Long Distance Friend Zone Drama

[Anonymous]

I met a girl online at a catholic dating website, I am also catholic, and I find it hard meeting devout catholic girls, what makes this girl even more special is she is a virgin and she 23 in October! anyways the complication is that she lives in Portland usa and I live in Sydney Australia. We have been talking on skype and web cam for 4 months and I want to visit her then look at moving there to be closer to her to try and make it work, I'm sure she someone I can marry just by talking to her but she not sure, because I did confess that I've cheated on her with a prostitute when we had a fight but she doesn't realize I regret it deeply but that has affected her trust and commitment towards me and she has put me in the friend zone because she doesn't want to get hurt. Every time I talk about us being together and me moving there in a year or so she doesn't feel comfortable with the idea saying she not ready for commitment when this is the same girl who was talking about having kids with me a month ago. I've lost her trust I've lost her respect. 2 questions 1) Does a long distance relationship work in this respect? 2) How does one gain back a women's trust after cheating on her?

[liliananghel]

You've cheated on her with a prostitute when you had a fight? well how could she ever know you won't do that again when you get in a fight again. I'm a girl and if I was in her shoes I don't know how if can ever trust again. I'm in the same situation as your girl. I'm religious and so not allowed to have a relation with men. I'm in a long distance relationship also for like 4 months but only my boyfriend did not, I hope, cheat on me or at least I he hasn't told me. I really think its terrible what you did, a prostitute most of all! I would have found it a little less terrible if it was a one night stand with a random girl, the idea of a prostitute repulses me and would completely put me off any guy. You do have a thumbs up for being this honest however. Now if you are really sorry and all don't give up. Go visit her, show her that she can trust you, let her know everything you do, give her anything she needs to gain your trust again, give her your passwords if she wants, tell her everyone you know, go see her, introduce her to your friends and family and most importantly give it time, be consistent. It will be hard work but if she still wants to be even friends with you its a good start. You need to start all over and really appreciate what you have this time, don't take a risk again and really understand that a fight is not a reason to cheat no matter what. Put yourself in her shoes always, even though she's religious and all, but even flirting and kissing can be considered cheating, what if she did that? would you ever forgive her? I hope I was useful, good luck:)

[Asker]

Yeh it was helpful since writting this we have made up and working through things I am being transperant with her and telling her if I look at p*rn etc, ps I have a sex addiction so me not cheating is like not doing cocaine its hard but I know with her a my goal I can get through it

[liliananghel]

Well I'm glad to hear you're working out. But to be honest I think you saying you have a sex addiction and making it sound like its an incurable disease is an excuse to act like a victim. Everyone loves sex, and a person can control himself but most chose not to! If you really can't do it then pack your bags and move to the US and ask the girl to marry you so you can have it with her......otherwise if you care about her, let her go, there is no need to hurt her anymore than you have.

[Asker]

We broke up yesterday due to me being hesitant on spending the money to visit her...its for the best long distnace relationships never work out for me...

[rdabby]

Believe me she wants you to visit her but she is afraid you might want to have sex with her and she isn't ready. are you two still broken up?

[wondermist]

I don't know what tempted you to cheat on her with a prostitute, but I seriously doubt you can mend it from here.

Despite your being truthful, I think it would really create a living hell for her because she would be insecure at all times and question you. On this basis, she would probably be very unstable and have no faith in you, which spells doom for your relationship.

This analysis is just based off my pessimistic point of view.