Would you rather be with someone who is clingy or someone who is distant?

Question

Blunique · Accepted Answer

My first boyfriend was super distant. We barely hung out once a week. And we barely texted as well. I was the only one who made an effort to hangout.

I remember he later revealed to me that all 9 of his girlfriends dumped him because he was distant yet he never thought to change that. That was one of the main reasons why I broke up with him.

But then after that relationship I met a new guy. I was getting to know him (we werent exclusively dating yet) and he was too clingy.

I was going to college and I had a ton of homework every day, though, I did made time for him when I could. I needed to apply myself in order to get good grades. So I couldn't text him every day. But at the same time i don't want to be texting every day.

He would try to text me all day every day. I told him right away i can't text him all the time. I need space and i need space in order to get my work done but when I can I'll text you or hangout when we are both free.

He was nice and accepted it. He was respectful and only texted me in the mornings and nights. When I felt like dedicating 30 minutes or so to messaging him I would.

Then this one time I was taking a break from studying. I was watching a movie and he texted me asking me what I am doing. I told him and he got so angry at me. He's like, "Why aren't you texting me?" And he complained and said he wanted to text more, he wanted to text every day.

It was like he didn't have a life outside of me and it was really annoying. We only got to know each other for two weeks before I decided to cut it off. So too distant and too clingy is bad. I want someone in the middle if it's possible. I hope to meet someone like that.

Jgirl532 · Accepted Answer

In the ideal world, I would have someone who was mostly balanced, but was a little more distant. I have a small fear of commitment because so many things in my life have hyped up the idea of this perfect marriage to the perfect guy, and I combine that need with my compulsion to plan for the future at all points, making me fear not being with the perfect guy currently despite being 16. Basically, I write chick-lit/romance/teen fiction novels on wattpad and FicFun (they signed those books actually), so I spend a lot of time pondering the perfect romance with the most amazing man in the world. I also fantasize about my wedding all the time and have quite the hefty pinterest board. So, of course, I freak out if the guy that I am going out with doesn't fill all of my standards, and that causes me to really fear them being clingy. A distant guy is easier to stomach because it doesn't feel like they are always present, and I can't get away from them. (I also had a really bad relationship in which that was the case, which has also spurred my dislike of clinginess). Overall, I also see being too clingy as a sign of weakness, which I don't really find attractive. Vulnerability is great. Sharing deep thoughts, fears, emotions, etc is awesome, but that type of weakness in particular (the kind of weakness where they seem like they can not survive without you and have no independance) is very unnatractive.

JSmuve · Accepted Answer

Clingy but not in a "if you're gone for more than an hour I'll hunt you down and kill you" way. More like, "I really wanna be with you but if you can't right now I'll wait patiently until you have the time/energy" way.

MasterDaddyUK · Accepted Answer

clingy you can politely ask them to back off a step, but it is much more difficult to bring someone who is distant closer.

ghostqueen · Answer

I'd rather be alone than choose between those too extremes.

Logorithim · Answer

Clingly is better than distant, although moderation is best. Distant makes you feel unwanted and unappreciated.

idoitright4u · Answer

Neither! Neither one of those represent trust which is the foundation for a relationship especially if that relationship is supposed to be in love a committed monogamous relationship. That's one of the things that's wrong with the world today we go around judging other people telling them what they should do what they should wear how to get places. and yet we will have such a hard time talking about our feelings we say yes when we mean no no when we mean yes I don't know good fine maybe those are generally our conversation words when were asked how are you doing and we don't mind it when they say good or fine because we really
don't want to be held hostage by conversation the majority of us don't have deep intimate relationships where we do conversate and how many of us have that person in our lives and we can trust with anything that we can get naked in front of so to speak and I have nothing to hide. This is a sensitive topic for me because I am the type of person that goes all-in and gives my best effort clearly having the conversations up front always being told they'll do the same but yet they never do it's rare to find that loyal committed person

Lostranza · Answer

Neither, they are both really bad in their own way. Someone who is clingy is overwhelming and difficult to like at times because everyone needs their space to grow. People who are distant would be difficult to form a relationship with because intimacy is very important especially emotionally.

Zefram · Answer

Oh, I'm definitely more clingy. Then again it sorta makes sense, I make business trips out with my job every now and then and on occasion I could be gone as long as a week. So it helps that I would usually text or call my girlfriend every so often before that but now, it's even more since I'm away for a few days every now and then.
She's definitely more distant than I am, but not by much. I'm just a really affectionate guy which is funny 'cause I am WAY logical usually.

aicarg · Answer

Some where in between. Someone who is emotionally attached but is also their own person and has a social life of their own. I don't care to be constantly suffocated by their presence but I don't wish for my significant other to totally shut me out either.

VIVANT · Answer

i would not ask an either or question then leave an option of other lol

its interesting to know which of the two extremes people would choose, without watering it down.

funny too bc you hear complaints about clinginess way moire than distance even though i think people hate being ignored more. if you want extreme distant just stay single... i think complaining on clingy just feels better to the ego but is not an honest depiction.

ScaryCool · Answer

Gun to my head, clingy. If someone is distant, it's much harder to read them. With clingy, I'll know pretty quickly if somethings up when they stop being clingy.

FinalVow · Answer

clingy works for me. part of the reason I don't like texting is because it is so hard to tell if the other person is busy or not.

Jessicaml · Answer

I think it depends on how much I like them. With my ex husband he was too clingy and o preferred him to back off but with my ex boyfriend he was clingy and I loved it and when he got distant as time went on I hated it

Laurenjonesey15 · Answer

Clingy but not too clingy, I get paranoid if I don’t hear from someone that I’ve done something wrong or they don’t like/love me anymore. That being said too clingy is just annoying, everyone needs their space

Moonchild714 · Answer

Definitely not clingy, but also not too distant that I would never get to really know him. A nice balance in between. Wants to spend time with me but has a life of his own and needs his space too.

TheHellUSay · Answer

Either extreme would be difficult for me to deal with. I prefer to be with someone that is there for me when needed, but doesn't demand my constant attention either. I have been with someone in both categories and I don't do so well when the other person routinely acts as if I am bothering him. I don't want to spend most of my time worrying about how my partner feels about me. I guess if I had to choose from either of the two evils, I'd be better off with a clingy S. O.

moorekt · Answer

While both options have negative qualities, I much rather have clingy than distant. In my opinion, being distant shows that the person is most likely not interested in the relationship.

lovelyleo · Answer

I said clingy but I'd rather have a happy medium where we are both fully aware and apart of each other's lives but I really love alone time and time with my girls too.

LegateLanius · Answer

Depends on how clingy. Someone who really wants to be with me but ill wait because you are busy is awesome but someone that has to be there 24/7 or they will fuck you over is not someone i want to be with.

JDavid25 · Answer

Clingy.. At least I know I'm wanted.. I don't have to wonder.. Even though it will be annoyin, but I can handle it..

depeche2015 · Answer

Distant. I'm kind of distant and being around people too much seems kind of suffocating.

cma1996 · Answer

Clingy is better than distant, but it can get out of hand. When in doubt, follow the golden mean - everything in moderation.

BrittBratt2416 · Answer

well that's interesting, didn't think people especially the men would want a clingy partner. Most guys are turned off by that.

IlyaTheImpaler · Answer

I am distant, so I prefer clingy, then the distance will be stabilized If she's also distant then the distance will just grow further towards infinity🤷

candycanehearts · Answer

hehe clingy I think if theyre distant you would just feel insecure the whole time if they actually like you or not

The_FallenOne · Answer

Neither. I'd rather be alone if thoes are my options. It would better have someone somewherebin the middle Someone not too clingy and someone distant enough to be their own person but not a stranger.

Tiffstarr · Answer

A person that is clingy you know what they’re doing. You trust them more than the person who is distant and you find it easier to connect when someone is distant they aren’t really good at communicating which makes the relationship hard.

Johnnie1000 · Answer

I am not drawn to clingy women but it would be way better than a distant women that I have to keep guessing what she thinks, wants and doesn't like.

Carley99 · Answer

Distant someone who respects space doesn't get mad if I'm online and didn't replied.

azzntittiz · Answer

Someone who understands space but isn't emotionally detached.

DigitalArchon · Answer

if its straight up between Clingy OR Distant, obviously Clingy. whats the point on being in a relationship with someone who is never really there.

VaIiant · Answer

Distant, I need my space. I dated someone clingy and it was awful, I felt like I was suffocating all the time and couldn’t be my own person.

Hurlyburly · Answer

I would prefer clingy, at least I can know this way that they truly care for me. Someone distant is way harder to read.

lordpokerface · Answer

Everyone voting 'clingy' probably haven't been with a clingy person. Believe me, it can be worse than someone who's distant.

Belgie · Answer

Clingy or Distant, they would both end. At least Distant would be less exhausting and take no for an answer.

ausmaster · Answer

My girlfriend and I are clingy to eachother and its the best relationship I've ever had so definitely clingy.

ShoeGirl24 · Answer

I was with a guy who was distant and I was always questioning if he actually liked me. I’d prefer clingy because I can get really insecure

Burgerboy21 · Answer

If I have to pick strictly between the two, clingy for sure. It's at least nice to feel like I'm wanted, which is the exact opposite of what I'd feel with someone distant.

esparc · Answer

Both? I mean clingy is great, but sometimes I've got to have some alone time. I can be clingy, but I also get pretty distant occasionally.

JulieXO · Answer

I've been with someone who was clingy and it was terrible. I think I'd rather be with someone distant if I had to choose between the two.

BeMeanToGirls · Answer

Clingy girls cheat when you can't meet their unrealistic expectation of entertaining them 24 hours a day.

Distant girls cheat because, well, they're not close to you.

Women have worked hard to ruin dating in every possible sense.

PeterB1517 · Answer

A pet is clingy, and though annoying at times, mostly it is nice to know you're liked/loved.

halfbowsey · Answer

Clingy any day. Being with someone distant isn't good for the mind - has she lost interest? is she cheating? etc

JimRSmith · Answer

Neither are great, but I'll take clingy over distant.

Anonymous · Answer

Distant, I love to have some alone me time. I do love my boyfriend but I dont have to see him everytime we are free nor do I have to talk to him daily.

JellyDonutguy96 · Answer

I'd rather be with someone who couldn't forget about me if she tried

random_stranger · Answer

i would always prefer clingy over distant... i am also clingy hehe

PinkMichae · Answer

We are both clingy and it works. I couldn't be with someone who was distant.

pumaOH24 · Answer

I think I’d want someone who is in the middle between the two. Kind of clingy but not overly clingy.

BlueBloodBoi · Answer

There’s a nice middle point that everyone prefers, those are the extremes

Ephemera1 · Answer

Where's the in between? If I had to choose, clingy.

Lehyrena · Answer

Clingy - unless it's to an extent where I feel trapped, though it will take me a lot to get to this point

brandito1st · Answer

See in a relationship I'm clingy and i need to cuddle, hug, kiss and at least hold hands quite often because i love doing that.

MindYourEyes · Answer

Clingy. I want them to feel like they can rely on me. <3

amihx · Answer

You can’t be with someone that’s distant.. distant basically means far away in space or time. Loool you ain’t even together. Jokes on everyone that voted distant.

Jemini_Crocket · Answer

Neither is good but clingy is not as bad as when they're distant. Then you feel unloved.

dwiltz · Answer

I'm a classic over thinker. if I'm not being shown affection I feel like I'm doing something wrong

S9_Outcast · Answer

Clingy cause the minute they stop  You will know there with someone else Most likely

FabulousGirl010 · Answer

I rather feel wanted then unwanted. At least i know he wants me and not play games.

Prof_Don · Answer

I have an EXTREMELY high tolerance for "clingy", so I voted A

FatherJack · Answer

I 'm more distant , a single dad that has little need for people and happy single , so too distant for a future relationship really.

shephardjhon · Answer

I am a rather distant person. I don't talk much so I would rather be with someone who can do that otherwise we would both be very distant.

lernulo · Answer

Of course I am with a woman so as I can take a picture for facebook not seeing her again... of course, clingy are better, BUT with some limits

Would you rather be with someone who is clingy or someone who is distant?

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