How do I deal with being overly obsessive of my girlfriend's past?

[joshey]

Hello fellow guys and girls,

I am writing this with hopes of finding a solution to what has been rather excruciating 1 month of my life.
I am 20 years old, my girlfriend is 20 as well, we got together 4 months ago. Everything was going well, until one month ago, when she accidentally shared information about her past sex partners, which very much disgusted me, as I am yet an unexperienced guy (yes, yes, a nerd). We have had sex since the first week of our first date. I managed to get those thoughts out of my head, but 2 weeks ago we had a talk where she confessed that she lost her virginity at 16 with a man the age of 32. I did some digging, which I'm very sorry for, and found his social media and I was absolutely demolished when I saw him. (NO OFFENSE, I KNOW NO ONE IS PERFECT NEITHER AM I). This person looked very bad, just a typical pedophile - bald, crooked teeth, extremely overweight etc. Also he is supposedly a drug addict.
To get to the point - my girlfriend shared with me some of the sexual acts she has done with him and some information about his life which I regret asking for, also things such as seeing him as a father-figure at the time. For the past 2 weeks I have gotten almost no sleep, can't have a normal conversation with her since the only thing that is in my head are very graphic and disgusting scenarios between them. I fully acknowledge the severity of this and am completely aware this is not normal, but I really cannot shake this thought out of my mind. I have been told to just break up with her but I love her too much to do so. I am asking you for recommendations on how to deal with this situation.

[SueShe]

First off, you state you are 20 yet your profile says 32. So, I am not inclined to take everything you say for gospel.

How are you expecting to keep a normal relation if you view her as a disgusting person. No love will ever overcome your feeling if you keep viewing her the way you do. Those that recommended that you split up with her probably recognized too that the chance of you getting over her past is not going to happen. If it did not until now, it never will. You had over one month to get over the information and "digest" it, yet you did not. It will not change your view of her, regardless how much you want to.

If you are not willing to oversee her past, then you must become her past as well and let her go with someone that can understand her. It is better for both of you to separate rather to keep living a lie and to make both unhappy.

[Anonymous]

If i was in your position, i would break up no matter how much i loved my boyfriend. Such a disgusting act shows that the person has no values

[MrHopper]

Its a level of maturity to look at what she said and think "yeah we all have a past" and not think anything more of it... i met my gfs exs, and her friends bring them up in conversations when talking about the past because its a part of her life.

It sounds like you are not ready for a relationship if it is causing you this much trauma. If she was coerced by this man at a young age, she is the victim, not you. But that is also to say what they did is also nothing unusual too

[loveslongnails]

My very strong recommendation is, ironically, don't listen to any advice you get here other than to see a therapist who is an expert in this area !! You are having major issues with this, so you need to talk with someone experienced in helping people with this sort of problem. Do it quickly.

There's also a life lesson in this for you, which is "don't ask questions you're not prepared to handle the answers to".

[MillenniumBill]

She was 16 he was 32 and now she's sharing her sex acts he did to her with you? Nobody is without a past but that's just wrong no matter how you cut it.
She's got issues you may want to be far away from, dude. They'll only get worse later on after you're hooked beyond rational thought.
It's your call.

[boggboss]

The reasons people have told u to break up because there is no way to handle this past just accepting it and if u can't then moving on there is literally no other options here

[Iron_Man]

You should have discussed everything a long time ago

[Anonymous]

is she on the birth control pill? but yes, i sometimes envy and am jealous of people who lost their virginity in high school

[Anonymous]

her past is non of ur business bro. however you might hate it just dont care about her past. would yu like it if she cared about ur past and dump you for it?