or the energy to re-raise a man whose parents should have done that already. I just don't. It's unfortunate, because I'm sure some of these men could be great partners if only they were brought up to have a little self awareness—but also I'm not making that my problem.

You at least seem aware of his manipulation tactics, which is good, but the next step is holding him accountable for how he treats you and telling him to kick rocks.

[knallpilz]

Unsure about whether or not his "going through a lot right now" is bullshit or legit.
Ask him about it. No pressure (at least not initially), but if he's serious, you should know. It wouldn't excuse his bevaviour, but change his opinion of him.

Or just tell him that the way he acts towards you doesn't really scream "I actually like you", but more like "I like what you can do to my ego". Because why does he think that if what he's going through is keeping him from getting attached to you, having sex with you will make his situation any better?

It does sound like he's actually really into you, but his being a guy about it. He also desires you as a woman, but knows he can't right know. Still, the urge to come on to you is too hard to resist. So that's most of what you see right now.

[Pinay_ako]

Nah he’s bread crumbing you. If he really wants to be with you, he’ll actively pursue you and not use all the bs mind games hoping you’d fall for it. Fuck that

[thatshydork]

It means one of three things:

1. he’s playing you.

2. He likes you but isn’t ready for a relationship for one reason or another.

3. he wants to get in your pants.

[Sunflower19]

In short: he doesn't like you enough to want to commit. He wants the Benefits of a girlfriend but doesn't want to take your relationship to that level. :/

[twotofive]

This is so wrong inbox I need advise off you I really miss a ex but can't tell what happened on here really need a normal girls opinion please help

[LazerBean]

It means you want sex from you, but he doesn't actually want you.

[Kaamraj]

Mostly it means that he wants all the benefits of a woman in a relationship but he doesn't want to give the exclusive commitment.

[Adaeva]

It means you are good enough for sex when he needs but you are not relationship material.

[Tecilla]

not ready/immature/could have twisted values and priorities

[_SillyShoes_]

Nothing. Ignore him. Not for you if you do want a relationship.

[sassyredhead]

he wants all the benefits of having a girlfriend without the responsibilities or accountability that come with a relationship.

[mommymommymommy]

It means, he's playing the field. He likes you, but he doesn't want to be tied down

[ArabellaLady07]

Easy. he can go wherever he wants without me forever.

[Anonymous]

Well he doesn't seem to be mentally or emotionally stable, very influenced by friends and just looking for a fuck, maybe you should consider other options.

[niiffs]

He doesn't like you enough. It's either white or black for guys.

[Anonymous]

It means he likes you but doesn't want to be in a relationship

[slatyb]

It means he doesn't like like you.

[Alex8736]

Friends with benefits

[whistlingwh0res]

He is an asshole

[monghjay2]

hahaha i dont waste my time