Is it reasonable for overweight or fat people to require their partner to be a healthy weight?

Question

Do you think this is a reasonable request from an obese or fat person?

I don’t consider someone 15-30 pounds fat, either. But say for example a man who is 250 when they’re supposed to be 190 (ideally) wants an average sized woman. Is that fair?

Also, for the purpose of this question, healthy does not necessarily mean ‘fit’ or ‘muscular’. Healthy could also mean ‘average’ as a healthy weight varies from person to person.

Is it reasonable for overweight or fat people to require their partner to be a healthy weight?

SuperManiac · Accepted Answer

I err on the side of "yes" or at least "not no". I mean I'd consider it idealistic if we apply similar standards to ourselves as what we want in others. When it comes to health, that's someone everyone should ideally be concerned about for themselves first and foremost.

But there are endless dimensions to people. It's like a woman who is not very strong might want her man to be strong. A man who isn't very nurturing might want a woman who is. I don't always think it's as simple as hypocrisy here in all cases since we all have very strengths and weaknesses and different things to offer in a relationship.

Of course, it might backfire. If someone in poor health wants a partner in excellent health, they might not have the highest chance of finding or keeping such a partner. But the onus is on them as I see it to figure out what's practical and attainable.

Flamdring · Accepted Answer

In my opinion, if the obese person is in the process of losing weight and is very serious about it, then it makes sense that (s) he requires his/her partner to maintain healthy weight. It may serve as a huge motivation when it comes to weight loss, and also show justifiable concern for the well-being of the partner due to personal experience with being overweight and all the related health issues.

What is not reasonable is for the obese person to require his/her partner to maintain healthy weight while not undertaking any kind of serious attempt to deal with their own obesity. You can look at it any way you want and even say that the obese man/woman is trying to protect their loved one, but it is still extremely egoistic since the concerns of the partner vis-à-vis the fat person are not taken into consideration.

DepressedBean · Accepted Answer

I don't think weight should make or break love for someone in general, whether the person with the requirement is obese or not. Weight is something that can change so easily. Someone could be obese, then a year later, super slim and vice versa. It's of course one thing to encourage health (if someone has heart disease and they've rapidly put on weight from certain eating habits and you don't want them to die), but if its just for aesthetics then it's not love in my opinion. That's just my two cents though and I hope not to offend anyone! <3

XRabbitHeartX · Accepted Answer

I think anyone is allowed to want whatever they want in a partner. Even if it is hypocrtical. At the end of the day, that has nothing to do with anyone else and if a overweight person wants someone fit, it is on them and between them and the person they want. It does not mean however it will be easy to find someone the opposite of you, it will be challenging but if that is what someone wants, it is the trade off that they have to make.

Jean-Marie_Céline · Answer

He who lives in a glass house should not throw stones...

HomoFuge · Answer

Is it reasonable to 'require' a person to be a healthy weight if you're fat yourself? No. Is it reasonable for a fat person to be attracted to healthy weight people and try to go after them? Yes. The word 'require' suggests that a fat person would reject a man/woman if they weren't a healthy weight and would only go out with people who were a healthy weight. This is ridiculous because such a person would be comparing others to a standard they aren't meeting their self. It's like a smoker saying they would only go out with non-smokers. The logic in that doesn't compute.

miramiraonthewall · Answer

Anyone can date anyone they want to. It is weird to me that this question exists when polarity or difference or opposites attracting is so common in any other trait. If you're not into bigger people, thats fine. dont date them. they may not be into you either.

but is it reasonable for tall men to only want short women?
Or short women to only want taller men?
Or is it unreasonable if someone has a preference for people of another race?
Is it unreasonable to want people who are very muscular if you have very little muscle?
Is it unreasonable to want a blonde if you're a brunette?

People want all kinds of things that are the opposites of themselves physically and in terms of personality. I dont see an issue on this as rule, though some preferences I think need to be considered internally

Kurαȷ · Answer

I don't think it's reasonable to require qualities, traits, abilities or standards that you yourself do not possess.
Whether it's weight, fitness, fashion taste, appearance, height, income, intelligence, education or sexual preferences and history.

If another person does not mind your shortcomings and accepts you regardless, that's fine.
But you really shouldn't expect that people are going to be ok with you essentially demanding a potential partner to be a better catch than you are.
What's in it for the other person?

NxWxW · Answer

Require? No. But I think it's reasonable to pursue somebody who is at a healthy weight if you're not. My view is Don't decide who to date solely based on how they look. This is often taken to mean "date somebody who is less attractive than you if you like them" but I think it also applies to situations where you like somebody who is *more* attractive. I don't think you should dismiss them just because they're out of your league. It's not fair to reject somebody just because they are *too* good looking.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

As long as two couples love one another that's all matters
it doesn't matter whether the Woman is heavier or the
Man is heavier it doesn't matter ones skinny and the other
is heavy vise versa the only thing matters is real love that
exist between the two.

Watericeearthair · Answer

I personally had a girlfriend who was a little bit overweight (I have an athletic build). I just had that preference that I like a girl thats a little bit thicker. In the end though it was never a deal breaker for me that she had to be a certain way, it was more of the fact that I loved her for who she was. shouldn't be required for someone to be a certain way, should just be preference.

JohnAlaska43 · Answer

I know of a 450 pound woman demanding her S/O to lose 35 to 45 pounds when he already was like 150 pounds.
She wanted to gain more weight and eventually lost S/O because she didn't feel she had to lose weight.
I think if you demsnding soneone to lose weight you should also.

yoshi_wanna_ask · Answer

I think it's reasonable as a preference. People end up in all different kinds of life situations for all different kinds of reasons. Just because they're fat doesn't mean they're proud of it and they could be trying to change that. If you find a partner who already has a good handle on managing their weight that's a healthy step in the right direction too.

AlienParasite · Answer

It's reasonable as a preference, in the sense that I find normal that an obese person could fin more attractive an prefer a not obese partner than an obese one. However I see unreasonable for someone to expect their partner to be or keep fit if they aren't fit.

I think no one should expect from others more than what they can give.

TreelonMusk · Answer

Anyone can make any request that they want. There is no moral grounds do disqualify someone's preferences or ask-for's so don't let yourself be shamed on the grounds of 'reciprocity' or "you're fat so you can't ask that yourself". You can negotiate anything.

The real question is: Would anyone accept that trade?

I know that "chubby chasers" exist, so the answer is "yes, somebody out there would make that trade".

AuroraRoseat · Answer

Yes. If that’s what they’re attracted to, how can they be faulted? What they should understand is that other people might not be attracted to their weight since it could be one of their requirements. There are sites for chubby chasers and I know some women who like heftier men so I don’t think these people are at a loss

BlackRoseFairy · Answer

I don't consider it reasonable at all. If you don't like the other person the way they are, leave them alone. Wether a person is overweight, normal weight or skinny they are not entitled to demand anything from their partner's weight.
It's completely different if your partner tells you they want to lose weight and want your support

CubsterShura · Answer

I seriously don't understand people's crusade against overweight people... Can everyone please fucking S T O P T H I S?

Everyone would like a healthy partner regardless of their own level of health and fitness. It's normal. These questions make me want to finally get my one-way ticket to Mars.

Adam1978 · Answer

You should never demand something you can't fullfill yourself, but that doesn't stop you from getting it. If you're fat and can get a thinner person go for it, but if you have a hard time doing so you should not reject fat men that are still thinner then you.

Ogopogo · Answer

Mix of D and E. Regardless of your weight, you have a right (arguably a duty) to require your partner to try and maintain a healthy weight, along with other healthy behaviors. But only if you also abide by that requirement. This means not requiring results, but insisting on similar goals and reasonable effort.

nortyyee · Answer

To each their own, it becomes unreasonable when one person body shames another. If the overweight person is trying to make the average person overweight (or vice versa) then it is an unreasonable situation. If the person WANTS to lose or gain weight to accommodate their partner that is totally fine but it has to come from their own personal desire not from the partners

oddwaffle · Answer

Because you are poor doesn't mean you aren't allowed to want to be rich.

Because you are a fat cat doesn't mean you aren't allowed to want slim felines.

You can demand anything you want. You can desire anyone you want. Whether you can fulfill your desire or not is the important part.

0112358 · Answer

Voted other.

Everyone brings a package of attributes to a relationship.

Everyone is free to look for certain attributes.

If you routinely can’t attract the sort of people you want you need to either settle for lower or improve yourself.

But you don’t need to match the attributes you’re looking for one for one if you offer a lot of other attributes.

megaman242 · Answer

If your a fat person that can only get turned on by skinny and healthy person that your a hypocrite. If you have no intention on getting healthy your self then you are not in the right to demand that your partner is skinny and healthy. You give what you get.

MecheD · Answer

It’s truly Otay for any and everyone to have a personal preference but for them to make it a requirement that’s “make or break” is truly ridiculous because you have to practice what you preach at some point.

ChiTown33 · Answer

Yes it's reasonable. And i say this for only one reason. Just cause you want it doesn't mean you're going to get it.
I mean take a look at any dating website and you'll see a litany of women angrily lamenting about how there are no good men left, that the know what they want, and they won't settle. And they wonder why they're still single.

EriFrancis1994 · Answer

It's not reasonable for them to force their partner to be healthy if they're not. It's ok of they have a preference for healthy people but not to force someone who isn't healthy to become healthy. I hope this makes some sense lol

nerms123 · Answer

I don’t think it’s reasonable. If someone is dating an overweight person it should be because that’s what they are attracted to or they don’t care about weight.

Haraald · Answer

It's all about preferences. I would say it is the like of whanting someone muscular, curvy, leand or racially spesific etc. However, condemning those not interested is another story.

Daisy007 · Answer

It's only reasonable IF the obese/overweight person is trying to LOSE weight as well. You can't demand something from someone when you aren't even helping your own body either 😑🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

DreamyDeity · Answer

If it's purely based on attraction you can choose who you like you can't make them force them to like you back. Health-wise you can't be sitting down on the table eating enough to feed a family at Thanksgiving and have requirements a supermodel. That's like Jabba the Hutt trying to date Rihanna Rihanna ain't got time for that

carameltwin · Answer

Everyone is allowed a preference. Fat people are allowed to prefer average or even just skinny partner or any other kind of body, same as anyone else.

huuuuuuuuuuhok · Answer

If she ain't healthy weight Wise then she damn sure can't tell me what to do. What kind of hypocritical shit is that.

babochka · Answer

It's not fair... reasonable is to change together, because overweight isn't good for health first of all

aaronbw · Answer

Of course it's reasonable but it's highly hypocritical. If you're fat but require your partner to be healthy then you should commit to getting and staying healthy as well.

LalaIbby90 · Answer

Unless you live it, don’t expect it in others. If a healthy weight is your value, you need to change first before expecting it in a S/O.

SteveP · Answer

It should not be one rule for one gender one for the other. Also too many women are made to feel self-conscious about their weight but less so for men.

vivmatt · Answer

Everybody has their own preferences. Size, race, age, salary, job, esc. Preference is subjective and no one else's business

Just_someone23 · Answer

My mom is a bigger and my dad is super fit. My mom used to be fit till a illness took all that away.

ciitruskiwi · Answer

It's only reasonable if the person is trying to lose weight and needs/wants motivation/help/a workout buddy.

Warmapplecrumble · Answer

Its not reasonable. I don't think I can be with a very big person because I can't handle certain things already. *-*

ImJustCurious13 · Answer

It's hypocritical, but people can have any dating requirements they want. Just because it's their dating requirement doesn't mean they're entitled to anyone either though.

AynonOMouse · Answer

It is just as reasonable as a weak woman wanting a man that is much stronger than her and can protect her. Men of all sizes usually prefer a slim girl, just like girls usually prefer a strong man.

dragoblack · Answer

This is a matter of preference and lifestyle. I've seen how a lot of obease people eat, shoveing food in their mouth, its digusting to me and i hate the feel of fat... just eugh 🤢. I try to keep myself healthy and i expect my partner to do the same

Potatocream · Answer

I wouldn't date anybody fat nor shiuld anyone fat be expecting to date someone who is not as its says A lot about your personality (exceptions if its due to an illness or you're actively trying very hard to loose weight)

just_a_potato · Answer

If you "require" things of your partner you won't have much luck getting one at all LOL

slatyb · Answer

People can want whatever that want. They may not get it.

Drooogie4 · Answer

I'd say you need to also be whatever you are expecting from someone else.

Sensmind · Answer

I said D - My range is unreasonable to its okay if they are trying to lose weight too

FriedPickles1218 · Answer

No. Sorry. I take pride in being healthy and in good shape. A girl doesn't need to be a gym goer, but I expect her to be very slim.

CrossThyStars · Answer

If you have expectations of physical fitness, its wise to share those traits yourself.

5_AM_Oracle · Answer

It might be their preference. Some overweight people might not be attracted to that bodytype.

VaIiant · Answer

You don't get to hold others to a standard you yourself fail to meet.

markscott · Answer

It makes no sense for an over weight person to insist that his/her partner be of normal weight.

janna_jcb · Answer

It’s reasonable if the person is overweight for medical reasons. But still I don’t think anyone should push about what they think they should do with their bodies.

NoToriousROB · Answer

None at all. The person shouldn’t be asking crap from their partner if their looks match aren’t the same and the other person is fat. Wanna get a slim girl? Work your ass out

Browser101 · Answer

It’s not reasonable for a partner to “require” anything from the other. Only proper that they do it if their own accord.

genericname85 · Answer

that would be as unreasonable for them to want as it is unreasonable to be overweight or fat in the first place.

MadBoy · Answer

... Any kind of requirement for someone you are supposed to love shows you should not be with them in the first place.

TheKack · Answer

I don't think it is really a problem if both are fine with it. That said, everyone should try to be as healthy as they can be.

TITAN-IDC · Answer

Depends on person. You should like partner as is. Some people its genetic. If you want different person who want what you want, move on. Find a gym girl.

AngelLily · Answer

It's dumb to require anyting as long the requirement is healthy are the person themselves.

lcafer · Answer

No it's not. It's called leagues. We came up with that to determine physical approval of near approximation. Thus we say you can do better. Just like we have terms for bimbos and narcissists and assholes

NerdInDenial · Answer

If the heavy set person has something the other person wants.

Is it reasonable for overweight or fat people to require their partner to be a healthy weight?

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