Gut feeling he's cheating?

[Anonymous]

I have a strong gut feeling that my husband is cheating on me. All the signs are there! But i dont have any proof at all, all i need is proof. Plus, talking to him doesn't work, he just gets angry, and makes me the problem. Acting like i only want to ruin our marriage. Even when i dont jump to accusations and do it in a respectful manner, he's still the same. If i do the things he does to me, i guarantee he will think im cheating. I just need proof, but I don't know and i can't do anything at all. I dont have money to hire an investigator, i dont have a car, i can't check his phone cause he's secretive and defensive of it when he wasn't before. And its fingerprinted lock. I can't check phone history and such cause he won't let me know the username and password to sign in. I can't check his bank cause he won't let me. Im helpless... what can i do?

[joeshi]

You can do either one of my options. You can 1). Catfish him. It sounds crazy but just pretending to be another pretty girl can show is true colors how he acts without you seeing. And 2). You can be your own investigator. My sister had a gut feeling while her husband was working in another city about two hours away. We went over to spy on him, stayed in a hotel and put a tracker on his car. Turns out he was cheating, he was going to clubs and taking other women out. Sadly, they had a kid together but once she found out she kept it to herself, sold everything, filed divorce papers. And moved to another state!- She sold the cars that were under her name, we had garage sales, she sold the furniture and got rid of the apartment, by the time he came back it was too late. What I’m trying to get here is that it’s ok to have these feelings, when you know you know, you know? Let me know if you want to talk and vent or if you need any help with other ideas. You don’t deserve this at all.

[Anonymous]

Him being secretive and defensive? Won’t let you see anything and when you ask him he gets angry... those are bad signs love ! A man who has nothing to hide , hides nothing especially from his wife.. ask a friend to pick you up and maybe follow him demand that you see his phone if he has nothing to hide he would just show you so that you don’t feel this way.. he should care for how you feel when all the signs are their. Can you check his phone logs call your phone carrier and ask them

[Asker]

I have said that to him that if he has nothing to hode, he would be open like how he was before. He just called me stupid and said there's a password for a reason. Telling me he needs his privacy and for me to quit trying to ruin our marriage.

[Asker]

I can't check his phone logs, we have joint accounts, but he won't let me know the username or password to go in and check.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s a bad sign.. I don’t want to make you over think or anything but I’m telling you from experience he’s hiding something for sure.. why is he disrespecting you? Do you have kids with him?

[Opinion Owner]

Pray and god will always reveal the truth.. what’s done in the dark will always come to light. If he is pack up and leave you deserve better he sounds like an asshole anyway. I’m sorry your goin through this.

[Asker]

Yes im sure he is hiding something from me. He said to me that he doesn't respect me because i lack a lot of knowledge. I really do hope that God will reveal it to me

[Opinion Owner]

That’s hurtful and messed up to say to your own wife , god reveals all truths hun... good luck! Remember what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger ! Don’t let his disgusting words put you down.

[samhradh_leannan]

It sounds like you have made a very sincere effort to communicate and solve the problems in your marriage, but I he’s completely closed off and unwilling to make an effort. Unless you can get him to attend therapy with you or something like that, then honestly, it may be best that you end your marriage. Give yourself the chance to find a healthier relationship with someone who will treat you better.

[joeshi]

Yesss^^^

[Pinay_ako]

What you can do at this point, is ask yourself, why did you take him back after finding out he cheated on you already before getting married. That was a red flag. If he doesn't want to be open and communicate, then there is no point and no reason to go on. Are you happy?

[Missterio]

oh... this happened?

then I think he is probably cheating.

I didn't read this in the post though...

[Pinay_ako]

@Missterio the Asker did say he did. Read it below on one of the girls' responses.

[Missterio]

yeah... I saw it later.

thanks

but i read that she only found out after marrying him :/ . damn.

[Pinay_ako]

@Missterio if a man/woman becomes too secretive about their phones or accounts, it's because they have something to hide.

[Steveconverse]

OMG I was in exactly the same boat. Then I found just a sliver of proof. Ur never going to know what's really going on or how bad it really is. With what u can do with apps now. Ur literally left just waiting to get lucky and he forgot to delete something, or log out of an account or something basically it's a crap shoot. But I recommend starting to look at his travel log with Google maps, or look at his Google activity records. My wife though was on another level. She had apps set up and basically hacked my phone so she knew everything I would start looking into. When I started looking into it. Seriously a dedicated cheater. It's amazing how little I feel like I knew her and we were married for 5 years.

[Missterio]

I'm sorry to hear that. And I hope it is not the case with her husband. though by how she describes it, it does seem suspicious...

sigh

[Asker]

Ik... i can't do anything at all, but just wait and hope for a reveal if he is cheating. I can't check his google activities/maps, i can't check anything of his, he won't let me. I remember how i was able to use his phone, bank, and email, but just as 3yrs hits, he became secretive.

[MusicMayhem]

Casually ask him straight up if he's cheating on you as if you were talking about something mundane. It'll catch him off guard that you just asked him so easily and if he's cheating you'll know by how jumpy and defensive he'll get, especially if he elaborates extensively on reasons why it's not the case.

[johnson101]

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[Warmapplecrumble]

Invite him over to dinner. Talk to him. Show him proof record his behaviour if you have to.

Communicate.

Wait for a month.

Then pack your bags and ignore him for one week. If he doesn't respond. Post a divorce letter.

Sorry for your heart ache.

[GodHatesKaitlin]

You can buy really small tracking devices. Stick one on his car, and if he goes somewhere other than where he normally goes, you'll know. I've done this before, but for a more innocent reason. I just wanted to find out where my girlfriend works as she didn't want me to know because she knew I would go to her in work hours and distract her. I did exactly that. Her fears were 100% justified.

[joeshi]

That’s exactly what my sister did! Read my comment

[Missterio]

she was cheating? ... @GodHatesKaitlin?

[joeshi]

Noooooo! She got a tracker haha that’s what she did.

[Missterio]

yes but the sentence: "Her fears were 100% justified" ... makes it sound as though she was doing something more other than work...

[Missterio]

oh lol maybe she means they had sex lol

sorry. i was with my mind on cheating lol

[GodHatesKaitlin]

@Missterio No I just started coming to her job all the time to flirt with her

[Missterio]

better

too many cheating stories lol

[GodHatesKaitlin]

@Missterio I can perfectly understand why she didn't want me coming. She knew I would and I proved her right. She's really good at that.

[Wonderer89]

Whether or not he’s cheating at this point doesn’t really matter. You have a problem communicating and he isn’t willing to work on it in a way you find acceptable so your marriage is breaking down.
So the options are to fix what you feel is an issue or end the marriage. If he doesn’t want to work on it with you (and I’m not saying he has to conform to your wishes, but to find a compromise on the behaviour that’s bothering you just as you should listen to his concerns) then it’s over anyway

[LLils]

What signs are there? Have you been cheated before and perhaps now that is affecting your current relationship. How long have you been married? What has changed? You need to understand people do change over time... doesn't mean they are doing something wrong. Just don't try to jump into conclusions without knowing all the facts. But main important question if he is indeed cheating, what are you going to do about it?

[Asker]

He did cheated once when we were still dating, but stop after marriage, I never knew til 2yrs of marriage. Weve been married for 4, almost 5yrs. He became secretive w his phone, email, and bank when he wasn't before. He doesn't want sex as much anymore. He touches his phone in another room when he used to touch it w me there. He goes out more often now. he's no longer affectionate, a lot of things. If he is indeed cheating on me, i will leave this time.

[itwasmelaniasfault]

I would tell him I want to go to a marriage counselor, if not you want a divorce because the marriage is already over if doesn’t want to work on your problems

[lexythelou22]

Honestly, that does sound like he's cheating. He's suddenly locked down everything, gets defensive when you bring up the topic, and he's left you unable to do anything to prove him wrong. I'd leave.

[Guanfei]

Well first, you can tell us what are the signs. Hard to help you if we don't know why you think he's cheating.

[Asker]

he's secretive w his phone, bank, and email when he wasn't before. He touches his phone in another room when he used to touch it w me there, he's no longer affectionate, he doesn't want sex as much anymore. He works overtime every week now. He goes out often now.

[Guanfei]

Oh, yeah, I understand why you think he's cheating. And you may be right.

That said, even if he's not cheating, it seems that there isn't anything going on between you two. I'd say it may be over with him, he just don't say it, or want to admit it.

[madhatters4]

call a friend. tell her you want to follow your dude and tail him

[Dinnye001]

You can divorce, if nothing improves.

Be careful woth gut feelings, though. They aren't always accurate.

[labruja]

A woman's intuition is pretty accurate. Read up on that.

[Dinnye001]

Bullshit. No peer reviewed studies in the field. Anecdotes do not count as evidence. There is no such thing as superior intuition. Oh. Buzzfeed is not a scientific source.

Intuition is a subconscious process that corroborates information pieces without you explicitely thinking about it. But it is still governed by your thought patterns. That means that it can be a self fuelling process. Can cause confirmation bias.

So gut feelings can have veracy, but I would never trust them to make a serious decision.

[labruja]

Sigmund Freud. "Intuition is the clear conception of the whole at once."

[labruja]

Just saying lol 😂

[Dinnye001]

Just because Freud wrote it, doesn't mean it's obsolete. Again. No peer reviewed studies.

[labruja]

Don't get mad cause you didn't write books that every learning institution globally in the world currently uses...🙄 but that is not obsolete.

[Dinnye001]

I'm not mad. But scientific means that it is tested and reproduceable by peer reviewed (and preferably blind) studies.

For example - it is proven that what we call sixth sense in feeling like being looked at is due to the mind subconsciously picking up the fact from pheriperic vision.

The biggest minds can write anything. It can be taught anywhere. It is still not scientific until it isindependently confirmed.

[labruja]

Why don't you write a scientific book about intuition? You seem adamant and maybe knowledgeable about science and research. And everyone knows some phenomena cannot be explained by science. Like a six sense, but that's spirituality and whole different spectrum. Can't scientifically explain spirituality, but millions follow a spiritual path.

[Missterio]

a gut feeling can be right or wrong...

the feelings we get are influenced by our state of spirit which sometimes may be more or less atuned..

we can try to guide ourselves by gut but not only. and not always.

[Dinnye001]

I am sticking to science, because I do not like fake things.

I had extensive psychology training due to my job, but I am not an authoritive in the topic.

I am not a researcher, but I still appreciate science.

[Canadaman99]

Sigmund Freud was not a scientist and nothing he has said has any real merit... js

[Dinnye001]

You are wrong as well. Freud got many things right, that are proven. But not all things.

[Canadaman99]

And even if he was it wouldn't mean much when other scientist disagree with him so much. Ross, Ham, and a list of other scientists believe the earth is 6000 years old. doesn't make it true.
What is being used here is a form of authoritative fallacy

[Canadaman99]

Its an exaggeration to make a point, simple literary device that shouldn't need explaining. Fact still remains that most everything he said is considered wrong or extremely out of date

[ravirai]

Talk to your husband when he became calm don't be possesive if you then he will strongly concentrate on that matter
If you want you married life to be carry on happily then just act like everything is normal and you let him do what he is doing. If you get possessive now then your married live may ruined or take an embarrassing turn so just seat silent for 15-20 days

[eatadic]

If your gut feels it, it’s true. Either put up with it or find an escape plan.

[Clyde_123]

Always trust your gut it will never steer you wrong. If you feel something wrong it usually is.

[Clyde_123]

Thanks❤❤

[Anonymous]

PIs are not expensive. Start saving up some money if it's that important to you.

[PutSevenfold7]

Go ahead and assume the worst I guess. That always seems to work out for women doesn't it?

[samhradh_leannan]

It’s not really an assumption at this point. People don’t act like they’re hiding something unless they are.

[PrincessBubble]

What are the signs? Why are you so sure?

[labruja]

Follow your gut

[Anonymous]

come spend a night wiht me ill make u feel better

[yamo25000]

Dude get the f*** out of here

[Opinion Owner]

@yamo25000 u gotta wife bruh im tryna smash one time

[yamo25000]

You're still an asshole and that's never going to attract a woman

[joeshi]

This is why your going to have a long lasting relationship with you and your hand.

[Canadaman99]

I doubt she can afford to go to india for a night

[Opinion Owner]

@Kolton Hahahahhaha i legit laughed

ur sexi brah

[Kat_puppies]

kys mate this is funny

[Antvin95]

Goood