Why would someone get married but not be ready for kids?

[Anonymous]

I just imagine that once you’ve been together long enough to get engaged and be married for a few years, why would kids still not be on the agenda for one person if you both said you wanted them originally?

This just makes me feel like someone is unsure about the relationship.

[OlderAndWiser]

In my case, it would be because I'm 66 years old.

For some guys, they can see you as being their partner forever but the responsibility of kids scares them, or they simply don't like kids. You should cover those issues in the early stages of dating.

[Asker]

Yeah. It was covered early on, both agreed to wanting kids, got married then one decided otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the guy changed his mind after he could see it wasn't worth bringing kids into the world even though he might have agreed to to before. It's a big responsibility and he could probably see it isn't worth it, even though he agreed to to before you got married. Get a divorce and find someone who wants kids.

[Asker]

It was the woman that changed her mind and she divorced him even though he didn’t want it apparently.

[Opinion Owner]

I meant the guy changed his mind about having kids, it sounded like you wanted kids and he didn't.

[Asker]

Yeah it’s not me. This guy was married before, he wanted/wants kids.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't know, people are strange, you can't figure out everyone, but good luck.

[Asker]

That’s true. Cheers.

[SLRK3]

Just because you get married doesn't mean you have to be ready for kids. Just like Just because you aren't married doesn't mean you can't get pregnant.. This is a fun question.. It's life. Marriage is time to come together as a family yes but it doesn't automatically make you turn into mom and dad time.

[Tunasub]

That's what I was trying to get across to this person... but she thinks my point isn't valid. But I don't think she understood what I was getting at...

[SLRK3]

What makes you think she didn't understood what you were saying?

[Tunasub]

Her reply.. maybe she did just didn't agree🤷🏿‍♂️ that why I asked the second question..

[SLRK3]

Then I'm not too sure 😒

[Asker]

@slrk3 I know, but if you’ve both decided you want kids, and have taken time to be together and figure out you want to spend your life with someone before getting engaged and married…it’s usually the next natural step in my experience. They weren’t that young when they married - I’d understand more then. But marrying mid- late 30s and suddenly changing your mind after marriage makes me wonder why.

[lightbulb27]

I've heard more than one person say they didn't want kids or are affraid of them. I myself had enough childhood hurts I cursed myself out of having a family. It may mean working through some issues

[boggboss]

Because not everyone views kids that way yes traditionally kids come next but just because u feel after this time span kids come next dont mean the people in question think that same way

[Asker]

The question stated that they both wanted kids. Son presumably after marriage that’s the next stage. They didn’t marry that young.

[boggboss]

Yes but one part may not yet be ready still u can't rush having kids if 1 party ain't ready

[Asker]

Oh I 100% agree with that. But my question is more in relation to having been married a while and not married young, so I just can’t help but think that something changed there.

[boggboss]

I'd u think that talk to him as being married for a while dont necessarily mean he is ready to be a parent him not being ready is nor reflective on the relationship itself but more so himself

[Clarke498]

Yeah that's strange. Seems like something is changed. Just depends if it's the wish for kids or the woman.

[Tunasub]

Why would someone have sex and not be ready for kids?

[Asker]

We live in a world of contraception so why wouldn’t people enjoy the pleasure. That’s pretty much moot.

[Tunasub]

Just as your question. That's why I asked..

[Tunasub]

So you are saying getting married = having children?

[SLRK3]

Because sex these days is just for pleasure and needs ONLY!! It's 2021, that's all its about and nothing more or anything less

[SLRK3]

My grandma made me get married because I got pregnant she said no bastards allowed in the family.. and made us go to city hall that week and got married!!

[Tunasub]

@SLRK3 So your saying in the past sex was just to make babies and not for pleasure and needs?

[Tunasub]

Ok but you were pregnant before you got married.. and we're you ready for marriage or children?

Also thats how your grand mother handled that situation not every family was/is like that then or now.

[Tunasub]

@SLRK3 are you still married to the man that got you pregnant?

[Asker]

@tunasub the question is not moot. Okay I’ll spell it out… A couple decided they both want kids, they get engaged and married. In experience most happy couples have kids shortly after as all of these decisions they’ve not usually jumped into lightly. So for someone to go back on their word…somethings changed.

[Asker]

@SLRK3 My grandma did the same thing to my mom and aunt too. Different generations and beliefs, but times change.

[SLRK3]

Me and my ex husband were having sex not for babies but just for pleasure. Me getting pregnant was something my ex-husband didn't want at all. He was pissed.

[SLRK3]

And no I'm not married to him after 12 years of abuse I finally divorced him. We have been divorced about 8 years now.

[Tunasub]

@SLRK3 This is what I mean. Maybe we have our wires crossed. Can you pm me or follow me so I can pm you?

[Sabretooth]

or, they--like me--just crave a happier and simpler life.

[Asker]

So if you’d gone into marriage saying you wanted kids, you’d change your mind afterwards... That’s the context of this question.

[Sabretooth]

i wouldn't go into marriage claiming so.