My boyfriend broke up with me because of his life issues. He said he is stressed and depressed.

[Anonymous]

We've been together for like 8 months and everything changed when he found out his grandpa has cancer and dying soon. He told me he is so stressed about his life issue and his job. He's an only child and he has a big responsibility with his family. His mom doesn't work and is sick and his dad's job contract will end soon. So he thinks his life is fcked up and he don't want to drag me with him. he said he really do loves me but he don't really know what he wants right now. He said its not about me. like I didn't do anything for him to be feeling this way but its just him. I stopped calling and texting him for a week and he called me. he asked how am I doing. and I said I'm still sad. and I miss him so much. he said it back too. but he explained he is the type of person that whenever he has problems he don't ask for help he just wants to be independent. Then it was Xmas day he visited me and when I saw him it looks like he's thinking about lots of things. he was just driving around and remained quiet then I asked him why did he broke up with me he said he broke up with me because he don't want me to get hurt. he said he's not the good boyfriend for me anymore. and he don't want me to wait bcos he don't know how long will he be like that. I'm really worried about him then he said he needs to go home I initiated that I wanna go with him. and it pissed him off cos I appear so needy. he got mad easily and punched his car door really hard. and took a pill to calm him down but he never told me what was that for. then he said sorry to me and he explained that sometimes he don't want to see me cos he's acting like that he said he might hit me. :( then we decided to go to his house to eat with his dad then he dropped me off to my apartment then we played in the snow. and when he got home I called him and asked if he did got home safe cos it was snowing. he said yes and I said I love you and goodnight then he said it back too so I was happy cos he's in the good mood. then at 3am he was online I asked him why is still he up and he said he's going to delete his facebook cos he's a private person and I keep on posting what we were doing. and he said he don't want anyone to know what he is doing. :( then I let him do that. I called him after that but he's not picking up then until now I'm not talking to him I don't know what to do. I know he is depressed and stressed but why does he have to push me away :( he's been telling me not to cry anymore cos he wants me to be happy :( but how can I be happy without him. he said he wants to sort things out cos his mind isn't clear. he has mood swings. :( Now I'm just still waiting for him to call me again if needs someone to talk to :(

i really love him and I don't wanna lose him and he knows that.

[Adun99]

What it seems to me:

He loves you. He is not taking advantage of you as a steam valve, nor a way to release his tensions. Instead, he wants to "protect" you from the mess... which means he'd rather see you happy witthout him, than "dragged into the misery". Which in the end means he loves you, or at least it really seems to me that he does love you.

To me it seems, he is depressed (I mean clinically depressed)... the pill could have been a prescription antidepressant or antianxiolitic, or could have been aspirin for a headache, we don't really know. If he has been prescribed antidepressants, it'd explain a lot tho (it's not something a knight wants his damsel to know)

He doesn't want your help nor to count on you to get through it. That is not a bad thing per se, it could be that he thinks you won't like a guy who is not strong or who is vulnerable, or could have nothign to do with you (for example: it could be due to the way he was raised, not because of anything you did). Maybe he wants to be your hero and doesn't want you to see him fall apart.

So what I think you should do is figure out how much you really love him, and how deep through hell are you willing to go alone for him.

You could:

a) Tell him "I want you to know that I love you, even if you have problems, even if your life gets fcked up, even if you can't be the perfect boyfriend for me right now, I love you, and I I know you don't want to be with me right now, and I will respect that, and give you the space to get youself together, but you must know that I won't go anywhere, I'll be here for you when you want to talk, or when you want a hug or when you feel it's time to get back together. I'm going to do this because it's my choice to make, and I make it because I love you"

b) Let him go alone and be the hero. If he doesn't get killed by the dragons he'd eventually come back looking for you once the scars heal.

Don't cling, don't try to force yourself into his life. It will backfire. Let him fight his demons alone, the most you can do is wait for him.

[Asker]

hi thanks for the answer!

so should I text him once in a while or never until he contacts me again?

cos its been so hard for me I'm getting paranoid of our situation I don't know if he still do loves me. but I guess you're right maybe he's really depressed. I don't understand him that well cos we have diff culture. I'm an asian and he's american. and I think another pressure for him is us getting married cos I stayed in america for him. :(

[Adun99]

Wow, that explains a bit, sounds like a lot of pressure.

"how often" is a relative thing, but try not more than once a week. What matters more is how you do it: when you contact him, do so in a way that you mand nor ask anything from him.

For example: instead of "hoy are you doing? are you ok?" you'd say "I hope you are doing fine and wish you the best. xoxoxo". My point is: if you contact him it's to support him and let him know u're there, not to ask for attention nor to demand feedback.

[Kathy890000]

The same happen to my ex girlfriend told me she loves me but she's dealing with a lot & tht is Hard I gave her some space the other day she texted me & told me she misses me after tht we haven't talked , so just give him time he needs time to b a lone & deal with he's problems :/ I hope everthing gets better between you 2 , :) have faith & b strong & positive

[Asker]

i know he said he needs to be alone:( but its taking a long time already and he's still not feeling better:( but he still tells me he loves me whenever I say I love you on the phone he answers back :( but he is too stressed until now I don't know how can I help him.

[Anonymous]

Hey , me and my boyfriend been together like 6 months we are really close I love him to bits and he loves me. He was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer few weeks ago. He became so cold and never wanted to see me and hardly spoke to me. Then I saw him few days ago I was begging him to see me so he did , he didn’t touch me or kiss me nothing we barely talked. I was crying so much and he cudnt even look at me. Today we broke up he said he is really sorry but we have to face the facts that we can’t be together he wants to be alone and he says he can’t have a girlfriend Cuz of his religion his a muslim and now he wants to be good and I was a sin for him Cuz I was his girl and he cudnt have a girlfriend , he is my first love and I love him so bad , it hurts so much I just want to be with him and help him get trough this , I tell him how much I love him and I’ll always be here by his side no matter what but feels like his not listening help please