Why would a “close” guy friend all together cut me off out of the blue?

[Anonymous]

My “close” (ig “ex”) best guy friend has randomly cut me off all together like when we see each other we don’t say anything to each other, he avoids eye contact and looks down. I tried planning for us to hang out but he ended up bailing on me... when HE rescheduled for us to meetup and hang out/catch up (i planned to bail too likewise) he still managed to BAIL on me (after he said to me the day before ‘don’t worry I haven’t forgotten about you’) again just to find him an hour AFTER we were supposed to meet up and he was with his frat brothers at the place we were supposed to meet up at. Today, he had BLATANTLY ignored/acted like he didn’t see me even though we made eye contact for a brief second and he walked past me, his facial expression changed to looking sad/disappointed like he was upset with me. I haven’t spent much time with him in awhile though so I don’t know exactly why he’d be mad at me... Things were okay between us before I went to a party with another guy friend that I kind of expressed interest in and I personally BELIEVE his female friends who saw me at the party told him about me and this other friend being all over each other at that party things/that dynamic between us changed quickly after that. (REMIND YOU THAT THIS FRIEND CURVED ME MONTHS AGO WHEN I MADE A PASS TOWARDS HIM!!!) So now we don’t speak/talk anymore and I don’t know exactly why though... my guess is maybe his ego took a hit or I don't know but it’s a MASSIVE change because we were good a week before the party and after the party things changed where he’s now dodging/avoiding me... I am confused and hurt by his actions :’( it’d be nice to get some feedbacks/opinions on this.

[jadspop]

Well... If I had to guess? He has feelings for you. Or at least had feelings for you. His current actions make it sounds like he has guilt over something involving you. I can't say with it is though. He's worried of hurting you or finding out something that will hurt you. On the bright side. You know he at least cares about you. Bad side. If you don't do anything now. You two WILL drift apart

[Asker]

I have made an effort to try and save this friendship. He bailed on me twice back to back weeks. He seems to be standoffish when he sees/engages with me and not wanting to embrace me.

[jadspop]

Sometimes things can't be saved and I know that hurts. As the song goes, "it takes two to make a thing go right" if he's not willing to try then it doesn't matter how hard you try. My advice? Cut out the Bs. By that I mean, just tell him forward. You feel like something is getting between you and you don't want to lose a friend. After that just give him space and see if he makes even the smallest effort. Don't cut him off or anything. Just don't go so far out of your way to fix this. If he doesn't try at all? Well... I'd recommend bluebells chocolate chip cookie dough and a good friend to listen to you. I'm sorry your going through this hun. But rain or shine you won't be going through it forever. So stay strong. You got this

[Asker]

thank you !! ☻ i needed to hear that. i haven’t told him exactly how i’ve felt or what vibes i’m getting from him directly. i’ve said i wanted to catch up. but for now i want to him give some space because he clearly wants some space. i cried about this because I don't know what i did to make him not even look/acknowledge me. it genuinely hurts me a lot.

[jadspop]

Hey no problem. I'm glad I helped. I'm new to this app and don't know how everything works but I wouldn't mind if you wanted to keep me posted on the situation. I'm rooting for you

[dthomas89]

Why did he get mho?

[Asker]

So here’s your update... I ran into him and so I sort of kind of went out my way to talk and finally have him one on one engage with me. We were talking and stuff about stuff and like self improvement blah blah. Then we were walking and talking and he and I talked about me considering to rush a sorority... he then spit out there about a girl that he finds to be attractive out of the blue showed me her insta and I was like yea uh huh whatever so I told him my update in guy terms. I said “I’ve been sort of hoeing around lately..” his face shot up and was like “you had sex?” and I was like “no” he then went back to his demeanor he had before. Then we were talking about me and the friend from the party and he mentioned/commented saying “So when you saw him at the party you gravitated on to him?” (that was him hinting to me about the time I went to his party and was all over him/ “gravitated” towards him) he was squinting/making a face as he said that. I was about to say “yes” (which was true I did gravitate towards my friend at the party) but I was like eh no he just had me by the hip and we were all over each other then he was like ahhh I see and I was like yea. But I was observing his body language and his feet was not pointed/directed towards me which I read (but chose to ignore) as he didn’t want to talk/engage with me but because I finally had him one on one I kind of forced it... But I don't know what this all means and his behavior... Also he hit me with the same bs/lies about why he bailed and didn’t apologize/mention how he bailed on me.

[dthomas89]

Probably because he realized it's a good idea. Ex's can't be "just friends", I GUARANTEE YOU

[Asker]

we never dated... i had feelings for him though but i moved on cause he curved me.

[dthomas89]

I guarantee you, he was your boyfriend

[Asker]

when i said “ig ‘ex’” i meant like ex close guy friend

[dthomas89]

I guarantee you, he was your boyfriend!

[Asker]

but point is WHY would he cut me off if we NEVER dated?

[dthomas89]

I just told you. And yes, you did

[WhiteShoulder]

He’s passed and jealous

What does “curved” mean? He rejected u?

[WhiteShoulder]

Pissed. Not passed.

[Asker]

yes, he rejected me... (one night {months ago} i got drunk tried kissing him and he didn’t talk to me for like 2wks)

[WhiteShoulder]

He has feels for u and doesn’t wanna admit it. He didn’t want just a random hookup.

[Asker]

what does he have to be pissed about when he rejected me though? he’s been telling me for months to go out and talk/hoe out with other guys, but i didn’t do any of that because i liked him🙄

[Asker]

he has had random sex with random girls and came back and talked to me about it afterwards... it was hard to hear about it bc i’m also a virgin too. he told a mutual friend he wouldn’t date me bc i’m too close to my mom/family, and something else i can’t remember. but he DID reject me though... i thought like 4-5 months ago that he did feel the same way when he slept over and we cuddled AS FRIENDS

[WhiteShoulder]

He has feels for you but he knows ur a virgin so he won't be getting any from you unless he tells you he really loves you (and maybe not even then)

[Asker]

What should I do now? If that’s the case that he has feelings for me? I saw him earlier today and he threw a peace sign at me and i said hi to him and he said hi back to me but it was very low and quiet where he barely was looking at me. (when we saw each other I was walking with another guy... I swear I’m not out there like that with guys, I just happen to have A LOT of male friends/presence around me that’s what I gravitate to). I just want to know what I should do from now on because he’s clearly upset or whatever with me when I’m around other males...

[WhiteShoulder]

Talk to him one on one in person. Clear the air. Tell him how u feel.

[Asker]

okkkkk but that’s the thing every time I’ve tried to initiate for us to talk/communicate he nails on me. doesn’t show up. I want to talk to him and clear the air but he’s avoiding my presence being around him :(

[Asker]

About a month ago after not seeing each other/talking to each other he acknowledged to him knowing that he’s been distant from me but picked me up and spun me around saying how he missed me.

[WhiteShoulder]

Yeah. He’s into u.

[dthomas89]

Why did she get mho?

[Asker]

@dthomas89 why are you pressed that she got mho? she gave her opinion that I agreed with... your opinion or point of view was very bias. I told you he and I never dated and you kept insisting that he and I dated... So there for she got MHO

[Asker]

So here’s your update... I ran into him and so I sort of kind of went out my way to talk and finally have him one on one engage with me. We were talking and stuff about stuff and like self improvement blah blah. Then we were walking and talking and he and I talked about me considering to rush a sorority... he then spit out there about a girl that he finds to be attractive out of the blue showed me her insta and I was like yea uh huh whatever so I told him my update in guy terms. I said “I’ve been sort of hoeing around lately..” his face shot up and was like “you had sex?” and I was like “no” he then went back to his demeanor he had before. Then we were talking about me and the friend from the party and he mentioned/commented saying “So when you saw him at the party you gravitated on to him?” (that was him hinting to me about the time I went to his party and was all over him/ “gravitated” towards him) he was squinting/making a face as he said that. I was about to say “yes” (which was true I did gravitate towards my friend at the party) but I was like eh no he just had me by the hip and we were all over each other then he was like ahhh I see and I was like yea. But I was observing his body language and his feet was not pointed/directed towards me which I read (but chose to ignore) as he didn’t want to talk/engage with me but because I finally had him one on one I kind of forced it... But I don't know what this all means and his behavior... Also he hit me with the same bs/lies about why he bailed and didn’t apologize/mention how he bailed on me.

[WhiteShoulder]

He was disappointed you didn’t have sex yet and just messed around, probably because he already messed around with you and wants more than that. He was also jealous/annoyed that you “gravitated” toward the other guy.

That being said, I don’t get super strong interested signals from this guy. He’d probably hook up if you were willing to go all the way, but I don’t think he wants a relationship with you.

[Asker]

See I agree with that.. I obviously NOW can tell he’s not necessarily interested in me. But when you say he was annoyed/jealous that I gravitated towards the other guy what do you mean and why would he be annoyed/jealous? To be honest, I wasn’t even going to mention like me with a guy or give any updates on me and a guy until I noticed that he mentioned a girl to me and I felt/noticed that he went out of his way to do so because he pulled up her instagram very fast... But we never messed around on that level though we only ever cuddled. Our interaction seemed somewhat normal but I know us well enough to know that it wasn’t normal. I’m just confused on why he was like trying to see if I acted/treated my friend from the party the same I treated him if he’s not interested... I just don’t get that part/aspect of the logics

[Asker]

I also tried and didn’t want to mention me interacting with other guys because I see and know how he gets... I just don’t understand why he’d go out of his way to tell me about a girl who doesn’t even know his name, doesn’t even follow him back on instagram and etc.. there’s a lot of I don’t understand here🙄

[WhiteShoulder]

I’m not sure. He defo wants you to think he’s not interested, that’s why he showed you that chick’s insta. I do think he feels like you’re a flirt and a tease and you’re not seriously into him either, but then again I don’t know him very well.

[WhiteShoulder]

He’s trying really hard to make it seem like he’s not interested. Which ironically might mean he is.

[Asker]

It’s all soo confusing because so many things is showing that he doesn’t like me but he does because he goes out of his way to try and prove to me that he “doesn’t” like me it’s like lowkey reverse psychology... like he just “had” to show me the chick he finds to be attractive (AND THE CHICK IS IN THE SORORITY IM CONSIDERING JOINING... plus he told me that in his opinion that that sorority would be good for me). I just don’t understand why he gotta go out his way to prove he doesn’t like me. I firmly believe that it mainly ties down to him wanting sex from me and the possibility that he doesn’t want to admit it to himself that he might have feelings there for me or doesn’t like me and really wants sex from me.

[Asker]

The reason why I’m having a hard time understanding this dude is because I’ve never been in a relationship before, suck at feelings with guys... and the fact that he himself has never been in a relationship likewise...

[WhiteShoulder]

Now I get it!

He likes you likes you AND he wants to bang you really bad. Totally makes sense.

[Asker]

Okayy... still kind of lost/confused... like yea he wants to bang but like why is he acting/dismissing the fact that he likes me... like i mean he’s a guy and OBVIOUSLY sex is on the top list of priorities but like what? I’m confused

[WhiteShoulder]

Because he also has feels for you and doesn’t wanna admit it. He wants both your pussy and your heart.

[Asker]

LMAOO!!! I don’t know why he won’t admit he has feelings for me if he knows/has an idea that I have feelings for him. Because of how he’s made me feel that he doesn’t like me is why i flirt/talk to multiple guys because he doesn’t like me... when we first became friends he told me to NOT fall for him too but my dumbass really did fall for him😂😭. But if he liked me then why the distance why isn’t he engaging and dodging me then it’s just a giant mess

[WhiteShoulder]

I don't know. Guys do weird shit sometimes when they catch feels for a girl.