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Who comes first, Spouse or Children?
Superb Opinion
Both, I don't understand the reasoning to only having one importance in your life over the other.
My husband is his own man, this does not mean I will not keep nurturing our relationship.
My kids are their own people learning to be nurturing and independent in themselves, this does not mean I do not influence them or should not prioritize them as much as my husband should as well. They will be learning from us and how we treat ourselves and others.
In the end you should be the most important. You are the influence that will teach others how to treat you and how important you are to yourself. You will be the only one to provide yourself with what you need and want. Making yourself important will determine your capability to be your best influence onto others.
This does not mean you are selfish or you can not be kind, and this does not mean you do not care of others. This means you take care of yourself so that you teach your kids to value their growth and to be their best selves in order to project respect and reliability.
Our partners chose us for our capabilities, our children learn from our projections, so you comes first and the rest is for you to prioritize.
Most Helpful Opinions
Moms will put the kids first, but I'm here to tell you from experience don't neglect your husbands if you want a happy marriage and your children to have a loving father. Make time for your husband even when you are tired and don't think he's doing much to help you. If he's paying the bills be grateful if he fixes things that are broken, or he wants to have sex with you when you don't feel attractive at all, receive from him, he's your husband and he does love you. The more you give to him, the more you will get back.
838 opinions shared on Relationships topic. Spouse. They have actually done a lot of studies on family dynamics and which is more healthy. Intuitively some people say children, because children are helpless and dependent highly on the parents. However, children also depend on the parents having a good and healthy relationship. In fact, with a very healthy relationship on behalf of the parents the children have less needs and less problems. On average. So one of the best things that parents can do for their kids is to have a healthy relationship with their spouse as the priority. It doesn't attract from the relationship with the kids, they just come second in the order of those who you love unconditionally.
My further thought is that you're only going to have your kids in your house for 18 years. You should definitely do your best to form them during that time, but you committed to your spouse without reservation for your whole life. So they should definitely come first
Children. I did not bring my spouse into this world or my lover or whomever it may be but I did bring a child into this world let child is a blank slate. And it's my job. Make that child become the best person he or she could possibly be and to teach and true love unconditionally no matter what to always be there for them extending my hand my heart. Never to hold them back they're restricting from the the choices that they make to find themselves as I can only build the foundation as they build their house
What Girls & Guys Said
14
Opinion
39Opinion
Spouse. You can easily make more children.
1.6K opinions shared on Relationships topic. My kids will always and forever come first
I've gone back and forth over this question many times and here is why I find it difficult. I would do anything for my children just as I would with the woman I love they both own equal shares of the heart. However your kids are there with you for a while, they learn, they grow and they leave for a life of their own. Where does that leave you? Alone again unless you have that partner who was there before the kids, through the kids and till the end. Of course that partner is a rare thing these days. People just don't care for that connection anymore
Spouse. They were around before the children came into the picture. If the marriage was taken as seriously as it should be, they will be around when the child leaves. Your spouse is the one who will help you raise the children. If you put the children above the spouse, you raise them to think they are more important to you than the other parent. Spouses are supposed to be a united team in front of the kids. If there is a disagreement on how to deal with the kids, settle it in private then talk to the kids once an agreement has been reached.
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I think it is about equal, it's just different, when the children are small, you can spend equal amount of times between them, you can play with your children together as a couple, split the individual responsibilities between parents, and have your alone time with your spouse.
Now when it comes to whom you should leave behind when the situation calls for it, then I think it is your spouse when the children are small/teens, for obvious reasons, unless your teen is a criminal or something.
When your children become adults, then your spouse will be the main person in your everyday life, so they come first during this phase of life.
My answer is "it depends", there's no rigid book dictacting this. -
I asked my fiancee this same question and she surprised me. We will grow old together, but the girls will grow up and move away to start families of their own. Our relationship with each other is the most important, but it doesn't mean the children don't matter.
If anything, having a harmonious relationship benefits them also, as both a stable environment to grow up in and as an example of how they should strive to live. - 1.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Spouse. The marriage needs to be strong with a good foundation for the children to grow up in a nurturing environment.
I think this is one of the reason why so many marriages fall apart when the children move out, they only focused on the kids and forgot how to be a couple. - Anonymous(18-24)
I feel like it depends especially when you have a step parent/step child. Some step parents want to completely ex out the child especially adult children. Thatâs my situation. My step mom doesnât want me around my dad at all. I canât call him without her listening, we canât see each other and my dad eats it up saying that Iâm an adult now and I shouldnât need or want him for anything. Mind you he asks me for money and gifts every month and he knows Iâm struggling then gets mad when I canât âfund his lifestyleâ.
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Those roles are very different. The spouse is an equal, they don't need to be taken care of per se. The children are inferior to the parents, they have to be taken care of and raised. Therefore the children have to come first, since they are not able to do all the day to day things themselves. Them coming first doesn't mean they're more loved. The love is and should be somewhat equal.
Not quite on that paradigm. Husband supports wife, wife supports children. Husband supports wife by supporting the children, Wife supports children by supporting the Husband. Christ comes first, but Husband and wife support each other and in turn support the children.
2.6K opinions shared on Relationships topic. You should aim to be married before having children. So spouse then children. Once you have kids then they're most important. I think that's one if the major reasons my cousin is a single mother. Beforehand the longest she'd be single was about a week.
The Bible says Spouse because you have made a promise to God that you would become only one after marriage, children comes later
I picked children because we have to prepare them for the road ahead. But I don't want to choose honestly. We should be a mother to our children but shouldn't forget to be the wife of our man
- 572 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
I'd say children. They can't take care of themselves and it's a parents responsibility to put them first since they brought them into the world. I'd expect the father to put them before me.
- 400 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Your spouse is your priority. As a parent it is your job to do everything in your power to give your children a healthy home environment, as well as setting a good example of what a heathy relationship is.
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In marriage before children the spouse, with children, the children come first when it's a matter of either the spouse of children first. But in all other cases the family is a unit, and everyone in it invaluable.
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The safety of a child hold more sway compared to an adult, especially considering the adult can legally purchase their own property but children can't legally purchase their own property so it be harder for the kid to live.
I also think helping the children who doesn't have no family would also be a great feeling but don't get me wrong helping underprivileged adults is also important job as well. - 3.3K opinions shared on Relationships topic. u
I'll keep it simple... children, and if she were like me, my wife... then she would want me to be there for them, first... no matter what.
Children, the 2 of you created them, they require your attention until the age of 18
2.6K opinions shared on Relationships topic. I'm going with the kids. I don't want to throw another couple of trolls on the pile. But I don't want to be a failure towards the kids as far as relationships go. I don't want them to have two birthdays to celebrate.
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