My boyfriend told his friends about how I am in bed and about my kinks, what should I do?

Question

My boyfriend overheard me talking to my friends. We talked about our sex lifes.
It was just a friendly girl talk but he heard the things which were about him. I talked about his penis and about what he does in bed (positively, i love sex with him, he is the best I've had).

At this time i didn't knew that he heard it.

Later, about 1 1/2 weeks later where he went out with his friends he talked with them about my sexual kinks. I am very kinky, my boyfriend never had a problem with it even if i sometimes get too kinky but he still likes it, and he told them about it.

How i know about this? It seems like mybf did it on purpose, he knew i could hear it because i was in the room next to them.

So i know he did it to make me know how it feels.
We got into an argument that night.
He was angry at me, he told me to keep the things between us between us and that they are not anyone else fucking business.
He apologized for telling his friends abut my kinks after the argument, since then he hasn't talked.
What should i do? Was i in the wrong? How should i go about it now?

1Anon · Accepted Answer

Realistically, you both should have had ground rules set in respect of your sex life and what would be discussed with whom.

I understand it from both perspectives and you’re both right and wrong at the same time.

Think of it this way...

You saw your innocent girly chat as nothing major because a lot of girls talk about their sex lives.

He took your girly chat as embarrassing, a breach of his trust and you disrespecting your relationship by making private intimate details public knowledge.

You didn’t comprehend just how humiliating it was for him so he showed you exactly what it’s like to feel how he felt. So...

He did exactly what you did and talked openly about it with his friends in an innocent guy chat.

You took his chat as he took yours: (embarrassing, a breach of his trust and you disrespecting your relationship by making private intimate details public knowledge).

As I said, you were both right and wrong. Neither of you were being childish or nasty etc... the same rules work both ways.

The reason I said I understand from both sides is because not only am I able to see both sides, but I’ve been in that situation with my guy but we established ground rules first (as I mentioned above).

He and I are into a lot of kinky stuff... great.

My inner circle of female best friends ALWAYS talk about our sex lives.

However, my guy said he doesn’t want me to say anything about our sex life, let alone our kinky side to anyone let alone my friends.

His friends know what he’s into BUT he’s never told them that I’m into it or that we both do that stuff together.

The early conversation helped establish the rule of us not saying anything to anyone (mostly me because he’s private about it anyway lol).

Point is...

You both should put it behind you and move on together as a couple. And no more chats with anyone about your sex life! Lol

petsnakereggie · Accepted Answer

I think the good part about this is that he's told you how he feels about discussing personal aspects of your physical relationship with other people. Which means he is willing to give that respect to someone who returns it. This is a decent guy attitude. I can understand how girls might think they're not doing the wrong thing in discussing personal sexual experiences with each other, because while some girls and guys might do it as a form of bragging and gossip or character-assassination (as he did in his revenge, and you MAY have done for gossip and connection with the girls), quite often women discuss their personal and sexual experiences as a way to share information with each other to better understand life, sex and relationships, and this makes them better partners. The trick is, if there's a chance your boyfriend would be uncomfortable with it, give non-identifying information about your experiences, if it's to help someone. "Well, I've had that experience before too once and it's normal for guys to do that. I once dated a guy who..." You don't have to say who it was. It's the difference between sharing to be helpful, or sharing to brag and have fun. The helpful conversations usually are more quiet, discreet and not in a big group. by the way, some people are totally OK with their info being shared - they love it! (Unless it's derogatory.) But if you don't like it, consider that your partner might not like it too, if you don't want him to go blabbing. This can now turn into a really good experience since he's already apologised (even though he was only retaliating for your behaviour) as long as you also apologise, because now the expectations are clearly drawn that you both have high standards for your relationship, making it potentially a much better relationship than you would have had if this hadn't come up.

lumos · Accepted Answer

You were both in the wrong. You shouldn’t have talked about such intimate details with your friends, if you want to talk about sex that badly with then you could talk about it in general, and not what your boyfriend is like. But he also shouldn’t have done the same to you to prove a point - that’s what five year olds do. If it bothered him so much, he should have talked to you about it directly.
If I were in your position I’d probably say something like ”look, this situation really sucks. We both did things we shouldn’t have. I’m really sorry for what I did. In the future I won’t talk about such intimate details, and I’m hoping that if something bothers you, from now on you’ll come and talk to me about those things directly. Peace?”
Hopefully he’ll accept your apology and apologize to you too.

Goodwifie · Accepted Answer

Nothing wrong with a bit of sex positive tall just make sure that you leave out the really personal details.
I don't tell my friends exactly what we do in bed but I do tell them that it's great.
I've told them how often we make love and it kind of shocks them and gets them thinking about improving their own sex life.
I don't talk about size, never have and never will.
Some things should be kept private.

ObscuredBeyond · Accepted Answer

Three types of folk and relationship priorities. Tier system: Great, Good, and Suckers.

Great partners believe In higher order and goals, have higher aspirations, questions, beliefs, ideals, and topics. This is the glue to their relationship. They feel. like family, even before a single trip to bed or a wedding. He talks about her insights into the logical limitations of Kant vs. Nieztche. She adores his vision for a cleaner and more efficient truck engine. They both believe in a higher power, and debate the merits of colonizing exoplanets.

Good pairings talk about things and advantages in general, and pursue a mutual benefit. He koves her cooking and she admirres how good he is at repairing vacuums.

Suckers pairs only enjoy the sex, and have nothing else holding them together, and nothing else to discuss. Expand your own mind, and you may be ashamed of your present lie priorities. Yet, this will give you focus to make wiser choices. He too can grow up. And if he chooses to remain petty and low, he will lose you and it will be his fault. There is a whole world to explore. Don't settle for stupidity. Give him and yourself something other than sex to talk about, and if he matures, the inappropriate talk could very well vanish. He'll understand that your kinks don't deserve a broadcast, and be smart enough to honor what that means.

Trolloween · Accepted Answer

Yeah you were wrong, how do you think he's going to feel now being around your friends when you tell them all his private shit? Why would you talk about his dick are you 15? You can apologise and not do it again and he will probably be fine.

anniisa · Answer

You shouldn't have done that in the first place. That is wrong, I never understood why women find it acceptable to talk about their men like that to other women. It's very disrespectful, even if it is a positive.

I would move on from the situation. What he did was petty however he only did it to show you how it felt. Best to understand and move on from it. It's really not worth any serious cocnequences, just learn from it and move in together.

coachTanthony · Answer

I talked about his penis and about what he does in bed (positively, i love sex with him, he is the best I've had).

So just in case you are wondering.. just because you talk positive about the sex you are getting or even it's the best you ever had.. it doesn't give you the right to discuss it. So.. tell him exactly that.. how he responds is on him.

Logorithim · Answer

It's not cool, but guys often do this, sad to say.

JSmuve · Answer

Wait wait wait wait, so if you tell all your girlfriends intimate details about him it's "friendly girl talk" but if he talks about your intimate details then it's some sort of affront to you? What the fuck? You can't possibly be this much of a hypocrite! Why is it that women think they've got carte blanche to just go around telling their friends everything like its no big deal yet guys have to keep shit quiet so not to embarrass the girl? As far as I'm concerned you're wrong for yammering on about shit you had no business discussing.

Wonderer89 · Answer

What makes the two situations different? Why have you phrased yours positively, as “friendly girl talk” but talked his down as though he did something wrong when all he did was follow your lead?
You set the precedence here, you spoke about your personal and intimate relations giving your friends information on your boyfriend you had no right and no permission to give. If you thought that was ok, why is it not ok for him to do the same thing in return?

brennanhuff · Answer

You guys are both wrong or you should have asked him if you could bring tht up to others even if what you said was positive. Many couples don't fully open up to each other and hold back on what kinky stuff they want to try. So they suppress themselves out of fear of judgement when they could be having a better sex life, because when you're with the one you love. You should be able to share and be able to commincate and trust each other. But when this happens like you situation and others, this is why unfortunately so many people can be very guarded and hesitant in opening up, which is unfortunate as it limits their intimacy and connection and making their sex life, which might already be good or great from being even better.

rjroy3 · Answer

Apologize to him and take what he said to heart. While it's common for girls to talk it is still his personal business you're sharing as well. Consider that before approaching him about it. Because he feels like you've broken his privacy by putting his/your business out there. Which is understandable. Even tho it's common that girls talk it is still a feeling of privacy being broken for him. You have to decide with what you're okay with in the relationship.

I do think how he went about it was a bit immature, but it leading to a fight tells me you were being immature as well. Because if it's okay for you to share, then by extension you should be okay with him doing the same. Even if you think he made sure you heard it. That doesn't really matter at all. You're either okay with sharing details about your sex lives or you're not. Really that simple.

Talk to him. Consider how he's feeling first. Decide what's best for your relationship.

Tiaroendu479 · Answer

You were wrong, but he handled it poorly. Passive aggression is never healthy in a relationship, he should have told you that he wasn’t comfortable with you talking to your friends about it (which, I personally would have felt the same way). Unless he told you straight up that he’s okay with you talking to your friends about it, that information is something that should have remained between the two of you. Just apologize, tell him that you are upset with how he retaliated (retaliation has no place in a loving relationship), and move on

1hellothere1 · Answer

Honestly just do nothing. You said something him in bed that was positive, he said something about you in bed that was not so positive. If he apologized and sincerely meant it. Leave it alone make that the end of it. If you feel there is still something there, stop. Just let go of it as it will only lead to more arguments, and possibly a breakup. Next time you see him just say like "if you promise to not talk about it with your friends I won't talk about it with mine". Again though since you said something first he might think you started it, so word it carefully. After you have the talk or anything just give him a big hug, trust me hugs help me out all the time.

Anonymous · Answer

So many of you will never learn because you have forgotten what sex is. Something sacred and intimate is for you and your partners eyes and ears only, anything else simply cheapens it.

You were in the wrong, and so was he. He lowered himself down to your level and now you are even. What you will find from here is that sex is never the same again. It will eventually become meaningless because the trust has been broken.

It is the ego that convinced you to share intimate details with your friends, and it is the ego that made your boyfriend react.

VaIiant · Answer

I think talking about kinks was over the line. My ex and I had rules on that- (we never had sex but we ‘ran the bases’ so to speak). I made it clear I told my best friend very light stuff on the matter and it was positive, and if he wanted to he could tell his closest pal, but spreading our sexual tastes around with even one person, much less a whole group, was off limits. I’d be furious- that stuff should be private. It’s one thing to say “man, she's so good in bed, best sex I’ve ever had, great positions” and it’s a whole other thing to say “these are her kinks, this is how far we’ve gone, this is what gets her off”.

Hidden_P · Answer

You are both in the wrong.

It’s a well known fact women like to talk about that sort of thing with other females. However, BOYS DO THE SAME. Neither gender likes to be known they are being talked about.

That said your boyfriend did it maliciously, you did not.

Honestly I wouldn’t speak to him until he does. He is acting like a little boy, even though I understand he is hurt. If you can’t speak about sex maturely, you shouldn’t be having it. He needs to grow up and learn about female behaviour, and you need to learn boundaries.

Tomblebee · Answer

You were in the wrong.. but he shouldn't have done that...
Two wongs don't make a right... but wil probably cause a fight.
Hit up his friends and be like... hey ask your buddy if we are still together...
All things well.. he'll think he wants to move on in.. see the wrongs in his way and contact you asap.. worst case scenario.. he miswords it as.. 'so and so asked me to see if you two were still on.. which would look hellish..
OR JUST APOLOGISE TO HIM AS WELL AND GET ON WITH IT.
The caps lock did not symbolize aggresion, just to make the final statement stand out as a direction.

Zally · Answer

He took the situation completely wrong, he should have talked to you first about it, If he minded that you talked about him with your friends. Sure you did first not knowing that he wasn't ok with it, but doing that on purpose to make you feel how he felt isn't what loves about. (honestly sexual encounters is something girls talk about a lot more openly then guys do) I think the best thing to do now is talk to each other about it. Just you two, so you guys can find an understanding that works for you both. Every relationship is a little different

GuyWhatRunsThePlace · Answer

Yes you were in the wrong. Things like this are highly private - keep this in mind: if you are comfortable putting it on public display (e. g. would you do a public livestream of your bedroom) then it's okay to share, otherwise don't talk about it.

That said, what he did was extremely petty and childish. That type of passive-aggressive behavior is very toxic. You two need to talk about what bothers you instead of just taking action that will lead to arguments and animosity.

Anonymous · Answer

Was i in the wrong? BIG DUH YES
unless all he is to you is another sexual experiment
to dissect and present to peers in sharing, no worries such advertising might be attracting gals to him & him away from you

What should i do?
never argue - apologize!
this action is not the end of the world nor even subservient
it reverses the disrespect actions into caring ones

How should i go about it now?
keep the things between us between us for they are not anyone else fucking business

LinsleyV · Answer

It's funny that when girls share secrets that should stay between each other it's called friendly girl talk but when a guy does the same it's suddenly a deliberate attack...

You were in the wrong for telling stuff about your boyfriend without his consent.

thesextking2 · Answer

Well if you think he should not feel offended about what you did so you must not feel offended by the same thing.
You know here who did the big mistake is you first you told your friends about it and when he did it you get offended.
Even after the deed he said sorry to you and if you still feel like he is not a good guy so dear you are very much mistaken.
Don't listen to those who are saying dump him they have nothing to do so they will act like this only cause they just want to increase their exper level.
So now the decision is upto you
What have to do or what not to.
Take care
Best of luck 😊

MusicMayhem · Answer

"At this time I didn't know that he heard it"

If what you were talking about with your friends was fine then you wouldn't be concerned about him overhearing you.

So, yes you're in the wrong. You were obviously talking about very personal things that should have been left between you and your boyfriend only.

Gains4Life · Answer

You should have not talked about a guys penis to your friends. Every male I know including myself doesn't appreciate that.

Would you have felt okay you're boyfriend talked about your private parts to his friend's or anyone he felt like sharing it with?

But yeah... Immature thing to do with the passive aggressive anger on his part.

My boyfriend told his friends about how I am in bed and about my kinks, what should I do?

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