I caught my partner having video chat sex with another woman from across the country. He also said, “ I love you to her” is that cheating?

[Haylielove86]

I caught my partner on camera having video chat sex with another woman. He said, “I love you baby” and other comments that would suspect a relationship. I then found out that they’ve talked even before I was ever in the picture and it’s been a phone relationship on and off. I was lost for words.
Is this considered cheating? And if so, what are some red flags that it’s still gonna happen later on?

[BigPunny]

Yes, that would be considered cheating, in my opinion. If I found my wife doing this (without telling me first), I would be upset, and rightly so.

But not all is lost here. Since he talked to her before you two, and he knows that it won't go anywhere with her, he probably doesn't see it the same way. That doesn't make what he's doing okay or right, but just saying that HE probably sees it in a different context than anyone else.

What concerns me about this situation is that he didn't tell you about her first. This is something that he didn't bother divulging to you. It would have been one thing if he just let you know "oh, there's a friend I have from [country] and she and I talk occasionally," etc. etc. and then see how you felt about it given the circumstance.

And, he should have been willing to cut that off if you weren't okay with it. But, he probably didn't say anything because he didn't WANT to lose that 'thing' he does with her so he tried hiding it.

That is your red flag. This will hurt the trust between you, which is a hard thing to get back.

So at this point, you definitely need to sit down and talk about his thing with him, get his view on it, why he hid it, why he wants to do it, whether he's ever made plans to visit her, etc. etc.

The ball is then in your court to decide where you go from there. But whatever decision you make, that will obviously eat at you because he's shown you that he can omit things and hide those things.

Red flags for the future would be if his behavior changes, if he changes the way he does things typically. Like, does he always or never shower after work? Does he usually occasionally stay late after work? Does he always 'doll' himself up before work or going out?

Also with cell phones. If he keeps his cell phone always close to him, never leaving a room without it, typing on it but putting it away when you come in, etc. Those are red flags.

The situation he just had is a red flag.

But red flags for that specific situation? That would be hard to pin down, tbh. It will largely be the same as red flags of cheating in any situation.

[Haylielove86]

This was very helpful

[BigPunny]

Good. I'm glad I could help. Best of luck! :)

[TheBigGuy9]

Yeah, without a doubt it’s cheating. By the way, how do you have video chat sex? Does the woman place her crotch in front of the screen and the guy go back and forth like he is having sex and you both just moan?
Or do you both put pictures of each other on a blow up doll and have sex with it?
In my opinion, what can constitute as even coming close to having sex on camera is both of you masturbating in front of each other.

[Haylielove86]

You’re right about that, technically it’s masturbating simultaneously in front of the camera.

[Anonymous]

Omg thats obvious! Its 100%cheating there are involved feelings!

[Haylielove86]

The feelings part was the worst of it all. 🤦🏻‍♀️ the “I love you” stuff. Like seriously.

[Opinion Owner]

Dump him he's not even worth ur time anymore

[OlderAndWiser]

The best predictor of it continuing in the future is hat it has occurred in the past. Anyone with self-esteem would have already ended that relationship.

[Dchrls78104]

Having to ask this question, on the face of it, shows a naïveté unsuited to 21st century living. The answer should be obvious: if he's having video chat sex with someone else, he's cheating and a load of garbage! I'd dump a girl instantly who did that to me!

[Adam1978]

Yes that cheating unless you have losen the rules in your relationship.

[Maxnanet]

It depends... i love you like a sister is ok !
I live you and wanna quit my life to join yours is something else

[Zygum]

So for you don't catch in in sex with that woman, he is not cheating

[Frank_Woods]

Yes, I would consider this cheating.

[exitseven]

Not if it was his sister.

[jahaims]

Yeah that is cheating

[Anonymous]

Yes obviously.

[dudeinohio]

definitely cheating.

[Iron_Man]

End it

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Yeah

[Shihab91]

Yes...