Do I have right to be jealous over my boyfriend's female friend or am I just being stupid?

[Laramia]

Ahem aheem I know some of you guys gonna say "You are just being toxic, it's his life you can't tell him what to do" I'm aware of that, I can never say "don't talk to her" to him, I can't control him. I'm living my jealousy inside me for the not harm our relationship but it's so tiring and makes me sad. Before, he told me that the only girls he have in his life is, his mom and me I think I got used to it too much and was really liking that fact, who wouldn't? But it's not right anymore lol He met with someone through the internet 1 week ago. That girl made me realize that I was always adding meanings to everything which is happening between me and my boyfriend... now when I see them doing or talking about our favorite things I can't stop thinking like "wait, wasn't it special for us? why is he telling it to her?" and it hurts me... I do trust him so much and I can't understand why am I being like that. I feel like I'm exaggerating and it's childish to be like that but I can't help it what can I do? I want to/need to change.

[caring__1]

I have no idea what is going on with your boyfriend, so I can't comment on that. My concern would be your jealousy. The jealousy you feel has nothing to do with your boyfriend. If you replaced him with another boyfriend, you'd still be jealous. Jealousy has nothing to do with the other person, yet we tend to make it all about them. Jealousy is about insecurity. It's strictly a statement about ourselves, saying I don't feel adequate enough to offer you what I believe you want or deserve, or I don't feel adequate enough to acquire what this other person acquired. No matter how much we focus on the other person, though we can make his/her life miserable enough to leave, we'll still feel inadequate.

If you'd like to eliminate jealousy, identify your perceived defects or deficiencies. Is this only in your head, or does your partner say you don't measure up? Maybe your boyfriend prefers blonds, and you're not blond. That is merely his preference, not a statement that you are defective. Determine which of your issues are realistic or not. You may want to be taller, but learning to appreciate where you are, rather than focus on where you'll never be, will move you forward. Learn to make the most of what you have rather than focus on what you believe you should have.

Maybe you've heard someone say, "He thinks he's so smart... just because he has a college degree," or "How disgusting... she must be anorexic... how unhealthy." It's easier to criticize others than address our own issues. If you don't like being compared and not measuring up to a college grad, get a degree yourself. If you don't like being criticized for being overweight, do something about it. Being critical of others won't improve yourself.

Maybe you've never actually asked your boyfriend what he appreciates in a relationship. Find out what he values, and make the most of your assets. Never attempt to be something you're not. if he's more turned on by kangaroos, wish him happiness in his new relationship with a kangaroo. Open up communication and learn about each other. See if there are any voids you can fill. The other girl is probably a symptom of the problem, not the problem in and of itself. Learn to see and appreciate what you bring to a relationship. Jealousy will never add anything positive to a relationsihp.

[OmNomaly]

I would be honest with him and talk about what's bothering you. If it were me personally and my girlfriend talked to me about it. I would try to be understanding that she may feel a bit insecure and maybe even offer to give her access to my account to check it out. I myself have severe trust issues and have been fucked over in past relationships. So it is difficult for me to trust a partner around the opposite gender.
Have you two been together long enough to develop trust? and is this someone he talks to every day?

[Laramia]

It's been 3 years, for a whole 3 years I was the only girl in his life, I think that's why I'm reacting that way right now because he was giving all his attention to me but now I have to share it with someone else lol it's really sounds silly when I'm telling like that but yea I think I used to it and when things are changed, it effected me. But, I do trust him and we dont have trust issues in our relationship. We are talking every day but seems like they are also talking too much and seeing them doing things we used to do only together is hurts

[OmNomaly]

3 years is plenty of time to develop trust if there is going to be any. I can understand in that situation why you would be jealous. Definitely let him have his friends. It makes sense to me to keep an eye on the opposite gender if that's both of your orientations.
If it bothers you and he talks to her a lot. It wouldn't hurt to ask if you can read the messages between them. (Please dont let what im about to say feed anything negative) There can be a chance that messages get deleted too.
But overall right now I wouldn't really worry about it until you see things that would be flags.

[Laramia]

Thank you so much, you helped me a lot

[btbc92]

Yes. You have the right. But you not that healthy either If you are concerned about the girl then go meet her also.

Neglecting friends is still neglect. Dating is not an excuse to neglect friendships. People who often do that lack healthy mindsets. You need to be with people who value relationships such as friends as you do.

However, you should just be mindful that he needs other outlets besides you. If you feel that his intent isn't pure then say something.

[Laramia]

They just met 1 week ago, I wouldn't feel that way if she were his old friend

[btbc92]

Well, you shouldn't put yourself in that position not knowing who this person is. Because you can be surprised that most people nowadays sleep together in friends with benefits and then what? You don't need to settle for less. New friendships tend to make anybody's interests happy. But if you feel that something is off, talk to him about it.

[Anonymous]

He is the one who you love, it's normal and undrestandable that you dont want to share him with others, talk with him about your feelings without arguing dont tell him what to do but tell him how it makes you feel.

[Hangry22]

If you trust him to not betray you, sit him down and talk to him about your feelings. He's the only one who can assure you.

[Hangry22]

And yes you do have the right to be jealous

[Laramia]

Thank you so much

[Hangry22]

Ya just be gentle and make it seem as if you're sharing your insecurities with him and not trying to accuse him of cheating

[itzmera]

you're not being toxic. you're worried about your relationship. there's nothing wrong with that. have you talked to him about it?

[Laramia]

I tried... He said he can stop talking with her if I want but I didn't accept it

[SageWisdomMan]

Its honest and normal to feel a little jealous, you are human.

[Anonymous]

We have same damn problem

[Laramia]

How are you going to solve it?

[Opinion Owner]

I don't know I'm here for advices too

[ilovejasonkf]

What site did he meet the "friend" on?

[Laramia]

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