My boyfriend watched hentai and it makes me feel terrible what should I do?

[Anonymous]

i know i am very young but in my country legal age is smaller than 18. i am.. young, older than 15 tho, and my boyfriend is 18. with that out the way, i hope you understand why i am posting this anon. my boyfriend watches hentai and it honestly makes me feel like shit. i have tried,... replacing hentai for him. and it worked for some time but he still didn't stop. i hate the nasty comments he leaves on reddit and i don't want to get rid of his interests but this is really toxic for a relationship, i think. i really don't know. I've never felt this used and worthless in my entire life and i have literally been crying for the past 8 hours.
he said he'd change for me but i thought he already did. i feel lied to, used, embarrassed, like a whore... and i feel cheated on. and i am not sure should i give him a chance or not. please pleeease help me and tell me what i'm supposed to do i am so in the dark.

Updates

+1 y

my school is kinda bad I don't know if its cuz of relationship or my effort but i ended it, and i kinda made up an excuse and told him i love him and all but i am not sure if it was even just a white lie as a goodbye or something i feel... he said he'd change but I don't know only one person (who fits his demographic) here told me it was a wrong thing to make him do that but everyone else here and on support groups say it is ok what im doing. i just don't know why it all made me feel that bad...

[Sheyhoney]

If you talk to him that it makes you uncomfortable and he doesn’t respect it you should leave him. Find a guy that will respect you like you will be respecting him. It’s also extremely stupid of him to jerk off constantly to Hentai when he has a whole ass girlfriend to attend. It seems like he may have a porn addiction to me since he prefers animation over reality.

[Asker]

i told him it makes me feel uncomfortable. he says he does not feel good when he does it he just thinks they make him feel better... WHICH MAKES NO SENSE. i just really feel worthless if i cannot replace a 2D girl... am i that unworthy? sorry for venting im so sorry i just cannot stop crying and it hurts my heart last couple of days...

[Sheyhoney]

Girl it’s okay do you want to message me? We can talk more about it I’ve been in your shoes before.

[Asker]

yes sure, i messaged you, also if ou have discord it would be much easier for us to talk cuz im not so active on here... my username is angie#8286

[Sheyhoney]

I added you on discord so we can talk there

[Asker]

i didn't get a request...

[norela765]

[url=http://www. authorstream. com/forum/messages. aspx? TopicID=108626]vnjsrbvi[/url]

[potatoiswhoiam]

It's anime. It's not even like he's watching girls in real life.. just like you'd be crushing on an anime character or a character from a movie or a novel. It's no different if he watches or fantasizes about imaginary people.
If you're not happy about it then yes you're putting yourself in a toxic place so get yourself out of there.

[Asker]

but its not just crushing on an anime character … its a children exploiting content romanticized in a way to get those kind of people to get addicted to it. and i feel like im less worth than that if he has a preference for that rather than someone who is willing to love...

[potatoiswhoiam]

Is he a kid? No. Not all anime is made for kids, hentai also isn't.
Fact is guys watch porn, he watches hentai. If you don't like it, there's no point in struggling in that relationship, you can find someone who isn't into that and so you both will feel good in the relationship

[Asker]

he watches anime, hentai, porn and likes literally every one of those things and all the things girls do in anime are hot but i will never be like them.. it just feels like his perception of girls and what they are supposed to be is so messed up and im just sad about not being something he would prefer.

[potatoiswhoiam]

Then the thing is, stop dating him. You can't change people. You can simply walk away, no point in wasting your time.

[Asker]

exaclty, thats why we broke up, ty, you have a very good point

[Unit1]

It's animated porn. He's not cheating on you.
Face it - it doesn't matter your age. Most men watch porn and wank to it and most women will have to accept this fact (unless her libido is higher than his). We are testosterone filled sperm factories releasing our "production". Porn is the means to that end.

[Pete671]

Break up with him, sorry,,,
The only way he'll stop watching is if he sees no benefit in doing so, well the obvious benefit is keeping you, he doesn't seem to be bothered by this,,,

[Asker]

i think you're right... thank you so much...

[Pete671]

you're welcome, sorry if I sounded a bit harsh or controlling,,,

[Asker]

you haven't... staright up honestly is always the best, thank you

[Hangry22]

Break up. He ain't gonna change for you and the chances of having a long term relationship with such a guy at this age is very less

[Asker]

true, dw tho, i already broke up with him :) than u ^^

[Hangry22]

Welcome. You did the right thing

[Quackthulu]

Okay... So date someone you are more compatible with. What's the problem?

[Asker]

im honestly tired... i've been with him for 4 months and it seemed like he loved me i just cannot put the two together: watching hentai every day and jerking off to it and having a girlfriend and being loyal, those don't go together, and im afraid of letting go so... so, you think i should break up with him?

[Quackthulu]

Yeah, I wouldn't have said it otherwise.

[SageWisdomMan]

Why are you staying in a relationship that isn't working for you? Own your life and find someone you are compatible with.

[Asker]

true

[Kaneki05]

lmao. Imagine been upset over someone watching hentai. smh

[Asker]

if i cannot be more to him than a drawing yes i am upset. am i really that worthless that i cannot be more than a drawing?

[Kaneki05]

did he ever say that?

[Asker]

he shoewd it... ynow, he says people are defined by their actions. then, why are his actions showing how much hentai is better than me?

[Kaneki05]

so if i liked to play video games, or liked to do sport that would make it better than you and you would become insecure?
So basically cannot do anything otherwise it becomes better than you?

[Kaneki05]

is he choosing to avoid sex with you?

[Asker]

its online relationship so its pretty much camming up but yeah, um, i just feel like he won't jerk off to me unless i behave like a perfect anime girl he likes but i am not that and it makes me cry knowing ill never be that... i don't wanna be like them i wanna be more than them. cuz im real, i have a personality and i have feelings for him and i cannot understand how a drawing can give him more satisfaction than that

[Kaneki05]

well there is 2 sides here, If he is avoiding doing sexual for you then that's a problem. If he is just simply doing both then that's not really a problem. Also people have there sexual preferences and well if your not that. maybe just not sexually compatible.

[Kaneki05]

Maybe he has unrealistic standers? I am not sure. But it's not really the hentai that's bad here it's more just the way he is treating you by the sound of it. Just like if it was any hobbie if he puts that's over you to avoid you for it then it's just him been a dick.

[Asker]

i really don't think you can have both tho. like, jerking off to me and anime girls. it does not go together. i don't want that... i want him to chose me over a cartoon. how hard can it be? how hard is it to chose someone you claim you love and who claims to love you and be attracted to you and you chose an animated girl who is perfect and obedient and flawless and.. well i see it. should i just stay single forever then if i never will be better than an anime girl?

[Asker]

tho, you are 19 and like hentai, he is almost 19 and so you are basically the same in this very topic. i think people like you and my boyfriend should change your standards then... like just to save your girlfriend one day, don't put that expectation on her please. not porn not hentai ones.

[Kaneki05]

You can do both easy. smh.

[Kaneki05]

This is like saying a Guy cannot play on xbox and been in relationship. it's very easy to balance. If he ain't then that's his problem. But if he is and your complaining him to full stop your in the wrong.

[Asker]

i guess my standards are too high.. but in that case his are too if he likes to jerk off to that and to me ONLY if i give him what he wants.. i feel used, like a slave, and i feel repelled and repulsed by my body and what its being used for... and im so young

[Kaneki05]

I don't know. All i know is never once did any of my relationships have an issue because hentai. So the fact you guys did? means clearly one of you had a whole other issue altogether than just hentai by it's self.

[Asker]

idkkkk im so frickin unexperienced and dumb with these stuff i just wanna be safe in a relationship but I don't know where the line is cuz I've never been through it before

[Kaneki05]

haha maybe that's just the problem? 1st relationships never end up well. honestly for a long distance relationship to work it takes a lot of effort and maturity to make it work. So does normal relationships tbh but when it's Ldr it's just even harder. Plus you will find people don't act the same they did after the lust stage, and well if you don't even the lust stage is and how long it lasts yeah... that would be a whole problem with in it's self.

[Asker]

its not my first relationship im just too young to understand everything also what is lust stage what do you mean qwq

[Kaneki05]

sighs... Yup okay. That's umm yeah you gonna need to know this. So basically when a guy or girl meets someone they like, they put a lot of effort into and get this idea the other is perfect. But then it comes a couple months later that effort and idea of perfect loses it's self. It can last a quite a long time even for year.. yeah no kidding.
For me personally i always fall out of it after 8 months. It's very subjective and changes for everyone and dependent on person.

But the basic point is how someone acts when into a relationship in the 1st week is for not how there gonna act later down the line. And for a long time this love both people are feeling for each other is actually just lust. Because what happens is lust fuels the relationship to start off with then after building a bond that lust should fade and be sorta replaced by actual love.

And trust me when it hits you the difference you can tell by miles it's different. Then they may act different ethier better or worse depending if there love actually happens which it don't always which is why people will slowly make up excuses to leave or pull back or do negative behaviour making the other person don't like them. Because basically they just realized oh shit i don't love this person, i just had lust to them.

[Kaneki05]

If one cannot understand the difference between lust and love in a relationship it in my opinion is always doomed to fail.

[Asker]

no i didn't mean that i don't understand defiance between lust and love i just don't get what lust phase is or whatever you said i don't know that terminology

[Asker]

mkay but...
if then later the only thing you're sharing is lust
than if he's sharing it with those perfect girls on his screen then ynow...
who am i? just one of them, it won't be a problem to get me out of his fucking reddit folder goddamn :'(

[Kaneki05]

haha no. i think your putting your self down there and that's a very insecure view. How could a person ever compare less then porn or hentai. Even it's just the lust stage. If guy thought of a women just the same as porn why would he even have a girlfriend? or relationship would just be easier for him to be single if in his mind both are the same things. So clearly no. A person is higher value and different.
The lust ain't just sexual when it comes to relationship it's just the whole thing until that love bonds and forms or don't and it goes to shit.

[Asker]

yea i think being 15 is a definition of insecurity xD
i just honestly think i need a break from all this to optimize my school and self esteem tho I don't know where to start with the second one xd i think ill just hate myself forever, thanks for the help tho :)

[Kaneki05]

Welp insecurity is also a leading cause for relationships not to work so there is that to always keep in mind. But yup that sounds like a good idea to try and work on yourself in other ways it's better in the long run :)

[Gwenhwyfar]

He just watches porn? Or he does stuff to you you don’t like?

[Asker]

he watches porn and hentai and is kind of addicted to it. it supports his dumb fetishes that i perhaps cannot give him and it sucks cuz im trying so hard about him and he just goes to a drawing of a child with giant boobs ITS SICKENING. and i tried being that anime girl for him ynow... perfect, obedient, and he liked it but that isn't me. i cannot keep pretending. i don't personally like doing that for him but its the only way to get his love

[Gwenhwyfar]

I think you should break up with him and find a better boyfriend

[Asker]

thank you...

[Gwenhwyfar]

Welcome 😊

[disgustingweebtrash]

I mean it's just hentai, does he still show love and affection for you?

[Asker]

yeah but i feel like im sharing him with something better than me and it makes me feel like shit..

[disgustingweebtrash]

PepoG

I used to like hentai but then I got a taste for the real stuff so it got pretty boring for me, does he pay more attention to anime girls and stuff than you?

[Asker]

i feel like he does tho i think he's just addicted... he said he'd change for me but i don't think i can frikcing cure an addiction of someone while he could have access to girls that are so much better than me, im not worth it...

[Asker]

also i love pepe xd

[disgustingweebtrash]

Well, people cannot change when their circumstances don't change, why would he change willingly when he's comfortable? You have to really set it in that you don't want to be with him if he's refusing to deal with his addiction, if the reality hits then he'll work on it, if it doesn't then he'll continue indulging in his addiction.

I love green frog too, my favourite anime character

[Asker]

he did say he'd change and he did change so many stuff about himself already but not cuz i told him too it was pure good will to fix some stuff about his life that are better for him not just for our relationship. i just, I don't know, i have a self esteem problem i guess but I don't know why it made me feel so awful about my actions and body i feel used and repulesed by my own body and I don't know why

also how did you figure out that i was the one who said this question on another post xD sTaLkEr lol

[disgustingweebtrash]

Well there's a huge difference between saying you'll do something and actually doing it you know?
If he knows you have these security issues with yourself and how you feel about your own body and still refuses to change, don't you think you have to start asserting yourself rather than just letting it happen?

I just could tell for some reason, the reply and the update to the question were both pretty much at the same time so that gave me an idea

[Asker]

it does not matter now tho we broke up but also lowkey cuz other reasons and like that feeling about my body came from me well, being a slut for him just so he could like me. he says he likes me for personality but then it kind of does not corelate when i consider he likes hentai... and hentai is honestly sickening to me cuz its based off pedophilia. i mean look at them, all the girls are tiny and look like they're 10 and then also somehow have giant boobs its so fucking unrealistic lmaooo don't you think its changing guy's perception?

[disgustingweebtrash]

Oh you broke up that's good, better to be single than be in an unfulfilling relationship

I don't think it really changes guys perceptions as I said I used to like it but you eventually grow out of it

[Asker]

oh, i thought it like... makes your standards messed up and that why people like that stay singe forever, cuz they never find what they were looking at on the screen for the past 20 years on their screen lmaoo

[disgustingweebtrash]

Yeah that's some people but a lot tend to grow out of it, the people stuck in it I think just never mentally grow up

[norela765]

jebi

[gecebutnotgecendayaa]

girl, it’s cartoon porn 😭

[Asker]

and its better than me.

[pizzalovershouse]

Tell him how you feel an make it clear

[Asker]

i did... we broke up

[pizzalovershouse]

Well he should of respect you