She’s deployed to Kuwait in January but she said she’s not mentally ok and stuff haven’t seen her in 3 months but she stills texts me she broke up with me in January
She's depressed, confused and is having trouble processing her emotions. She's looking for support from you, or validation. She might even want you to chase after her and save her from herself. She's obviously very unstable and needs a lot of reassuring.
However, she seems to be a heavy load, a burden and an uncertainity. It would seem her troubles are very raw still and is changing her from the inside, and she is resisting the pain and the change.
I don't know if you could rein her in even if you did commit to trying and I think she knows that. I think this is why she broke up in the first place. She knows she is too complex and her mind is in turmoil. But she still cares and wishes times where different.
Then her emotions comes and goes like a rollercoaster because of the depression and this makes her erradic, she get impulsive and texts you because she does miss you and want to be near you. But she also knows she can't.
I can't tell you what to do. But you need to decide what you want and if you think it's worth the drama.
I think the best thing for HER would be if you could be her -friend- only. Don't remind her of your good times too much and don't make it about the drama, just be supportive and help her take steps in processing her feelings. Go deep and remember that sometimes the best thing you can do is listen and let her think out loud.
But that might not be what's best for you. This would depend on how emotionally mature you are. If you could put your feelings aside and just be a friend. Be open to the possibility that even if you at some point do get her to really start healing she might not be into you anymore, she will have become a new version of herself.
If you can't be that friend then I think you should cease contact with her. She needs to realize the strength within herself to stand on her own. As it is right now she is wasting your time.
Decide what YOU want. What's the easy decision? .. the hard? .. and the right?
--- But this is just my viewpoint based off of your question, the other comments and the information you shared there.
Wow that actually makes a lot of sense, I don't know if she will actually heal cuz she’s in airforce and work is stressful she a single mom when she doesn’t want to be her cheating ex stil cause trouble for her with the kids she’s being deployed in Jan on top of the depression and stuff, she sees me as her life line I’m the only one who knows how dark her mind is she hates talking about her feelings or even sharing them cuz she hates feeling vulnerable or like a burden to people, she said she can’t keep me around and she’s not making me happy keeping me around when I asked her why she wanted to keep me around even tho I’m not around she wouldn’t anwser me, I’ve been thay “friend” to her the passed year and these passed 4 months checking up on her seeing how’s she doing, she tell me she doesn’t think she’s going to make it the end of the year or even in deployment if she gets there she told me she’s doesn’t tell me that to convince me to stick around but she knows I love and care about her deeply and I’m sure if I text her right now of how she’s feeling or doing ok she’ll just say “I’m alive, Eh”
Although you say you've been that "friend", I think not. Because you've been confused about her behavior like you said and from the pictures of your texting-conversations. But she's wanted you to be that friend, I would think. But assuming I'm right about this I shall say; now that maybe you do see things a bit more clearly you could become that friend if you should decide to. But then you have to put your feelings aside and be just a friend, not an ex. That position is not the right place for alterior motives.
And you shouldn't forget to live a life as well. That kind of friendship is a burden you must be willing to take on if you do go down that path. You should focus on your own future. She seem ultimately damaged or even broken.
Healing takes time, years, maybe even into decades depending on the persons willingness to accept and want to change enough to sacrifice vulnerability for progress.
As for her practical situation, she shouldn't go out to a warzone in such a state, it might endanger more lives than her own. And going out there chasing more trauma is not going to solve the problems she already have. It wouldn't surprise me if she felt as if being deployed is the escape she needs. Escaping one reality of choices and emotion for one with orders and routine.
She should stay home and try to be some kind of mother to those children. Make peace eith her ex. Learn to cope with life and most of all, her own emotions.
I was that friend till she started confusing she told me she didn’t want to tell me she missed me cuz she didn’t want to lead me on cuz she’s not mentally ready to be with me or anyone, then she starts telling me she misses me even more anyways that why I got confused, it’s not her choice to be deployed the Airforce is forcing her to go, as far as her progress she she says she’s too Broken to be with anyone and everyone wil eventually leave her, she’s told me she just wants to be held till the pieces are back together, when she first stopped seeing me and texting 4months ago she told it’s because she didn’t plan on being around and she was getting me used to not see her cuz she planned on taking her life but she hasn’t done that, she told me she was using her friends Jen pool as a distraction, her view on things I don't know if they will change but she told me when she was around me when we dated the things that hurt her like the voices in her head were quiet and she felt happy but the second I left to go home or to work she told me they came hitting her like a truck, she told me she had therapy in the past but talking about her feelings just makes her feel even. More broken as far as how she deals with it now she said she rather just deal with the things alone and not tell anyone she’s told me all her pain with her previous ex’s about her physical abuse her first ex beating her into a miscarriage and the ex husband cheating and the guy after that cheating on her and then meeting me I’m sure she prob scared to loose me so she pushed me away like she say she does to people and when she’s deployed she said her trust issues would make her go crazy so I think she’s thought about getting back with me it’s just that being deployed she’s afraid of being cheated on as welll
I think if she told her superiors about her state of wellbeing she would be forbidden to be deployed. But as you say, if she can't talk to others about it then maybe she hasn't told them.
Progress for her would not be to find someone to hold her together. She needs to find it within herself. To admit to herself that she wants to live, to learn and to change. Everyone changes with time whether we like it or not but not everyone changes for the better.
For that to happen she needs to understand that she is powerful in her own mind. That the voices aren't bad external things but her own thoughts. And everyone has thoughts that we don't control, that is the nature of our minds. But none of us are our own thoughts, only what we choose to listen to. How we let it affect us.
The mind is like a dog. It needs to be trained and we all have to learn that if we don't dicipline the mind we lose control of our emotions. How to train; there are many ways but positve reinforcments toward oneself is a start, learning who you are and knowing how to avoid triggering bad episodes or thought-patterns is one. Another is through Meditation, mindfullness. I'd recommend that for everyone.
She needs to let hersrlf feel her emotions though. The more she resists the more it builds up. Either she allow herself to feel it or it will manifest on its own in some other way. It's not bad to feel it. She need to talk about it or let it out some way. Otherwise she is just postponing a breakdown.
I don't really know all too much about trust issues as I, myself has some of those unresolved. But I would assume it comes down to both understanding that not everyone is the same and to realize that we are not in control of others and never will be. To find acceptance in the way trust works, that obe needs to make a "leap of faith" and hope to be able to find trust along the way. Not sure.
Yeah, people take the easy road too often, its not always as simple as saying they're bad people with evil intent or whatever. It's just not that simple. Many are quick to judge, they don't understand. I don't blame them either though, its not easy to grow up and become both selfaware and modest. To understand that "I am flawed and I am not the only one, I might not have all the same experience as everyone else but we're all human and we function in similar ways" to analyse all the patterns is not all so easy. And I'm sure I have it wrong many times as well.
yea to refame myself from texting her i just deleted the number and let her reach out to me when she's ready and if she doesn't then ill already be used to and on my way in progress to joining the airforce
Glad you're making decisions😊 Joining up are ye'? Well good luck to you!🙂 I, myself will be chopping vegtebles and making great dinners for the foreseeable future😅
why is she out at dinner with someone and texting you aswell? You suggest meeting her, she blocks your attempt because she's out with a person. She blocks your attempt again by suggesting your angry. She block your attempt again by saying she shouldn't. She blocks your attempt by saying "can't i just miss you" she's playing with you. She has no respect for you, if she did she wouldn't be out with someone else and find a way to tell you. That was her intention, to let you know. BLOCK HER, delete her from your life. You'll never get back with her, she's made it very clear "Hope you find what you're looking for"
Na after she told me she was out with her friend Jennifer I just ignored her and then she texted me two days later and that’s when she got upset said I hope U find what ur looking for cuz I stopped talkkkmg to her that night and said I was mad an stuff
She was out enjoying herself and keeping you in check. Instead you should be ignoring her and going out with girls. Any response from you confirms why she broke up with you, that you're washed up and undesirable. BLOCK and move on.
Most of the times she did thay, she was at home when she told me sometimes she’s out with her girls and she’ll tell me I think y’all are right tho I texted her just to see if she would respond and she hasn’t AJ been 2 days but I’m in the process of joining the airforce so I won’t be around for long anyways, her lose
What she is doing is very wrong. I’m not sure how your relationship was but it seems like she has a hold of you and she knows it. I understand the mental stuff but if she broke up with you she is not allowed to just text you randomly and mess with your emotions because it is clear from the texts you care about her. You should ignore further texts, but if you cannot do that then you need to text her and bluntly ask her what her intentions are.
How does she obviously need me? I haven’t seen her in 4 months an she messages me every few days or a week exchange a few messages and disappeared again, i know she’s not mentally stable for relationships and suffer from depression and thinks she’s gonna kill herself but I don’t get how she needs me if she won’t let me be there for her
Why is she reaching it for Tho, how does she need me? When she doesn’t respond to my texts after a few messages it’s been like this for months, she said she misses me all the time before the i wills top reaching out thing and the birherday dinner last week, but I don’t understand how she needs me when I’m not there for her or she won’t see me? I don’t see how I serve any purpose or why she wants to keep me around. I tried asking questions and all it did was push her away even more
@Warmapplecrumble - she doesn't "need" him. She's homesick. She's messaging him for a reminder of "good times". Messaging him is the same as her messaging her parents cause she's upset. The poster says she's got issues - depression, etc. - and this is typical depressive homesick behavior. Jeez.
“Idk what to say. I’m still not ok and still don’t need to be with someone... I’ll just end up hurting them because I’m still hurting. And I leave in January... my trust issues would make me go crazy” this is what she told me when I texted her I missed her a few weeks ago
She beat physically abused from highschool boyfriend that made her miscarriage she’s been married for 7yewrs to a guy who cheated on her and he remarried the women he cheated with and she has two kids the guy after thay she dated befoee me also cheated, I was the only decent guy she dated but I know she’s stilll hurting from her past and she feels no1 cares about her, and she’s told me she feels she won’t survive cuz her dark mind tells her to end her life but she’s been telling me that since December, now she’s being deployed in airforce and she feels she won’t survive, I care and love her but I don't know what she wants from me and I can’t ask either as you can see how she reacted
We haven’t talked since last Saturday with dinner that she texted me about, what do I say to her, I think she knows I wouldn’t cheat on her cuz I wouldn’t I've done nothing but love this girl, she was happy when she was with me but I don’t even know the reason we broke up tbh but she still stayed in contact with me and I was over her house even when we broke up but once Covid hit and her kids had to leave to go with ex husband n new wife cuz it was safer for her kids since she couldn’t say home she kinda just ghosted n stop replying to me she shut down n that’s when all this random texting started when she drunker texted she missed me she told me she always did but didn’t tell me cuz she didn’t want to lead me on but after that night she started saying it anyways but wouldn’t see me and this has been going on for like 3 months
@Gisellesupreme it's better to try then imagine what it would have been like if I tried harder. I don't know what's funny in this whole situation to you?
Wow this chick is seriously dragging that on over an opinion lol the girl can give her own opinion if she wants and she wasn’t wrong either, I told my ex and she came to see me, my ex was scared I was gonna leave eventually like everyone else we worked it out. So Giselle can take your toxicity elsewhere
Lol oh now she Wanna play miss innocent victim oh he’s threatening me card like she didn’t just facilitate it, I know she’s not worth it which is why her comments never phased me to begin with cuz she knows she doesn’t have the overies to say it to a guys face so she feels big behind her computer screen which is laughable
Aww still playing that card lol? Did someone touch you as a child? You feeling empowered? If u haven’t guessed I could careless what you saying about her lol your cunt who got deeper rooted issuse’s, how bout you log off your pedestal and g recover from that child hood trauma 😂😂😂
I'm sorry if I'm butting in off-topic, but I think you'll be all glad to know @Gisellesupreme got banned after me and other users reporting her and her trolling.
So she misses you, but the problem is, she's processing her feelings WITH you.
That's not good, It's still over and she's just bouncing back and forth. It's okay to miss someone; it's not okay to miss someone and do nothing.
So either she needs to miss you so much, that she wants you back or she needs to learn to stop missing you. ( you have to want either result for yourself, else she's wasting your time and confusing you.)
Again, answering your question, She misses you, but this isn't necessarily a good thing.
Yea she said she misses me and wants to see me doesn’t mean that she should She said this to me when I told her I miss her too “Idk what to say. I’m still not ok and still don’t need to be with someone... I’ll just end up hurting them because I’m still hurting. And I leave in January... my trust issues would make me go crazy”
She's making my case. She's in-between, @OldboyJon. You have to "fully break the bone so it can heal properly" here.
I suggest you be straight up and tell her, you don't want any communication with her anymore while she's healing. Come back ready to start a new relationship with you or don't return. Forces her to process her feelings without you. It benefits her greatly and it keeps the noise out of head.
She's using you for attention. I guarantee you that if you try to seriously get back together or anything, she will make up excuses to suddenly go the other direction. Been there, done that. Honestly, I would block any and all means of communication you have with her.
And yeah Kuwait deployments suck. There's a reason we preferred going to actual combat zones than screwing off in Kuwait so it's no surprise if she thinks she's going insane there.
Meh. She broke up with you. She shouldn't be texting you like that, she made her decision. It's all or nothing. She can't keep flirting with the idea of being in your life and then vanish when it's not convenient.
Does she miss you? I'm sure she does... Sometimes. That's the thing, when she's lonely she'll start to miss you and hit you up, but clearly she didn't value you enough to stay with you, so you don't owe her anything.
I think she's just as unsure about everything as you are confused. she's kinda just trying to go with the flow because she probably doesn't feel like she has any control over her life right now. She probably likes u but has mentally rationalized why its not good to act on it or go too far into it.
I’m sure about her I think she’s just scared and not mentally ready to be with anyone cuz of her depression and she’s deploying in January to Kuwait so her trust issues would make her go crazy like she said so I think she’s thought about dating I think
I'm no psychiatrist but this seems like emotional manipulation. When my exes missed me, they came over and we'd do stuff. Sometimes that stuff took place in the bedroom 😁 But this crap is super weird and honestly I'd block her number if it keeps happening.
I'm guessing she wants to keep you in her back pocket, or is seeking validation by making sure you're still interested. Either one is really toxic behaviour and you don't need that in your life.
Emotional manipulation or keeping you around till she replaces you. Please dont say she's not like that you never truly known someone till you break up with them. I dated a girl 6 years ago known for for 8 years before we dated so I known this girl super will. She would act the same way your ex acted fuck that bitch.
Move on, if you can handle being her some one support then do that, but not only is this a long distance thing this also seems like she trying to move on as well.. seems like you two had a long relationship so naturally it's going to take time to get over all that experiences.. and it is not easy realizing how hard it is to find another good/decent relationship.. time and boundaries step standards with you 2 and your selfs and try to move on with not becoming enemies..
she seems manipulative. To be honest I've seen people do that, contact someone they haven't to see if they can still contact them, do it for their ego. I've even done it to be sure that someone is still attached to me in some way. Plus you said yourself that she's mentally ill
“Idk what to say. I’m still not ok and still don’t need to be with someone... I’ll just end up hurting them because I’m still hurting. And I leave in January... my trust issues would make me go crazy” this is what she told me when I texted her I missed her a few weeks ago
@OldboyJon like are you really stupid or something, this anon is telling you how it is. Your ex is playing with you, The first time she said "i want to see you, doesn't mean i should" that's your reason to say have a nice life goodbye [block her from all social media]. She can miss you without talking to you, if she has no interest in meeting you why is she wasting your time. Stop being a doormat. Block her. She's preventing you from moving on, because she's having you think youve got a slim chance of getting back with her when actually it's impossible. She even messed with you by suggesting you are angry [mind trick] when actually you gave her no reason to think such a thing. She's having you think you did something wrong again so youve fucked it all up. That will lower your self-esteem. Give up.
@ChocoBrownieMonster I think that he’s retarded or something. The chick has been plying the game with him for ages now. He has no self esteem to speak of, or he would listen.
@Anon nah it's not retarded, he loves her and she's a bitch. She knows it. It's very hard for a person to let go, i feel bad for being so harsh but being a guy i have been there and i needed someone to be harsh to me like this.
because guys only listen to what they want to hear and ignore the parts that are futile, the girl knows this so adds things that she know will keep him going but won't accept responsibility for leading him on because she says made it clear she won't ever meet him.
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