Should I stay in the relationship if my boyfriend has doubts about me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over one year. The first 6 months of our relationship were really good and we didn't argue with each other at all. However, in the past 3-4 months, we constantly argue with each other over trivial things but every time I had meltdowns and ended up he apologizing to me to move on. Recently, when we had a discussion about our relationship, he mentioned that he loves me but he is not sure if we should move our relationship to the next level (move in together) as he is afraid of my meltdowns.
In my defense, I got upset with him mainly because he took me for granted or didn't give me enough care as I needed. Although my approach may be difficult for him to accept. For the time being, we agreed to give each other some time to see if we can work things out. He will be more caring and considerate and I will change my approach if he did something that upsets me in the future.

The problem is I don't know how long should I wait until he will be sure about our relationship and if he ever will... I am under social pressure and definitely don't have another year to figure out we are compatible or not.

[CallmeTheKnight]

First, your meltdowns is a big problem, because it shows that their is no full control of your emotions. How stable you think the relationship will be if you're just losing it here and there? He has a right to be concerned, but he's making a good call on waiting on moving in together. You gotta get that under control first, because imagine if he had meltdowns and you didn't, you definitely wouldn't like it.
Second, taking care of your such as your sexual needs or what? If he's working a lot, cut him some slack. But a simple conversation would've resolved that than a tantrum. Maybe he's one of those guys who don't know how to communicate effectively and that's his problem, but you're a grown woman, you don't need to be taken care of. You were doing fine before he came along, but I think the real problem is your emotional outbursts and the both of your inability to communicate.
That's all I can really say. I don't think it's necessary to break things off, otherwise that'll just confirm the emotional instability and it'll just be too soon to move within a year of the relationship.

[IndieScent]

It sounds like he's pretty clearly expressing what he needs from you, that he needs you to not have a meltdown during an argument. I'm not sure if I'm misinterpreting, but it didn't sound much like you were working on making that stop. He has every right to set that boundary and if you really want to move in with him then you need to put in the work to change that about yourself. Also, ignore any social pressures, any decision made because of social pressures is almost always going to end with resentment

[Anonymous]

that's the thing with relationships, learn the early warning signs. i've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and we have never actually straight up argued. and certainly not to the point where we'd break up. in the grand scheme of things, are you pretty early on in the relationship still, even tho it's been a year.

that is a very VERY bad sign that he's not sure if he wants to take your relationship to the next level. if anything, i would say that's a warning of him wanting to break up with you because you don't know how to act during stressful times.

there's only so much care someone can give their significant other, the rest is up to you. he can't control your feelings or breakdowns...

you two can't communicate properly. i truly think you shouldn't waste any more time and just be single and work on yourself.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Usually relationships that need time apart is just a polite way of saying things aren't working. When things aren't going right in a relationship, that's the time to band together and work through the issues together, not run away from the issues, or they'll never get resolved, you'll never learn how to work through things as a couple...

[FilmGuy93]

In his defense, you having a "meltdown" as an "approach" to your problems is a super immature and unhealthy way to go through life. I don't blame him for being concerned about that. The way I read this question, it sounds like what you are asking is whether you should break up with a guy because he isn't immediately willing to infinitely tolerate your behavior... I might be totally wrong about that, but if you want to get married to any man, you need to make sure that you are acting like an adult.

[kyleelyn199723]

I don’t blame him for being afraid of living with you meltdowns. You need to learn how to express your feelings without acting like a toddler. I have moved in with someone in the past that put me through hell with meltdowns and we argued like cats and dogs. We lived with each other for only a month. You need to work on , how you react to things. He has a right to not want to move in until you fix yourself.

[DaviRon]

Talk to him about this. Tell him you'll consider putting an end if he continues this.

Fix problems at the earliest. I've seen people suggesting "if you're not compatible, just leave the relationship". If that's the solution, what's the value of "love" in a relationship.

Relationship is all about trust and mutual understanding. My girlfriend is sometimes not at all needy and acts careless. I can never leave her. I would just argue with her about this and would fix. Even if she doesn't changes, we would just fight and die. But I don't want to lose her.

[JackSmy]

Listen to your own heart!! Do you feel loved, cherished, and adored, with him, or do you feel bad, upset, and confused, after being with him? That should give you the answer you need!! Be a CONFIDENT woman, and EXPECT more, than just feeling unsure and confused with a male partner!!
Sorry, that so many of my gender are such HORRIFIC failures, with intimacy, emotion and compassion.

[AdithyaR]

I'd say stop giving in to social pressure and do what you feel.
Take a decision based on the relationship and your feelings for him, not some expectation that society places on you.
Relationships take time and rushing it only makes things worse.

[Anonymous]

You obviously need someone who gives you the attention you need and he's someone who seems to be a more chill kind of guy... also meltdowns? that's a bit too much, you need to try to control your emotions a bit. Obviously you too aren't compatible, you can't force someone to be different and he can't change you either.
If he is having doubts then the relationship it's obviously not progressing any further.

[LiamSawyer]

If you're not sure after one year it most likely will never work. Time to move on. I feel bad for you thou if you just need someone to talk to about it, feel free to message me.

[kyleelyn199723]

I disagree relationships take time. Sometimes people aren’t on the same page with each other until 1-2 years of dating. You need to learn and figure your partner out and that takes time

[LiamSawyer]

@kyleelyn199723 if you can't manage to come to a true conclusion in one year you're either immature or haven't even figured out who you are yourself.

[kyleelyn199723]

@LiamSawyer you realize solid fights don’t usually happen until the honeymoon stage is over? Could be a new discovery. I didn’t realize my ex had meltdowns the way he did until we moved in together after a year of dating

[LiamSawyer]

@kyleelyn199723 i'm sorry to hear that. The honeymoon stage usually only happens for a couple of weeks.. he must of never matured and come to grips with any issues he had.

[kyleelyn199723]

He also was a roid head and chose to do a show while we were just moved in. Blessing in disguise that all happened for a reason.

[spartan55]

So you meltdown and he ends up apologizing? Wtf is that? Do you ever apologize for anything in the relationship? Be honest.

[visio9]

he sounds like a simp

[Anonymous]

I don't blame him at all , It can he hard to deal with someone with meltdowns. Try to have self control. Let's not always try to blame the other person. Maybe what you need is therapy to help you how to control your meltdowns.

[KatherineJ]

No, if he has doubts, it’s probably a good idea to let him go. I think you’ll both be happier finding the right person for each of you. Not all relationships work out.

[JamieLoves]

That’s why no one should jump the gun.
Also, living together is a great idea.
You see each other when they’re at their worst, best and in between.

You’re obviously not well suited for one another..

[Lilbrown]

You need help! Your behavior is controlling. He seems codependent. The relationship is toxic..

[fred_durst]

what an asshole , dump him now , you are the queen of the world , you deserve to be treated much better

[Anonymous]

what do you mean by social pressure?