My boyfriend acts different when we are around his family?

[Anonymous]

Okay, so I realized something after being around my partner when we’re around his family.

-He rarely speaks to me.
-He sits in the living room with his mom while I’m in a separate room.(I don’t go in there because I notice the talking stops)
-he catches an attitude more around them.
-He will bring up private situations in front of his mom.
Example: I’m extremely submissive, I go out of my way for people in genreal. I cook for him, if he is sick I take care of him, if he is hurt I go running to him, if he is uncomfortable around my family I make sure he is okay (I don’t leave his side). I was just looking up “reasons my partner isn’t a gentleman “, I forgot to take it down and he saw. He then decides to bring it up in front of his mom.

i mean, he never does what I do for him, if I try to talk to him about it he becomes defensive.
anyways.

-i have anxiety/panic attacks. His family makes it worse and he says “it’s just me.”

keep in mind, I’m black and he is white. They are from deep Tn, his moms new husband is a racist drunk. But we all know if you are racist when drunk, you’re most likely secretly racist.

His family doesn’t even look at me even when I talk. Nor do they say hi lol. I KNOW I’m not over thinking.

when he met my family, they hugged him, spoke to him, my mom even gave him a hug while he was crying (he had a meltdown).

i love him, but the fact that this happens really bothers me.
I've had thoughts on if we should even be a couple or not, because I don’t wAnt someone like that. It would be different if he realized it and fixed it, but yaknow.

just some advice or similar situations. Something to ease my mental.

[Anonymous]

I can sympathize. I have the same experience with my boyfriend and his family. I feel invisible around them and they mostly ignore what I say or speak in Spanish so I can’t understand them. I am white and they are Mexican so I wonder if it is a race thing or cultural differences because they make fun of white people a lot and pick on me for it. Maybe your bf’s family is racist or doesn’t respect you. And it sounds like your boyfriend doesn’t stand up to them and clings onto their approval. That is how it is with my boyfriend. Also his mom is his world so her opinions are what he values most, even if they are rude.

Have you tried talking to him about it? He can’t change his family but he can try to make you more comfortable. If he gets mad or denies it, the situation will most likely never change. And he may bring it up to his family. That is what happened with me and it got worse.

I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 2 years and it gets worse over time. His family has started making fun of me more and my boyfriend never defends me, and even joins in or laughs with them.

You might want to think about whether it is something you can live with if you spend your life with him. Sorry you have to put up with this, it really stinks😞

[Asker]

He actually gets defensive. He really doesn’t see what they do, yet before I met them he complained about them
ALL THE TIME.

I mentioned it a week or 2 ago and he said something to them without me knowing.
Then one day they started talking and making eye contact, but it was all so forced /:

[Salmon4056]

I guess he's ashamed to be around you in front of his family. And from reading how "submissive" you put yourself as, and seeing how he responses to you just being that way, makes me assume that he's possibly one of those guys that contain a slave/master kind of mindset. I'm not at all saying you boyfriend does, but the racism in this guys family ( having a racist member of the family) and you being said to be extremely submissive, together has given me this Idea.

[Badkittycat]

I'm black my husband is white my husband's parents are just starting to like me and become friendly to me after 6 years my husband and I have been together! Give it a little bit of time they may come around.

[Anonymous]

i don't know the guy personally but i wouldn't want to stay in a relationship like that if it was me. it sound's like him and his family don't really respect you and are taking you for granted. and for him to say you are overthinking it is just an asshole thing to say on his part since what you are describing it sounds like him and his family are the problem not you. also if his dad can't control himself when he is drunk why even drink in the first place? so many red flags with that family. i would avoid.

[Clarke498]

Sounds like he is shady. Tell him to treat you like he should.

[Joker8]

I respect the fact that you love him but it doesn't sound like he deserves all that love