Girlfriend upset with me? Doesn't treat me good?

[Anonymous]

I'll keep this short and sweet. I've been dating my girlfriend for quite some time now and she tells me that I'm the best boyfriend that she's ever had. She has a history of being with guys that didn't treat her too good. I do my very best to treat her like a queen. I think that being abused and being in the environment that she's in has made her a less than ideal partner in so ways.

Me and my girlfriend normally go to sleep on the phone with one another everyday. Today she called me and she didn't say anything and then she was trying to get off of the phone with me earlier and she kinda insulted me on the phone, before just abruptly hanging up on her. I don't know if this is what dealing with women is supposed to be like? (This is my first relationship). But, I don't ever treat her this way. Whenever I'm upside I don't just try to get her off the phone and the reason why I think she's acting like this is because she wanted me to buy her a pair of contacts and I told her that I don't trust the place she was getting them from and that I don't think it's safe. (Remember, I didn't say I wouldn't get it).

What's odd about her getting upset at me for this is because before me she never had a guy in her life that would buy her whatever she wants and I do that for her now. Whatever she wants, I get it for her. So maybe she just adjusted really quickly and now she's ungrateful/entitled? I don't know. While we were on the phone for the little while that we were, I told her that the second purse that I had bought her was on her way to her house and she didn't say anything

I don't know. Is this happening because she's young (She's 21) and I'm (23). Maybe it's because I'm young? Maybe because I'm inexperienced with relationships? I feel like she isn't treating me the way that I want to be treated. I have so much love to give and sometimes she isn't giving it back and it makes me feel really bad.. even if you're mad you can still be nice to your partner, I always am to her.

[devilish-cutie]

as you mention i take it she has issues, when someone has been tru bad things it will affect them forming trauma, maybe she automatically concluded you wouldn't do that for her cause many guys wouldn't want to do things for her and automatically makes her feel as it will happen as before. Relationships thake work for sure and it does also affect it that you are young and only learning about this things and yourselves. If you are not happy, you need to be vocal about what you want and not do things just cause you are afraid of losing her. You are equaly valuable as she is, its a partnership. Try to be patient with her, talking normaly and calmly and trying to not take things to personally. She seems temperamental while you seem more calm. Energetic people have harder time calming down. It is important that you talk in a calm manner but firm. She will take time to grow into stable person herself but only if she wants to.

[Asker]

She probably does have some issues from being through so much and from being sheltered most of her life. She can be really hard on me and she’s talked to me about how her past partners would say that.. I’m guessing that this is some sort of deep rooted thing. Relationships do take a lot of work. I feel like there’s so much for me to bring up it would end up hurting her feelings. I do have to be vocal about what I want from her. I tell her how I feel sometimes but she gets really worked up. I shouldn’t do things just because I’m afraid of losing her… wow.. that’s really good… reallllly good. I am equally as valuable.. It’s so weird.. What you’re saying is so true. I don’t exist just to make her happy and just to show her that men can be different. I just really love this girl and want for her to be happy, but I have to want the same for myself. Her happiness is her duty, not mine. I try not to take things too personal but it’s hard. She hangs up on me whenever she feels like I’m doing things wrong. She recently hung up on me and I asked her why she was upset and she told me it was because I wasn’t being talkative enough. She’s used to her family and her past partners talking her ear off so whenever I don’t she says that I don’t know how to have a conversation. I dunno. It feels like she asking me for things that I can’t give her and I want things from her that she can’t give me. I thank you so much for sharing this with me.

[devilish-cutie]

Im glad to be helpful, thing is relationships make you work on ysf too like realizing what exactly you are afraid of (being alone, losing somoene) and how is that affecting you and how to deal with that; also realzing things you need to work on (like better comunication, valuing ysf more etc.). She also need to realize that you have your own needs and wishes too and she should also make you happy or she could potentally lose you if she is not willing to work on that. You also need to focus more on ysf and what you want, and is she worth the fight, how much you love her, do you see future with her and why exactly are you with her (if you love her - great, if you are afraid of being alone - not great). If there is a lot to bring up, start small, step by step, one issue at the time, priority vise and functionally most relevant - like first could be better communication, you need to work on better expressing ysf and coming to agreement with her that you think it is unhealthy to talk in any way that is not calm, respectful and understanding. not taking things personally means that you realize that her certain behaviors can be hurtful but they dont mean there is anything wrong with you but she has problems cause of her traumas. you should try to make her happy but she should try to make you happy as well.

[Asker]

That’s true. Relationships make you work on yourself and it’s important to take into consideration the improvements that make you a better person overall and not just the ones that pertain to the person you’re with. I don’t think I’m too scared to lose her. She’s hurt me quite a bit. We could definitely use better communication. I tell her what I need and she just asks “what do you want me to do?”. She was more affectionate in the beginning. That’s a good question, is she worth the fight? You’re a gem for sure. I love her but I wish she would change her behavior.. my friend told me that women don’t so I dunno what to make of that. I need to communicate how I feel. I had the perfect opportunity.. I sent a message explaining how I felt about what she did but I unsent it because I didn’t want to upset her. It hurts because she’s hurt me so much that I feel like crying. She’s definitely the one that’s in the wrong in these situations. I don’t deserve this kinda treatment. That’s what it all boils down to. I bend over backwards for her but she won’t go out of her way for me.

[devilish-cutie]

Everyone can change if they want to, gender is not relevant, what is important is if they want to. It is also very easy to leave a relationship but its better to work for it as finding a right partner isn't easy and same unresolved issue may wait for you in the other one. You are in the wrong thinking you will upset her, i mean thats fine but you take it to extreme and dont express none of your concerns. She cannot read your mind, you need to tell her, at least bit by bit. Your silence made you bitter as well. She asked what you want, so she showed willingness, so there is hope and you should tell her. Also dont talk about problems over text, do it in person

[Asker]

You’re right, it has nothing to with gender. You’re also right about relationships exposing what you need to work on as a person and those same issues looking for you in other relationships. She did ask what I wanted from her but it was out of frustration, not in the way you’d expect. She was trying to make me seem unreasonable with that. Once again, you’re right about it making me bitter and upset. I need to share how I feel with her. I don’t normally like to talk about issues over text. We’ll be talking later today but I think I’m doing a pretty good lead up. I told her that I felt like crying so when she asks I’ll tell her how what she said made me feel. She can’t read my mind. I have to honest with her. Thanks once again :)

[devilish-cutie]

Glad I offered you some clarity. Any type of relationship can be challenging and needs to be worked on. We all humans are full of flaws and immaturity but we learn, grow... It is important your partner has a good heart and is willing to work on things. Different characters also present another additional obstical, for her it is probably hard to understand your pov, so you should try to explain. We are all thinking that others function same as we are but that is not the case. Good luck!

[Asker]

Thank you !

[Rahulaj]

She is just using you bro and that is not love that is being a gold digger type

[Asker]

Turns out it had nothing to do with the contacts. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts tho.