Neither. I don't see those as polar opposites on a spectrum. I see people conflating "affectionate" with "clingy" but I don't see it like that. A girl can be very affectionate and like to cuddle all the time without being clingy in my mind, e. g.
"Clingy" to me is like someone obsessed to the point of constantly being paranoid about where you are, revolves their entire lives around you, snoops around on you behind your back, and can work towards becoming very controlling and possessive.
If I have to choose between those, I'd prefer distant though to clingy.
Clingy, because if they’re clingy instead of distant, then that makes it easier for you to not have to question if your other half is being distant because they aren’t interested anymore, and so on, so on.. by the way, I’m dealing with my other half being distant right now and I am the clingy one. When your other half is distant it really sucks and has you question everything, it makes you feel like something is wrong even if there isn’t anything wrong at all, and they want their space or something.
Yes! Like, I’m constantly having to worry about if my guy is feeling me still or not, and comparing myself to other females because he just doesn’t really show me much attention unless we are spending time together. He’ll text me in the morning, then sometimes I won’t hear from him until the next day.. it honestly sucks. I understand he can get busy, but he doesn’t exactly have a job or attend class like he should every day and I work and go to class, but yet still make time for him.
Now if he had a job i would understand that, maybe not the whole waiting a day thing tho. Like i work 60 hrs a week. Its hard to give a lot of attention when you have work and school.
Right, that’s how much I work as well. I work like 40 hrs a week, also have a tutoring job in the side, and go to class. So, I’d understand if he was distant because of how busy he was, but he’s in a frat, and I feel like that has something to do with it as well.. I also feel like maybe he ignores me on purpose to hurt my feelings.
Yea that isn't healthy for you at all. Because all that will do is make you second guess yourself and jude who you are, and no one should make you feel that way.
Yeah, I honestly am going through it right now because like we got into an argument the other day, and he ignored me because of that as well, and haven’t heard from him since. He’s the type that will ignore you until he’s ready to talk. It’s a little unfair. But since he does me this way, I wish I could do the same so he can see how it feels but I’m the type of girl who just simply has a huge heart and too nice for her own good.
Well you need to protect that heart you have, guys will use girls to make them feel something. And girls will to, you just have to learn that. Dont play another persons game, you are your own person and you have to protect yourself.
Clingy is better than being distant, but both are negative behaviours
I couldn't be with a guy that was distant. I'd never know where I stood with him. I'd feel emotionally unsafe with a distant guy. He'd be hard to love because I'd never feel close to him
I 100% AGREE. I am in a relationship with a guy who’s distant and I have been since middle school, (we are now in college) and he’s so distant. I’m the clingy one. It totally makes me worry a lot more, and makes me feel a little unloved.
Yeah I can totally understand that. I'd feel unloved and emotionally unsafe with a guy that was distant. His behaviour would cause me to distance myself from him , because I'd feel confused about his intentions. So eventually we'd become like strangers. A clingy guy may be annoying at times, but at least I'd feel loved and emotionally safe with him. I can deal with annoying lol
Same!! It honestly wouldn’t bother me if a guy was clingy because whenever a guy is clingy it just shows how into you they really are and that they aren’t scared to show you.
@luignimoscato, I agree. Like I wouldn’t want someone to be obsessively clingy, but clingy enough to where I wouldn’t have to question his feelings for me 24/7.
That's true. When I'm in a relationship , I want us both to feel close to each other, and support one another. I could fall in love with a clingy guy, but never with a guy that was distant. I'd never be able to really know him, and he'd never truly know me , because he'd keep me at arms length all the time. He'd never let me get close to him. I need that closeness in a relationship. It makes me feel safe and loved. And I want to make him feel safe and loved too
Yeah, true... that's why i stated both are negative behaviours, because some people's clinginess borders on controlling behaviour , and they won't give their partner any space at all. So there definitely needs to be boundaries within the relationship. Being clingy isn't necessarily a dealbreaker for me, but being distant is
I know it is hard sometimes, but a realationship should be 50/50. Sometimes one has to pick up for the other but in the end it should always even out. You shouldn't have to fight to be with someone.
It's a shame there's not more people that think the way you two do. I'm sure they'd be less relationships failing if they did. You are both levelheaded people and very insightful :)
Both actually! It’s nice to have a other half that is clingy (shows that they actually care about you) & that is also distant and respects your space. Clingy is nice from time to time but not always up your ass, with me I have to be alone to clean or be together and actually cleaning and not fighting about how things are getting done.
I’m both, I want my space but when I’m not with them, if they are out with friends/family or working I check in with them and see how everything is going & tell them that I love them. Specially if they are drinking I make sure they text me when they get home so I’m not worried
And thats how it should be, thats not distant. I think that is a very healthy way to have a realationship. Just be understanding and respect the other person
I’d love for him to cling to me as long as we give eachother space from 6pm-10pm then im fine spending anytime between 10pm-6pm either texting, sleeping, talking, watching movies together. And of course still doing our own thing like work/hobbies etc. I just need to talk at least 30 mins in the morn and a few hours after 10pm
Clingy indicates I’m their whole life which isn’t healthy. Distant indicates I’m not so interesting or important which isn’t healthy. Gotta have a balance or the relationship isn’t worth while
A good 50/50. Be understandable when your other has work or school, is with family or friends. But dont ignore them or leave them wondering if they did something when you aren't busy. Its a respect thing on both sides
My boyfriend is honestly a little bit of both. I don't want him clingy because I like to be alone sometimes and I don't want him to distant because I have these emotional problems when I need him even though he might want to be alone but he will still be there for me.
Well thats why you have to find the middle of both. Dont be so clingy that you chase someone away, but also dont be so distant to where y'all dont lose feelings towards eachother
I'd pick clingy, especially if it is physically clingy like in that picture, but if it was a constant need to text/talk when not together in person, then it would bug me. But when together in person I'd like it if sometimes the girl was stuck to me like glue some days.
Every guy likes to see a cute pair of panties on a girl. If the panties fit well, that's sexy! If too tight, it tends to produce (too much) cameltoe and doesn't look good, and if too large, the panties may fall off and cause embarrassment; either way it's not sexy or healthy. Same for the level of clinginess (or lack of it) in a relationship.
I like to give my partner time to explore and myself time to do my own things. its fun to come together and share our outings. brings us closer. healthy distance and connection is necessary for intimate bonding.
Guess for me more clingy not to clingy where in smothered to death. I love to be able to hold the one I love. Not feel like she is so aloof that we do not connect. I love to hug and snuggle but do believe we need reflection time.
Some form of both would be good, I don’t want anyone around me 24/7 that’s over kill but I don’t want someone to never talk to me or want to be with me either.
Balance You still need to feel wanted and loved but I shouldn't be held in a chokehold of her desire all the time since i like my privacy and alone time too Should ofcourse go both ways
Niether; independent. I prefer people who are like cats. They clearly can go without you for a long time, but they will come grab your attention when they miss you and then that'll be nice. Too bad I'm allergic to cats.
I'd prefer clingy over distant because it shows that they care rather than distant where people typically only become distant when there's something wrong
A little of both would be cool it could balance things out being too clingy is creepy and could draw someone away, and being too distant could make it look like you are not interested
Both suck. I'm dealing with a distant at the moment. It's a bit frustrating. On the other hand clingy is an instant relationship killer so if I had to choose I'd say distant.
What do you mean by that? I know a little bit clingy and a little but distant is better. But would that make you suspicious everytime the other person just gets real distant?
I mean as you want to talk to me and hang out with me and be with me, but you don't feel the need to smother me 24/7 with texts or calls or wanting to meet up and stuff, because we've both got our own lives. Like you can go a few hours not talking to me because I'm busy and you trust me.
Thats a very good answer. To many times have i seen people be to clingy. I prefer it to be like that. Atleat when i am like at work, but after i get back from work i like to have the attention and affection of my other half.
Exactly. For example take my old relationship. I was busy in the morning with classes and patients. So I would just send a good morning text and exchange some words with my ex and then go back to my business. If I had to study, he let me study and we would talk after He worked from 11 am to 7 pm an he would text me during breaks When either of us went out with other people, we would talk after, because it is rude to stay on the phone while out with someone. Doesn't mean either of us was cheating or wasn't caring or loving the other, we just had independent lives and we knew that after we were done with our stuff, we could go through all the chatting and affection and attention we wanted from each other.
I couldn't deal for very with someone who would want to constantly text me, give him attention, know absolutely everything I do, but at the same time I wouldn't want someone distant who just didn't care. Which is why my answer was there has to be a balance :)
Due to how distant I am, I would need a clingy girl.
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Anonymous
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Clingy. At least I know where they are and what they’re doing and feeling. If they’re distant then it could be the result of all sorts of things that might be about to blow up in my face.
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