Why do people believe they don’t deserve love?

Question

I’m personally feeling this way right now and I want to know your opinion Have u ever felt this way and were u proven wrong?

Regmorus · Accepted Answer

I don't think I ever thought something like this, cause I rarely use "deserve" in my thoughts. But I might think something pretty similar only that I refuse to use "deserve".

I can suggest a version why people believe they don't deserve love and how to deal with it. Actually derived pretty straight-forward.
People who think they don't deserve love, actually think they are not good enough to be loved. Why is that? Most often they are focusing on their issues and missing their advantages. But in the very most cases, especially when people actually think about it and ask such questions, the truth is that their advantages are not that few, most probably they balance the disadvantages out. And hence the problem is only your focus. Learn to see your advantages as person, and as hull (body) and as mind and you'll see that you deserve love indeed. Or if the issues really outweigh the advantages, well, then you can work on these issues, since your asking means that you see they are there and then probably know or suspect what they are, and so acquire self-respect and self-love by dealing with them, that allow you to feel like you deserve love from others.

Proven wrong me, well, not really. There were people who loved me (or thought so, probably did indeed), but, the idea that in my case mutual love can be only under special circumstances doesn't allow to say that it was proven wrong. Since the circumstances were never given the objective something (, that I don't call "I don't deserve love" but what maybe could be called that cause due to the lack of mutuality I am then always forced to consider them as loving a wrong person,) always has been remaining.

But in your situation you certainly can prove it wrong yourself, I mean you with people you meet when you are "prepared". Just like described above:)

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

You don't DESERVE love - at least, not romantic love - and to believe otherwise is to be incredibly entitled. Romantic love is something you EARN, because you have to provide value to the person who will love you, just as you expect them to provide value to you.

Do you believe that some homeless, unwashed, drug addict deserve your romantic love? Of course not - because that guy would provide no value to you - in fact, would provide NEGATIVE value. So, you recognize the importance of value related to romantic love - and that applies to you as well. If you want romantic love, you have to provide value to the men you seek that love from - and it has to be what THEY value, regardless of how YOU feel about their properties. When a guy wants YOUR love, you judge him not on HIS ideas of value, but on YOURS, so obviously the opposite will also be true.

Men have always been acutely aware that women all have lists of things they want from a guy, and if the guy doesn't measure up, she sends him on his way. But over the last 30 years or so, feminism has taught women that they "deserve" love and "deserve" to demand value from men - but had nothing to say about women needing to provide value in return. And women have steadily provided less and less value (on average), and guys have figured that out. They know they aren't getting value much of the time, so their interest in relationships and commitment has fallen way off. And now women are upset about that - but it's just a side effect of their own agenda.

This is equally true for both men and women: if you want a quality relationship, you have to provide value to the other person - based on THEIR values and priorities, not your own. If you don't, you are likely to remain single...

Espresso-Grande · Accepted Answer

Usually, it's because they have low self-esteem. They don't see their own worth. So they don't believe they deserve love. There's always an underlying root cause why they have such low self-esttem. People like that often talk themselves into believing they're unworthy of love by using self- criticism. They're "inner voice" is mostly negative

likelyOK · Accepted Answer

Usually it starts in childhood their parents did not make them feel valued or they blame themselves for this that happened early on in life

MrHopper · Answer

I think we all hate our selves more than others do... we our the worst critics of our selves... we know all our own faults and look at others and just see good things.. not the bad things they hide.

No one likes vain people, so its not really a desired aspect to a personality.

Misery loves company and we all like to self flagellate... its why sad songs are so popular :)

OnlyMyOpinion · Answer

Nobody deserves anything except maybe a most painful death for all the wrongdoings they racked up in their life which they will face near the death bed. Everything else in between, you earn it. There's no deserve. You either cross the finish line and earn gold or not. The world doesn't care about who "deserves" what. Maybe that infant didn't deserve" to die famished. The world doesn't care. A whole bunch died like this while I typed this answer.

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

In my younger years, I did feel that I didn't deserve love, but I never understood WHY I didn't deserve it.

In later years, I realized that I felt that way because I was mistreated by previous girlfriends and led to believe that I was unworthy. Once I realized that I was allowing shitty people to define me, I decided to define myself and decided that yes, I did deserve love, and more.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

I am not sure whether “deserve” is the word I would pick, but for all my dating and occasional relationship of substance I do get the impressions some of us are just meant to remain single. I mean, all my better relationships are fleeting. Which is fine... just brings me closer to buying my sailboat and getting away from all this ridiculousness.

NarutoUzumaki007 · Answer

because they don't love themselves , have 0 self confidence and self worth and think they are pathetic person. They don't realize it's not just them. everyone has things they don't like , no one is perfect

people are sometimes too hard on themselves.

Dchrls78104 · Answer

Abuse as children or by an unworthy SO; constant rejection or repeated failures in chosen endeavours; self-consciousness or guilt because of awareness of real, imagined, or perceived shortcomings: these are some of the things that predispose humans to feelings of worthlessness or of being undeserving of love.

Unit1 · Answer

Since I grew up penniless I didn't even think women will ever love me (because what can I give to the women when I myself was penniless and starving?).

And now I don't go a single day without eating normally and women still don't love me.

🤷‍♀️

Adam1978 · Answer

Because you can't deserve love, You can get it and give it but you can't deserve it. No matter what you do, you can't demand that other persons love you.

Anonymous · Answer

They weren’t loved growing up and even after a while being out on their own. Now they feel like love is conditional and will bend over backwards to get it and tire themselves out as well as disappointing themselves even more or they just no longer care. That’s why I personally stopped believing in unconditional love, one wrong step I take no matter how big and it’s gone and my partner will follow suit. I just learned to live without it.

sparklesshining · Answer

Maybe it’s coz some people may have faced situations where someone may have hurt them emotionally or maybe they’re heart broken deeply but of course it depends , like every person faces heartbreaks in different ways..

GlitterFairy16 · Answer

Years of letting people put you down and treat you as lesser.

AdithyaR · Answer

I feel that way sometimes cause I believe I'm the only one who's crazy enough to actually love me. I'm weird.

oper8erx · Answer

Because of potential abuse, upbringing, past experiences.. Any one of a thousand variables. Or because they are cucks.

Anonymous · Answer

May be something to od with your unbringing that mad wyou fell unworthy of love and have low self esteem.

Twalli · Answer

I was and seriously considering acts that could kill me before getting a girlfriend. Now I know people can love me without being a canine or family.

Anonymous · Answer

Mainly because things haven’t worked out yet. Or they haven’t found anyone. Or things don’t feel right

jimmy2 · Answer

Well i want to love a woman again so bad but can't find one

Anno2 · Answer

I don't love, should be an equal exchange

madgoat · Answer

They lack love for themselves

1828avaava1828 · Answer

I deserve it!! Almost everyone does!!!

hellish-kitty · Answer

Because of insecurity.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

No one "deserves" love. "Love" is not a "right".

Iron_Man · Answer

I don’t know why they feel that way

jirwin7979 · Answer

i am not sure but iam in that boat as well

Shy_Steve · Answer

Because we don't get it or get it that often.

Quackthulu · Answer

Some people don't.

Anonymous · Answer

They had bad luck or bad experience

Why do people believe they don’t deserve love?

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