I've been with my current boyfriend for about 4 months now. I really care about him but I am unhappy. I've talked with him about it, but he just doesn't care. I've been thinking about breaking up with him if he doesn't start putting more into our relationship. I was told that it is extremely selfish for me to break up with him just because I'm unhappy. Do you think its selfish?
Do you think its selfish to break up with someone because you're unhappy?
Updates
+1 y
UPDATE: I tried talking to him once again, and I got the same "I'm busy with life". I keep blaming myself when I know that this isn't my fault. I gotta do what is right for me even if it hurts.
Do you think it's selfish to break up with someone because you're unhappy?
That's actually a fantastic reason to breakup with someone. If you feel unloved, unhappy or uncared for then there's no reason to continue being around someone that makes you feel that way. It's not selfish. It's in your self-interest. There's a difference.
Loving yourself, taking care of yourself and making decisions for your health aren't decisions based out of selfish desire, but based out of self love and knowing your self worth. To some that may seem selfish, but they're conflating the practice of self love with being selfish.
You're doing something because you NEED to do it for the sake of your health, that's totally fine. What would be wrong and selfish would be doing something for yourself when you didn't need to and it came at the expense of someone else.
You said it yourself, this guy doesn't care and you've already tried to communicate what you feel and what you want. This is his fault, not yours. Move on and find someone who makes you feel happy and important
Of course it's selfish, and it's also perfectly reasonable. And if he's not putting in the effort, it's probably the right thing to do.
There is a reason you are unhappy with this relationship, the two of you may just not be a good fit together. For example, you tell him you're unhappy and he doesn't care? WTF is wrong with him that he'd just shrug of your happiness like that.
Happiness isn't everything, it's not even the most important thing, but it's and indicator about how things are going, and at only 4 months in...
No, not when you're telling someone you don't feel happy with how things are going on in your relationship and they don't care. That's clear sign that the relationship is not solid, you're unhappy and he doesn't care-sounds like both aren't pleased and unhappy to me. No point in staying with someone who doesn't care to keep you happy with them or your relationship. I think you're idea about calling the relationship off is right.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
If your partner doesn't actually care that you are unhappy in the relationship and makes zero effort to try to make any improvements, what are you doing with him? I don't know of anybody in a relationship that wishes their partner was unhappy, least of call, doesn't care that they are unhappy.
I've tried communicating with him, and telling him what's bothering me but he just says "I'm busy with life". I know he isn't supposed to always be around, and he's not supposed to be my source of happiness, but I won't him to be part of it. He makes me feel like I don't mean anything to him.
Again, why are you staying with him? Nothing you have said is positive. You said he doesn't listen to your concerns, he's apparently too busy with life (but you're a part of that life, no?), and he makes you feel like you don't mean anything, and that all equals---you are unhappy in the relationship for good reason.
If you want to continue to stay unhappy and be miserable, then you're welcome to it, but listen to your own voice in your head and what its telling you about this guy. Things cannot get better if he is unwilling to prioritize you or help to make you happy within the relationship.
It's not selfish of you. It's the best reason in the world to break up with someone.
You've been dating for 4 months. That's nothing. That barely qualifies as a relationship. Plus, you're only 17 years old. You haven't begun to experience life. You need to have lots more relationships before you'll have enough experience to recognize the qualities that make a guy worth sticking with. The next few years of your life are the time when you are supposed to be having fun and gaining experiences. Enjoy yourself. Don't let a relationship stop your forward progress or make you unhappy.
Your current boyfriend sounds like the typical self-absorbed adolescent. He cares about himself, not about you. He just wants sex with no strings attached. That's normal for his age.
Dump him and don't look back. Consider it one learning experience of many in the ongoing journey that will be your life.
You sound like a sweet person. You care about people and don't take relationships lightly. That's a good thing. You aren't just out there looking to hook up. But learn to recognize when a relationship just isn't going to work out. It's in your nature to care for (I don't mean 'take care of') your partner, but you need to care for yourself first and foremost. A relationship is supposed to be good for you. If it is causing you pain and your partner doesn't "get it", then it's not a good relationship and you should move on. Just chalk it up to experience. Sooner or later you'll find a guy who values you more than anything else in the world.
Best wishes in the fun journey you have ahead of you. Have a great life!
What matters is not whether or not you're unhappy. But whether or not is this is a healthy relationship to begin with. If he's not caring about what you need out of the relationship then it's obviously not healthy. And if he has no desire to actually change his tune, that should be the reason you get out not because you're unhappy. Because the moment you keep doing that, you going to create a dangerous cycle that will one day got better affect your marriage if you desire to get married. You have valid reasons to end it.
If it was your boyfriend that said it was wrong to break up then that's am incredibly toxic relationship. I told the love of my life to go with my blessing, and we were happy together. If you love someone you should want the best for them, not just use them and manipulate them into staying with you. It might be painful for him but only you are being considerate in that relationship and you need to find someone who will give back to you what you give, so you aren't being drained of happiness. Not everyone cares about the person they are with.
No. It is not selfish. Also I agree with @Grobmate about that. Relationships don't bring happiness. It is just an added benefit to your life. YOU bring the happiness to to your life. If you can't make yourself happy, then how can you expect to make other people happy? If I were you, I would learn how to make yourself happy and contented before anything else. Show people that you are able to make yourself happy and are happy with who you are. Then when people notice this, it will get easier for you.
Life is short! It's not selfish at all. You deserve to be happy, girl! You wrote your boyfriend doesn't care and says he is busy with life. He's obviously showing you he does not care and you aren't important to him. There is no need to stay in a relationship that you're unhappy with. If he doesn't care then you shouldn't care about him either. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months and if he acted the same way your guy does, even after talking to him more than once, I'd dump him and move on. Of course I can't tell you what to do but know that you do deserve to be happy and you do deserve better. Best of luck
Let's look at this from a different prospective. Why are you unhappy. Does he take the time to tell you how beautiful you are. How does he treat your friends, his parents, his sisters. Your young so you have time. The fact that you tried talking to him about and he doesn't care tells me that's how he will treat the longer the relationship goes. So my 2 cents is to take a break or break up with him. Because the relationship is one sided. A true relationship both partners care about each other and are equally ready to sacrifice for each other.
The point of a relationship is mutual satisfaction. The fact that he doesn’t care that your unhappy should be an immediate red flag. It tells me he doesn’t care about you, and is just using you for his gain. It would not be selfish at all to break up with him.
If he doesn’t give a damn about your unhappiness then the heck with him!! It’s totally selfish but your happiness comes first too you know! Take care of yourself first. Leave him and move on to someone who actually cares about you enough to put in the effort.
It’s not that selfish actually. You deserve to be happy, loved, wanted and appreciated and if someone isn’t willing to put the work in to make you feel that way, then just as you said, he doesn’t care. and you deserve somebody that does care. Do what’s best for you, if it sucks for him then that’s his problem, he should of treated you better when he had you.
There's is no right answer. You happiness shouldn't depend on someone else. Unless he is the root of your unhappiness, breaking up won't solve your problem but might make it worse. If he didn't have time for you, figure out why is that and go from that point
You’re not married. He is a boyfriend, not a husband. You don’t have to force yourself to stay with him and keep trying to work things out with him if you’re unfulfilled in the relationship. If you’re already unhappy at only 4 months in and you want to break up, it’s best to break up sooner than later because breaking up usually gets more difficult with a longer relationship.
It’s not selfish in a bad way. It’s part of taking care of yourself, which is a good thing. Think about it like this: if your boyfriend told you that he is unhappy in a relationship with you, would you want him to stay with you? I think when people care about each other, they want each other to be happy. Sounds like he is unable to meet your needs in the relationship, and there’s nothing wrong with breaking up with him for that reason.
What is the point of being in a relationship where you feel. unhapoy because the other person doesn't acr like you are in a relationship? If he loved you he would try to make you happy. As long as you do not have unrealistic desires then it is normal to feel this way
If by "unhappy" you mean "reletive to what I see elsewhere, I could be happier this", I think it is selfish. If he is abusive, extremely neglectful, cheating, any of those real reasons to breakup then of course it's warrented to do so. Otherwise, this is the reality of relationships; you have ups and downs just like when your single, only it's better because now you're sharing the experience of life with someone. And the reason it's better is because if nothing else, we're made for it.
And in other words, sort of like you have to figure out your relationship with yourself, you shouldn't just live life with the mentality of throwing people away just because they aren't perfect. You could be great if you just deal with things and have patience. Try different things, rituals, strategies, routes. You only have one self, so you really can't afford to terminate that relationship. But while you could have many partners, I don't think it helps to actually live like you do either.
No one should be responsible for your happiness except you.
to brake up with someone beccause you're unhappy being with them can be seen as selfish. but honestly, you're happiness should come first. Its harsh, but that's just life
I would talk to him sounds like your stuck in the old honeymoon phase. I had to do it to one of my ex boyfriend and it was hard on him. I just couldn’t stand the fact that he wasn’t putting the effort in doing anything.
Not at all. If he won't work with you to make it better what's the point in sacrificing your happiness. And if you are already unhappy after 4 months than I'd move on.
It’s not selfish. It doesn’t mean he necessarily did anything wrong either. You just aren’t compatible. So don’t frame it like it’s all his fault. More like it’s not working
If your unhappy your relationship will never be satisfying. Figure out if it's worth fighting for. If he isn't worried about u being unhappy he doesn't care about relationship.
Whoever told you that is an idiot. So you are just supposed to stay in relationship, even though you are miserable. That's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.
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