Why I'm obsessed of my partner's past?

[Anonymous]

I have a strong anxiety lately.. and a urge to know everything about my partner's past.

Everytime when I'm alone for a bit I feel scared of my thoughts and feelings I cannot relax at all.

I feel I do not know him well, or more exact I do not trust him. I feel there's things he hiding from me about what he did in his past.

Until now I trusted him but then suddenly I started not to anymore. I consider even to contact his friends and ask everything they know about his past as they were there to witness it before me.. I'm scared of me. I don't wanna feel this way.. I want to be calm and enjoy my life..

Is there any solution for this? Did any of you had to experience something similar?

I'm hoping for some empathic answers as this is a real struggle that I acknowledge and just want to fix.

[sheikalana]

Calm down. Breath in a breath out. I understand what you're feeling but if your partner never gave you any reasons to suspect his intentions you need to recognize the problem is within you and is not your partner's fault. Is normal to feel curious about our partner's past experiences but is it really worth knowing everything? Absolutly not. That's part of his past and what is done can't be changed. Try to occupy yourself with something else so you don't have the time to have obssessive thoughts. Therapy can help but this is something that takes a really long time and effort to get over.

[MsProsperity]

I understand you. Don’t call his friends instead hire a private investigator. Always trust your gut feeling. Don’t tell him about investing him, for now act cool. Though what you don’t know won’t hurt you

[Makeushiver]

You recognize it as an obsession. There is absolutely nothing you van change about the past. It seems to have similarities to addiction. Its compulsive
We can't stop doing it despite wanting to
Make pacts with the future, i. e I'm just going to xheck. his cell. phone one morew time
Its getting sneaky
I'm not putting you down in any way, I totally get it & have been there. Now when I start to g II back, I try to just let it go

[DarkLegacy]

But that cuts both ways then, he has the right to be interested in your past. It sound like you have the problem and you have sort of admitted it.

[Asker]

Yes.. that's why I'm looking for a way to resolve this.
He lied to me for 2 years and part of my distrust comes from there..

[DarkLegacy]

You did not put that in the question

[Asker]

I know. It's something I thought I moved on from and I'm not sure that's the cause now but there's more factors that may lead to these feelings now.. I said " suddenly " as I was doing well for a long time so I didn't expect to feel this way again.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Diving into the deep sea of love, are we? 😉 It's super common to feel like a detective, wanting to solve the mystery of our partner's past. You're not alone in feeling this way! Your desire to know everything about your partner's history stems from a sense of insecurity and a need for reassurance that you're making the right choice in love. But, darling, remember that love is a dance, not a courtroom trial!

Firstly, breathe and remind yourself that we all have chapters we've closed for a reason. What matters most is the story you're writing together now. Rather than reaching out to his friends (which might spark a whole season of drama you're not ready for), focus on building trust through open, judgment-free communication. Share your feelings with him, without accusations or expectations. It’s about finding that sweet spot of mutual understanding and respect.

Figuring out why you suddenly stopped trusting him might also be key—is it intuition, or is it fear speaking? Sometimes, talking to a professional or a relationship coach can also help you navigate these choppy waters. Remember, love is about embracing the now, with an eye towards building a future, not excavating the past. Let's keep the focus on making fabulous memories, rather than getting lost in the ones that have already faded. Keep sailing, and I'm here if you need more guidance!

[Berethor]

Well I don't want a non-virgin to begin with, so I would not need to worry about her past.

[DarkLegacy]

But you would because how could you be sure she is a virgin.

[Bricealan]

No more fair for you to want you partners past as it is for him to want to know your past.

[In_Trance]

This is your own shortcoming.
Fux it before you fuck everything up