Boyfriend dumped me for trying to slap him, is this fair?

Question

So we had a fight about my “snooping”, which I say isn’t a thing when you’re in a relationship all things should be shared and he told me I need to respect his privacy and that of his friends so I told him “whatever” and he got nasty and said “ahhh whatever, that’s what you always say when you have no comeback” and without thinking I said “whatever” again and he laughed in a really nasty way and said “you just proved my point” and I didn’t think and just went to slap his face and he caught my wrist and told me to get out and we are through, he has no tolerance for violence in relationships, now he won’t take my calls or talk to me, I think it’s an overreaction because I didn’t hit him anyway, what can I do?

hahahmm · Accepted Answer

I had a girlfriend once who would flip out if she even heard that I had to email/talk to a woman for work. There's no way in hell I wanted her reading my email because that would just be constant drama over nothing. Guys don't like drama. Repeat that sentence to yourself till it sinks in.

With a woman who is calm, rational, knows how to never make false accusations: I would give her passwords to 99% of my stuff and not even care one bit! So look in the mirror if you want to know why your non-cheating boyfriend is pissed at you snooping.

That said, some things are private too. You don't have a right to know every thought in another person's head so if he decides a conversation with his best friend is private you should respect that. If you hear part of a phone conversation that's cool. Intentionally listening to all of it when your SO doesn't know you are: not cool.

Yeah, I think in a committed relationship you have a right to know the truth about whether someone is cheating on you or not so if your SO says they're going to XYZ at such and such a time, you have a right to investigate if you feel the need BUT keep it to yourself. And it shouldn't be a constant thing. If it is then you probably shouldn't be in the relationship. Once you knew the guy wasn't cheating you should have stopped snooping.

As far as hitting, maybe he's like me. I was almost blinded by a violent woman when I was young. After that I made a zero tolerance policy. You get one warning. After that, any violence directed at me and you're dumped or worse if you're dumb enough to use a weapon.

As to you getting back with him: the better a catch a guy is the more options he has. If he knows that then you're seriously out of luck, I think.

razelove · Accepted Answer

You can learn to not try to hit people when you feel like you're losing an argument. I had an ex who did the same, ahh, the images that come to mind, her flying out a window, into a wall, over the hood of my car, overdosing and just... watching.

But enough of the positions you'll find yourself in if you persist on that one. Not every man is going to let you hit them, and very many will simply pin you to a surface and choke or strike you into unconsciousness as many times as it takes to get you to cut it out. I get that's what you're after in the first place, but likely not the feeling of complete helplessness, wake up here, rope tightens, wake up there, rope tightens. Wake up naked in a field without a mark on you and days have gone by.

So your base fight, it doesn't matter, you say there's no privacy in a relationship, he disagreed. You ignored him and tried getting into his stuff anyway. Frustrated that you couldn't, you tried to hit him for not giving you all his passwords, because you have proven to be oh so super trustworthy.

All you can do is try to find a guy that enjoys being hit (a masochist), or you will have a lot of misery and pain in your future (you're an unfulfilled sadist). As much as you try to make other people feel it, you'll have a lot recoil into your pretty eyes. Anywho, good luck, hope with this weather you don't like... freeze or anything.

yucychan · Accepted Answer

Sorry to say, you are a spoilt brat and it's amazing how he have tolerated you till now. He should have dumped you a long time ago.
In all my relationships, I have never snooped on my boyfriend's phone. I know a lot of girls would do this but that's their habit. Not mine.
Not that I have anything to hide, I just personally feel such snooping around is beneath me and an invasion of privacy. Similarly, I would hate it a lot if my boyfriend goes through my phone.
It doesn't matter if you apologize to him or not, he should not even give you a second chance and should just make a clean break with you. He deserves someone better than you. Someone who shows him respect and is mature.
The fact that you can't control your anger and have an abusive nature just shows how terrible a person you are. My advice to you, Grow up, get a life.

LEETSBEREAL · Accepted Answer

Why do you think you have the right to hit him? Your lucky he stopped you and sent you on your way it could if been a worse situation. If it was the other way around this would be a police matter he would of been arrested but you think this is acceptable because you are a woman and you know you can get away with it. Thats why you raised your hand throwing your toys out the pram. Keep your hands to yourself you have no right to put your hands on anyone. He handed the situation well but you shouldn't of put him in that situation in the first place and now your looking for justification? Your in the wrong! Grow up learn to use your voice to make your point do not get physical and leave him the hell alone he can do better. The only thing you should be doing is apologizing. Either learn from this or stay single.

slatyb · Answer

"So we had a fight about my “snooping”, which I say isn’t a thing when you’re in a relationship all things should be shared and he told me I need to respect his privacy and that of his friends"

... and he's right. Your idea of a relationship is unrealistic and controlling. You will not be able to have a healthy relationship if you persist in this belief. I love my wife but we are two separate people. She has separate relationships with others and tells me what she wants. Her friends and family may tell her things in confidence and she has a duty to not share those things with me.

What can you do? Figure out where you got this notion that partners aren't allowed to keep anything private, then lose it.

admles · Answer

Okay...

Snooping is a thing, no matter your relationship status. His friends expect what they share with him a private thoughts, ones you have no business reading.

He's right, "whatever" IS the comeback people who have no comeback use. Learn to argue effectively lol.

Third, you had every intention of slapping him, you just got stopped. He had every right to end it with you.

I think you could benefit from some therapy, because you have a few issues. You're only young and should deal with these now.

jshm2 · Answer

You're clearly the psycho in the relationship. Best let go and learn for next time that your shitty behaviour isn't going to win you friends or boyfriends for long.

A relationship requires MORE privacy of both parties than mere acquaintances. Mainly as you're in close proximity with someone you don't fully know. You're only a girlfriend, not a wife, you are both free to cut and walk whenever you feel.

As for what you did. You could technically get 6 months in prison for attempted assault, if your former boyfriend was to press charges.

TOTEMPLASTER · Answer

If you were a guy I would tell you to take your rifle and fuck off at the high port.
Since you are a self-absorbed nosy female who thinks that her boyfriend does warrant any personal privacy, I will tell you to take your rifle and fuck off at the high port.

SngBirdy · Answer

Yeah sounds like he overreacted. Men dont actually give a fuck about getting slapped by girls. Dont listen to the sissies in the comment section. They are a bunch of oversensitive babies. Do not cater to the whiny "ree gender equality" agenda thats pushed by these babies. You are not a man who is punching his girlfriend. You are a girl who wanted to bitchslap her boyfriend for whatever reason.
I find a slap from a girl usually disrespectful more than anything, sometimes humiliating. Thats what i dont like about it. The slap itself is something i could laugh about.
Again, dont listen to the cry babies in the comment section. Dumping your girlfriend because she wanted to slap you? fucking lol. Love how men complain about marriage not being valued anymore, meanwhile they think it was okay for him to dump you for that. The hypocrisy

God_of_Thunder · Answer

Sounds like he did the right thing; I would have dumped you, too.

Even in a relationship, you have a right to privacy, and your snooping suggests you have trust issues, anyway. That's a nightmare, in a relationship, already, and then you tried to slap him?

Yeah; I would have gotten out of that relationship, too.

Andres77 · Answer

He's completely correct.
Stay the fuck out of his phone and keep your hands to yourself. If he tried to slap you you would have had him arrested for assault. You should be charged with assault but you're here whining that you didn't get away with it.

He's a lucky guy to have dodged the bullet of having a meddlesome bitch like you hanging around his neck.

luckyinloveandlife · Answer

Leave him alone. Get help. This is unacceptable behavior and he is right to walk away!!! Never ever ever raise your hand to any person you are with! Wtf is wrong with you? Imagine if the tables were turned. Would you tolerate that behavior?

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

Well if he went to slap you, would it be unreasonable for you to break up with him? In short no, his response was not in any way shape or form an over reaction and the fact that you think that, think that it was okay to spy on him, thought it was okay to violently attack your boyfriend shows that he made the right decision and you need to work on yourself before getting into another relationship.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

Get dumped.

Privacy absolutely exists in a relationship. You were snooping. You attempted to physically strike him. That's physical abuse and he absolutely does not need to tolerate that behavior in his life. I'm siding with him on this one.

Sunshine0413 · Answer

You’re literally ✨toxic✨. I am proud of that man for putting you out to the curb for bulk pick up. You should’ve respected him, and to assault him too? You out to be ashamed of yourself, this is actually something I cannot stomach. You’re abusive, controlling, toxic and should seek therapy. Schmuck.

Anonymous · Answer

No you tried to hit him and showed him no respect. Accept your mistake, learn from it and move on. You absolutely need to grow up, and cut this entitled attitude you have when it comes to privacy. If you're snooping behind his back you're being disrespectful. If you hit him, you're being disrespectful, childish, and abusive. He deserves better.

Browneye57 · Answer

"So we had a fight..."
I quit reading here. Who actually the fuck do you think you are anyway? NOBODY is going to put up with that bullshit. I guarantee it.
I'd tell you to GTFO. You got a lot to learn honey.

Anonymous · Answer

It is often helpful when dealing with questions which involve race or gender etc to swap them around and see what it sounds like.

We had a fight about him snooping through my phone, I told him he needed to respect my privacy.

We argued some more and she provoked me, laughing at me, I didn't think i just hit her.

How is that sounding to you now?

Can you see what everyone else can see?

Mr_longLegz · Answer

Catch yourself next time. I do agree that there should be openness in a relationship but I also see the need for some privacy simply because thats human nature.

Like if you caught him snooping around how would you react? And would you react that way because you're innocent or because you already got rid of what they're looking for?

msc545 · Answer

Yes, it is more than fair. You are very lucky he didn't hit you. Don't hit people unless you are prepared to be hit right back. I don't think you can salvage this, but a sincere apology and a promise to never try to hit him again might go a long way. Also, promise to respect his privacy in the future.

offendedsorbet · Answer

Good for him. You need to reevaluate your attitude. Not everything has to be shared in a relationship and the only reason you didn't hit him is because he stopped you.

Laura85 · Answer

Snooping is an invasion of privacy unless he gives you permission to look. Also hitting or even an attempt is pretty low. It just sounds like a toxic relationship and he was right to walk out. Learn and move on

Dchrls78104 · Answer

I would have to agree with him on this one. Any violence in a relationship is proof that it should end. Try being patient and tactful if you really want him back, and apologise to him. If he takes you back, understand that violence is never acceptable in any relationship and treat him accordingly; if not, consider this a lesson learned and don't repeat the mistake with the next guy.

winterfox10 · Answer

You didn't hit him but you tried to. It sounds like the attempted slap was just the step too far. I don't think he was overreacting at all. I say this from best of places, but you really seem like you have some soul searching to do.

Levin · Answer

I would have dumped you for all that, too. No tolerance for violence. The world is mad enough. One's home sphere should be a refuge from the madness of the world.

Synikal · Answer

No one in the first place wants to be hit. Why should it be acceptable for you to do so? Hell relationship is a partnership. Of he has to censor his private conversations with his friends. That in itself is a problem. You sound like the type who dated someone who cheated a lot. You seriously need to work on your issues before they become permanent habits.

Danielle93 · Answer

He was right to dump you for trying to slap you. Can you imagine what the post would sound like if it was a guy that almost slaps his girlfriend for the same reason.

CubsterShura · Answer

Firstly snooping and secondly slapping him when he called you out and stood up for his right to privacy?

He did the right thing dumping you. Good call on his side. Learn to be a better human bring if you want another relationship.

alice55 · Answer

100 % fair, why would you want to slap him for such a small argument? You're being toxic here. If you slap him for such a small things then how would you act if they were a bigger argument, would you punch him?

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

So you were violating his privacy, and when he rightfully got upset you tried to hit him? Yeah, I'm really glad he left, good for him. It sounds like he values himself enough to know he deserves better

Anonymous · Answer

You don't need such a fragile man who dont admit his mistakes and is being a pussy when you try to teach him a lesson. He's as good as a poop. Leave him.
Plus he should be OPEN AND TRANSPARENT if he is in a relationship with you. If he's not then he's just USING you.
I agree that there should be no privacy issues because partners SHOULD BE OPEN to each other. There should be nothing to hide.

RagnarRedbeard · Answer

Yeah he dodged a bullet, you're entitled and also completely oblivious.

Anonymous · Answer

this relationship was crappy anyway with you and him arguing him and him pushing your buttons and pulling out a cynical smile. He is also wrong. He made his decision and told you to leave. Dont go back to this idiot, he doesn't know how to deal with things maturely, he should know girls react emotionally and he made it worse. Find someone who won't push your buttons.

pleasestopthis · Answer

So first you snoop into his guys conversations and then you try to hit him... you say you "didn't him anyways", but it's just because he didn't let you. If he was the one trying to hit you you'd probably have done the same.

Flower7 · Answer

Yes, his decision seems justified. The only reason the slap didn't happen is because he caught your wrist, not because you stopped yourself. Have you ever hit a guy before?

psychoticanimaIIover · Answer

Yes. Presumably, if he’d tried to slap you, you would have dumped him too, yes? Neither of you sound very nice. You should work on yourself. And don’t slap people.

Hannah_le · Answer

Ur abusive lol mentally and physically the fact u gotta ask this on GAG damn..

A_Bell · Answer

Yes. Violent people should be caged with other animals.

Gavilar1 · Answer

Well you intended to hit him , even if it didn't land it's still abuse so I think he is in the right

In_Trance · Answer

He's right, you're not

Guanfei · Answer

You're in the wrong, you didn't respect his privacy even tho he asked you to, and on top of that you tried to hit him.
Not only it's fair, but it was the right thing to do. And if he's not too dumb, he won't come back.

ThisIsMyOpinion · Answer

Glad you understood what you did wrong.  Being a girl doesn't give you the right to go around his stuff or to hit him.  Best of luck to you and him.

Espresso-Grande · Answer

Very fair. It's a sign you lack self-control over your emotions, and you'll resort to violence to control him.

InferiorElegy · Answer

You can let him move on to something better, obviously your not ok with boundaries but I bet if he over stepped your boundaries you'd be fucking pissed off so, you should just let him move on.

jasco · Answer

First off i am glad that you said your sorry because if he were to do that to you and you showed the police he go straight to jail. So in short yea you shouldn't slap him or hit him. 2nd next time this happens, talk to him or simply walk away

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

Yeah, how dare he not want a violent snoop in his life! You have a vagina. You should get away with anything. Doesn't he know that?

DragonXR · Answer

That's a good man right there. Shout out to that guy.

J9inva · Answer

Yes. Maybe you didn’t hit him but if he hadn’t stopped you you would have. Also, you shouldn’t have been snooping. Even in a relationship each one has a right to privacy.

Shihab-91 · Answer

you were wrong, now you need to apologize promise him and yourself you won't do it again. if he accept then this is good if not then move on and learn.

Prof_Don · Answer

You have violent tendencies, stop making excuses and seek help.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

I hope he makes a "false" accusation and has you arrested.

douride2 · Answer

Sounds like YOU have some violent tendencies & you overreacted big time. I would have thrown you out to.

iFarted · Answer

It's fair, why would anyone want to put up with a violent partner? Imagine if he were to hit you.. wouldn't you leave him?

sheikalana · Answer

It is very fair. Any form of violence is absolutely wrong.

Waldoe · Answer

stop being Violent... and good luck with the next guy...

xxAlanaxx · Answer

Yeah, it's perfectly fair. He doesn't tolerate violence.

rienna888 · Answer

Yeah just give him some time but you shouldn't slap him

AmeerX · Answer

Apologize to him and tell him he should also be polite

Anonymous · Answer

You sound and act like a chav Lucky guy got out, have fun hitting the apps or whatever

Anonymous · Answer

He's right. You're a serious liability and he's wise to remove you from his life completely.

Anonymous · Answer

Hope you learned your lesson 🤷‍♀️ Let him be your lesson, you may not be able to fix this.

Anonymous · Answer

He might still give you another chance but he is right not to condone hitting. Don't do it again. It is a bad habit to get into

collie22 · Answer

tell him your sorry. by the way if you can t trust jealousy will drive you crazy

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

It probably would’ve ended with two graves anyways if what you claim to have happen is true. Just forget it. Weak tolerance skills isn’t always good.

Boyfriend dumped me for trying to slap him, is this fair?

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Boyfriend dumped me for trying to slap him, is this fair?

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