My boyfriend thinks I complain too much, but what else should I do?

[ravecat49]

Sometimes my boyfriend does something I consider messed up (like breaking promises, cancelling plans, putting things off, etc). I end up getting upset and get mad at him. We end up having an argument/discussion. He gets really annoyed whenever this happens. Now he has even started to pull away, he even admitted he is starting to like me less because we always argue over "stupid pointless things". He is basically acting like I'm a nagging complaining girlfriend who expects way too much and gets mad over every little thing.

But I don't know what to do. I feel like he acts like a jerk/does messed up things and then he says I'm wrong for complaining! I am hurt by his mistake and I end up being the bad person, and get blamed for starting arguments.

[Prism]

While I agree that complaining is a bit annoying, and sometimes things can get in the way where cancelling is the only option, you're right to be angry and upset with him. If he agrees to it in the first place, then he should be working to make it happen, not resting on some scapegoat to get out of it.

The problem with talking with him is that, from the looks of things, he's not really the type of guy to want to talk things out. Some guys aren't which would make this whole "talk with him and get answers" thing pointless. If he doesn't want to talk about it but he doesn't want to help you fix the problems you have in your relationship, then it really isn't worth hanging around and bearing out. Just him saying he's starting to like you less, instead of pointing out what is making him upset in the relationship, then he's the type of guy to generalize and always think he's right, or at the very least doesn't think he's wrong.

A lot of people think talking will fix all problems. And sometimes it really does. But where some people go wrong is that while one party might want to communicate and talk through their issues together but the other person doesn't, then talking will only make things worse. You'll feel like you can't communicate with him, you don't know what's going on with him anymore and you don't know what he's thinking. He gets mad at you for something that's happened and won't tell you why or give a clear explanation.

All in all, try to reason it out first. Ask him why he cancelled or didn't do something. Sometimes there's a good reason for it. If you notice it's consistently not a good reason, or he doesn't want to give you one... are these kinds of troubles really worth having? Because they most likely won't go away.

No matter what, good luck and I hope things work out for you

[toulouse]

w/ th problem complaining is ALWAYS obnoxious. whether from a guy or a girl.

First work on having discussions instead of whining.

Try to think about it calmly and rationally first before you raise the issue. -Think of whether you are being reasonable.

Ask him before you jump to conclusions. Limit amount of time spent asking ,so he doesn't feel attacked just by the Q. Limit asking but do not leave out things you are unsure of. You should feel like you now what is going on & that its OK to want to know.

If he attacks you for wanting CLARITY which we are all entitled to- dump him.

Pick what's important & leave watch not- everyone messes up because everyone has diff values.

Limit yourself to a particular amount of time you'll raise issues. ex. One hour once a week, or every two weeks or once a month. etc etc etc

Talk WITH him not at am.

If he is still complaining about you complaining after you've tried to be fair- perhaps you guys are not compatible. It doesn't make either of you bad people- just not good together.

Telling you he's liking YOU less & not the relationship is imo low & immature. It is not problem solving behavior- & it is meant to diminish morale.

[kleexx]

it sounds like your jumping to conclusions straight away about why he is cancelling things ect have you even considerd asking him why he has? and its nice to know you care about him when he makes mistakes but you learn from your mistakes so rather than having ago at him and pushing him to make more mistakes, just be there to help pick him back up again when he falls.

no one is perfect and every road has a bump or two but take things slowly and the concrete will set over the bump easily. let him cancel plans or whatever , ask him why he has canceld them but rather than argue, just make another arangement.