My best friend slept with my boyfriend, I still love my boyfriend?

[IzzyBizzy]

My best friend slept with my boyfriend, I still love my boyfriend and I think we are going to be together again, but I cannot get it out of my head what both of them did to me. My boyfriend said we were on a break when it happened, they were totally smashed and barely had sex. My friend has been my best friend for like nearly ten years, and she very well knew, break or not, how passionately in love I am with him. Her excuse that it was that she was just really drunk and lonely and he was just there. His excuse is that we were on a break. While we were on this break about 2 months ago, I kissed someone else, wrong, I know, but I was honest with my boyfriend about it when we decided to get back together, he kept throwing it in my face, guilt tripping me about kissing someone else while we were on a break. Then come to find out on that same break he had slept with my best friend but failed to tell me about it. But through all of this, I still love him, but hate him at the same time from taking away my best friend from me, and I hate her for making it seem like things can never be the same again with my boyfriend. I keep trying to get it out my mind, but every time I am intimate with him, I picture them together, I dream about it every night. I cannot seem to shake it from me. I also feel bad for remaining with my boyfriend but booting my friend to the curb. Is that fair to her? I just keep justifying it because him and I have a child together. Its like I have this gaping cavity of where my true self was and in its place is this vacant eyed woman going through the mechanics of living. Deep down I still love them both very much. I'm not sure what type of answers I'm looking for, and I'm sure most of the response with be they don't deserve you in their life, blah, blah, blah, that is certain, but nonetheless I want all types of opinions, from girls who have slept with their best friends man and kept it secret, from the cheating boyfriend, to the girl who was both betrayed by her friend and her man and everyone else in between. Thank you.

[peanutbuttercup40]

First of all, you should NEVER tell your friend (or anyone) just how good your mate is in bed, or that they made your earth quake! - this only makes them VERY INTERESTING, and sooner or later .. no matter how much they know how your heart feels ...

NEXT no matter how much they both 'play it down' they banged the sheets off the bed, I mean KMON!

You see them in your minds eye, because you are extreemly attached, and are having the most incredible time lying to yourself that the excuse you were given was good enough. I suggest (if your heart really tells you that its worth saving) that you write all your questions down, and pin that person down, get a babysitter, and make sure that person has noplace to go, except to spent the next 3 hours with you, and then pull out your paper, and start getting answers to your questions, if they dodge your questions, just simply ask the exact same question again, untill your gut tells you that it is answered .. not just that question BUT ALL OF THEM.

Your friend is a bird dog, and you don't need an enemy that close to you, I guarantee that she has done it to you before, and your just finding out about this one.

I would write them off. And get myself a new friend, no matter how long we were friends. I would talk to them over the years, but I would never spend time with them again.

You only live one time on this place, and if you like your heart to be unhurt (just like me) then you would abolish everything that is bogus in and around your life, so that it NEVER happens to you again, I simply get rid of anything that I recognize as trash, and put it in its proper place, and never let it occupy my mind again.

When you decide to take a cheater back, you must remember that you just took a piece of your own self and totally denied it, in order for you to feel like your world is turning the way its supposed too. But you should also be ready for anything else that might cause the relationship to end. And don't allow it to hurt you anymore.

Remember .. what you think FUELS what you are feeling, and what you are feeling FUELS how you will be with others. Out with the bad, in with the good!

I really hope I helped you, I have been in a few bad relationships that hurt me to the core, and I spent a lot of useless time crying about it over beer and my buddies shoulders. I finally realized that I have inner-strength, and found a way to access it.

You should try it, it feels GREAT

[stercor]

Listen to your head on this one.

They both 'justified' their behavior when it was inexcusable.

Something is wrong with this picture.

He wasn't faithful to you, and your friend slept with him.

Emotionally, you are attached to each of them.

But what they did and its effect on you should guide you in your decision to remain friends with either or both of them.

[PurpleFlowerKid]

My best friend did this to me. She played us both and manipulated us. We all lived together. I was working two jobs and going to school. I worked so much so that my Boyfriend could try out sales which hardly makes money unless you are lucky or know what you are doing. She saw that we were starting to have our first relationship troubles after 4 years together. She quit her job so she could be home with him more. Then she would tell me how I would neeed to leave him because he didn't care enough to work hard for me. She would say how she didn't think he loved me anymore. It messed with my head. I had a lot on my plate and she knew what would get to me. So messed up. Then she started talking to my boyfriend about how unhappy i was with him. which i never was. She would also tell him that I wanted to be with other guys. She tore us apart. We broke up for one month. I moved out. I knew they had been talking and I felt betrayed that he would side with her. I was lonely and so was he during that month. He slept with my so called best friend and in return I slept with his which was a shit move on my part. And the whole Time my so called best friend still tried to console me and talk about how i needed to find a real man because my ex was shit and worthless while behind my back she was sleeping with him and telling him what a bitch I am and how he deserves better. He asked for me back. We got back together. I didn't move back in though. I trusted him enough that nothing would ever happen between those two again. My best friend STILL tried to come in between us. She eventually moved back home with her grandparents a few weeks after my boyfriend and I got back together. Of course she still tried to stay in contact with my boyfriend. Always talking about how much she missed him and how much he means to her. She even sent him gifts knowing how I felt about her and knowing she had hurt me so bad. Yet she still continued. My boyfriend and I eventually started fighting because he wouldn't cut ties with her. I broke things off with him once again. After only a day he contacted me and let me know he had cut ties. I checked, he had. it's now been a year since everything. 8 months since the ex best friend tried to contact my boyfriend. Life is great! We made it through and despite everything... I am almost thankful it happened. Because now we know we need each other and won't take each other for granted. I only hope the best for everyone in these nasty situations.

[LaFemmeNikita]

This is some sound advice that I will be taking from @cyberz.

I was the friend, its all good people coming on here and claiming the moral high ground but unless you know what happened you have no reason to be saying the friend is the one to blame. All of you seem to be saints, I hope non of you get into circumstances which you would normally say 'oh I'd never do that' and then end up doing it.

Yes I understand y'all are gonna see the girlfriend/ex girlfriend (we were on a break relationship) etc side. But I tell you what in my situation she wasn't as squeaky clean as people my want themselves to sound. Look if you wanna make me the villain and her the damsel in distress or whatever it is fine...Oh and him his just a guy so we'll just leave him out of it won't we! Just wanna say sometimes its the person who didn't want anything to do with it that gets caught up in couples B*LL*hiT and ends up losing out (but I tell you makes me darn stronger).

I'm not here trying to justify my actions or others actions, but y'all should try and be more open-minded. Yes its not the scenario I'd pray for anyone to be in. But free advice: IF YOUR SO CALLED BEST FRIEND CONTINUES TO ASK YOU TO JOIN HER AND HER MAN IN THE BEDROOM, THEN ASKED YOU TO SPY ON HIM WHEN HIS AT WORK BECAUSE YOU LIVE AND WORK NEAR HIM...DONT COS PEOPLE WILL SAY YOUR THE WHORE...WHEN THEY DONT EVEN KNOW HALF THE STORY.

Babes and all those who may have had the drunken friend episode etc sorry, but you know what ISH happens, what doesn't kill you...

Its taken me a while to get to were I am now but you know what I'm a stronger person for it. As I'm sure she is...

[--LalaSugar--]

I've never cheated and thankfully never been cheated on. I agree completely with stercor their is no way they can "justify" what they did. Drinking and loneliness are a two of the classic excuses. Don't think about what is fair to anyone except to yourself, they didn't think of you when they were having sex. Remember everyone makes mistakes in their lives its you who decides if you can forgive them or not. Also staying with someone for the sake of a child/ren you have together could do more damage than good. In time you'll be able to think more clearly and hopefully make the right decision for yourself.

[cyberz]

The only thing I can tell you is: the only true love you have in life, is self-love. Don't throw that away. If you can't love and respect yourself, no one will.

Forgive them both.

Leave them.

Move your life on.

Give yourself a time.

Get your self-respect back.

Get your self-steem back.

Get your self-love back.

Get new friends.

Get a new boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

I recently found out that a good friend of ten years had sex with my boyfriend he and I also have a child together.. I cry about it all the time because it doesn't process how I hate her but love him.. I'm so in love with him BUT I can't be with him and I try but I can picture oral them kissing touching it's sick to me.. and he's apologized many times and I always lie and say I forgive him but really I don't and I'm unsure I ever will.. This is probably the worst thing someone can do to you. This woman wasn't only a good friend she was our child's god mom. It's crushing.. They both kept this secret for a year until one night too many drinks and her boyfriend spilled the beans and as they said "there secret was out" He denied it when I asked him.. I feel dumb , nieve , how did i not see the signs? I left him for 6 months and we been back together now for a few I'm not sure if I can wake up to him and really love him 4 years is a while but my heart always hurts..

[Anonymous]

So I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years and I have been friends with this girl since we were in middle school. We split for 2 months and I noticed that she was hanging around at our house. They kept stating that they were just friends. She was sleeping around with his oldest son then. So we decided to work on our relationship. 9 years is a long time to just throw down the drain. Everything has been great, but yesterday she decided to send me a video of them sleeping together. I asked him about it trying to give him an opportunity to tell me the truth. He still denied it. Lmmfao even after I seen the video and heard his voice. She pulled the classic ,"I was drunk" shit. She tried to apologize. It meant nothing to me. I have packed my things and I have left him. First of all... I have realized that neither of them had any respect for me. Do I forgive them? Nope and I never will. How can either of them tell me that they love me, then go do some shit like that?

[baseballbandfreak27]

listen to your head and your gut, emotions tend to get in the way when have been hurt, and logic and instinct fall to the side, fight through the emotions your feeling and think, both your best friend and you boyfriend did something horrible to you,

[johndavis]

As Roxette would say - Listen to your heart