boyfriend compares me to his sister?

[Anonymous]

I've got a strong relationship with this guy, we have been together for 2 years now, but he still compares me to his elder sister from time to time. When she's got a red jacket he says that I should get one too, when she goes for a run he never omits telling me that i should start running too. I know he really loves his sister but this thing comparing me to her all the time just pretty gets on my nerves. Me and his sister are way too different and I dont know if I should get offended or just get used to it and live with it.

[Pocahontas2000]

Don't act jealous. Just tell him that you don't enjoy that he compares her to you all the time. I am an older sister of a great 19 yo guy, It's the most influential relationship one can have in life. So be understanding instead of angry. I talk about my brother quite often, he's my best friend, supporter, partner in crime, kid and parent. He's everything for me but It doesn't make me stop to love my romantic partners in wholly different and special way.
He must be a good brother, good brothers tend to be better husbands and fathers for your future kids and just better boyfriends. There's nothing wrong with talking about her sister.

[Pocahontas2000]

To be more clear, I will explain why he does this.
His sister was probably the closest female, someone that taught her a lot, made him i troduce to the women's nurturing and maternal nature. Someone he trusts to and loves dearly.
It's even a bit of a compliment to compare you to her in a good sense, since he has probably idealized her since childhood.
But as a possesive female, who can't stand to be compared to any other female, I can relate to your feelings. It's just that you should approach this topic carefully, don't talk too angry about this, you will distance yourself feom him, but tell him It makes you feel hurt deep down to be compared to someone else and It makes you think that you are not good enough, you respect his sister and like her but you are your own person and individual and you want to be liked for who you are, but also tell him you appreciate how much of a love he's capable of to his sister, It says a lot about his personality.

[Asker]

I got it, I myself have got a great older brother who I love and respect a lot, he was always kind of a role model for me, but I never feel the urge to compare him to my boyfriend since they are so different and comparing them seems just pointless.
I just feel like always living in the shadow of his sister. He offten tells things like " you'd better learn to cook as well as her". I mean, what the hell?

[Pocahontas2000]

She's basically like a mom for him, obviously. Does he have a mother? Most likely she is distant from her kids or absent from their lives.
I understand... That sucks.
I would definitely talk to him.

Once my wise aunt told me you should always fight with the same weapon the other person fights you with.
Tell him something similar about your older brother, let's see how he will react. If he reacts bad you can tell him that's exactly how you feel when he compares you to his sister.
Or just talk to him, but definitely talk, don't bottle it up.

[Asker]

Ohh and that time when I was wearing one of my favorite dresses and he just took me to his sisters room to ask her to give me a nicer dress, since " she's got lots of them". Maan!

[samhradh_leannan]

Talk to him about it. Ask him WHY he has this habit. Maybe he just uses his sister as an excuse to make certain suggestions to you or bring up certain topics. Or... maybe he has some kind of crush on his sister. That's also possible. Try to figure out what's actually going on before you let it end your relationship. But no matter what the explanation is, if this behavior bothers you, don't hesitate to let him know you don't like it and ask him to stop doing it.

[sassycassy87]

Sounds like he reveres his sister a lot... I personally would be irritated and probably end up telling him I wasn't his sister and never will be and if he isn't cool with that then leave... But that's me and my temper lol

[Legendiehard]

Well it's the same when my parents used to say me"See the child of sharma ji he has got 98 percent in exams"🤣🤣
Don't take it too much to heart.. Everyone compares either in heart or some just says it aloud.. At the end of the day it's his sister not other girl otherwise that will be bad😅

[radrio]

It's comparing familiarity mostly. He isn't sexualizing his sister through you. Probably his sister is his best point of contact to the female outside world and her success?

[Asker]

Probably, but do I have the right to feel offended? Does it have any point to talk with him about it? I mean he would not change his oppinion about her, maybe he just won't say it out loud, which wouldn't be any better.

[radrio]

You can definitely feel offended but don't take it personally. Just ask to stop being compared to her. Say it reminds you of a friend's creepy boyfriend and his actions. Lie a little.

To be nice about it just use different words ("I don't like her style that much", for example)

[boggboss]

Probably sees her as the pinical of amazing women or looks up to his sister in replacement of mum

[Asker]

So do I have the right to feel offended? Does it have any point to talk with him about it? I mean he would not change his oppinion about her, maybe he just won't say it out loud, which wouldn't be any better.

[boggboss]

You can but I don't see a point as it seams harmless

[Walt10157]

It sounds like him and his sister may have had some type of relationship when they were younger. It's not uncommon for siblings to want to experiment. But it's totally unfair to compare you to his sister.

[Pocahontas2000]

What the fuck man... Older sisters have strongg influence on younger brothers, they might just be very close. She's probably maternal and protective of him amd he sees her as an mother figure, ideal female. It's not different than talking about mom.

[ManukOz]

Siblings get compared often, i believe he is seeing your sisters actions as a preview if you would do the same (that jacket looks very good on her, I bet it looks very good on you too)

[Decentguy]

ehh, its not that much of a big deal.
he just did that with the jacket, its not that much

[Finchie40]

That's scary , I would dump him

[Pocahontas2000]

Seriously?

[Finchie40]

Yea you are your own person and your boyfriend should love you for you. When someone compares you to someone it means they don't really respect you for who you are they like the fact that they can try to mold you to what they want you to be , it sounds like your boyfriend has a secret crush on his sister which is scary. How close are they? You deserve to be respected way better then that. I was in a relationship like that before and it just got ugly again someone should love you for you not what they want you to be

[Pocahontas2000]

I don't have a boyfriend. I am an older sister of younger brother and love him a lot but I don't see how it would be scary for my future boyfriend.

[Pocahontas2000]

I've never ever been compared to someone else so I can't say how I would feel.

[Finchie40]

Your question says your boyfriend compares you? What do you mean you don't have a boyfriend lol

[Finchie40]

You should never be compared , you should be loved for you , when someone your in a relationship with starts comparing you to other people you will see it will make you feel like youbarent good enough trust me

[Pocahontas2000]

I am not an asker 😂🙄

[Finchie40]

Lol my bad

[Finchie40]

How would you feel if you were in a relationship and your boyfriend compared you to his ex girlfriends? Saying she used to wear that red jacket so you should also? Or My ex used to do that for me why don't you. Just examples but trust me it is disrespectful

[Pocahontas2000]

I am very possessive person, not saying it's good but I wouldn't tolerate it. I am either the only one or I leave. It's that simple. I am not used to be compared to others. If he compares me to someone else even in a good way, I will just friendzone him, losing all interest in him. But that's me and I am a complex and intense individual.

[Finchie40]

You sound like me

[Pocahontas2000]

Good to see I am not only one. It's just that i am capable of a very strong love and if he can't provide me with same, then he's not my type.