Is it wrong to ask your partner to lose weight?

Question

So let me explain, I love my boyfriend to bits. I dated many guys before him, but I can definitely say I love him the most out of them all. His personality suites mine perfectly and I am very happy with him. When we first met he was thinner and I was very attracted to him however he has put on quite a lot of weight and despite my love for him I can’t say I am physically attracted to him in the same way anymore. I love his face and his personality and so many more things about him it’s just the weight. And I’d hate to break up with him over something like that id miss him loads. Am I wrong for feeling this way? And is there any way I can bring up losing weight to him without being a horrible person?

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

Once in relationships, many people feel comfortable and don't think they need to take good care of themselves anymore. Maybe his dad and mom are pudgy and seem perfectly happy. Putting on a few pounds is one thing. But "quite a lot" sounds sloppy and careless. I assume your boyfriend is near your age. If he's 25 or younger, a lot of weight bodes ill for his future, also.

People are attracted to the whole person. Your whole person was fit when you met him and you were attracted to this. What's gone on with him that he's fallen so far off the track? Why has his eating changed so much? His exercise habits?

You do need to talk to him about this. Honey, You know I love you, but what's going on with your waistline? Why are you packing on all these pounds? I'd be straight up. It isn't healthy for a young man to be overweight. Not that it is for a 50 year old. It never is.

You can add, at the very end, that it isn't attractive either. That's going to hurt, but he needs a wake-
up call. When was his last general physical? I bet there isn't a doctor who's going to support his weight gain either. Start with his health, end with the look.

Tell him his weight gain is unattractive, as the last thing. He needs to know. His fat and happy isn't yours. That's not a horrible thing to say if it's true. And he sounds like a good person all around who would understand he's let himself slide.

If he does nothing about it you have to decide what you truthfully want. A partner you find physically unattractive, but attractive otherwise. How important is your sex life to you? I've seen these shows where a couple started off fit and fun and one partner gained 50 pounds in a year and the other partner was dumbfounded and felt cheated.

I think keeping yourself fit for your partner is important. If he doesn't, you make be in troubled waters. Good luck.

Pinay_ako · Accepted Answer

Is it his weight bothering you or his health? If you’re genuinely concerned of his well being then yes by all means tell him you and him need to start eating healthy and cut back on the bad stuff and start working out together as a couple. But if you’re only concerned he’s gained some pounds and he’s looking less attractive to you, then your intention is not love. You want him to change to please you not to help him get healthy. If you truly love him for what he is, then do what you can to help him be the best version of himself!

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

You said,

"I love my boyfriend to bits. I dated many guys before him, but I can definitely say I love him the most out of them all. "

Honestly that may of all been true at some point, but simple truth is that love is not forever. You have to constantly work at it and grow the relationship and it takes a lot of effort.

So honestly what you should of said was this...

"I lovED my boyfriend to bits. I dated many guys before him, but I can definitely say I lovED him the most out of them all."

It all sounds past tense to me now, because you can't honestly say you love him to bits, maybe you "loved" him the most out of all the rest, and you will always love those memories. But he's not the guy he was when you met him, now is he?

Honestly, NO there is nothing wrong with feeling this way as long as you are sure this is how you honestly feel, and you are honest with him.

What would make you wrong, is staying with someone you know doesn't make you happy. And if this guy does make you happy, then you need to do some self-reflection on yourself... because you may not be doing right by him pr yourself by not saying something.

How do you say it... no clue honestly. There is no good or right way, but if you love him, you will be honest with him no matter the consequences, or you just accept him for who and what he is because he makes you happy and you love him.

Googlemyahoo · Accepted Answer

I was dating a very athletic girl who competed in rowing. I complained because thats all she did, training all the time going to gym & me included daily. After losing an important race right off the start and getting into a huge fight with her team I suggested taking a break from her sport.

Few months later not working out she put on all this weight easily twice her previous size. Thinking of the least of the worst way to say it I said;

”You’re not as athletic as you used to be.”

She broke down crying YOU THINK IM FAT!

Apple1996 · Answer

Yes its wrong since you should love him for more then just his looks. He most likely knows that he needs to lose weight. You saying something is only gonna make that process worse and push him into being insecure around you.

Summeroflove · Answer

Only if you’re okay with him telling you that when you put on a few extra pounds

JustMeL120 · Answer

Yes don't mession it to him and maybe work on your own looks. This is how the psychology of men work. Of they think they can have you they will stop making an effort. If you look very attractive and suddenly start going to the gym and looking your best all the time. Subconsciously he will feel he has to do the same to keep you. Don't mession to him to lose weight whatever you do it will just hurt him. Also get him out more like it bars where all men are hot. It will make him More interested in his look.

Rei13 · Answer

I’ve been on the receiving end of this before from someone that I wasn’t dating but wanted to. I honestly don’t think there is any way of saying it without hurting the other person’s feelings. I was never self conscious about my appearance until he said that to me but it did motivate me to lose weight and date his friend instead. We were originally going to work out and diet together because he wasn’t thin either but it turned into only me doing those things. You know him better than anyone and can think of a kind way of putting it and you can both take the journey together. Eat healthy with him. Workout with him. My current boyfriend and I bonded going to the gym. It can turn into a positive thing you’re both doing together

Sour-rose · Answer

No, it ain't wrong. However, saying it in the wrong way could crush someone's spirit. Which i don't have a way. I just say it with love because I don't want my partner to have a heart attack or become so fat that they are waddling around the mall with me and means they are now slowin' me down :0

BCRanger10 · Answer

How long have you been together and how much weight has he gained? Also, why has he gained it?

The main reason he should lose the weight though is because it would be healthier for him to do so. If he's just started binge eating and drinking and makes no effort to control himself, that's a problem. If that therefore is why you want him to lose the weight, then there's nothing wrong with that.

Tiptoetamm · Answer

It all depends on the approach. If your doing it because of looks yes if it's to be healthier than no I don't think so. Also be careful what words you use. Some will get defensive but if you truly care for someone you want the best for them and want them to be healthy to live with you for a long time

DreamChaser541 · Answer

Ultimately, we don't have the right to tell our partners to lose weight. We can, however, communicate our motive behind wanting them to lose weight if it will benefit their health, but ultimately we have to respect their decision on if they actively want to lose weight, or not.

Wanting your partner to change their lifestyle is very legitimate if it's based on a concern for your partner's physical and emotional well being.

DextroShade · Answer

That's what happened to me, and my wife not only encouraged me to lose weight she helped me plan and stay on a keto diet. I lost 60 lbs in less than a year. Being fat is not just unattractive, it's unhealthy so yes you should say something and offer to help him. Don't the insane and evil "fat acceptance" lies stop you from doing right by him.

art84 · Answer

So you only loved him cause of his body then when he was thin?  Then when he put on the weight you felt less attractive to him physically. There's really nothing wrong with wanting your boyfriend to be in shape. It would healthy for him if he has a family history of diabetes/high cholesterol, etc.

Venymal · Answer

I believe you should respect your partner enough to look after your body and keep yourself looking attractive for them, and vice versa. I expect my girl to keep herself healthy and looking good for me, and I do the same for her. As several others have said - workout together, problem solved.

slatyb · Answer

"Can I bring up?" No, you can't. Never enter a relationship imagining that someone will change for you. If you can't accept someone just as they are, you need to find someone else.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Love is love & as time goes by some people change in different ways & some people put on weight & some people lose weight. Before you ask your boyfriend to lose weight how would you feel if your boyfriend asked you to lose weight?

spartan55 · Answer

I'm trying to visualize how this would play out of the situation were reversed. You would bombarded with messages to dump his ass. Now, what do you think?

Peter_Penetrator · Answer

No. But only if you want them to lose it for health reasons; not because you are embarrassed or no longer find them as attractive because they had been your perception of an ideal weight before beginning the relationship.

Molly1997 · Answer

Seems a bit wrong. When my boyfriend was dying in the hospital and looked like a skeleton, my love for him never changed. It hasn’t changed now either , and he’s been weight lifting and has probably gained 100 lbs

Bricealan · Answer

No more wrong than asking him to stop smoking, taking drugs, drinking to excess, drinking and driving. You want him to extend his useful, enjoyable life span, and he can do that better if he is at a healthy weight... What is wrong with that?

itsalyssaagain · Answer

I think it would be wrong to bring this up. People gain weight for all sorts of reasons. But it’s never wrong to support your partner in making healthier choices and more physical activity to support their fitness.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

Perfectly fine as long as you don't mind if he reciprocated. People take horrible care of themselves now a days. Sometimes they need to be reminded.

inhua · Answer

no because attraction can't be forced it's good you told him because a lot of women would ditch their boyfriends without ever telling them the reason why

Anonymous · Answer

then workout together. there's no kind way to go about this because i'm sure he knows he put on weight. it'd be nice to figure out the reasoning too.

Spade_01 · Answer

No, it's not wrong to want your partner to be physically fit. Just talk to him about it but try to be nice.

CrimsonAngel09 · Answer

Deja voodoo man, I remember reading a pretty similar post like this a month ago... by an Anon as well.

Nikki1989 · Answer

It is not what you say but how you say it.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

There's nothing wrong with asking him to lose weight. Just don't phrase things in a reproachful or hostile way and you should be good

Rockstarrrrr · Answer

I know people are super sensitive about it... But I've always thought it's okay on both ends...

Anonymous · Answer

That depends. Is it vanity weight? Or we talking some serious poundage? Because if it's the latter not only is it not mean it's actually an act of love.

dragoblack · Answer

If you want him to work out and eat healthy, you need to work with him and talk to him about it because you're worried about his health. The phrasing is important.

Deviate01 · Answer

Just tell him how you feel. Holding back is never good. Ask him to lose weight, maybe there is something he wants you to work on as well. Could be an opportunity to show each other that you're willing to go the extra mile.

glennos89 · Answer

Start loving yourself more to be able to set clear boundrys that nobody can cross

anon1903 · Answer

Does he have obesity? Is he facing problems due to weight gain? If not, yes you're horrible.

TheMadLad · Answer

So you will break up with him because of his weight yet you say you love him.

XXblack88 · Answer

Try getting him to workout with you. hit the gym together etc.

Jay3344 · Answer

Is it wrong to ask someone to gain weight? Like my girl lost 17lbs and I’m kinda happier when she was like 160’s. Just my preference

linka_pat307 · Answer

You have to let him know... I mean extra weight can be disadvantageous and not healthy to him

es20490446e · Answer

You can suggest anything to anyone, as long as it feels like their choice to do it.

Anonymous · Answer

what if the roles were reversed and he wanted you to lose weight how would you feel about that?

Shamalien · Answer

If you’re going months without saying this thing that is on ur mind in a relationship it’s not good. Be honest with him

Twalli · Answer

Get into some physical activity with him that you both like. For example, if my girlfriend is willing, we'll get into fencing.

shades777 · Answer

At least its something he can change, you want him to do it alone or will you join the gym with him?

Anonymous · Answer

You could cook for him and work out together 🤔

LiamJHayden · Answer

Sadly some people let themselves go in a relationship. Just be gentle

clampfan101 · Answer

If my SO told me this I’d take it as constructive criticism. (Or something like that.)

DsX_Life · Answer

I dropped from 117 kg to 76 in 1 year because of people like you.

304strichZUP · Answer

Sure you can, be polite, thats all. Wait for a good occasion eg when He must admit that his clothes dont fit anymore

LazerBean · Answer

Under the right circus, it can be fine.

Staximus · Answer

Do you need to lose weight too?

hiyamotherfers · Answer

In some respects yes

Katrina79 · Answer

Only if their doing with you sure.

Anonymous · Answer

I think you'd be approaching this with bad grace

Is it wrong to ask your partner to lose weight?

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