Why is it no matter how much love you give a man, they will still leave you?

Question

(Generally speaking)
No matter how good you look, how much you take care of yourself, even be good in bed..
No matter how much you're independent woman and have a higher goals in life,
No matter how much you care for them, even cook for them, make them happy with little things
No matter how much intimacy, beautiful memories, care when they are vulnerable, affection and love...
They would still leave you, with not much explanation but simply you just lose your touch after time
"Not into you anymore"
They're just in love with you in the beginning and moments later they're bored.
Why?

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Because all of that stuff is not love and has 0 to do with love. Being in love is just that. An infatuation of the idea, thing, or person. That's all you had. He doesn't love you and he doesn't even love himself. Neither of you knows what love is.

1. "No matter how good you look, how much you take care of yourself, even be good in bed.." Do you think you have to do all of those things for a man to love you? Please him in bed, look good sexually for him, take care of yourself because he says so? A person that loves you don't expect those things. You do so because that is what you feel within yourself. You do that when married not outside of marriage. And not with the wrong person. This man was the wrong person. He got his fill and he left. That is a user.

2. "No matter how much you're independent woman and have a higher goals in life,
No matter how much you care for them, even cook for them, make them happy with little things" That is what is expected of a woman, and he expected that, and again he gained and you got nothing. He is selfish.

"No matter how much intimacy, beautiful memories, care when they are vulnerable, affection and love..." You are focusing on surface-level things. Intimacy has to be mutual. Building memories shouldn't be the goal. Living life with this person and having that established is. You cannot just be vulnerable, affectionate, etc with just ANYONE. It is given, yes, but it is also EARNED. You never made him work for anything or even you. You just gave and gave and he takes and he takes. Where is there reciprocation? You got him because you grew up somewhere with that.

"They would still leave you, with not much explanation but simply you just lose your touch after time" Because outside of marriage, it's free game. They can do whatever they wish, and there is no law that says they have to be responsible and pay for that. That is what marriage is for when somebody neglects the other, and why divorce is the way it is. Divorce comes with consequences. They don't want to pay up for what happened. You have been used and abused and sadly, that was your choice. Unlike marriage where it is expected you know what is expected of you and needed unless you form different rules, you are still responsible.

"Not into you anymore" <-- There is no such thing. Either you want to be with that person, or you don't. I do not understand why you people like these games. And believe them but mad at what you believe and put your trust in.

"They're just in love with you in the beginning and moments later they're bored.
Why?" That's what falling in love is. That is not love. PERIOD.

lovemyMeester · Accepted Answer

Some men are born like this, some aren't mature enough. There are serious guys who will stick with you for the rest of your life, but they're hard to catch/find. It depends on you really. They will get bored if you give too much attention, they will get cranky if you tone it down. Thats why i always try to balance things. Dont "break a leg" over a boy toy. Genuine guys are there. You'll know.

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

It would be nice if we stopped lumping everyone in a category as being the same. What if I said all women are capable of getting pregnant or all dogs bark? Can you honestly say there are no exceptions to these assumptions?

Women are just as likely as men to create the scenario you describe. It is caused by people not feeling safe to be open and honest with each other. Without sharing clearly what we are seeking or what we offer, it is impossible for anyone to do more than guess whether a particular pairing will work or not. I admit there are some people who have no intention of doing more than use the other person, but it would be hard to prove that this is the majority of any population, male or female.

People often choose to be vague and general, as they don't want to limit any possibilities. It also allows them to be able to not be held accountable for anything, making it easier for them to blame others rather than see their role in any situation, learning from that experience and adjusting one's patterns with that acquired knowledge. If we don't view our own part, we never learn, so we continue to repeat our patterns and end up with the same results.

To reduce the likelihood of this happening to you, open up clear, honest communication from the start. Have people define who they are and what they are seeking. Seek it from others. If you start by sharing your perspective, the other person may just say ditto, so they don't lose the opportunity. Find out what they have learned from past relationships, so you can discover their red flags. It makes no sense to make a decision without first having all the pertinent details available. By keeping things vague and general for your own selfish reasons, you'll just end up with others who do the same.

Understand when a person passes on an opportunity to be with you, that's not a judgment of you... it's merely a statement of their own preferences. Preferences are what we believe will work best for us. Sometimes, we have limited experiences and aren't even aware of other options that might work better. Don't take the choices of others personally. Just be glad you didn't waste your time trying to put a wonderful square peg into a wonderful round hole.

KevnZ · Accepted Answer

Very simple, it s not only about men that do that, women also do it.

Do we really need to say this? isn't it already clear that is is an individual thing?

Generalizations lead nowhere.

Maybe you just got you heart broken, I'm sorry for you if that is the case, but if you want to go on, you have to be practical. If you did everything right just as you said, then give as a fact that you are not the issue, but him.

Forget him, nothing about looking at his social media, seeing if he has another girlfriend. Nothing, forget him. Just go forward.

There is a comment that I completely disagree with, it says that men dont care about all of what you say.

Completely wrong, a lot men care about all of that and how much they care depends on the individual. But the thing I would say men care the less, is about the big goal beyond making a family, this is usually because most men take as a fact that they are the one that have to proritize professional careers and long term goals.

The rest might alll be important depending on the man, your selfcare, the little things (mandatory shoutout to the song "little thing mean a lot"), your emotional support, all of it, so dont stop worrying about all of it, not so much to make a man happy, but to make yourself happy, for all of those are traits that improve your individual life just as your interpersonal relationships with also family and friends.

Stay strong.

razelove · Answer

Reading over all of that I'd say because of your low self-esteem causing you to A. Find guys who won't stick around even if you offered the hope diamond, or B. You start getting closer, then you get that feeling like "I don't deserve this" so you begin to push them away from you, it wouldn't just be with romantic relationships.

So, you're trying to live up to the image of an ideal woman, or at least what you think other people would think of when they think ideal woman. You aren't trying to live up to an image you actually admire for yourself, or possibly even truly want. Just, let all that shit go, and try to be happy for you rather than an expectation or someone else.

I could go on and on, but from the little bit I have to work with, work on your confidence and figuring out what actually makes you happy.

Apope16 · Answer

Every love will leave you until the last one. The last one... your life partner... each breakup gets you closer to them.

CriticalDiscourse · Answer

Because "being everything" for someone and living for them, instead of yourself, shows people that you don't love yourself and they can take you for granted.

I got shit on this site once because I outright said that regardless of whether or not I'm in a relationship, I prioritize my life and happiness first. Everyone assumed that meant I neglected my partner, but that simply isn't true.

Trying to be perfect in the hopes someone won't leave you just shows the person you're with that you don't actually value yourself the way you deserve to be valued. So, in turn, they don't feel a strong desire to stay with you since, as you treat yourself, you aren't "worthy" unless you're trying to do everything right.

Yet, as someone who has been in serious relationships (haven't been personally broken up with), when I would actually make myself the priority and nurture my own happiness first, I had not only more energy to give back to a partner, but I also showed my partner that I am worthy of time, attention, and won't tolerate the type of person who just gets bored and moves on.

HOWEVER.

I'm not saying that this pertains to your personal story. I'm making a lot of generalizations because I don't have all of the information. I'm going based on the idea that the only things that matter in this equation are how much you give.

Make sure not to forget about how much you DESERVE.

Siren777 · Answer

Hey anonymous... give love to yourself. Sometimes people leave when the problem is with them not you. We merely project ourselves onto our partner. To do good should be done with no expectation. Care about the way you feel first.
Take care of yourself first. Only give you heart when it's reciprocal. When we give more to someone else we are not balanced the scale tips more to the other side and it makes you feel defeat. When someone leaves, let them for it was their choice to leave. When you do more in the relationship, more is expected as some become accustomed to the great treatment and become lazy. The best you can do is give yourself is to try not to be too hard on yourself. Let go and move on to someone who meets you half way.

Exotic_Insinuations · Answer

Because you made yourself believe in it, judging by your past experiences.

And than you reached for those who think that way around you (or medias) so you can feed that belief of yours. Beliefs have a certain energy when they are unconcious, and want to be fed.

Beneath all of this is a fear of being vulnerable again, because you've been hurt. So it's safer to make general tragical presumption about all men (which is a couple of billion people, and therefore, irrational) than to be brave and vulnerable in finding a partner.

Anonymous · Answer

not all guys are like that. women mature faster than men and they realize the value of love faster. men take a minute to understand their feelings but once they do, trust me its a whole new side to them. if they leave you, then it means that he never cared in the first place and was eventually going to once he got tired of you. a man who truly cares for and likes you will put in the work whether its telling his family about you, remembering small irrelevant details, or simply just being there for you when you need him. I thought the same through out my life then I met my boyfriend. he doesn't like difficult conversations or talking about his feelings in general, but if he sees im upset about something or if im upset with him, he's ready to talk. just be patient, and the right guy will come to you

lightbulb27 · Answer

I see married people all over my area. Probably not about you, it's more about them. They don't know what they want, low self esteem. There's a reality that after a while, you get to know a person, they are human, gets to be "normal". Got to adapt to that familiariety and work to keep things fun (both sides). I get concerned this generation of constant "I'm bored..." fill the void with stuff, serve me now, this phone is too slow.. people... are spoiled and hard to settle down. But I do see young people getting married.

or maybe there is something else going on... who knows?

Hope you find someone who loves you.

85yr old people told me... we didn't have a relationship... WE GOT MARRIED! Then they worked it out and dealt with each other. People don't think like that now. So it's a mess you didn't ask for but have to figureout. once you do, write a book and make millions.

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

I don't know if this will be reassuring or not, but I wanna share something I saw the other day that feels relevant here:

"You can't deserve a person's love. You'll drive yourself crazy thinking like that. They either love you or they don't. That doesn't mean you weren't good enough for them to love you, because love isn't something you earn by being good enough. It isn't something that can be quantified or doled out. Don't blame yourself for not being loved how you need to, just teach yourself how to look for love where love lies."

Relationships end eventually in some way or another. No one can control how they feel about someone or know how they'll feel later on. Sometimes those initial emotions or interest fades and it's no one's fault.

Angelo75 · Answer

It's a dumb behaviour that men and women have come to "expect" from love.
When they don't feel "the spark" they assume that love is gone.
There are whole explanations on the internet about the chemistry of love.
The thing is that many times the hormones that gives you the butterfly/sparks feeling will start having less effects in ur brains because of other hormones that get released during sex etc...
And people confuse this by thinking "the love is gone", while actually it's just that they went to the phase of "attachment".

Holisticapproachsara · Answer

That is so true. My first boyfriend left for the mere reason that he cannot marry a girl he slept with before marriage, really? Is that enough reason to leave a woman who loved u and sacrificed a lot. Its just some men (not all) are very self-centred. And emotions dont play a big part in their lives. They look for the cheap thrill, instead of how precious what they have now. They care only about their ego, and the next game.

Jayla2000 · Answer

I think u need 2 look a little deeper.
The success rate in dating is very little.

Only 1 relationship will be successful for the long run.

The rest of the relationships are learning experiences to prepare us for when we find the right person.

Instead of thinking how you won't ever find the right 1, think about what you can learn from the mistakes made in the relationship so you will be prepared when you find the right one.

TruthBringer · Answer

The things you named would not push away a man. I am 100% sure that if I had insights in your relationships, meaning I knew the things you said, done and what kind of men you are dating, I would find many flaws. So here are two scenarios:

1. You're being ingenious and believe you're doing everything right, while there are many red flags and flaws that come with dating you.

2. Your choices in men are extremely poor and you tend to go for the bad boys who jump ship because they don't know the concept of settling down long-term.

There are many factors that play a role. Perhaps your past and perhaps the people you keep within your life contribute to men not seeing you as high value as you think you are. All in all, I don't think we will truly know the answer. I would love to hear THEIR side of the story.

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

They don't. If you think all of this is happening and they leave, you where not paying attention. Maybe some men where bad communicators, but men will not walk out on a woman that does these things unless she is ultra passive with no personality beyond catering to him. So it isn't that men will just always leave a woman (statistically women are the ones who do the breaking up and divorcing not men, men are pretty easily made content with a relationship) no matter how good she is, its that she has convinced herself that she has done everything right and hasn't been paying attention to what was really going on.

Nawlins34 · Answer

"The man" you're referring to, was never in love to begin with. He'll say the words, but that's not what he's about.

There are two types of cheaters: Need or greed

Need - They are cheating for lack of something in their current relationship. If they have this in the current partner, they will stop cheating. If it was there to begin with, they won't ever consider cheating to begin with.

Greed - They will cheat no matter what. They want what they don't have. Once they have it? They don't want it anymore. Nothing will keep this person.

You're describing the "greedy" cheater.

Furuok · Answer

Speaking only for myself true nature. Men take life seriously, guys on the other hand want to have fun.
Leaving your lady is tired of the routeen or the availability is there. Young love doesn't realize life becomes
Co-dependent if not planned properly. This is how open relationships can be formed.

Emperorxxxemilio · Answer

Men and women have so many options at the touch of a button nowadays. It’s all one big game to most people, swipe right or swipe left. Hookup culture has made people unsatisfied in their relationships because they’re always looking for more, instead of focusing on their current relationship and building that one.

Thedivinechic · Answer

Men fall out of love so quick. Never, heard a widowed man say..." I would never find another love like that again. " I will never move on." They literally get married right after a wife death. And make there kids love step mom. So fucked up.

Lliam · Answer

Because they were in infatuation, not love. They don't yet know what love is.
I was the same way in my teens and 20s. I basically didn't want to settle down. By my mid-30s, I started thinking about finding a life partner and settling down. When I was finally ready, I met a wonderful woman and learned the meaning of true love. We've been married now for almost 25 years and I couldn't be happier.

Rangers · Answer

Funny, I feel that way about girls as my first girlfriend faked suicide, didn't tell me until I saw activity on her account and begged for an answer and she told me it was all a scheme so she could ride an Elvis presley looking underage illegal immigrant. Even though I tried to be as good of a boyfriend as I could be and showed her love every day, she still threw me out like trash. Now I've been with another girl for a year but a friend of hers is trying to break us up and sadly, she's listening even though I've been there for her every step of the way and tell her I love her every day. So here's to us both showing our partners great love only for them to toss us in the can and close the lid🥂

Jusin · Answer

Sure sounds like you're into the wrong type of men. People that use and ditch you when they get bored are heartless people. Both men and women are guilty of committing these acts. Usually this kind of stuff happens when people date solely for someone's physical appearance rather than their personality. Sure they may find a man/woman attractive but maybe they just don't connect emotionally that well and that can ruin a relationship and push them to cheating or breakups.

Smashingdoozy · Answer

Because some people just aren't meant to be. Doesn't matter what you put into a relationship or how much you feel for another person if they don't feel the same nothing you do is going to change that

guesswhoseback · Answer

Ah this is a two street. As a man I have learned that I am NOT special for just existing. I have to provide something of value to the woman.

I also have to be ready to get “tested” (all women test men whether they realize it or not). I have to stay centered and tough when this happens. If I get pushed off balance she will lose respect and test even more. I will eventually lose her (and I have lost women from failing “tests”)

TheAfrikan · Answer

I guess a healthy relationship is built on trust, respect, intimacy and love. So once you have those 4 try to push in some adventure as ofyen s you can so that your guy does not get bored if the same sequence.
Create a space or a moment, so that he can miss you instead of you being always with him in every single thig he does.
You basically need to be missed n making the relationship a little bit more adventurous n adrenaline taking should be done by both sides, but if u try ya best n he does no shit, theb they are the problem not you dear.
Just make you hapoy n can about about more 😎

lilyanony1 · Answer

If you're Incompatible nothing absolutely nothing will make things work between you and why would you want to force something like that?  😑 Headache!

jdonhere77 · Answer

I just have a short answer. Whether it's the man that leaves or the woman that leaves. I'm going out on a limb here but I think a lot of times the happiest couples are the ones were each person truly likes themselves. You know if you think about it and I've been through these stages where I didn't like myself then I'm going from one thing to another thing to another thing trying to find some sort of satisfaction. Maybe maybe not? I don't know

Screenwriter · Answer

Perhaps you're choosing the wrong men.
The "not into you anymore" sounds like words from guys you've known a few months. That happens.
Talk to a dating coach or therapist about your track record and see how you can change it.
Good luck.

Finchie40 · Answer

Not true , if I had a girl that did all that for me I would have no reason to leave , to find a girl that was just like you listed above , would be a dream come true lol Sadly to say girls get bored as well when they have a man that does all that for her.

Anonymous · Answer

Cause woman prioritize the most idiotic things in men, HE HAS TO BE TALL, HE HAS TO LOOK LIKE THIS, HE HAS TO HAVE A BIG PENIS, A NICE CAR, Usually women don’t find a man like that, but she’ll take any variation of the sort, one or more as a benefit, then when PERSONALITY (which can easily be hidden or faked) comes into play, and true colors show, they’re still so hung up on he’s so cute, he’s so good in bed, blah blah, that they really can’t see they’re pouring water into a bucket full of holes, women like being treated badly, it’s just in their nature.

Citizenkirk · Answer

Why don't you try getting too know a different kind of guy. For that matter, why am I condemned too be a selfish, unfaithful, two timing creep when I have never done anything too earn that reputation, just because I got the same reproductive equipment as someone who did.

Browneye57 · Answer

Uh, another victim. Oh dear.
Newsflash toots... you're not all that YOU think you are.

So tell us dear readers, what exactly do you bring to a relationship that would be considered HIGH VALUE.
"Independent" with higher goals"? Uh, no. Your golden vagina isn't either.

nomidnight4298 · Answer

I don't think it's true that men are more likely to leave you. Men do display a tendency towards polygyny from their evolutionary past but statistics show that modern divorce is initiated most often by the woman.

You mention being good in bed. I don't think "being good" is as important as very frequent (daily multiple times daily) sexual and romantic play. Being open to exploring kinks together, etc.

Cherrylicious · Answer

Because men don't fall in love they fall in lust. Men only want sex. It's all for their personal gratification.

boggboss · Answer

They was never in love with u you simply fell for sweet words that didn't mean anything

anmari2001 · Answer

Love can't be forced and it is not your fault you dont have a magic formula for love
You can't be perfect and you can give love and still makes mistakes
It wasn't the right time for this person to love you the way you wanted, maybe he will never be ready but you still can learn thungs from eachother, we all are both teachers and students at the same time

KeiaYamada · Answer

Because love gives no reasons. People don't stay in love because of individual qualities or efforts. It's not a point system where being over a point total equals love. If you are loving people who don't love you or fall out of love with you, that's just how things go.

JSmuve · Answer

Maybe they felt smothered. A lot of guys need mental and physical space.
Maybe they're not monogamous and want a variety of women.
Maybe they felt the relationship stagnated and it reached its logical end.
Maybe they felt like you'd leave them and they preemptively did it themselves.

romeo_and_cats · Answer

The problem girls like you had bad experiences based on your own limiting beliefs then you come here generalizing man!!!

Are you seriously going to generalising me?

And how am I supposed to answer for the guys you've dated since it was you who met them at the first place!!👎

Mystery_World · Answer

bc of busy lifestyle and hell of things to explore. men face this problem too. i'd to say, love your work and stop giving time for people. when you do that, they find you mysterious. life is easy when you give time for yourself. the more you think about people the more stress you put on yourself. just try it once and you would not bother about anyone

misanthropistkev · Answer

Guys have way to many options now a days if he can get you like you who does all that he can get another women have too much competition it’s not just you vs the next whore it’s you verses all of them tosh said that and plus he might’ve just not been into you let it go

Mangospacho · Answer

Sometimes giving someone something they don’t deserve and haven’t earned themselves will automatically make them take it for granted because they just assume someone else will give them the same thing without even trying.

Anonymous · Answer

Lol you are asking this to male dominated misogynisyic site. They are gonna say it's your fault for choosing such guys

Romeocuck · Answer

Love = giving.
If you give him all of you without questioning its mean you love him. At this point there is 2 questions you need to ask yourself.
1. Do you give him the place in which he can give you himself too?
2. Does he give you himself too as you do gor him?

I can assure you, if you let him give you as much as you give him and he does, he'll never leave you because he'll be madly in love with you.

Franknbeans · Answer

Here’s the thing about guys- they are very ungrateful. Many of us expect the world and give very little in return. Sure I hear guys asking why they can’t find decent women and that American women are horrible. But I don’t think they see themselves as responsible for the outcome in their lives.

Anonymous · Answer

All girls, or even guys, ask the same thing to themselves at some point in time, but you have to realize that this isn't like the song from juicewrld about how "all girls are the same" or guys. Some guys and girls just decide to me huge dicks and disregard their partners feelings because they have a goal they want to accomplish for themselves and when its over with, it's done. They dont need the person anymore. It can be a guy or a girl. It doesn't really have a gender lable. But either way, it sucks ass.

Anonymous · Answer

No matter how good you look, - it's not that important to him. He doesn't care what you look like.
how much you take care of yourself, - it's not that important to him. He doesn't care if you take care of YOU.

No matter that you have a higher goals in life, - it's not that important to him. He doesn't care what your goals for YOU are.

No matter how much you make them happy with little things, - it's not that important to him. MEN DON'T CARE ABOUT THE LITTLE THINGS.

No matter how much intimacy, beautiful memories, care when they are vulnerable, affection and love... - it's not that important to him. He doesn't care as much about those things as you do.

Do the big things right, or someone else will. Do the big things right - no matter how "obvious" it is. They are the things the guy cares about. Do the big things right.

Don't love a man the way that YOU want to be loved.
Love a man the way HE wants to be loved.

Jack9949 · Answer

This could also be applied to a number of women. I’m sick of everyone treating these questions like its a gender exclusive issue. Women can be assholes. Guys can be assholes. Hell there’s an old saying that women hate eachother because they understand eachother.

godfatherfan · Answer

I have the exact same question about women. I even dated 2 women that were in physically abusive marriages, yet broke up with me. It seems to me that women want guys that treat them like shit. I can't do that, so I get screwed over.

K-I-S-S · Answer

Well if you are all that then you just pick shitty men. 💩

FakeNIK · Answer

Yes indeed, there's a rare breed in men knows idiots, So next time avoid them

soph13T · Answer

Never make a man the priority, make time for yourself too and make sure any effort is reciprocated. If you feel you're being taken advantage of and unappreciated, its time to move on.

EaterPeter · Answer

Be a siren. Speak their love language. Relationships are very very very tricky wish there was formal education covering different aspects of relationships.

JPrez · Answer

This can be said of women and men. One of the mysteries of life. You can't just generalize this to men. That being said, not every woman and not every man does this.

Flower7 · Answer

Maybe because how much love they receive isn't what they value in a relationship. It seems to matter more how attracted they are to her.

TonyV · Answer

I've thought the same thing about women. Fyi most guys dont care about you being independent or having lofty ambitious goals.

AFellowWeeb · Answer

Thats because womrn only go for men that are alreafy popular among women, stop dating men that have their phones constantly buzzing. But yeah, i know this is impossible for you

shadyresidence · Answer

This could go for both genders. The only thing that can keep a person is a person who wants to be kept 🦦

zeitgeist057 · Answer

It's true of women as well as men, it's not about how much you want them, it's about how much they want you.

TOTEMPLASTER · Answer

All of the terrific qualities you listed put aside, your personality obviously would repel Atilla the Hun.

Anonymous · Answer

Guys like to have an easy relationship. A girl that gives time no problems and is good for their life, ego, etc.. And Easier to enjoy pussy

Achilles_216 · Answer

if everything you said is true, there's two possibilites, either the guy who left you is brain dead, or he has some other girl in mind that he perceives as better than you, the latter is more likely

Why is it no matter how much love you give a man, they will still leave you?

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