The person your married to or dating requests access to your phone to check your pictures and texts due to their own insecurities... Do you give them access?
If a spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend wants access to your phone?
No you don't give them access and here's why. You can break down the cons for acquiescing to this request into two categories, which I've written below along with rationale for each.
For principles sake:
1. It violates your privacy
2. Redistributes the power dynamic of relationship from one of equal partners to a parent/child relationship
3. By agreeing to it you are providing yourself a defense, which even if intended to quell the thought you are guilty by showing proof, you have legitimized you need a defense and become "the bad guy", and the other "the victim"
The practical reasons its a bad idea:
1. Once you do it once they will expect you to do it whenever they have doubts, and eventually just cuz they're curious as it becomes less and less awkward to do the more you do it.
2. Regardless whether they have actual cause to doubt fidelity, or if it's just a personal insecurity, the person doesn't trust you. Showing them will not change this. It will make it worse because now they believe they have a way to catch you, which they will likely obsess over until they prove their suspicions correct and catch you. This is when down the road you find yourself thinking "well if they think I'm cheating anyway, I might as well just do it"
3. Given how determined they are to prove you are cheating, they may misinterpret a text from as "proof" when it is something else entirely. For example, your co-worker is going to to be late and asks if you can cover for her. The next week needs you to do her favor again and is so greatful you prevented her from being fired from her job yet again, send you a text that says "omg Joe, I love you. Seriously you are the sweetest guy ever. My life would be over now without you!" Even if you tell your girlfriend the truth, and she believes you (which she likely won't), then she may believe instead that you haven't cheated YET, but that you must secretly like this girl, and that you will. At this point you might as well just give your girlfriend your phone permanemtly and tell her take down your messages for you as if she's your secretary. It'll spare you fighting and grief over accusations, right,?
4. Nope, it won't. You'll start resenting your girlfriend because you'll feel like you have no freedom. You'll cheat, or maybe you'll just pick fights so you have an excuse to leave the house without her--maybe you'll do both. This will make your girlfriend more insecure. She won't want you to hang out with your friend without her either.
5. End up having eachother
Most Helpful Opinions
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It depends. I think I'd do it every now and then. I don't have a problem with them using or looking at my phone, but I do have a problem with him not trusting me and believing that I wouldn't do that to them. Sadly a good amount of the time these days when a woman suspects a man of cheating, it's usually ends up being because he is and another reason why he refuses to give access. But I'm not surprised a lot of guys feel cut when a girls asks him this. If I *EVER* had to ask this of a guy because I thought he was cheating it'd be the last step or two before breaking up heh, but I seem to be an exception to the rule. I think do it but only a few times if they agree to respect your privacy/things.
- 3.5K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
I don't, no. My boyfriend uses my phone all the time. He plays games, chats to our friends, takes dumb selfies and generally just messes around on it since he doesn't have his own phone. I have no issues with it and all of my friends know my phone password and know I'm happy for them to use it whenever they want. I'm generally very open with my phone, it doesn't bother me at all. However, that's only because I know no one is spying on me. If I felt that my partner was insecure and wanted to check my pictures and texts to snoop on me, I'd change the password and refuse access. I don't take that kind of shit.
- 524 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
No. The contents on one's phone are private and secure for a reason. Instead, I'd start a talk about why she asked. THAT is the root of the issue. If there's that much distrust, I'm in the wrong relationship.
That's why I never ask a girl for her number, by the way. Instead, I offer her mine. She may choose to call, or not; but I haven't violated her privacy. It's basic good manners.
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Yes, to (hopefully) put the issue to rest. I'd definitely initiate a conversation about why they feel so insecure, though, to the point that they want to check my phone.
What Girls & Guys Said
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14Opinion
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I'm at a cross road. I don't have anything to hide because I'm naturally a loyal person. But at the same time, I don't like not being trusted and I shouldn't have to prove my loyalty to you. Because one after another it could lead to something worse. I don't like feeling as if I'm on a leash.
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I personally don't care, but I would talk to them and try to get to the root of their anxieties. I'd rather have them trust me on my own merits then have to dig through my messages. My boyfriend knows my phone lock so he could look at any time, but he knows he doesn't have to.
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No. Absolutely not. My phone contains private conversations with other people. If my best friend told me a secret, it wouldn't be acceptable for anyone, including a significant other, to eavesdrop on it.
It's also like allowing them access to your email account. -
Yes, BUT we’d need to talk about their insecurities and trust issues, too. Otherwise they will poison our relationship over time, and I don’t want to feel like I am being constantly spies on and mistrusted.
My boyfriend and I both freely borrow and use each other’s phones, but snooping is not part of that. -
I said yes, but only because I hardly use my phone at all. There's nothing secret on it. Well, there are some conversations that shouldn't be read, but I'd still allow someone to see my phone. Besides, I would get to see their phone too. We'd both be happy.
My computer is a different matter. NOBODY is getting access to that! Passwords upon passwords upon discrete loopholes. They can touch the computer, but they'll never guess what it's for. -
No. I'll not mind. Actually I don't mind. My girlfriend has done this before and I am completely ok with that. Maintaining trust today is not an easy task. Making someone trust us is way harder than trusting someone.
- 360 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
No, they are called private messages for a reason, I wouldn't show someone the texts between us and I definitely wouldn't show her texts between me and anyone else; it's called respecting people's privacy.
- 1.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
If they are really that insecure, it would only make the problem worse if I chose to not let them go through my phone. It's not an ideal situation, but if the relationship was good on other aspects, I wouldn't let an insecurity like that ruin it.
- 5.6K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
sure as i have nothing to hide. but i'd be worried that they are so insecure. i'd maybe give them access once but i'd make it clear that they need to trust me and i cannot be in a relationship where trust isn't present
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Sure, I'd let them look but after they find nothing, I'd probably break up with them
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Everyone is entitled to their privacy, even in committed relationships. Partners need to learn to trust each other or their insecurities will destroy their relationship.
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You mean my phone that is always unlocked? Yeah sure.
Sounds fair since I have his passwords memorized and several of his accounts on my phone. -
If this is a question in your relationship then I think the relationship is already over. I'm not speaking from a lot of experience here though.
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He can use it but if he has to read every one of my convos like a creep that's an issue.
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No oo noooooooooo and not because I would have xrated material on my phone. But because I google weird stuff they would think I am crazy
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One time sure maybe a random check is fine. But constantly is a no
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yeah, i dont care since i have nothing to hide. go ahead
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No. Whatever's on my phone is none of their business.
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Yes. Anytime any number of time. For me it is the trust over privacy otherwise no relationship
- 689 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
yes. i don't have nothing to hide.
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