Will confessing feelings and being rejected make those feelings go away?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been in love with one of my friends for years. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. It’s intense and I don’t want to feel that way about him.

I’m 99.9% sure he doesn’t feel that way about me and I just want to be able to move past this, but without destroying the friendship.

Complications, complications.

[Battooot]

Confessing and getting rejected will definitely help you get over it.

Because you always ask yourself... WHAT IF!!! What if i confessed and he said yes? And you will always for the rest of your life regret not telling him!!
It is better to find out the truth.. even if it was hurtful... than not finding out at all!! It will always burn you deep inside.
Even if you SURE 100% he doesn't feel the same... there is always this deep unconcious voice inside you that tells you.. what if?
So yes... you go confess. Send a letter if you were too afraid to say in person. Its gonna be your most scary moments in your life. And... could pontentially very embarassing. However. I promise you!!! You will never regret it and you will be happy that you finally got out of your shell and got this out of your system.
Him rejecting you is gonna hurt you a little more than you thought it would becuase you just relaized the actual reality. But it is this experience what will make you realize it is over... and it is now time to actually move on and focus on yourself and empowering yourself and seeking others.
The friendship will be ruined for sure. But... a ruined friendship is 1000 times better... than a life long suffering about what you are currently suffering with (and by the way it gets muchhh stronger with time!! That suffering!)
I wish you best of luck. Let us know how it goes. And feel free to contact me anytime if you needed more advice afterwards.

About me: i went through a similar scenario... and even though me confessing and getting rejected was one of the most embarassing moments of my life... it was also... one of the most proudest moments of my life. Because i finally forced myself and got over the fear of asking someout out and confessing.

[Battooot]

Thanks for MHO. im glad i could help.

Please update me what happens im actually curious ok !

[Unit1]

Kind of does. You'll stop being in obsession of wanting him eventually. Or so was my experience with the opposite sex.

[AmandaYVR]

It sounds like you need to do this for yourself, probably to move on. Yes, it may affect, even ruin the friendship. That is a big and legitimate risk, which only you can weigh. But one cannot go on forever, carrying a flame for someone when it is not reciprocated. It does take an emotional toll. Even if you do lose him from your life, it may eventually unblock you from preventing yourself from eventually finding someone else. Let's face it, if someone doesn't feel the same, or similar, the relationship is probably not meant to be, not the right person for you. But many relationships do happen because one person dared to take a chance, and explain and proclaim their feelings for the other. There is nothing wrong with doing this. Rejection can be hard, very hard. But you can also be empowered by going after what you want. This is how true confidence is earned - when you go after something, and achieve it. But things won't often go in your favour. And that's life, unfortunately. But you can't sit back, and be passive, and not try ever, just because of fear or of the chance that it might not work out. So in your case, even though the odds may not be so much in your favour, if you feel that it is time to confront your feelings, then it is probably time. So go forth, be brave, and if all doesn't go as you wish, well apparently we learn more from our mistakes and difficulties than from our successes. That is what they say.

[Cynicaldreamer]

No. It just gives you closure, so eventually you're able to move on with time.

I've confessed my feelings to someone I knew didn't feel the same! But I figured I had nothing to lose.

Sure enough, he wanted to be friends. It hurt, and yes, I STILL had feelings for him afterwards.
But eventually you do move on. It won't happen overnight, but you will.

But ask yourself this, "Why am I going to confess to someone that I know doesn't like me?"

[Asker]

The biggest issue is that I don’t know for sure.

I’ve been getting mixed signals from him for 4 years.

[Cynicaldreamer]

Hmm, so he hasn't shown any definite signs of interest in you or flirted?

It might be time to confess then. Just be aware it will change your friendship, for the good or bad, so be ready. You're either going to be happy or disappointed when you do.

[Asker]

Yeah, the other big issue is not wanting to risk the friendship.

Also, we flirt constantly but he indirectly gives me clues that it won’t happen.

For example, he has more than once made it a point to say to someone else that he could never date anyone more than 5 years younger than him.

This is why I’ve never told him.

[itsmicaelaxo]

It will help you move on if he indeed rejects you. People might surprise you, you never know!

[Anonymous]

Tell him how you feel if he's truly your friend he'll understand and continue the friendship regardless of the outcome

[Anonymous]

Of course. You would feel a lot better. I did that and every time I got healed.

[Cocacolaaddict]

Its already gone that friendship can never be normal again (speaking from experience)

[Asker]

This friendship has gone on for about 5 years and I’ve loved him almost the entire time. 🤷‍♂️

[Cocacolaaddict]

Believe me iv been there never ends well you'll always be in love with him and you can't be "just" friends again no matter how hard you try

[GreenGold1992]

sometimes yes, but sometimes no

[Asker]

Unfortunately you’re 100% correct.

[kourtesis]

No it won't make them go away unfortunately 😔

[Billneidrich77]

No, but in time they would.