Should you share how much money you have with your partner if you're going to live together?

[Anonymous]

I'm going to move out soon with my girlfriend, we've been together for a little more than 2 and a half years now and this will be the first time either of us will be moving out. Neither of us makes that much money and I would like to tabulate how much we make vs. how much we would owe ahead of time and while we're living together if we're going to take on such a large financial responsibility (I take on the initiative on such things usually, which is why I say I would like to do it).

I made it clear that I'll listen to her input and not be controlling with her money or anything like that, I think it will be good because it will prevent us from irresponsibly spending money and do a good job saving it since you really don't want to fall behind on rent. The problem is that she doesn't want to share how much money she has with me, even though I'm more than happy to share how much I have.

So I was wondering, should I expect my partner to share that kind of information? Maybe I'm crazy but I thought she should because it's important information for us to share and she doesn't have anything to lose by sharing it with someone she should trust.

[CallMeDave]

I think it depends more on the level the relationship has reached. If you move in together relatively soon and it's not really clear yet whether the relationship is going to last long term, then I don't think it's necessary. If you've been dating a while and thinking you're headed toward marriage and moving in together is a step toward that, then I think it's probably time to share. If you're pretty sure you're heading toward marriage it's probably a good idea to start understanding your total combined financial picture.

[Anonymous]

In my own opinion as long as she is paying for her part of the bills the rest of her money has nothing to do with you especially because she has stated she wants you not to know.
I’d be very annoyed if my partner wanted to control and “keep tabs” on my money, it’s implying she can’t do so herself.


I will say though that if you were married I would understand your point a lot more and would think she should be open about these things.


For now I’d say let it go. Even if she has problems paying her bills I’d recommend you pass her on to a professional as at least then if things continue to go wrong she can’t place blame on you. Money can cause huge stress on a relationship and this is just the beginning now you’re moving in together so take it easy on yourself too 🙂

[MTC29]

Should you tell her? no. It's none of her business. Can you tell her? Sure, if you feel like sharing your income information then that's up to you. If you'd like to tell me, then feel free to do so.

Boyfriend/girlfriend is not close to being husband and wife, just as living together isn't the same as being married to each other. If everyone is paying their agreed share of living expenses then leave it at that.

[888theGreat]

this is why living together is bad. What you have is two selfish people and sex