Why do some men try to ruin a girl’s confidence?

Question

Why do some men try to make girls hate themselves and feel insecure? Why would they try to break you? I feel like a LOT of men are like that. They might be patient for a while and then one day after a long time they might get mad for whatever reason and start to blast and mentally and emotionally break you.

Emotional abuse is extremely common. I have been through it in friendships with both boys and girls where they tried to ruin my confidence. Now I cut people off as soon as I sense something negative.

I would be scared to get into another relationship if things don’t work out with my long term partner because what if the new guy ends up a cheat or abuser?

I find it safer to be alone. Sometimes I think if I don’t marry my boyfriend then I won’t have another relationship. I’ll have kids via donor + IVF.

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

You say you're scared to enter another relationship, because what if the new guy ends up a cheat or abuser. You could say you're scared to adopt another puppy, because what if the puppy dies before you do. Yes, we can play it safe, avoiding any potential for positive or negative, but what are we left with? Having experiences adds more depth to us as people. We can stay innocent and superficial, but what would be the value in that? What makes something meaningful is connected to the possible potential for pain or disappointment. Beating the odds is a wonderful feeling. Those who are more likely to beat the odds are those who do advanced research, educate themselves as much as possible and have their eyes wide open. You say you'll just avoid future relationships and have kids via donor. Do you plan on having relationships with your kids, or do you plan on just producing them and then passing them off to others to raise. kids are just as likely to disappoint their parents as partners are to disappoint each other. Once again, the answer is to do advanced research, educate yourself as much as possible and have your eyes wide open.

In addressing your question, there is no difference between what plumbing a person has and how they treat others. The specific example you present can be viewed easily by what I consider The Drowning Man Syndrome. Picture a situation where someone is drowning in the ocean and you swim out to rescue the person. As you approach the person, you'll probably prepare to protect yourself from the drowning person trying to drown you. That is what people generally assume. Actually, when we are in a panic situation, we revert back to earliest memories and instincts. One of our first memories is by pushing down we go up. The drowning person wants to go up so will push down on you. That person doesn't want you to drown... that would make no sense to the drowning person. The person just is desperate to go up and keep his head above water.

In The Drowning Man Syndrome, when people feel insecure, they often push down on people around them. They're truly not interested in those people going down; they are just doing all they can to go up. Unfortunately, though they can feel a momentary boost, it doesn't last. That just leads these insecure people to become insatiable. They constantly push others down, but it never gives them the enduring boost they seek. Rather than seeking more effective ways to achieve their objective, they just continue doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

winterfox10 · Accepted Answer

I'm not sure about other guys, but I know that for me, I don't minimize anyone or make them feel like their feelings don't matter, I just get sick of the CONSTANT insecurity. Like you have to understand that dealing with someone's psychological crap for months and months on end is is exhausting. It's not my job to be your emotional bandaid anymore than it's your job to be my sex toy. If you don't know how to love yourself, that's fine, it's just where you're at in life. But you need to address those problems on your own before you start dating people.

Anonymous · Answer

It might be because they have low self-esteem, could or could not be their own fault in this. But their own failure in life may prompt them to feel jealousy for someone else's happiness. This is a euphemistic explanation.
The other explanation may be that they simply are abusive/manipulative/sadistic (perhaps, if the abuse is physical).
I am not a psychiatric professional but I think you should work on whatever is bothering you. I completely understand why you feel the way you do. But pushing people away at the first sight of trouble is not really good.

Skankhunt · Answer

Why do some men try to ruin a girls's confidence? Not all men are like that, you just haven't found a real man who is confidenct and caring. Here are some reasons why a man ruins a girl's confidence:
1: He is insecure (who know where is he is inseecure about)
2: If he breaks your confidence, he knows he has power over you and you will obey him
3: If you don't have confidence, he knows you won't leave him, because he already knows you can get a better man than him.
4: He has a low self-confidence and thinks he can't get girls, that's why if he has a
girlfriend, he will do everything to make sure his grilfriend won't leave him.
5: He has a low self-esteem
6: He is a narcissist
7: He is jealous of you, because you are more confident than he is

Anonymous · Answer

For the same reason women do it. They get hurt so they decide they are going to do it to other guys.
I was born with rhat meanstreak in me i had to learn how develop it. I spent my younger years getting rejected over and over again by your gender. So much it was hard for me to develop my self worth.
Now i don't go out of my way to hurt women but if i think they need to be taken down a peg or to i do it without batting an eye. Because it's part of the dance. Part of the game. And they need to toughen up is all. I'm actually helping.

Levin · Answer

Making other people feel bad is the methods insecure people use to make them feel better about themselves.

No one is perfect. But try and find better people and work on yourself in the mean time! Independence always enables one to make less desperate choices!

nodnol32 · Answer

They could be jealous of her confidence and wish they had that. They could feel emasculated. These two are the only reasons i can think of. Someone else's confidence should not be anyone's problem. If one lacks confidence, they need to work on building their own.

InferiorElegy · Answer

It's a control thing, if a guy thinks the girl might leave him, he could be an ass an just destroy her and make her believe everything he says about her and that causes her to stay in that warped thing he calls a relationship. He also probably beats her and would likely end up killing her, these are the types of guys I always tell girls to stay away from but I'm just some ugly ass loser who's never even been on a date so what do I know.

EyebrowChewie · Answer

It's an inferiority complex and feeling of insecurity of their own looks. Girls do the same rubbish so dont think it's just men.

TheFlak38 · Answer

I think it's funny. It always makes me laugh how a tiny bit of honesty can make you start screeching autistically and close yourselves indoors for the next month.

SilverRain92 · Answer

Both men and women use this tactics in order to get control and to make oneself to make more confident. I think that it's a a very bad and impolite thing to do, I would do the same if I were you if such people would try to do it systematically

Solo22 · Answer

Probably the jealous/controlling types. Unfortunately women misunderstand jealousy to mean that a man cares about her or wants her. They unknowingly reward some of these toxic behaviors by choosing men that exhibit these traits.

hasdrubal164 · Answer

No dont do donor ivf the child will have no dad and will have daddy issues n what not

Unit1 · Answer

Some females do this too. They probably think it's funny.

AmeerX · Answer

I think the same is true about girls. They make boys feel terrible when they can't get something

Anonymous · Answer

Well I just had some girl at work go behind my back when I thought we were friends and tried to get me fired. I can’t see her or talk to her anymore but I’d really love to say some really mean shit to her if I could.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

To feel superior themselves or he’s just a negative person in general.

pizzalovershouse · Answer

Maybe some guys dont get girls feelings well enough so they just like messing with them

Wowboi · Answer

You're 22. I doubt you delt with a man in your life time. You're still mingling with boys

legalboxers · Answer

because some guys think its cool to make a woman feel like shit. #sorrynotsorry #fuckthebrocode

Sabretooth · Answer

to control them. my family on my mother's side consists of women-who have terrible tastes in men.

iFarted · Answer

They're immature and bitter...

Why do some men try to ruin a girl’s confidence?

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