Has anyone had any experience with a paranoid schizophrenic boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I've been with a guy for 8 months now & the entire time, I knew about his PSz, but I accepted him just the way he was. I'd bring him lunches to work, I'd cuddle up with him at night, basically, what he wanted, he got. [I like to take care of my men]. Recently, we got into a huge fight & he started saying all this stuff to me, like I never cared, I never showed him I loved him, I never showed him any affection, I'm trying to change him, I've never accepted who he is, that maybe he's like an experiment of mine, someone I want to "make over". His reason for me trying to change him? Me asking him to say ‘bless you’ to me after I sneeze, or liking his facial hair when he didn’t, or not wanting to cuddle with him at night WHEN I WAS ASLEEP. Then, he, out of nowhere, after hours of asking me, "Tell me what can do to fix this, tell me what to do", just said "I don't care, I don't care", got into his car & just left. When I called him half an hour after, I could hear he was crying [which is HUGE for him, since he has shed a tear in 5 years, not even at his favorite grandpa's funeral]. He said no, no, stop, don't call, it's over. Then I called him an hour later, he was completely different. There was no emotion in his voice whatsoever, he spoke in a monotone, cruel voice, & kept saying "stop, don't call, don't come here, just stop, I already blocked you out." And I keep texting him, asking him why, telling him that this can't be the end, because I know he loves me. He would do sweet little things that a person who doesn’t love someone wouldn’t do. I always told him he was an amazing boyfriend, I always told him I loved him, but he said I never did, it was always followed by a "too". He was the one that always told me he wanted to spend time with me, to be with me, up until the very last moments. We’ve been broken up for a week already…but I can't let him go. He says, he doesn’t see us together anymore, but he doesn’t want to explain anything yet. He says we both need time to find rationality, to come to terms with the fact that we’re not together & we can't be. I say, so you never cared! And he gets mad at me for saying that. Can someone please tell me, wth is going on? Why is he acting like this? Is there possibly something I can do to get him back? I feel like this is all my fault!

[Anonymous]

well.. i live with paranoid schizophrenia. currently in my early 20s. some of these answers are a bit crude. which is why i made a profile. but they aren't entirely wrong.

i've been dating a guy for nearly a year. i fall in and out with him more times than i can count. a good amount of these moments i keep to myself, but sometimes my emotions become overwhelming and i elect runaway to escape my inner battle and find some type of silence within my mind. this takes place in the form of turning off my phone, blocking his number, driving off and going to my home or to a different city, or simply ending our relationship (which is never so simple).

despite the many heated conversations we've had, and the hurtful words/behaviors we sometimes exhibit towards each other, in the end it all comes down to being nonjudgmental and showing patience and understanding. that comes friendship and time. sharing secrets, being transparent, sharing monetary gains, the way he can make me laugh, sharing moments/activities we can't possibly share with just anyone else.. knowing our behaviors may hurt but the intentions are typically pure. seeing the episodes as a side-effect. understanding "schizophrenia" is a scientific term, not who i am. knowing the cause and triggers of my panic attacks, or feelings of being trapped. yes, i have solid theories that he plays psychological games on me, and that he is cheating, and trying to change me, and probably wants to steal my SSN.. but i still ultimately know he cares for my wellbeing. because even when we go a month without talking, i'm there whenever he calls and asks for help. just as whenever i'm an ass to him and abruptly run away, he's still there when i have no one. we are both learning as we go, as i'm learning i need to be more open with my thoughts and to ask questions, now that i'm seeing they probably won't ruin his feelings for me. that we'll still be okay if i say some crazy shit. we may treat each other terribly sometimes, and i might not ever believe a word he says, but we always come back. like Bebe Rexha says in "I Got You".. we can get high, or we can get low. hatred and love are two sides of the same coin: passion. be a real friend. it can last.

i agree. schizophrenia isn't e for everyone. it's not even e for me. but some of us are built for resilience. all up to you.

[Opinion Owner]

i think the biggest thing i'm learning with schizophrenia is that relationships aren't black and white. as in, something negative may happen, but it doesn't mean he hates me, or is against me, or that i have to run away. my mind loves to think otherwise. it's tough to actually believe in that truth, but i know it's the there. i just have to learn how to make it stick.

[Anonymous]

Who would ever date a paranoid schizophrenic guy. There are enough normal people. Sorry for sounding like an ass. I didn't really read your whole thing... to long.

[optimistic_beauty]

Don't give up! I have been dating my bf for 3 years now. He is diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia. I have been through breakups almost exactly like yours. 3 times. As much as it hurts and even though they can say and do things that hurt beyond anything you can never take any of it to heart. My bf told me he did it to push me away when he knew things were getting bad. In his own way he is protecting you from it. Just as you have to decide if it is something you can accept and learn to deal with, he has to decide if he wants to put you in the position to be exposed to it. He has to live with it. You don't. You also have to earn his trust which is going to take a lot of patience. You will have to prove over and over again that you will stick by him. Until it becomes normal to him to the point where he knows you aren't kidding. If you love him don't ever give up on him. He needs and deserves to have someone beside him! On that same note you need to really know if you are willing to do pretty much anything including going through break ups like this multiple times. I hope I helped and good luck to you both! :)

[swiftsaver602]

Growing up with a paranoid schizophrenic father, I can tell you that you can rarely take anything they say at face value. It is a serious, permanent mental condition that affects the inflicted in a way that they truly believe the world and those they love are plotting against them.

That said, the situation you are in is not your fault...but it isn't his, either. Schizophrenia isn't the stereotypical Jekyll and Hyde that most think, but that makes it no less difficult to cope with.

I know you love him, but you should REALLY think long and hard about whether you are able to deal with the battles of his mental illness. It IS possible to have a loving, (somewhat) normal relationship, but it will ultimately be a very difficult one.

Hope that helps!

[Keiona80]

I've been with my boyfriend going on 9 years. I have proved over and over again I am worth trusting, and that I am totally devoted to him. Today it's worse than ever before. He swears I cheat on him. I don't, but have caught hiim cheating on me on numerous occasions, the last being about 2 weeks ago. We have a daughter together, I love him with all my heart and so does my daughter. I am constantly searching for ways to deal with this. It is very soul killing. I would be happier if after the 'episode' were over, he would come back to rational thinking, i sometimes fool myself in hopes that he has only to find out he still has the same ridiculous thoughts the only difference being the intensity. I have run out of hope, things to try, what is left?

[gravygirl]

It's not your fault that he's mentally ill. It's not his either, but it's definitely not yours.

I get the feeling that you won't, but I think you should move on. I haven't had a schizophrenic boyfriend, but I'm pretty sure I had a schizophrenic boss and I can't even imagine what it would be like to try to manage a relationship with a person who had that. Really I don't think it's possible for anyone to be with a paranoid schizophrenic unless they have their condition very controlled.

[D11ema]

I've been with a paranoid schizophrenic for 6 years and had a child with the guy, madly in love with him and went through years of proving over and over and over again that I could be trusted and supported him. You jump through hoops for this type of illness only to be abandoned over and over. It's utterly soul destroying. If you are considering a relationship with this type of person take a good long hard look at yourself. You will not change him. You will not be trusted. You will not have a normal life with them, you become their carer and ultimately the target for any delusion. Run. far far away.

[Anonymous]

End it. It is NOT a healthy relationship, is dangerous. I dated someone with a lot of mental problems and when I broke up with him, he went to my job and somehow opened my locker, looked through my phone, got really jelaous, got out got drunk, came back and took a bunch of pills in front of me and in from of my coworkers. He tried to commit suicide! in front of me! I almost sh*t in my pants! I will never forget that day by far one of the worst in my life.

[nollie33]

Well it doesn't sound like this is your fault. I would say he still needs a lot of help to work out these issues and you are best moving on.