My girlfriend treats me badly, why and what do I do?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend is always putting me down and makes it necessary to point out my flaws. Little put downs throughout the day and never builds me up. This has started to take a toll on my confidence think. I think I love this girl but this is really hurting me on the inside. I do as much as I can for her , but she doesn't seem to appreciate anything. I feel like I'm in a no win situation here. Any advice?

[irykiryk]

First step is to sit her down and have a serious conversation with her.

Ask her why she does what she does and if she even notices that she does?( some people do it for no reason )

Also make sure to state that it is really getting you down.

Second step is to gauge her reaction.

If she is thoughtful and silent it means she had not realized ( since when is realize with a z? ) what she did and is probably going to stop. This could hit her a bit in the conscious but it will have the same effect. In this situation she might apologize and or play it off as a joke in which case you will restate that you really don't like it, this message should seep through her mind.

If she ignores what you are trying to say and tries avoiding it in some way or another or push the subject off, either by making you think your crazy or that it's nothing and you shouldn't worry about it. In this case restate what you feel this is doing to you and if nothing gets through to her...make it clear that this is going to damage the relationship in the long run and ask her if that is really what she want's to do.

Third step is to leave her with that final thought, maybe try to make some small talk and leave her with herself for some time.

NOTE: All these steps must be taken and spoken with the utmost caution and calmness in voice and tone for it to be taken seriously.

If she does do something of the like again make sure to remind her of what you asked her to do. If she holds you in disdain then get the courage to say that you want a break.

Nothing like fear to motivate someone.

[Asker]

Ok, so I tried what you told me. She got real defensive and took an almost aggressive stance. I tried explaining myself and how what she says hurts me. She told me I'm too sensitive and I make a big deal about nothing. She also says its just her personality. When I tried to chime in again, she shouted "I'm talking here" so I couldn't even finish what I wanted to say. I'm not sure what's this means, but I'll tell you it feels like she either just doesn't care, or doesn't think.

[irykiryk]

I hope you know what to do now.

[Asker]

what kind of person responds this way when I'm obviously concerned over the comments? Is it someone who doesn't care? ignorant? truly doesn't see anything wrong with it? I'm not even combative when I bring the topics up, but I do becuase it is needed to keep the relationship strong. I just don't get it.

[kurtis]

same over here, words and action are diverted when my gf says she loves me, but in contrast of her action doesn't be on the "i love you" at all. I tried to talk with her about it that her behaviour is not doing any good to our relationship but worse and the weird thing about the whole conversation was the conclusion part which she'd agree the state and her wrong of doing it by treating me badly or so and even says that the reason why she gets mad so easily on me about even small like matters and because she threw her anger at me is because im the person she loves and im her lover ( i'm kind of confuse at this point*), but after it, it comes back again with the attitude again going rage over small matters or worse always say I'd changed into another person she knows` I know she's a very insecure person, I love her very much and i really do but in return she is always doing all the hurting part.. It always gets me when she's like one side was warm and suddenly split seconds she was cold.

[gproud]

Hey mate.
I've been there. A few times.
If she's doing that;
1. It's her. Not you. She's not content with something about her life/ self. Women do things a bit differently to us blokes. If she's hurting - you'll feel it. Fun isn't it

2. Is she young? I've found that'women' are still 'girls' until about 24/25- sometimes later. Women mature faster -myth.
3. In my experience, it ends with those ladies, even though I often adore them BUT... they come back 9/10. Trust me.

Here's the bottom line. Your other half is meant to IMPROVE your life. Life is HARD ENOUGH without your partner abusing you- isn't it.

I bet you are a good dude, probably successful/smart; let her go, maybe she'll grow up... either way- you can do better. That's not your girlfriend, that's a nuisance.

I remember reading... just because she treats you well sometimes, doesn't justify the rest. You are entitled to the real deal. Same goes for the ladies out there. Be strong and go after what you deserve and no less.
G

[gproud]

@kurtis

You are getting 'used to abuse' and that's NOT a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Well I committed the mistake of marrying the girl, when I told her the first time about it, she said the same thing yours told you, that I’m too sensitive and that she’s the girl. And that just shocked me, she’s keep doing it, and love and and I married her I thought she would change but I’m living hell now, don’t commit the same mistake, you cannot treat bad what you love, you cannot forget about the things you love, you take care of what u appreaciate, if she can’t show that then is not the right one and I’m praying a very high price rn

[Anonymous]

because she sound like she loves a lot of drama ... by the way I'm one of the girls,i treat my boyfriend like crap , I hate that I do it , I do love him ,but I never show it ! there would be a lot on my mind that I couldn't talk to him about , and take it out on him and he never stands up for himself , I wish he would

[Asker]

so a girl can in fact love you but treat you like crap? I love this girl and could never think of saying or doing anything to hurt her. Maybe its just different. But in the process it hurts when someone you love says bad things about you and treats you this way. So this means I have to be a jerk back to her?...

[Opinion Owner]

no not a jerk ,just stand up for yourself ... tell her your not taking her bull sh*t any more ..and walk away ..that would scare her because she loves you more than you know ! don't take her sh*t ...

[Anonymous]

because she's a bitch and thrives off of making you feel like crap, and you're a doormat. dump her ass, you deserve better and she doesn't deserve you.

[Anonymous]

dump her ! she dosnt really love you if she treats you like that !

[Asker]

Oh man is that true? You know she says she loves me , but her actions to me don't back it up. I mean I would never say some of the things she says to me to her. You would think shed care more about things hurting my feelings. Like saying if you get fat I won't stick around, or I don't like doing these boring things, or caling me names at dinner even tho were not even fighting. What the hell

[Opinion Owner]

she very insecure person ...and does those things to make you feel as bad as she does , she proberly does love you but has a hard time showing it ... you should be more of a challange for and stop being such a door mat ... if you wernt you'd be gone by now ! there's obliviosly somthing up with her ..so I think you should sit down and try to talk to her ... start standing up for yourself ,and she will see that your not a push over ... it would proberly even excite her if you starting doing that!