There's a cycle between us, where each time I get unhappy, she is rather unresponsive. It's been going on for a while, and frankly is getting to me. I don't doubt that she likes/loves me, but I've told her many times, I need some support when I am down. And I don't get it.
I'm a Cancer and she's a Virgo, so that might explain part of the problem. Even if you don't believe in that stuff, then simply put: I am more sensitive, she is not. That much is true on an individual level.
When I bring up my sadness/problems, she tends to get down, ignore me, walk away, "doesn't know what to do", doesn't like to be criticized, etc. All I'm basically asking for is a little emotional support and reassurance. Is that too much to ask of a girlfriend? Usually it should be the other way around with a girl and a guy!
She has 100% of my support when she needs it, and she knows it. However she's a pretty tough girl. I shower her with affection and small gifts and compliments. And I think this niceness and generosity might be a part of the problem, no? It's my nature, I'm a romantic, empathetic, and strong-hearted man, straight up.
This latest time that I told her I was disappointed, she became unhappy. It was basically because she was away on a holiday for a week, and our level of contact was very low. We didn't even speak for a week, just some short text messages. I told her that I want a little bit more connection and closeness, and I hope she could understand that. She told me sorry in her own "not really guilty" way, but then when I pressed on, said I was "too extreme"...which I disagree with. Am I wrong? Is a basic level of communication and attention too much to ask?
Last thing to add is that we are in a long-distance relationship at the moment, but I don't see that being part of the problem, as this was happening well before we were living apart. Also, I am nearly 30 (american guy), she is nearly 23 (chinese gal), but I don't see age as being a factor here, rather its about individual personality traits and dispositions.
Thoughts?
I'm a Cancer and she's a Virgo, so that might explain part of the problem. Even if you don't believe in that stuff, then simply put: I am more sensitive, she is not. That much is true on an individual level.
When I bring up my sadness/problems, she tends to get down, ignore me, walk away, "doesn't know what to do", doesn't like to be criticized, etc. All I'm basically asking for is a little emotional support and reassurance. Is that too much to ask of a girlfriend? Usually it should be the other way around with a girl and a guy!
She has 100% of my support when she needs it, and she knows it. However she's a pretty tough girl. I shower her with affection and small gifts and compliments. And I think this niceness and generosity might be a part of the problem, no? It's my nature, I'm a romantic, empathetic, and strong-hearted man, straight up.
This latest time that I told her I was disappointed, she became unhappy. It was basically because she was away on a holiday for a week, and our level of contact was very low. We didn't even speak for a week, just some short text messages. I told her that I want a little bit more connection and closeness, and I hope she could understand that. She told me sorry in her own "not really guilty" way, but then when I pressed on, said I was "too extreme"...which I disagree with. Am I wrong? Is a basic level of communication and attention too much to ask?
Last thing to add is that we are in a long-distance relationship at the moment, but I don't see that being part of the problem, as this was happening well before we were living apart. Also, I am nearly 30 (american guy), she is nearly 23 (chinese gal), but I don't see age as being a factor here, rather its about individual personality traits and dispositions.
Thoughts?
Updates
+1 y
To follow up on my own question...
I confronted her about this again, explained my standards, and told her how important it was to me.
She apologized and said she was wrong and she understood me. I responded by saying maybe I was being extreme, but I appreciate her support.
It seems that more or less, we are fine...until next time, haha.
So the lesson I learned about this, stand your ground, try to understand your partner and her feelings, and meet somewhere in the middle.
I confronted her about this again, explained my standards, and told her how important it was to me.
She apologized and said she was wrong and she understood me. I responded by saying maybe I was being extreme, but I appreciate her support.
It seems that more or less, we are fine...until next time, haha.
So the lesson I learned about this, stand your ground, try to understand your partner and her feelings, and meet somewhere in the middle.
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