How do you know if it is love or infatuation?

[Halucinator]

[ak667]

For me it's not so clear with this dichotomy since I'm an empathetic type that tends to care about people even if I'm not dating them, and especially if I'm dating them. Likewise I'm actually attracted to a person's flaws right from the beginning even if I don't know all of them.

If you're wired like me, then the dichotomy is not "lust vs love". It's "imagination vs. reality". If you fall in love with a girl quickly, you have to question how much of that love is rooted in fantasy land as opposed to reality. How much do you actually know of her for your dreams of being together to be reasonably accurate?

Yet it's a spectrum in my case. I'd say even with my wife with whom I've been with 10 years, it's not entirely divorced from fantasy land. It's just mostly grounded in reality. Yet my source of love is largely inspired by the dreams and fantasies I built of us being together, growing old together, things of this sort. They change shape a little bit over the years as we change, as life changes, but grounded enough in reality that I'm not remotely surprised in a way by anything she does in a way that questions if I even know who she is in the first place.

[ak667]

In my case I would say when your expectations of each other are reasonably accurate and stay accurate, that's an endearing form of love.

[ak667]

Made a diagram to illustrate:


I also don't think "time" alone is sufficient to ground your love in reality. You might date for years and everything could be so wonderful until you start living together, and it could all turn to hell and you might find that the person you fell for over dating seems completely different when living together. You might fall that way and discover after you are faced with a very difficult hardship that affects you both that your SO suddenly acts in a way that completely defies your expectations and hopes and dreams.

[N192K001]

Infatuation is an hormonal/emotional high of oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, etc. and lasts about max. 2-3 years, until the body develops an tolerance/resistance to the chronically-elevated trust & "in love" hormone levels. (It's essentially the medical condition of limerance.)

Actual love is what it's supposed to lead to: a decision to work for the other's best interests even/especially to the point of self-sacrifice, regardless of emotional state. (For example: Generally speaking, don't parents still try to take care of their kids, even when they don't make them feel all warm and giddy? And even when their serious crew-ups make them feel bad?)

[yoshi_wanna_ask]

1. Can you think objectively about the person? Like, can you listen to advise/comments about your squeeze from friends/relatives/people who know you? (Love) or just reject it if it's anything you don't like the sound of? (lust/infatuation)

2. Do you give each other your own space to do things you're interested in without being jealous/clingy? If you want to go out with friends or she wants to take up art lessons is that okay (love) or will it cause friction? (infatuation)

3. Can you agree to disagree with each other?

4. Can you enjoy being near each other or are you always have to leaning on each other/holding hands/kissing around others? I mean like, *always*

Love is a sober dedication to the other persons well-being and an appreciation of who they are as a person *not* just how they make you feel. Not giving them what you think is best for them but supporting each others value, interests and goals. If it only ends up being about feelings, that's going south fast with how quickly peoples mood change these days.

[yoshi_wanna_ask]

Thanks for the MHO

[WitchsLove]

thoughtcatalog.com/.../

I'd describe love as feeling safe and feeling like you're home.

You're sailing in a sea of calmness. Nothing is rushed and you dont feel uneasy... because you know you are with the right person.

[Schrodingerscat]

Love = chillana jyada, chodna kam
Infatuation = chillana kam , chodna zyada

[Halucinator]

😂😂😂😂

[ROCKS128]

Man! You are a harsh one!🙄😲

[AzBiman]

LOVE: A MUTUAL Admiration, Trust & Respect between 2 people. INFATUATION/LUST: Wanting to end the chase. More of a personal conquest. Once your starry-eyes refocus, do you still Admire, Trust &/or Respect that person. That's from a romantic POV. That would be a contrasting emotion, or feeling, than say my love for you would be different than say my love for Chocolate. Ex; I love you ( I care for you, I ADMIRE, TRUST & RESPECT YOU. ) I also love chocolate, or crave or am infatuated by it, but I certainly don't respect it...(lol!!!) Seriously though. Just my opinion...

[Gambit3]

If it is infatuation, you love the image* you have of them in ur mind.

If it is love, you love the person with their flaws and shortcomings.

Time* lets u know it

[AJ_1010]

Well, I think it depends on how long you are attracted to them for, or how much you know about them? I'm not quite sure...

[Yourlegaladdiction]

You can’t and the worst is that even if you can tell what you feel, there’s no way to know what the other person really feels

[boggboss]

It's a hard one but I would say time for said feelings as infatuation is like a start blazing hot but cab end in a instant

[IDKwhoim]

When u accept their flaws which u don't find cute or sexy, then it's love

[msg812]

if I love, it is love. if I love too much, it is infatuation.

[AzBiman]

Profound!!! But I like it.

[Gottabsavagee]

Yeah time tells everything

[QueenofCups]

Time.

[Raha17]

Love is infatuation!

[WhyJustWhy]

It is never love