My boyfriend wants me to take initiative. How do I take initiative more often but to the point where he can put effort in as well?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend says he likes when I take initiative. Like planning out dates or for me to decide. I don't mind but then I catch myself doing it more and then he gets comfortable so then how do I take initiative more often but to the point where he can put effort as well

[NyceGuyFinishingLast]

Just taking the initiative doesn't mean taking over. Just like making the first move for the frisky business, or deciding where to eat instead of being asked, or just pulling the trigger on projects or vacations. He doesn't want you taking over just make more decisions without him having to all you. Lime if you feel like do something on the weekend then you decide where to go and her will be happy just to tag along. But, just make be sure you aren't over doing it as the roles will switch and he might become too dependent on you. Equal it out but be more assertive and make decisions about the little everyday things like where our what to eat.

[Asker]

Hmm thank you!!! Coming from a guy it def changes my mindset.

[NyceGuyFinishingLast]

No problem, some guys are dicks when it comes to making decisions. They either want all the control or none. Just even it out and don't be afraid to pull the trigger and make the decisions.

[Asker]

You’re right. Okay it makes sense as long as I am not the only one putting effort. He does pick me up most of the time so if I take initiative in at least bringing up where to go then he can put the effort into driving right... what other ways is there to take initiative besides where to go?

[NyceGuyFinishingLast]

Just depends. Planning vacations, planning a weekend, if you live together about updating decor or getting a pet. Making a decision doesn't mean always putting in all the work. I used to host cookouts and I would assign each person something to bring. Like cups, drinks, chips, napkins, that sort of thing. If you showed up without you item you didn't get to eat. Everyone their part. If you wanted to plan a getaway. Taking the initiative would be to pick where to go or picking places out to discuss where both can agree on. Then both are putting in work to plan the itinerary of what do to once there.

[Asker]

We don't live together we are just in a relationship but what you say it makes sense. I truly appreciate the feedback. I wish I could ask you more questions

[NyceGuyFinishingLast]

Ask away. I don't helping others enjoy their lives. Since you don't live together planning out some of the date nights. Like you said you pick something to do and he can drive.

[Asker]

Okay that makes sense :)

[NyceGuyFinishingLast]

😁👍

[PrudentGuy]

I read some "self help" and came across something like:

Man buys the house, woman (wife) makes it a home;

Man guysbtge car, woman (wife) makes the vacation.

I think the principal applies in your case.

Talk it out with him, let him play a "man's" role, then you complement with "perfecting" it.

Yes, it takes two to make a relationship works. I believe he'll gladly accept if he's a responsible guys. (Otherwise if he broke off, 😭 take it as a blessing you're not dating a boy.)

[thimmslicc]

If you want him to make effort. You'll have to let him know. How he responds, if he wants to take control or let you have it. I would take control if he given me the green light. And once he figures it out that you are in too much control, he will make some decisions too. You have to abuse the authority in order for him to show you whats up. Sad but these men are complicated as well.

[Aliceinwonderland22]

Address the issue with him, suggest that you take turns with planning dates maybe as you are happy planning but like when he takes initiative too?

[Wise4myage]

I suggest you tell him how good it would make you feel when he takes the initiative. Try to work things out where its done equally, that's good for balance.

[Asker]

True is just I can do it but I can tell he stops. Like we have both different work schedules, I wake up much earlier than him. So I always text him good morning and I wish he would do it first. But he knows I wake up early and basically says he likes when I text him good morning like whoever wakes up first basically texts the person, I hope made sense

[Wise4myage]

He needs to know how good it makes you feel when he texts you first. I see no reason why he can't.

[Asker]

How can I tell him or show him how it makes me feel when he does it first? Is my question... how would you like your girlfriend to tell you or express it

[Wise4myage]

Just be honest with him?

[Asker]

Thank you!!

[Wise4myage]

You're welcome. :)

[Marcuslrh]

Just talk to him and take it in turns it's that simple

[Anonymous]

its always bothered me how its expected of the guy, man, it enrages me a lot at times, sometimes i just don't see the logic or sense as to why taking initiative is a masculine thing.

[Asker]

You are right! See I do take initiative but also when I do it often he then gets comfortable then it is me doing all the work? Does that make sense... I want him to put effort as well

[Opinion Owner]

well now you know how guys, men, feel, i think its part of human nature, when someone else takes the load off their shoulders for once

[Asker]

You’re right. Okay it makes sense as long as I am not the only one putting effort. He does pick me up most of the time so if I take initiative in at least bringing up where to go then he can put the effort into driving. It makes sense

[Opinion Owner]

plus, its another reminder of my life-long hatred how guys are expected to make the first move, talk to women first and ask them out first, it's like why can't women go after men too right?

[Asker]

You are right, I am learning that as well. I think society says men are hunters and like a chase. So we don't like to take initiative

[Opinion Owner]

well not all men feel like that, have you ever asked a guy out before? if you have, has it resulted in you dating him?