Why does my boyfriend keep testing my commitment to him?

[The_Pretty_Lady]

My boyfriend and I have been together since the beginning of 2009. We have talked about the future, and are both in for the long haul. However, lately, he has been testing me, with things like canceling on us meeting up and then calling me to see chat about my supposed under-reaction and non-preparedness to meet him. There have been other times where he goes out, comes home in the wee hours of the morning, completely sloshed, and then gets annoyed when I tell him to sleep it off, rather than being a wet blanket on the following day when we are supposed to be doing stuff together. He also makes me feel bad for starting new activities (gym, dance class) without him. Is he insecure? Why is he doing this? Is this just something that guys do? I am 29, and he is 32. Any honest, constructive comments would we welcomed. Thanks.

[MissGuided]

If a guy is pulling back and testing you, something may be wrong. You know that classic line that ticks people off, "It's not you, it's me", in this case applies. It's honestly him. It may be something completely not related to your relationship that's dragging his overall demeanor down. Guys go through cycles where they pull away. They don't like to talk about things, and instead need time to sort things out on their own. If this is the case, once he solves his own problem (i.e. a work issue) things will generally mend themselves.

Another option would be that he truly is insecure about your relationship. Unless he's a rarity and likes to talk about feelings, I would possibly try to get him to decode his own attitude. Guys generally love to solve problems, so I would present it in a way that he's helping you solve a relationship problem for a girlfriend or co-worker of yours. If he's generally good about portraying his feelings, then I would lay the cards out on the table.

[martyfellow]

Yes, he's insecure, and maybe..guilty about something. You need to have a long talk about his behavior right now. Make him tell you what's bothering him, because something IS and this will only get worse.

[Anonymous]

Maybe past girlfriend have ruined him for you, he might be testing you see how you react in different situations, what you range or tollerance for things are...