Why won't my husband give me rubs/massages?

[Anonymous]

Everytime he asks for one, I give it to him no matter the time or anything
I'm pregnant and sore and when I ask, he never does -.-

[hahahmm]

Because he is selfish and self-centered. This is a character flaw that will appear in other parts of your relationship. I have known people who came across as sweet, giving and wonderful to everybody on earth EXCEPT the one who loves them was treated like crap left and right.

My advice is you stop giving him massages. Don't be a doormat. You should NOT have to give more than your partner. Maybe ask a male friend/co-worker to make time to give you a rub and tell hubbie about your plans. I bet all of a sudden he is willing to massage you then. If not, your relationship has serious issues for sure.

[Asker]

Yeah
He is kinda cold toward me and distant

[hahahmm]

Sorry but self-centered types are prone to: lie, cheat, use. I was madly in love with someone like that. She gave maybe 10% of what I gave but she always had sob stories if I confronted her. I ended up just not believing anything she said EVER. I learned that old saying, 'actions speak louder than words' the hard way.

[Asker]

But he's really sweet and religious
I was his friend first everything
He may lie about some things
But I don't know I think it's just his personality
I love him a lot more though for sure

[hahahmm]

Ok. Just do not give more than he gives over and over again. You will not like where it all ends. Good luck

[Asker]

Yeah, I do that
I always listen to him
Don't stay mad
Always want to hangout
Always have sex when he wants
:(

[abc3643]

My wife doesn't give me shit, but I am expected to give her a massage as soon as I come home to visit. I like to massage her though - it's hot. In fact, I wanted to give her a yoni massage, but she wouldn't let me.

If _I_ was your husband, you'd be getting massages every night.

[Asker]

Why doesn't he?

[abc3643]

Well, most people just don't like to do that. For them, it's work.

Go on strike in a way. Begin to act slightly colder to him. Then maybe he will get the idea that there is an intrinsic sense of fairness and reciprocity in any relationship and that marriage isn't a license to get away without putting in the effort.

[hahahmm]

@abc3643, I had a long term girlfriend like your wife but eventually the hotness was not enough. Like practically everything was about her. Lol

[abc3643]

@hahahmm I understand. I don't mind too much because my wife makes it up to me in other ways.

[samhradh_leannan]

Talk to him about it. Point out that you do it for him when he asks, and you're pregnant so it's extra important. If he still refuses, then I don't know what to say- stop doing something nice for him until he changes his tune, I guess.

In general, people will get away with whatever they can get away with. Even the best people can be lazy and selfish at times. So it's important to know how to stand up for yourself, and how to call people out on their shitty behavior when you need to.

[Anonymous]

It's not that weird. My dad and I actually find giving massages super disgusting, so whenever my mom asks for one, we always shove my brother forth and run XD It just makes some people uncomfortable. However, if you're pregnant, I do believe he should cut you some slack.

[Goodwifie]

But are there other nice things that he does for you?

[meowyumyum]

He is possibly selflish. Be careful in giving more than you receive. if you notice you are giving a lot more than he is you may have a taker in your hands and these relationships are never healthy. I don't know him but that is very likely the reason. Did you ever ask him why?

[HungLikeAHorsefly]

I actually took a class on massage and put up with all that new age hippy bullshit so I could give my wife a great massage. She rubs my head whenever I get a headache or I can't sleep and I wanted to return the favor.

[DaBuzzman]

That's b. s. I love to give massages! I'm not good like the professionals. But I love touch, massage and please. I try to do my best. I love giving and love getting! He should be massaging your head, back and belly for sure.

[Ragnarok98]

I wonder if maybe he's afraid he'll do a bad job? Try talking to him about it. Maybe that would help alleviate some of the issue, or at least address it. Also, we guys aren't always the most aware. Letting him know the situation, how you always massage him but he doesn't massage you might help. It could very well be that he never realized that.

[artie1983]

Damn I used to massage my partner any time day or night whilst she was pregnant. She needed the love, comfort and relaxation it provided more than I did. Even foot massages

[madhatters4]

it's going to sound like i'm being a smart ass but some reasons
- he doesn't want to
- he's lazy
- he's a bit selfish

i think you have to ask him why he won't give you a massage. fair question to ask taht should generate a fairly easy response

[Asker]

He makes everything complicated

[madhatters4]

yeah. unfortunately with us not knowing him we can only speculate though

[Asker]

Like I know he loves me, but he's cold sometimes while im very much into him

[madhatters4]

sounds selfish

[worldscolide]

goodness he sucks.. I'm in the same boat only opposite, it's me that gives the rubs and never get any in return, even though she does not work, and I'm working 80 hours a week.

[InfoBot]

He sounds a bit selfish, obviously. You need to make him understand that it would really help you out right now and you'd like him to actually do it. If he won't then make sure you don't give him any either.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Awe , you should tell him how you feel ,. If i had a girlfriend or wife pregnant, i would give her back massages and back rubs.

[BrittBratt2416]

wow thats kinda rude. Boyfriend is the same way sorta, I ask him if he could scratch my back and he does for like only 2 seconds... really? Fine when you ask me for sex its only gonna be 2 seconds.

[hahahmm]

Dump him

[BrittBratt2416]

@hahahmm lol no for the post part ye does its just same days he won't

[deraz24]

You better talk to him ab it and lay it on thick you are pregnant gosh

[Hidden_P]

Either he doesn't know how or he doesn't understand the pain you are in.

[PrimaryHunger]

maybe he stand offish by the pregnancy. If it is the first one it may be a bit much.

[alice55]

He surely don't like to do it. My father never give my mother a massage.

[redrumcomet]

is he used to giving or receiving that kind of physical affection? try starting small

[Atreyu]

wtf? I would confront him about this... is pretty shitty the way it sounds

[Anonymous]

Stop giving him them then. As clearly he doesn't see why you should when he gets what he asks regardless

[BlakeC]

Sometimes we are just too tired. Maybe put on something sexy and sit on his lap next time you ask

[syriano]

wifes espicially pregnant ones tend to ask for lots of things... all the time
you also nag a lot
give that man a rest allready

[Hidden_P]

You are an idiot.

[syriano]

guess i was angry of my wife and can't show her that so i took it all on you
we are expecting as well
so sorry asker
as for hidden p... whats your problem?

[DaBuzzman]

As a guy I agree your an idiot. Hypothetically that's your wife and your baby dude!

[Hidden_P]

My problem is you are an idiot.

You might be angry but have you tried thinking of what it's like in her shoes for a day?

She starts out needing to pee all the time. Her sleep is disturbed because she's either peeing, being kicked, or so big she is uncomfortable. You both wake up and you expect the morning duties to be done by her as usual, she may still be working too. So she does her day, which is extra tiring because her back hurts, she hasn't slept, and every movement is a struggle. But she does it. Then she gets home/you get home and you want the dinner done, the washing done, the cleaning done. She might ask you to scrub the toilet to save her bending down, bumping into it 7 times and then struggling back to her feet. And you are pissed because she asked you to help, abandone your beer (which she can't drink for at least a year) to lend a hand, even if it's hauling off the sofa.

Or, she could struggle, get in an accident and the baby is miscarried or disabled. Because you cbf.

[DaBuzzman]

@Hidden_P don't give this idiot your time. He's a pos! When my was pref I stepped it up more and did extra work needed done. Told het to relax and massaged her even More freq than usual. I'm very hands on physically and she appreciated it and the sex during pref time was so good. I always let her lay and I'd give her very slow sensual aromic massage oiled masterbations. Never expected anything in return. Been married almp st 16 yrs! Doing something right i think?

[Hidden_P]

You have gone above and beyond. That is a pregnant woman's dream way to be treated.

[DaBuzzman]

@Hidden_P well thank you and you have been treated the same as well. This topic went off the rails, lol.

[syriano]

:) ehhhhh

[Hidden_P]

Why thanks @DaBuzzman but I've actually never been pregnant! Just cared for friends and family who have been. I've not been given the chance so far

[bente2]

Stop giving him his. YOU're pregnant, not him.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he doesn't like having greasy mits
Buy some rubber gloves for him and see if he'll massage you wearing them

[Troy_Bliss]

He's quite possibly lazy, or has an archaic view on gender roles in marriage

[JosyJosy]

don't give them when he asks

[samhradh_leannan]

Sometimes this is only way to get through to people.

[Ephemera1]

He's not considerate. Fight him.

[jacquesvol]

Maybe he doesn't like oil on his hands?

[Asker]

No haha he doesn't care

[catelyntje]

Stop doing it for him he's selfish

[angadch]

he is not intrested in u

[Anonymous]

I give'm. Where are you?