Who comes first, Spouse or Children?

Question

JustAnj · Accepted Answer

Both, I don't understand the reasoning to only having one importance in your life over the other.

My husband is his own man, this does not mean I will not keep nurturing our relationship.

My kids are their own people learning to be nurturing and independent in themselves, this does not mean I do not influence them or should not prioritize them as much as my husband should as well. They will be learning from us and how we treat ourselves and others.

In the end you should be the most important. You are the influence that will teach others how to treat you and how important you are to yourself. You will be the only one to provide yourself with what you need and want. Making yourself important will determine your capability to be your best influence onto others.

This does not mean you are selfish or you can not be kind, and this does not mean you do not care of others. This means you take care of yourself so that you teach your kids to value their growth and to be their best selves in order to project respect and reliability.

Our partners chose us for our capabilities, our children learn from our projections, so you comes first and the rest is for you to prioritize.

akvalleygirl · Accepted Answer

Moms will put the kids first, but I'm here to tell you from experience don't neglect your husbands if you want a happy marriage and your children to have a loving father. Make time for your husband even when you are tired and don't think he's doing much to help you. If he's paying the bills be grateful if he fixes things that are broken, or he wants to have sex with you when you don't feel attractive at all, receive from him, he's your husband and he does love you. The more you give to him, the more you will get back.

Grond21 · Accepted Answer

Spouse. They have actually done a lot of studies on family dynamics and which is more healthy. Intuitively some people say children, because children are helpless and dependent highly on the parents. However, children also depend on the parents having a good and healthy relationship. In fact, with a very healthy relationship on behalf of the parents the children have less needs and less problems. On average. So one of the best things that parents can do for their kids is to have a healthy relationship with their spouse as the priority. It doesn't attract from the relationship with the kids, they just come second in the order of those who you love unconditionally.

My further thought is that you're only going to have your kids in your house for 18 years. You should definitely do your best to form them during that time, but you committed to your spouse without reservation for your whole life. So they should definitely come first

ohshee · Accepted Answer

Children. I did not bring my spouse into this world or my lover or whomever it may be but I did bring a child into this world let child is a blank slate. And it's my job. Make that child become the best person he or she could possibly be and to teach and true love unconditionally no matter what to always be there for them extending my hand my heart. Never to hold them back they're restricting from the the choices that they make to find themselves as I can only build the foundation as they build their house

Sonorous · Answer

Spouse. You can easily make more children.

Apple1996 · Answer

My kids will always and forever come first

Pj1981 · Answer

I've gone back and forth over this question many times and here is why I find it difficult. I would do anything for my children just as I would with the woman I love they both own equal shares of the heart. However your kids are there with you for a while, they learn, they grow and they leave for a life of their own. Where does that leave you? Alone again unless you have that partner who was there before the kids, through the kids and till the end. Of course that partner is a rare thing these days. People just don't care for that connection anymore

libsaretards · Answer

Spouse. They were around before the children came into the picture. If the marriage was taken as seriously as it should be, they will be around when the child leaves. Your spouse is the one who will help you raise the children. If you put the children above the spouse, you raise them to think they are more important to you than the other parent. Spouses are supposed to be a united team in front of the kids. If there is a disagreement on how to deal with the kids, settle it in private then talk to the kids once an agreement has been reached.

SupremeWarlord · Answer

I think it is about equal, it's just different, when the children are small, you can spend equal amount of times between them, you can play with your children together as a couple, split the individual responsibilities between parents, and have your alone time with your spouse.

Now when it comes to whom you should leave behind when the situation calls for it, then I think it is your spouse when the children are small/teens, for obvious reasons, unless your teen is a criminal or something.

When your children become adults, then your spouse will be the main person in your everyday life, so they come first during this phase of life.

My answer is "it depends", there's no rigid book dictacting this.

Heckpupper · Answer

I asked my fiancee this same question and she surprised me. We will grow old together, but the girls will grow up and move away to start families of their own. Our relationship with each other is the most important, but it doesn't mean the children don't matter.

If anything, having a harmonious relationship benefits them also, as both a stable environment to grow up in and as an example of how they should strive to live.

pleasestopthis · Answer

Spouse. The marriage needs to be strong with a good foundation for the children to grow up in a nurturing environment.
I think this is one of the reason why so many marriages fall apart when the children move out, they only focused on the kids and forgot how to be a couple.

Anonymous · Answer

I feel like it depends especially when you have a step parent/step child. Some step parents want to completely ex out the child especially adult children. That’s my situation. My step mom doesn’t want me around my dad at all. I can’t call him without her listening, we can’t see each other and my dad eats it up saying that I’m an adult now and I shouldn’t need or want him for anything. Mind you he asks me for money and gifts every month and he knows I’m struggling then gets mad when I can’t “fund his lifestyle”.

IveGotNoName · Answer

Those roles are very different. The spouse is an equal, they don't need to be taken care of per se. The children are inferior to the parents, they have to be taken care of and raised. Therefore the children have to come first, since they are not able to do all the day to day things themselves. Them coming first doesn't mean they're more loved. The love is and should be somewhat equal.

Gravit1 · Answer

Not quite on that paradigm. Husband supports wife, wife supports children. Husband supports wife by supporting the children, Wife supports children by supporting the Husband. Christ comes first, but Husband and wife support each other and in turn support the children.

Twalli · Answer

You should aim to be married before having children. So spouse then children. Once you have kids then they're most important. I think that's one if the major reasons my cousin is a single mother. Beforehand the longest she'd be single was about a week.

hopegirly · Answer

The Bible says Spouse because you have made a promise to God that you would become only one after marriage, children comes later

Sue_Free · Answer

I picked children because we have to prepare them for the road ahead. But I don't want to choose honestly. We should be a mother to our children but shouldn't forget to be the wife of our man

PinkMichae · Answer

I'd say children. They can't take care of themselves and it's a parents responsibility to put them first since they brought them into the world. I'd expect the father to put them before me.

Subarugirl · Answer

Your spouse is your priority. As a parent it is your job to do everything in your power to give your children a healthy home environment, as well as setting a good example of what a heathy relationship is.

AlexanderAnttila · Answer

In marriage before children the spouse, with children, the children come first when it's a matter of either the spouse of children first. But in all other cases the family is a unit, and everyone in it invaluable.

FinalFantasyBro · Answer

The safety of a child hold more sway compared to an adult, especially considering the adult can legally purchase their own property but children can't legally purchase their own property so it be harder for the kid to live.

I also think helping the children who doesn't have no family would also be a great feeling but don't get me wrong helping underprivileged adults is also important job as well.

NathanDavis · Answer

I'll keep it simple... children, and if she were like me, my wife... then she would want me to be there for them, first... no matter what.

rcljr · Answer

Children, the 2 of you created them, they require your attention until the age of 18

JosyJosy · Answer

I'm going with the kids. I don't want to throw another couple of trolls on the pile. But I don't want to be a failure towards the kids as far as relationships go. I don't want them to have two birthdays to celebrate.

Alyssa11 · Answer

My future children will ALWAYS come first in ANYTHING. If I decide to give birth to a child, I am making a vow to look after them and nurture them to the best of my ability.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

A smart person works things around in such a way they are never in a position where they have to make that choice.

TwinkleLily5 · Answer

You’re children should always come first. They depend on you. Your mate/spouse and is an adult and should understand that.

SphynxUK · Answer

I disagree.  I come first, and that wasn’t in the equation. If I’m ok, my kids will be. The husband can fend for himself, surely? 😆

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Your husband or wife comes first. The kids will eventually grow up and leave but your husband and wife remains.

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

I come first. After 20 years of laying down my jacket in the perverbial puddle of mud, nope.. never doing that thankless life again.

iBeowulf · Answer

Men you'll always come last, don't be deceived..."spouse"...🤪🧐🤣

worldscolide · Answer

The kids, any rational thinking person would agree with this.

MrMilti · Answer

Children. They most likely can't help themselves, while my wife is a grown adult.

Nightroads · Answer

I my experience, you choose spouse and she gets pissed, then you lose both.

EnglishEuropean · Answer

Spouse, unless it's a real life-or-death situation in which case I MIGHT try to Save the Children first.

Minamikun · Answer

Both are important but children are priority on a family itself

ToastyOats · Answer

The adults need to stick together or those kids will turn out like crap.

RationalMale · Answer

Putting your kids first leads to divorce and hurting your kids and spouse.

DWornock · Answer

The spouse of course. First, you meet your spouse, then, you have children.

FamilyGuy2020 · Answer

Despite, our mother and daughter Differences. I just want to see my daughter's

Omario2049 · Answer

I can't believe this is remotely a close, ESPECIALLY among the men🧐😔

Anonymous · Answer

Money comes first. Without money, you (and the whole family) starve to death.

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

Should be spouse, but its always children. Hence, the high divorce rate.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

All I know is the Man never comes first 🤣

karaspara · Answer

Depends on many things

burlen · Answer

Both come first and are not mutually exclusive.

legalboxers · Answer

The Mother.. Then the Children...

haooy · Answer

Kids until they are 16 or maybe 18.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Children always

OddBeMe · Answer

Spouse. I hate children.

ThatNoUVAtYourEyes · Answer

Difficult q... equal, I'd say.

Hanmakev · Answer

I’d love my babies but I’d need my baby lol

EaterPeter · Answer

Depends.

Guanfei · Answer

Children, always.

Tommyy12 · Answer

Children ->spouse

fonduegirl · Answer

Always me.

Hulk30 · Answer

it's true

Who comes first, Spouse or Children?

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For you, who comes first? Your children or your spouse?

Who comes first, Spouse or Children?

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