Boyfriend dumped me for trying to slap him, is this fair?

Question

So we had a fight about my “snooping”, which I say isn’t a thing when you’re in a relationship all things should be shared and he told me I need to respect his privacy and that of his friends so I told him “whatever” and he got nasty and said “ahhh whatever, that’s what you always say when you have no comeback” and without thinking I said “whatever” again and he laughed in a really nasty way and said “you just proved my point” and I didn’t think and just went to slap his face and he caught my wrist and told me to get out and we are through, he has no tolerance for violence in relationships, now he won’t take my calls or talk to me, I think it’s an overreaction because I didn’t hit him anyway, what can I do?

hahahmm · Accepted Answer

I had a girlfriend once who would flip out if she even heard that I had to email/talk to a woman for work. There's no way in hell I wanted her reading my email because that would just be constant drama over nothing. Guys don't like drama. Repeat that sentence to yourself till it sinks in.

With a woman who is calm, rational, knows how to never make false accusations: I would give her passwords to 99% of my stuff and not even care one bit! So look in the mirror if you want to know why your non-cheating boyfriend is pissed at you snooping.

That said, some things are private too. You don't have a right to know every thought in another person's head so if he decides a conversation with his best friend is private you should respect that. If you hear part of a phone conversation that's cool. Intentionally listening to all of it when your SO doesn't know you are: not cool.

Yeah, I think in a committed relationship you have a right to know the truth about whether someone is cheating on you or not so if your SO says they're going to XYZ at such and such a time, you have a right to investigate if you feel the need BUT keep it to yourself. And it shouldn't be a constant thing. If it is then you probably shouldn't be in the relationship. Once you knew the guy wasn't cheating you should have stopped snooping.

As far as hitting, maybe he's like me. I was almost blinded by a violent woman when I was young. After that I made a zero tolerance policy. You get one warning. After that, any violence directed at me and you're dumped or worse if you're dumb enough to use a weapon.

As to you getting back with him: the better a catch a guy is the more options he has. If he knows that then you're seriously out of luck, I think.

razelove · Accepted Answer

You can learn to not try to hit people when you feel like you're losing an argument. I had an ex who did the same, ahh, the images that come to mind, her flying out a window, into a wall, over the hood of my car, overdosing and just... watching.

But enough of the positions you'll find yourself in if you persist on that one. Not every man is going to let you hit them, and very many will simply pin you to a surface and choke or strike you into unconsciousness as many times as it takes to get you to cut it out. I get that's what you're after in the first place, but likely not the feeling of complete helplessness, wake up here, rope tightens, wake up there, rope tightens. Wake up naked in a field without a mark on you and days have gone by.

So your base fight, it doesn't matter, you say there's no privacy in a relationship, he disagreed. You ignored him and tried getting into his stuff anyway. Frustrated that you couldn't, you tried to hit him for not giving you all his passwords, because you have proven to be oh so super trustworthy.

All you can do is try to find a guy that enjoys being hit (a masochist), or you will have a lot of misery and pain in your future (you're an unfulfilled sadist). As much as you try to make other people feel it, you'll have a lot recoil into your pretty eyes. Anywho, good luck, hope with this weather you don't like... freeze or anything.

yucychan · Accepted Answer

Sorry to say, you are a spoilt brat and it's amazing how he have tolerated you till now. He should have dumped you a long time ago.
In all my relationships, I have never snooped on my boyfriend's phone. I know a lot of girls would do this but that's their habit. Not mine.
Not that I have anything to hide, I just personally feel such snooping around is beneath me and an invasion of privacy. Similarly, I would hate it a lot if my boyfriend goes through my phone.
It doesn't matter if you apologize to him or not, he should not even give you a second chance and should just make a clean break with you. He deserves someone better than you. Someone who shows him respect and is mature.
The fact that you can't control your anger and have an abusive nature just shows how terrible a person you are. My advice to you, Grow up, get a life.

LEETSBEREAL · Accepted Answer

Why do you think you have the right to hit him? Your lucky he stopped you and sent you on your way it could if been a worse situation. If it was the other way around this would be a police matter he would of been arrested but you think this is acceptable because you are a woman and you know you can get away with it. Thats why you raised your hand throwing your toys out the pram. Keep your hands to yourself you have no right to put your hands on anyone. He handed the situation well but you shouldn't of put him in that situation in the first place and now your looking for justification? Your in the wrong! Grow up learn to use your voice to make your point do not get physical and leave him the hell alone he can do better. The only thing you should be doing is apologizing. Either learn from this or stay single.

slatyb · Answer

"So we had a fight about my “snooping”, which I say isn’t a thing when you’re in a relationship all things should be shared and he told me I need to respect his privacy and that of his friends"

... and he's right. Your idea of a relationship is unrealistic and controlling. You will not be able to have a healthy relationship if you persist in this belief. I love my wife but we are two separate people. She has separate relationships with others and tells me what she wants. Her friends and family may tell her things in confidence and she has a duty to not share those things with me.

What can you do? Figure out where you got this notion that partners aren't allowed to keep anything private, then lose it.

admles · Answer

Okay...

Snooping is a thing, no matter your relationship status. His friends expect what they share with him a private thoughts, ones you have no business reading.

He's right, "whatever" IS the comeback people who have no comeback use. Learn to argue effectively lol.

Third, you had every intention of slapping him, you just got stopped. He had every right to end it with you.

I think you could benefit from some therapy, because you have a few issues. You're only young and should deal with these now.

jshm2 · Answer

You're clearly the psycho in the relationship. Best let go and learn for next time that your shitty behaviour isn't going to win you friends or boyfriends for long.

A relationship requires MORE privacy of both parties than mere acquaintances. Mainly as you're in close proximity with someone you don't fully know. You're only a girlfriend, not a wife, you are both free to cut and walk whenever you feel.

As for what you did. You could technically get 6 months in prison for attempted assault, if your former boyfriend was to press charges.

TOTEMPLASTER · Answer

If you were a guy I would tell you to take your rifle and fuck off at the high port.
Since you are a self-absorbed nosy female who thinks that her boyfriend does warrant any personal privacy, I will tell you to take your rifle and fuck off at the high port.

SngBirdy · Answer

Yeah sounds like he overreacted. Men dont actually give a fuck about getting slapped by girls. Dont listen to the sissies in the comment section. They are a bunch of oversensitive babies. Do not cater to the whiny "ree gender equality" agenda thats pushed by these babies. You are not a man who is punching his girlfriend. You are a girl who wanted to bitchslap her boyfriend for whatever reason.
I find a slap from a girl usually disrespectful more than anything, sometimes humiliating. Thats what i dont like about it. The slap itself is something i could laugh about.
Again, dont listen to the cry babies in the comment section. Dumping your girlfriend because she wanted to slap you? fucking lol. Love how men complain about marriage not being valued anymore, meanwhile they think it was okay for him to dump you for that. The hypocrisy

God_of_Thunder · Answer

Sounds like he did the right thing; I would have dumped you, too.

Even in a relationship, you have a right to privacy, and your snooping suggests you have trust issues, anyway. That's a nightmare, in a relationship, already, and then you tried to slap him?

Yeah; I would have gotten out of that relationship, too.

luckyinloveandlife · Answer

Leave him alone. Get help. This is unacceptable behavior and he is right to walk away!!! Never ever ever raise your hand to any person you are with! Wtf is wrong with you? Imagine if the tables were turned. Would you tolerate that behavior?

Andres77 · Answer

He's completely correct.
Stay the fuck out of his phone and keep your hands to yourself. If he tried to slap you you would have had him arrested for assault. You should be charged with assault but you're here whining that you didn't get away with it.

He's a lucky guy to have dodged the bullet of having a meddlesome bitch like you hanging around his neck.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

Get dumped.

Privacy absolutely exists in a relationship. You were snooping. You attempted to physically strike him. That's physical abuse and he absolutely does not need to tolerate that behavior in his life. I'm siding with him on this one.

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

Well if he went to slap you, would it be unreasonable for you to break up with him? In short no, his response was not in any way shape or form an over reaction and the fact that you think that, think that it was okay to spy on him, thought it was okay to violently attack your boyfriend shows that he made the right decision and you need to work on yourself before getting into another relationship.

Sunshine0413 · Answer

You’re literally ✨toxic✨. I am proud of that man for putting you out to the curb for bulk pick up. You should’ve respected him, and to assault him too? You out to be ashamed of yourself, this is actually something I cannot stomach. You’re abusive, controlling, toxic and should seek therapy. Schmuck.

Anonymous · Answer

No you tried to hit him and showed him no respect. Accept your mistake, learn from it and move on. You absolutely need to grow up, and cut this entitled attitude you have when it comes to privacy. If you're snooping behind his back you're being disrespectful. If you hit him, you're being disrespectful, childish, and abusive. He deserves better.

Browneye57 · Answer

"So we had a fight..."
I quit reading here. Who actually the fuck do you think you are anyway? NOBODY is going to put up with that bullshit. I guarantee it.
I'd tell you to GTFO. You got a lot to learn honey.

Anonymous · Answer

It is often helpful when dealing with questions which involve race or gender etc to swap them around and see what it sounds like.

We had a fight about him snooping through my phone, I told him he needed to respect my privacy.

We argued some more and she provoked me, laughing at me, I didn't think i just hit her.

How is that sounding to you now?

Can you see what everyone else can see?

Mr_longLegz · Answer

Catch yourself next time. I do agree that there should be openness in a relationship but I also see the need for some privacy simply because thats human nature.

Like if you caught him snooping around how would you react? And would you react that way because you're innocent or because you already got rid of what they're looking for?

msc545 · Answer

Yes, it is more than fair. You are very lucky he didn't hit you. Don't hit people unless you are prepared to be hit right back. I don't think you can salvage this, but a sincere apology and a promise to never try to hit him again might go a long way. Also, promise to respect his privacy in the future.

offendedsorbet · Answer

Good for him. You need to reevaluate your attitude. Not everything has to be shared in a relationship and the only reason you didn't hit him is because he stopped you.

Laura85 · Answer

Snooping is an invasion of privacy unless he gives you permission to look. Also hitting or even an attempt is pretty low. It just sounds like a toxic relationship and he was right to walk out. Learn and move on

Dchrls78104 · Answer

I would have to agree with him on this one. Any violence in a relationship is proof that it should end. Try being patient and tactful if you really want him back, and apologise to him. If he takes you back, understand that violence is never acceptable in any relationship and treat him accordingly; if not, consider this a lesson learned and don't repeat the mistake with the next guy.

winterfox10 · Answer

You didn't hit him but you tried to. It sounds like the attempted slap was just the step too far. I don't think he was overreacting at all. I say this from best of places, but you really seem like you have some soul searching to do.

Boyfriend dumped me for trying to slap him, is this fair?

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