What's your take on video games in a marriage and the lack of physical intimacy because of it?

Question

Enter Scenario 1#
If either spouse plays them and maybe too much of them whereas they neglect each other because of it, especially in the intimacy area. The one who plays them doesn't see an issue with it and the one who doesn't play no longer feels attractive/wanted.

Because of this should the one spouse who is feeling neglected/rejected all the time because the other plays video games give in when the other wants sex?

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Allow me to explain this to you. Especially as somebody who plays video games and actually enjoys them. If a man is foregoing sex full video games. The video games is not the problem. They are deliberately avoiding you because they probably hate having sex with you. I'm sorry to say. It means you got a serious problem in your marriage and you're going to have to talk with them. Do not have sex until you have that talk. I highly suggest you get that straightened out because if you can't straighten it out yourself then my next suggestion is marriage counseling. Don't blame the video games. Your spouse is deliberately neglecting you. And it's wrong. That's sexual neglect and is part of sexual abuse.

Now many of men and some women May hate my answer for this but this is one of the logical reasons you withhold sex. You don't have somebody treat you like garbage and you're already being submissive and attentive as a wife. Because if you don't put your foot down and start setting boundaries. They will assume that it's okay to get away with it and it's not okay. You need to send a message and you need to let them know that you need to talk. Or else that's going to be the end of your marriage God forbid. And I pray not. Because it's so avoidable. I tell people all the time. Some don't want to listen to me because I think I never had a relationship before been mad everything else. But it's sad people lack the wisdom and they don't want to hear it. If you can't put in your 100% every single day in a marriage, if you can never find yourself wanting to have sex with that person all the time do not get married to them and you sure as hell better not be having sex with them. For those that want to dictate why don't bother being in a relationship. This is why. Another reason why I wouldn't want to get married.

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

Sounds like Peterpan syndrome to me, Unless he is also doing more than his fair share of responsibilities around the house (or outside it) and in the relationship and really just needs a break. Some guys (and girls) need to grow up and realize there is more to a relationship than getting and spending a paycheck. To be in a healthy functioning relationship, there needs to be "enough" money AND Someone has to cook (or otherwise be able to "provide" meals, twice a day, clean the living quarters, pay bills, and to the best of your ability, meet your partner's intimacy needs.

Obviously not every need can be met all the time, but you have to be willing to talk about it. Like some people really only want sex 2x a week, and so if you can change your own expectations (maybe you'll ask less and not feel as rejected later). You can also "convert" a desire for sex into a desire for hugs which really isn't a difficult thing to provide. There's a lot of negotiation involved in marriage, and you sort of have to put it in a silver platter for the other person. You have to pitch your idea of LESS video games and MORE of something else. Find the MORE you can add into your relationship and he will not feel resentful about the less videogames. my boyfriend does the video games a lot too and sometimes it's frustrating to watch someone give so much attention to a screen and then forget too really look at you. If he can figure out how to do BOTH, then I think your reluctance towards videogames specifically will go down. Hope that helps.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

So, my sister is in this exact position. I love games and I'm a gamer. I've never had this problem in a relationship because I've either 1. Always gave my girlfriend attention occasionally
while playing games or 2. played games with my girlfriend so we spent time together. But anyways my take is that people have to make time for their partners. Its easy to get lost in games because their so fun and addicting I get that. But i always made some time for my girlfriend to watch movies together or something hell i used to just enter a call with my girlfriend and we'd just talk while we played different games if we didn't feel like playing the same one. And when it comes to sex or anything physical, well I'm fucking lost on that, cause any time my girlfriend wanting anything like that I definitely gave her my full attention lmao. I don't see how on earth guys would rather play a game then have sex unless their just not attracted to the partner

Stevecs24 · Accepted Answer

I mean, if anything that isn't completely essential is negatively effecting your intimacy then its a problem. Whether thats video games, baseball, whatever.

Is the video game player aware that the other partner feels neglected The? The partner who feels neglected should explain how they feel, if the other partner continues to play video games during times that one partner has explained that they'd like to be intimate, whether that means have sex or simply spend time together in bed, then its time to evaluate the relationship.

Apple1996 · Answer

I just suck his dick while he's playing video games😝

MrsJaximus-Lion · Answer

when you start a relationship with a gamer you should know before you go further that this is his/her feeling good area and they have doing it for long time.
if you know about his/hers video game addiction and still choose to make the relationship serious know that you entered a competition, you vs the games and that is not easy
so you have to learn how to communicate on different levels and you have to explain how you feel and when he does the things he does it effects you in certain ways.
i married a gamer and the only time we had problems it was our 2 first years and we were learning what each person is but he is a very understandable gamer to be honest he was the one who told me to start talk in our relationship and he adjusted his habits and the things he usually do just for me and i did nothing to give back.
he is 36 and he still play video games and he has his own youtube channel but i never had the feeling of me not getting enough intimacy, attention or any physical or emotional vibes from him and we know each other very well and he has few hours to be all alone with his pc and i get to be all alone with my series, its all about communication and without it everything will fall.

shangri-Ia · Answer

Excuse me, where is scenario #2?

I don't think you're being honest about this issue.

Either the man is a scrub, and you knew you were getting into, and you got into this relationship to change him... smart.

Or there is a problem both of you aren't talking about and you're resolving it by obsessively playing video games.

If you can't communicate about what's really bothering you, don't blame it on video games. I think MOST men are responsible enough to not let hobbies overtake their lives.

nikooo0ooo · Answer

Sex gets boring. Especially when it's with the same person over and over. I don't know how people get married and have sex with the same woman for years. I would get bored after the 5th or 6th time. Chances are he's just bored of you In general. If a smoking hot model walked in his room and wanted sex he'd probably launch his PC or console out the window and be in them cheeks instantly. It's more of a you problem and less of a video game problem, you're less desirable than a bunch of colors flashing on a screen to him.

KingdomForAKiss · Answer

I've never really dated a gamer type. It's not a deal-breaker but I definitely reconsidered dating someone if they've described themselves as a gamer.
The stereotypical gamer comes to mind-- lives in parent's basement, poor hygiene, socially awkward or inept. It's quite a bit different now-- gamers don't all fit that description anyway.
I don't care much for games because I have other interests.

So if he's a gamer and we spend quality time together. If he's a gamer and he's not interested in a physical relationship with me, then we have big problems (underlying issues, not just gaming).

NamerOfStars · Answer

If there's a problem, there's a problem, but I hardly think it's fair to cast video games as some sort of drug-like boogeyman when you could get the same results from any hobby- from TV or bike-riding or reading. If you've got a relationship issue, talk it out like adults.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

I HATE video games. Back when they first began emerging when I was a kid my friends would get seriously side tract so our adventure plans would set aside because they too damn engrossed in effing video games. As a result, gaming is not allowed under my roof.

If I were you I would take a sledgehammer to the counsel or if you live close I’ll lend you any number of firearms to blast the god damned devices from existence and then throw what remains into a shithouse pit.

Tyrael · Answer

You say the partner is neglected in the intimacy area, then suggest that that partner should refuse sex as a result? If that's no intimacy then you wouldn't need to refuse sex.

Either way weaponising sex is never a good idea. The partner with the issue should discuss it and work towards a solution. You're adults, voice your concerns don't just think on it.

Funsize720 · Answer

I tried everything to win back my ex-husband. We were together for 7 years.
I tried the begging for sex method, walk around naked, trying to play games with him. He was stuck in his fantasy world and was leaving all the responsibility on me. I woke up one morning and couldn't cry anymore. I packed my shit over 2 months and left. He didn't realize I was leaving until the final week of preparing.

Video gaming IS a problem when it becomes your drug.

Screenwriter · Answer

Video games are like any addiction. How long does the spouse play these games? Is it every day? For hours at a time? Is there anything else that this person does for several hours a day when the spouse is asking for intimacy? It sounds to me like the video game person may have issues with intimacy and uses the video games to avoid it. I'd advise marriage counseling. This is a serious issue that should be addressed immediately.

jshm2 · Answer

One has nothing to the do with the other. If it does, then you're in the wrong relationship.

It's up to you both to set time and boundaries and ensure they are stuck with. Think of it like a job. You would not stick with the job if the pay and return was not worth what you signed up for on day one. You would be an idiot if you did.

InferiorElegy · Answer

I hear this all the time, women stop being intimate after marriage and the guys turn to other things like games, porn and hanging out with the guys more often. All my guy friends say after marriage and the honeymoon period, all their wives stopped being intimate, so the guys retreat to their man caves more often and of course their wives don't like that because women have to control every moment of the guys life and deny them at any chance.

DamnSam · Answer

There is a challenge out there to proof it...

Get yourself as sexy as you can, wear a coat or something long with no underwear, wait until he plays, then go to him and stand opposite to the tv/pc, then just flash and try to look as sexy as you can

9 out of 10 will tell the online team that there is another duty right now

If it works once, it works again

RationalMale · Answer

Maybe the video game player has addiction.

However maybe the other person makes their spouse feel like they cannot be open/vulnerable with them, which drastically reduces sexual desire. Or maybe the other person is flat out not attractive and needs to work out.

Juxtapose · Answer

This will literally almost never happen.  I have been gaming since I was 5 years old for 26 years and I would never dream of turning down sex for a fucking video game.

dandiecandie · Answer

Hahahaha you should walk around the house naked until he or she sees you and it starts to bother them lol

Unit1 · Answer

Yeah, that's retarded. For me sex > gaming. Love me some good intimacy with a beautiful woman 😍

TheFlak38 · Answer

Why don't you tell things how they really are? The man wants to play his games and the woman goes fuckin crazy because she can't accept that her man is diverting his attention somewhere else and is happy with it. Women always get crazy when they see their man being happy.

Dchrls78104 · Answer

If you cannot make your spouse your number one priority (at least, over inanimate objects such as video games), you should never have married.

Hope65 · Answer

I think this has nothing to do with being a gamer. They need to fix their relationship first before blaming it all on video games.

What's your take on video games in a marriage and the lack of physical intimacy because of it?

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