Walking away from the friendzone and an intimate friendship?

[Anonymous]

I am deep, deep in the friendzone with a girl who is my best friend and who spends a lot of time with me as she doesn’t have a wide circle of girlfriends or a particularly close female friend either. We do a lot of stuff for each other and gradually over the months I’ve fallen in love with her -she’s not just physically attractive but a lovely girl who is caring and kind and a great sense of humour. I am 90% sure she isn’t ‘in’ to me, she’s described her type to me and I don’t quite fit it, not to mention she’s slept around with guys all the while. I’m fairly certain she may have an inkling I like her but I don’t know, I’ve heard girls have a good idea of who likes them. Spending so much time with her but feeling the way I do is sending me mad. And I know that once I let my feelings known to her then it will be a toxic friendship on both sides as I will have extensive contact with someone I have unrequited love for and she with someone she knows fancies her and might feel as though any positive gestures could be romantically charged. I think the best course of action would be to cut the cord, though I she deserves to know why which will be a hard conversation. I’m aware this is cruel and will be hard for the both of us as we rely a lot on each other for emotional support and generally enjoy spending time together like cooking, going for walks or even just sat on the couch watching films. She’s emotionally fragile and I know that walking away will be damaging to both of us.

[btbc92]

First of all, you do not want to date somebody who doesn't share your values. There is no such thing as a friendzone. Your friends. And if you feel you have to walk away from something toxic, then dating should have 0 to do with this situation. You want to date people who share the same desires, values, etc. That's the point of being friends and getting to know somebody BEFORE you even THINK about dating them. Whether she is emotionally fragile or not, that is something she has to figure out. At the same time, WHAT are your intentions for dating her? Because it doesn't sound like to me you have rational reasons to be pursuing her. I don't think that friendship is toxic for the sake of it. But that you want something that you can't have. That is something you have to fix within yourself. This has nothing to do with her. you leaving without no logical reason and knowing you basically left because you want to date is more selfish than her not looking at you.

This is why you never fall in love. You learn about the person before making rash decisions. She sounds like a very good friend. You don't want to destroy that. You'll tell her that she is the problem. I had guys do that to me and other friends who went through the same thing with guys, we're now very guarded and is very wary of guys approaching some of us now. In fact, I reject guys for this very reason. Make sure you can be responsible for this because once its over, you cannot turn back. She will cut you off completely from her life.

[Avicenna]

Is she someone who even wants a relationship? If so, I say go for it.