Wow that actually makes a lot of sense, I don't know if she will actually heal cuz she’s in airforce and work is stressful she a single mom when she doesn’t want to be her cheating ex stil cause trouble for her with the kids she’s being deployed in Jan on top of the depression and stuff, she sees me as her life line I’m the only one who knows how dark her mind is she hates talking about her feelings or even sharing them cuz she hates feeling vulnerable or like a burden to people, she said she can’t keep me around and she’s not making me happy keeping me around when I asked her why she wanted to keep me around even tho I’m not around she wouldn’t anwser me, I’ve been thay “friend” to her the passed year and these passed 4 months checking up on her seeing how’s she doing, she tell me she doesn’t think she’s going to make it the end of the year or even in deployment if she gets there she told me she’s doesn’t tell me that to convince me to stick around but she knows I love and care about her deeply and I’m sure if I text her right now of how she’s feeling or doing ok she’ll just say “I’m alive, Eh”
Although you say you've been that "friend", I think not. Because you've been confused about her behavior like you said and from the pictures of your texting-conversations. But she's wanted you to be that friend, I would think. But assuming I'm right about this I shall say; now that maybe you do see things a bit more clearly you could become that friend if you should decide to. But then you have to put your feelings aside and be just a friend, not an ex. That position is not the right place for alterior motives. And you shouldn't forget to live a life as well. That kind of friendship is a burden you must be willing to take on if you do go down that path. You should focus on your own future. She seem ultimately damaged or even broken. Healing takes time, years, maybe even into decades depending on the persons willingness to accept and want to change enough to sacrifice vulnerability for progress.As for her practical situation, she shouldn't go out to a warzone in such a state, it might endanger more lives than her own. And going out there chasing more trauma is not going to solve the problems she already have. It wouldn't surprise me if she felt as if being deployed is the escape she needs. Escaping one reality of choices and emotion for one with orders and routine. She should stay home and try to be some kind of mother to those children. Make peace eith her ex. Learn to cope with life and most of all, her own emotions.
I was that friend till she started confusing she told me she didn’t want to tell me she missed me cuz she didn’t want to lead me on cuz she’s not mentally ready to be with me or anyone, then she starts telling me she misses me even more anyways that why I got confused, it’s not her choice to be deployed the Airforce is forcing her to go, as far as her progress she she says she’s tooBroken to be with anyone and everyone wil eventually leave her, she’s told me she just wants to be held till the pieces are back together, when she first stopped seeing me and texting 4months ago she told it’s because she didn’t plan on being around and she was getting me used to not see her cuz she planned on taking her life but she hasn’t done that, she told me she was using her friends Jen pool as a distraction, her view on things I don't know if they will change but she told me when she was around me when we dated the things that hurt her like the voices in her head were quiet and she felt happy but the second I left to go home or to work she told me they came hitting her like a truck, she told me she had therapy in the past but talking about her feelings just makes her feel even. More broken as far as how she deals with it now she said she rather just deal with the things alone and not tell anyone she’s told me all her pain with her previous ex’s about her physical abuse her first ex beating her into a miscarriage and the ex husband cheating and the guy after that cheating on her and then meeting me I’m sure she prob scared to loose me so she pushed me away like she say she does to people and when she’s deployed she said her trust issues would make her go crazy so I think she’s thought about getting back with me it’s just that being deployed she’s afraid of being cheated on as welll
I think if she told her superiors about her state of wellbeing she would be forbidden to be deployed. But as you say, if she can't talk to others about it then maybe she hasn't told them. Progress for her would not be to find someone to hold her together. She needs to find it within herself. To admit to herself that she wants to live, to learn and to change. Everyone changes with time whether we like it or not but not everyone changes for the better. For that to happen she needs to understand that she is powerful in her own mind. That the voices aren't bad external things but her own thoughts. And everyone has thoughts that we don't control, that is the nature of our minds. But none of us are our own thoughts, only what we choose to listen to. How we let it affect us. The mind is like a dog. It needs to be trained and we all have to learn that if we don't dicipline the mind we lose control of our emotions. How to train; there are many ways but positve reinforcments toward oneself is a start, learning who you are and knowing how to avoid triggering bad episodes or thought-patterns is one. Another is through Meditation, mindfullness. I'd recommend that for everyone. She needs to let hersrlf feel her emotions though. The more she resists the more it builds up. Either she allow herself to feel it or it will manifest on its own in some other way. It's not bad to feel it. She need to talk about it or let it out some way. Otherwise she is just postponing a breakdown. I don't really know all too much about trust issues as I, myself has some of those unresolved. But I would assume it comes down to both understanding that not everyone is the same and to realize that we are not in control of others and never will be. To find acceptance in the way trust works, that obe needs to make a "leap of faith" and hope to be able to find trust along the way. Not sure.
Yea you make a good point lol a lot of the misguided females who replied say she’s playing me but I knew she wasn’t
Yeah, people take the easy road too often, its not always as simple as saying they're bad people with evil intent or whatever. It's just not that simple. Many are quick to judge, they don't understand. I don't blame them either though, its not easy to grow up and become both selfaware and modest. To understand that "I am flawed and I am not the only one, I might not have all the same experience as everyone else but we're all human and we function in similar ways" to analyse all the patterns is not all so easy. And I'm sure I have it wrong many times as well.
yea to refame myself from texting her i just deleted the number and let her reach out to me when she's ready and if she doesn't then ill already be used to and on my way in progress to joining the airforce
Glad you're making decisions😊Joining up are ye'? Well good luck to you!🙂 I, myself will be chopping vegtebles and making great dinners for the foreseeable future😅
Na after she told me she was out with her friend Jennifer I just ignored her and then she texted me two days later and that’s when she got upset said I hope U find what ur looking for cuz I stopped talkkkmg to her that night and said I was mad an stuff
She was out enjoying herself and keeping you in check. Instead you should be ignoring her and going out with girls. Any response from you confirms why she broke up with you, that you're washed up and undesirable. BLOCK and move on.
Amen brother, like why are you still here running through fire hoops oldboy? That number's gotta go, for your own sake 😂
Most of the times she did thay, she was at home when she told me sometimes she’s out with her girls and she’ll tell me I think y’all are right tho I texted her just to see if she would respond and she hasn’t AJ been 2 days but I’m in the process of joining the airforce so I won’t be around for long anyways, her lose
Explain this to me
You need to be there for her, she's reaching out
How does she obviously need me? I haven’t seen her in 4 months an she messages me every few days or a week exchange a few messages and disappeared again, i know she’s not mentally stable for relationships and suffer from depression and thinks she’s gonna kill herself but I don’t get how she needs me if she won’t let me be there for her
Why is she reaching it for Tho, how does she need me? When she doesn’t respond to my texts after a few messages it’s been like this for months, she said she misses me all the time before the i wills top reaching out thing and the birherday dinner last week, but I don’t understand how she needs me when I’m not there for her or she won’t see me? I don’t see how I serve any purpose or why she wants to keep me around. I tried asking questions and all it did was push her away even more
What would you do if someone says they miss you?
I’d go see them, but she said just Bc she misses and does want to see me doesn’t mean she should
Then you go and see her... and till you don't reach them you comfort them...
@Warmapplecrumble - she doesn't "need" him. She's homesick. She's messaging him for a reminder of "good times". Messaging him is the same as her messaging her parents cause she's upset. The poster says she's got issues - depression, etc. - and this is typical depressive homesick behavior. Jeez.
@SomeBlondeChick well if I was home sick that's what I would want
“Idk what to say. I’m still not ok and still don’t need to be with someone... I’ll just end up hurting them because I’m still hurting. And I leave in January... my trust issues would make me go crazy” this is what she told me when I texted her I missed her a few weeks ago
She beat physically abused from highschool boyfriend that made her miscarriage she’s been married for 7yewrs to a guy who cheated on her and he remarried the women he cheated with and she has two kids the guy after thay she dated befoee me also cheated, I was the only decent guy she dated but I know she’s stilll hurting from her past and she feels no1 cares about her, and she’s told me she feels she won’t survive cuz her dark mind tells her to end her life but she’s been telling me that since December, now she’s being deployed in airforce and she feels she won’t survive, I care and love her but I don't know what she wants from me and I can’t ask either as you can see how she reacted
Basically to me she's left the relationship because she think she has issues and still loves you/likes you so it's hard to move on
Tell her you won't cheat on her and to give you a chance?
We haven’t talked since last Saturday with dinner that she texted me about, what do I say to her, I think she knows I wouldn’t cheat on her cuz I wouldn’t I've done nothing but love this girl, she was happy when she was with me but I don’t even know the reason we broke up tbh but she still stayed in contact with me and I was over her house even when we broke up but once Covid hit and her kids had to leave to go with ex husband n new wife cuz it was safer for her kids since she couldn’t say home she kinda just ghosted n stop replying to me she shut down n that’s when all this random texting started when she drunker texted she missed me she told me she always did but didn’t tell me cuz she didn’t want to lead me on but after that night she started saying it anyways but wouldn’t see me and this has been going on for like 3 months
You should go to her place and maybe stay with her for few days?
She won’t see me going to see her is outta the question
Just do it and be assertive.. if she stops you keep trying. Then give ultimatum then wait and then leave.
@Warmapplecrumble Stop giving him false hope mate
@Gisellesupreme it's better to try then imagine what it would have been like if I tried harder. I don't know what's funny in this whole situation to you?
@Warmapplecrumble Your pathetic advice is hilarious
@Gisellesupreme thanks for your complements.
@Warmapplecrumble - ROFL. Who cares what you want. That's not what this gal wants.
@Gisellesupreme thanks again and @SomeBlondeChick thanks and obviously she thinks exactly like you.
@Warmapplecrumble Giving dumb advice on shit you clearly got no business talking about. “If she stops you keep trying”? HUH?
@Gisellesupreme thanks , you can let all your anger out.
Don’t give advice
@Gisellesupreme alright I won't give advice , are you happy now?
Yes I am
Wow this chick is seriously dragging that on over an opinion lol the girl can give her own opinion if she wants and she wasn’t wrong either, I told my ex and she came to see me, my ex was scared I was gonna leave eventually like everyone else we worked it out. So Giselle can take your toxicity elsewhere
@OldboyJon - then what are you whining about like a little bitch for? Doormat.
@OldboyJon glad it worked out for you
@OldboyJon Still makes you a loser.
Lol wouldn’t say that shit to my face
@OldboyJon just forget her, not worth the energy
@OldboyJon Why not?
@Gisellesupreme just leave him alone
@Warmapplecrumble He’s threatening me
@Gisellesupreme no he's not.
@Warmapplecrumble It’s indirect
@Gisellesupreme i don't think so, probably just miscommunication
@Warmapplecrumble I still think he’s a weirdo for not seeing it
@Gisellesupreme that's rude
Lol oh now she Wanna play miss innocent victim oh he’s threatening me card like she didn’t just facilitate it, I know she’s not worth it which is why her comments never phased me to begin with cuz she knows she doesn’t have the overies to say it to a guys face so she feels big behind her computer screen which is laughable
@OldboyJon You shouldn’t talk. You’re being played and she has you by the balls lol
Aww still playing that card lol? Did someone touch you as a child? You feeling empowered? If u haven’t guessed I could careless what you saying about her lol your cunt who got deeper rooted issuse’s, how bout you log off your pedestal and g recover from that child hood trauma 😂😂😂
@OldboyJon English please
I'm sorry if I'm butting in off-topic, but I think you'll be all glad to know @Gisellesupreme got banned after me and other users reporting her and her trolling.
Yea she’s got deeper rooted issues lol I just blocked her
Same for me.
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Yea she said she misses me and wants to see me doesn’t mean that she should She said this to me when I told her I miss her too “Idk what to say. I’m still not ok and still don’t need to be with someone... I’ll just end up hurting them because I’m still hurting. And I leave in January... my trust issues would make me go crazy”
She's making my case. She's in-between, @OldboyJon. You have to "fully break the bone so it can heal properly" here. I suggest you be straight up and tell her, you don't want any communication with her anymore while she's healing. Come back ready to start a new relationship with you or don't return. Forces her to process her feelings without you. It benefits her greatly and it keeps the noise out of head.
I texted her Tuesday checkin up on her and wasn Gonna offee that but she just ignored my text
I’m sure about her I think she’s just scared and not mentally ready to be with anyone cuz of her depression and she’s deploying in January to Kuwait so her trust issues would make her go crazy like she said so I think she’s thought about dating I think
I’ve been that girl many times. I played so many men and applied most of the tactics we’ve seen above.
I’m happy with the boyfriend now, but what I’m saying is that the girl is clearly not sincere and I don’t get how he doesn’t understand that!!
@Gisellesupreme You ain’t got no fucking clue about men so STFU! :D
@Gisellesupreme probably because he is a great guy who just takes people at their word instead of assuming everything has a hidden meaning.What I want to know is why girls do this, it's pathetic and childish and only shuts off great friendships with good people.
Why do u think that she’s using me
she seems manipulative. To be honest I've seen people do that, contact someone they haven't to see if they can still contact them, do it for their ego. I've even done it to be sure that someone is still attached to me in some way. Plus you said yourself that she's mentally ill
*Not ok mentally
She not the type to text me cuz she’s doing it for an ego she’s not that type of girl
well you know her better than anyone else.
I guess I’ll shoot her a text and see how she is
@ChocoBrownieMonster Hhahaha the asker is a moron 😂
At the same she didn’t show it when I texted her checking up on her she ignored the text
Busy with military stuff
Na she would use to text me all the time at work when she was busy
That’s not even simping lol
Her: sup. U: omg I luv u!You're weak.
What post are u even reading... lol u need help more than my ex does
You're just narcissistic supply; if you had any masculine dignity, you'd tell her to kick rocks. Beta bux invertebrates... smh.
DeNile isn't just a river in Egypt.
@OldboyJon You are the definition of loser.
I don’t doubt that i gave it to her like clockwork
Didn’t you ask a similar thing a while ago? About the girl? Saying she was mentally not good etc?
She is STILL playing you. My God.
Did you ask a similar thing last time? Yes you did and I told you then that she was doing that to you and she still is.
U were wrong then too
Hahahah so you did ask the same shit a hundred times and you still get treated like a doormat because you are too naiive to see it. Good luck then.
That’s your rebuttals a doormat? Ur that upset lol and that’s what you came up with? doesn't matter if I asked 300 times
@OldboyJon like are you really stupid or something, this anon is telling you how it is. Your ex is playing with you, The first time she said "i want to see you, doesn't mean i should" that's your reason to say have a nice life goodbye [block her from all social media]. She can miss you without talking to you, if she has no interest in meeting you why is she wasting your time. Stop being a doormat. Block her. She's preventing you from moving on, because she's having you think youve got a slim chance of getting back with her when actually it's impossible. She even messed with you by suggesting you are angry [mind trick] when actually you gave her no reason to think such a thing. She's having you think you did something wrong again so youve fucked it all up. That will lower your self-esteem. Give up.
@ChocoBrownieMonster I think that he’s retarded or something. The chick has been plying the game with him for ages now. He has no self esteem to speak of, or he would listen.
@chocobrowniemonster How the fuck does he not see it? 😂
@Anon nah it's not retarded, he loves her and she's a bitch. She knows it. It's very hard for a person to let go, i feel bad for being so harsh but being a guy i have been there and i needed someone to be harsh to me like this.
@chocobrowniemonster I can’t respect what he’s doing
He doesn’t get it and it’s like WTF ARE YOU NOT GETTING IT.
because guys only listen to what they want to hear and ignore the parts that are futile, the girl knows this so adds things that she know will keep him going but won't accept responsibility for leading him on because she says made it clear she won't ever meet him.
@ChocoBrownieMonster Hence why she is playing him and why he has no respect for himself!!
Wym by that
looks like i failed each time then huh