Is it okay if your boyfriend follows a lot of strippers on Instagram?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend follows a lot of strippers on Instagram, he has another account so it won’t be linked up to the one where he follows friends and family. He says he has another account so people don’t see that he follows them.

Im not sure how I feel about it, is this behavior okay?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks all for your responses! It really happened me. I’m going to say that I was really confused. I know guys watch porn, but when it comes to this I wasn’t sure if I was simply going overboard or feeling irrational in him following strippers. It bothered me but I thought that perhaps this is normal. And I shouldn’t make a big deal about it. But the more I thought about it the more it botheres me. And I felt that it wasn’t okay but when I talked to him about it l, he didn’t see It. Now he does.

Updates

+1 y

I meant helped! So thanks! He says he sees my perspective and has stopped.

[TacoFamine]

How long have you been dating and is he open about having it? If it's a short time and no he isn't open about it then it's fine. Most guys will still watch porn a few months into a relationship. Then if it's been longer and he is open about following them to you it's fine. If he's not open after a long period of time (open as in if it comes up he's like yeah I have a second account lul, I don't count him randomly telling you about it in this type of being open) then it shows he is slower at settling down as most men will take much, much longer to decide they will fully part of the other person in a relationship. So that wouldn't be a huge deal either it's prob best to wait till he's more open.

[Asker]

We’ve been dating more than a year and I just found out, he didn’t tell me. I knew he followed some before but not having an account just for that. He says he does so because I don’t initiate

[WitchsLove]

Ah ok. So he is blaming it on u

Good... now i think i know whats going on and i dont like it.

[TacoFamine]

Is it an old account or a new one / do you know if he actively uses it? It could just be his porn fix it's only a year in so the chances he will be open about that is really low unless you are open first about that kind of stuff you do. I would say it's fine unless he starts avoiding you to go on Instagram to look at strippers.

If you wanted to you could spice up the bedroom but generally I'd say it's not bad if it's not hostile or removing time from you. Just try to keep it open and friendly between you two about it.

[Daniel3035]

You tell me? You have a brain right?
Your asking other people how “you” feel about your boyfriend following strippers.

[Asker]

I just want to know if it’s something I’m blowing out of proportion since he thinks there’s nothing wrong with it

[Daniel3035]

What do you think? I need your opinion first clearly it’s not ok since your questioning it on here. But you tell me if a guy in a relationship with you where a relationship is based around complete faith and loyalty to each other yet he’s placing around strippers as well as you?

[Asker]

I don’t like it and I wish he would see it the way I do. But he doesn’t.

[Daniel3035]

Then tell him the way you see it and that your not happy about it.

[IIWiccaII]

That is definitely not ok.
First off he is in a relationship and does not to be googling other girls, if he wants to do that he needs to be by himself, it's not a "side entertainment" thing and it's not because you're "not touching him right" it's because he's disrespectful and it's a early sign that you may need to find someone that wants to pay attention to you before it spirals down to something worse.
I don't understand why men think that's ok. They would flip if you went and did the same shit.
It is also a form of cheating. It's not physically cheating but non phsyical cheating such as being in a relationship and flirting with other people for example.

[Asker]

I think it’s wrong as wel but he’s stubborn and doesn’t see it

[WitchsLove]

Yeah I find this bad because it can easily lead to him texting them

And he seems imature enough to do that since he is blaming his behaviour on u

[Asker]

@WitchsLove his whole thing is i don’t initiate sex or send him nudes so he feels unwanted and it fills that void for him

[WitchsLove]

I call bullshit

Start initiating and see if he still follows them

If he does it is an excuse...

[nofunkgiven]

If u r not ok with it then it's not ok.. u have to be open about what is ok for u and what isn't. And he has to do the same about what's ok with him and what isn't. After u both know each other u can decide whether or not u can go on with the relationship. No need to change each other or start fights.

[Emmdk]

I don't know. It depends on how he acts in general and if he stays faithful to you. If he just has the accounts to look at them, then it's completely fine and normal in my opinion. Just a different kind of porn really. But if he's a sketchy type who might also be texting them, then no, it's not okay.

[chnapo]

I would say it is 99% okay. From male perspective this is not cheating at all. Just sometimes turn on instagram and see some pics but nothing even close to cheating. No contacting the girls etc. Just seeing the pics, this is actually much less than porn, which in my opinion, is also not cheating.

[WitchsLove]

Yeah as long as he doesn't contact the girls...

[chnapo]

@WitchsLove of course

[Browneye57]

Not okay if he's fucking them. If he's fucking you I wouldn't worry too much - it's likely some side entertainment.

It is a little odd though, the fascination with strippers. He's either titillated or feels sorry for them - I'm the latter, which is also silly cuz they CHOOSE what they do
.
I know a guy that married a stripper. Talk about a white-knight. LOL

[MarketData]

I don't know. Maybe she bangs like a barn door.

[HereIbe]

@MarketData, in a fucking HURRICANE!

[ecfresh]

Sure why not? He is just looking and if it gets him going then you are get the pleasure of a turned on boyfriend. You can do what you want to don in the meantime and not have him hanging all over you. See this as a win/win for you.

[kruzan]

He should probably get rid of that account if he wants a meaningful relationship

[Asker]

Why do you think so? Sorry, i just want to see it from another guys perspective. Since my boyfriend sees it as nothing wrong with it since it’s only fantasy

[kruzan]

I see it as being able to have contact with the strippers which is a step byond fantasy. These are real people not fantasy. Of he wants fantasy he should go play dungeons and dragons or something or if it's sexual fantasy maybe he should try to include you.

[aestheticsofty]

He’s a player. Strippers are sexual and post basically naked pics. That’s a form of cheating

[Asker]

What about porn?

[aestheticsofty]

Porn is less direct. I guess. Some women aren’t ok with their partners watching porn. But if he’s actively following strippers on his private account that’s very direct and says he’s a player

[WitchsLove]

U think he might be sexting them op?

[Asker]

@WitchsLove I don’t think he is. I know he isn’t. One thing I’m not comfortable with sending nudes and because I don’t it’s okay for him to follow them

[Asker]

I mean that he thinks it’s okay

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. To me, this can make a guy change what he wants and not be as satisfied with you- as he would prefer the stripper's body. You can admire another human on attractiveness, but sexually? No.

[jellyroo]

I'd rather have my guy watch porn than follow Instagram strippers, but ehh.

[Asker]

Why? What’s the difference?

[sugarchateau]

Hm. I follow a bunch of strippers... I don’t have a partner, but I’m also not trying to act on anything. I just appreciate the art 🙈

[Rangers]

My suggestion to you is not to worry about it. Just because he's attracted to the strippers doesn't mean he's planning on doing sexual things with them. If he'd rather be with one of them than you, he'd be with one of them instead of you.

[WitchsLove]

Not true

He could be having both...

[Rangers]

You're more likely to win the Powerball than for that to be the case. Your insecurities will drive him away if you don't stop

[WitchsLove]

Im not asker

Just giving an opinion :P

[Pizza_lover159]

Its not. If my man wants to see a stripper , then Ill guess Il buy a strip suit and pole. He might be a little not right in the head

[skateranon123]

Cheeking out people isn't cheating now if he went to the actual strip club then you might have an issue

[Rambler221]

No, that doesn't seem OK to me. I really think you should tell him to stop doing so. If he refuses or half-heartedly agrees, you may want to rethink your relationship.

[Gottabsavagee]

He’s dirty I guess. He probably masturbates to them

[hellacray]

Umm no...

Seriously he's like a little kid afraid of being caught doing something bad.

[NoPoliticsPlease]

Yea until he meets one in person and they hook up after she gets off work

[WitchsLove]

They downvoted you but I dont think u are that crazy in saying that... thats why i dont like instagram activity that much

[NoPoliticsPlease]

@WitchsLove it is a crazy world because of the internet families break up because someone meets some stranger online and they end up cheating and choosing them over their spouse.

[WitchsLove]

:( yeah

[NoPoliticsPlease]

@WitchsLove someone I know a family friend his wife left him for a 19 yr old she worked with at the bank he flipped out and their priest knew because she confessed and he went after the priest cornered him then a cop came and he punched the cop right in the face all because his wife is a horrible person and cheated.

[WitchsLove]

:/ I feel for the priest. But it is not like he could do more than counsel her. Confession is protected by secrecy after all.

[NoPoliticsPlease]

@WitchsLove Yea the priest couldn't reveal it the wife is a horrible person I mean she puts her guilt on the priest and got him in the middle of it.

[WhoDatGuy]

Totally pethetic though. I wouldn't outright shame him but let it be known you think it's pethetic

[Anonymous]

No and it sound extremely immature, how old is he 15? I would be mad about it.

[Satine20]

Not okay at all!

[Asker]

How so? I’m trying to get a guys perspective

[Satine20]

Okay first off... not all us guys are the same. We are individuals were different personalities and opinions. We won't all have the same perspective...

As for why I hold the view of it not being okay, its for multiple reasons. First, he is in a relationship and shouldn't be actively ogling at other girls. And second, I happen to think that such social media accounts are stupid in the first place.

[Asker]

Sorry! Didn’t mean to offend, what I meant is I wanted to get a guys perspective who thinks it’s not okay since my boyfriend thinks it’s acceptable.

[ATuairiscean]

Totally disrespectful and wrong.