My girlfriend is disrespectful and condescending. Does she even love me?

[ErikKantor]

I’m sort of at a loss here, and I can’t seem to understand how and why girls can be so disrespectful and straight out hurtful during arguments.
She doesn’t stick to the point but rather brings up thousands of non related metaphors to strengthen her “point”. which seems to me like just a way of being mean, especially when it’s always directed at me.
don’t get me wrong, i would completely understand if i had done something major like cheating but that’s not the case. Usually it’s something very minor that she blows out of proportion, and uses that energy to spew out the most disgusting words i have ever heard.
i just can’t understand how anyone can treat other people like that, even if it were your sworn enemy.
I’ve started wondering if I’m dating a psychopath...
Has anyone else experienced something similar? If so i would be glad to hear your take on this.

Updates

+1 y

Update. Tonight she started crying and yelling telling me that i am mean for the mere reason of asking her why she thinks loaf/white bread tastes better than whole wheat bread... I mean wtf... she couldn’t even explain why she thinks it tastes better. But i don’t care about that, I’m just frustrated that we can’t have different opinions without bickering and moaning about stupid shit all the time.
IT’S A FNNN BREAD!!!
Sorry that i had to unleash my anger here guys and girls.

[Anonymous]

Some people get into the habit of trying to win in an argument. Also, in the heat of the moment other stuff that bugged a person in the past might come tumbling out at the same time. Men tend to let go, not all but many, of past stuff where as many women hold on to things especially if the man hasn't changed doing the things that bugged them. Women see a pattern starting from past behavior. Both ways of thinking are right and wrong. We can't void or past but we don't always need to keep bringing it up.

Usually when people spew large amounts at someone they've been holding it in a while and haven't dealt with it when it was a small issue. When a woman brings up multiple minor details in an argument many times it is masking the really big problem like the elephant in the room.

Couples counseling might help. Help to fight fairly and, also, to see if the relationship is healthy enough to go on. You'd be surprised how many men think their significant others are complete Bs when in some cases the woman is just going bitchy because she's tired of something not being dealt with in the relationship. And then there are women who really are Bs. I've talked to men who realize after they divorce their ex that the problem didn't lie with their ex but themselves.

[ErikKantor]

I’m just tired of playing games, if i argue with someone i never wish or intend to win anything, we are both losers by arguing in the first place. All i want is to have respectful conversation where both parties have the opportunity to explain themselves.
But no matter how much grudge or bad past experiences you got in your luggage it doesn’t give anyone the right to treat someone like shit.
A grown person would rather explain why and how they ended up in that place of anger, not blame everyone around them.

[Opinion Owner]

If she is just too much of a burden just break up. Life is too short.

[Anonymous]

This is an odd comment & I wonder if you're fibbing a bit.

You see I went through your profile real quick. Just a month ago you made a post about wanting sex 24/7. So is this the *same* girl you may have been with for 11 years? If yes then either something's changed quite a bit or you think being abused is normal & acceptable behaviour.

[ErikKantor]

let’s just say things have changed a bit, there were signs earlier in the relationship which i should payed more attention to. But nothing like how it is at this time. The physical stuff just recently started, and that clearly shows me that she has no respect or love for me and as i see it that was the nail in the coffin for my part.

[SavoTS]

Yea many are like that. Some people enjoy it because they feel more powerful than the other person and have control over him/her and yes this is in a relationship as well. I can go on for quite some time about that but the point is that if there is love between you then maybe it's worth staying but if not then you better break up. Real story - one guy and his girlfriend had argument and both decided to never see each other again. 2 weeks later they decided to marry each other. That's example of love, the both decided to get over the big argument and be alright

[ErikKantor]

That’s sort of my dilemma. I love her, but i just can’t believe she loves me back when she’s capable of acting the way that she does.
The inconsistency of her mood and random outbursts is killing me. I always thought that if you love someone you treat them with respect.
Thanks for the advice tho!

[SavoTS]

Love is attraction, admiration, devotion and respect. So yes you are right. Better talk with your so about it tho

[Anonymous]

Can you elaborate what the ‘minor’ problem is? Perhaps it’s minor for you but not for her.

Does she do this often especially during her period? It can usually be a big part as to why she’s in such a bad mood. My girlfriend is extra grumpy during her period and get angry at petty things she usually don’t even care about lol.

[ErikKantor]

Long story short to give you an example.
Let’s say she had a bad day and i forgot to take out the trash, that could be enough of a trigger for her to start blasting off. But the thing is that before we resolve the first issue she’s already started on the next, and from there it’s all downhill with blaming and saying i don’t care about her and so on and so on.
I wish it was just her period, but the weird thing is that she actually is more nice to me during those times... I’m not a psychiatrist or anything but if i would guess i would say she might be bipolar, and when you’re a bad communicator and aggressive on top of that you got a recipe for disaster.

[Opinion Owner]

I wouldn’t quickly jump to the conclusion that she’s bipolar just because of mood swings lol.

Anyway, I know it’s cliche but communication is key. Try to understand the actual reason why she’s mad at you, I don’t think it’s just because of you not taking out the trash, there might be a deeper reasoning to it.

If you can’t understand her and she can’t understand you either, you both can always go and try couple counselling if willing.

[Anonymous]

Go get relationship advice from a psychologist if your serious about your relationship with her. As with anything having to do with humans relationships are complex. In fact to complex to get useful answers on a Q&A site.

[ErikKantor]

I’m pretty sure that she needs a psychologist, but then again maybe i do to after all this.
But thanks for the advice.

[Opinion Owner]

Interesting, judging by your response you established her as the aggressor and you to be the victim. If you are going to fix things you must realise that you both are a mix of those two. Also take it from me, anger and frustration can be a drive for change or painful shackles that hold you in place.

[Opinion Owner]

Please don't choose the shackles. Its nothing but suffering.

[ErikKantor]

Thnx man, great advice.! And sadly i have depicted her as the aggressor, i figured that out after the first of many punches..

[tzdc21]

Time for a new girlfriend buddy.