That's the problem with a lot of men nowadays... Thinking evolutionary drive would "knock some sense in us". When that doesn't happen, it means we're less of a woman.
What a horrific man you've got there, sis. Good riddance. Do me a favour and suck him dry with alimony.
I’m gonna get as much as I can. I hate it “all we’re good for is carrying babies”
Yea I have 15 first cousin all younger then me that was tough enough. Plus YouTube and podcasts helps.
Yes and free time, they break things. Unable to on trip on a whim.
Not really look after them when they come visit I was supposed entertain them. They break my shit. My aunts and uncles would say whoops.
Yeah and can’t flush them down like a gold fish.
I had few Porcelain dolls collectibles they broke them. Hell my little sister broke my stuff.
Yes and I enjoy going to bars.
sorry but he's really a scum
No need to apologize I agree.
Opinion
80Opinion
I'm very sorry to hear about your situation.
Unfortunately, a lot of people get into relationships and marriages with known dealbreakers in hopes that the other person will eventually change (and often times hoping that they can change their partner), which is a huge mistake for many reasons. While people can and do change as they grow older, it isn't smart to count on that happening. If he knew not having kids was a deal-breaker for him, he shouldn't have married you.
I personally see it as a huge red flag in a relationship when both people are not on the same page about having kids. It's something that's impossible to compromise on, and one person or the other will be unhappy no matter the outcome. I consider this to be incompatibility.
Either way, it's extremely messed up that his answer to this was to cheat on you rather than having the decency to simply be honest and tell you that this marriage was not going to work because it was very important to him to have kids. I'm really sorry this happened to you.
I forgot to answer your question; I personally don't have a desire for a relationship, let alone to get married or have kids. Not sure if I'll ever change my mind about any of that.
My guess is that that he probably married you hoping that you’d change your mind. His fault really. I mean that’s cool he wants kids, it’s also cool that you don’t. However it’s something he should have accepted before marriage. Good for you for sticking to your guns by the way. I think divorce is the best option for you and him. He can raise his kid with his mistress now.
I’ve mentioned on here several times that I have a medical issue that makes it very difficult if not impossible for me to have kids, and my age only lowers that chance. I still want to find a husband and marry, but if I meet a man in my age bracket who’s in a rush to start having kids (and I have met a few), I tell him either he has to be open to adopting or he has to keep looking.
I don't know why he'd marry you in the he first place Ifvyou didn't want kids and he did. Maybe he wanted to ambush impregnate down the road. I wouldn't do that. I ask a girl upfront if she wants kids. If she says no that's fine. She's just not what I'm looking for. I won't even waste her time with a second date. Just politely vtelk her we're incompatible. That's what he should have done. I for one have kids as my #1 reason for getting married. But I really want to be a father and just work my shifts and come home to be with my wife and kids. Family is all I want in life. I only mentioned this last bit because I read other posts with women on the his thread. No I don't think women need to do something they don't want to do or force them into it. But I simply love kids, want kids, and want my family name to live on. It has nothing to do with oppressing women.
I have a little one myself already so whomever I date would have to want kids. Luckily I am dating such a person and he has children himself.
If one person wants kids and the other doesn't then it will surely bring problems down the road. You MUST have a mutual understanding when it comes to having kids or not having kids otherwise the relationship will never work as that's a HUGE deal. I'm so sorry that you were betrayed like that. He should have been adamant from the get go that he wanted kids so that you would know that the two of you weren't going to be compatible. I'm glad you're divorcing his piece of shit, dishonest, cheating ass.
I always knew I didn't want children, so that wouldn't be a problem for me. But he's an idiot for marrying you given that you wanted different things that are so important. Hoping someone will change their mind on something like this is insane. Honestly women do that with men all the time, but this goes to show that some men do it too.
Best of luck in the future.
I completely agree with this. I see it as a big red flag from the start when two people in a relationship are not on the same page about this, as this is not something you can compromise on, and one person will be unhappy no matter the outcome. While people can and do change their minds on this, it definitely isn't smart to count on it, as it's not a guarantee by any stretch, and of course, no one can change another person.
things change when you are in relationship, or maybe he never accepted it and hoped... a bad plan. I changed from never wanting kids to being happy if could have with my girlfriend. but it's too late for us.
sorry for your loss. you might examine why you don't want kids and if there's emotional junk to cleanup that is limiting your perceptions, which was my case. There could be other reasons. you are young enough. But if not what you want, there are guys who don't want kids as well, have to try again.
Well , its the best way to get divorced - No children.
But in essence your goals or feelings were never aligned even though he agreed , Divorce is never easy , but its A LOT easier with no children , a lot , believe me.
So , its very good that you are getting divorced , but I can understand his side too as a young man , that he wants kids , so did I , and I had two. These days , of course when they say " No Kids " , I scream with joy ! My lady now is much younger and has never given birth , and thats fine.
That's called been a idiot, so he was an idiot and a cheater.
One should never go into marriage trying to change the person.
One should never really enter a relationship trying to change them as well although this one has a bit more leg room since there could be problems early in the relationship or something not quite fitting.
But marriage there is none it's supposed to be when your fully sure they are for you without a single change.
No. If you want kids that’s the stupidest thing you can do. A lot of women marry men with opposing views thinking they can change them but in reality, they are just going to make them resentful in the long run. Marry someone who wants the same things out of life as you do.
That's a funny behavior.
A lot of males have ended up in that arrangement in the past there he dosen't want and she wants, even there she lies that it doesn't matter or doesn't want.
It's probably a belief they can change their mind, that they change their mind later on, believe they can force them when the ring on the finger, manipulate them to want, think they are that amazing that the other one change their mind...
There are many messed up reasons.
Personal wouldn't I go into a relationship with someone that wants. usually turn to shitcake.
That's one of the reasons why I got my tubes tied. Guys will think twice before hoping you would "change your mind" after you tell them you're sterile.
But yeah, it's freaking awful that many people think you'll eventually want kids just because you're a woman and this is "your role". Yuck
Yes I would. I would prefer that, actually.
I’m really sorry to hear about what happened with your ex-husband! It was wrong for him to agree to marry you, knowing you don’t want kids and then have a problem with it later.
And even worse is the way he went about it. Cheating is never the answer for anything.
You were honest from the very beginning , Yet he had hopes you would changed your mind. Clearly he wasn't mature enough for marriage. He should had respected your decision and not try to force his idea about having kids on you. Your answer is No and yet he want off and cheated on you. What a sick human being.
Marriage has been considered a social pact where the man's resource provisioning exclusivity is exchanged for the woman's sexual and reproductive exclusivity. In today's world where marriage means the immediate transfer of all socio-economic and legal power from the man to the wife, one sliver of hope was that you can have your own child and raise it in a family environment. In the absence of that, there is little incentive for men to marry.
I tell everyone straight away I do not want kids and make it perfectly clear. When I am 25 I will be fixed. I am sorry that happened to you.
I was 19 when I got married. Normal here in my part of Europe.
Drain him dry. Not everyone wants children. You do not have to change just because someone wants you too. I had a problem with my ex demanding that I change. Now I am divorced. My problem is that now I have trust issues.
Things do come around and eventually the facts come out.
I guess the answer would be if you loved and also didn’t want kids and on that same question didn’t you know before you married him that he wanted kids? If so why did you marry him? Definitely wanting and not wanting kids is a pretty big issue to just hope it will go away
No, I would not. Having children is one of my few non-negotiables.
well this depends, cause people don't remain the same & maybe this guy hoped that you might change your view in future to be very honest when you have a life of about 60% remaining to live you can't see the future right away and make decision today so he might have thaught you might change your idea. but this didn't happened so he used you as a leverage till he got in with some another women. sad for you but he's evil that he used you
This is a thingh that i never understood. What is the sense of marriage if spouses don't want to have kids?
As far as I'm concerned, marriage is a legal institution for the protection of children, without children there is no marriage.
As far as I'm concerned the marriage should and subsequent tax rebates should only exist after the first child is born.
thats actually the roots to marriage actually, yes. Its the whole history of it going back thousands of years. I'll never understand it either but if two people want to do a childless marriage thats on them. But yeah it baffles me personally. You can just date or w/e whats the issue?
I would not considering I want children. Pretty foolish of him to marry you with the hopes you would change.
Some people say they don’t want children but they later change their mind so he probably thought because you were both still young that you were just saying that you didn’t want kids because you were young but was secretly hoping as you got older that maybe you would change your mind
Good on you for divorcing his cheating butt and having high self esteem to walk away from him
i think my current partner is like this… we aren't near marriage yet but its definitely on the table IF everything goes well so its a little scary. I've told him in detail multiple times my dislike towards children, the fact i will be a negligent mother and the fact i jst have no interest to ruin my own life just because i have the ability to. he likes kids and even once replied to me with “youll change your mind”… no, i won't. i really, really won't.
No. But it's a very personal choice and varied greatly from person to person. I wouldn't be happy without a family but was in a relationship with a man who said he didn't want it. It eventually destroyed what love we had
Well at the age of 25 almost everyone I know including myself doesn't want kids. And if they do, they are mostly from lower classes. But honestly that guy was very selfish, tried to manipulate you into changing your mind and then hop to the next one because you didn't want to.
I agree with @t-8900, namely on the notion of ambush impregnation. Probably would try to guilt you into keeping it.
Ty 😊 yes I warn women of this as well as the reverse for guys. People trying to force you to stay is a horrifying and terrible thing. And that's what he likely thought until he realized she was always going to be super vigilant and safe and that's when he showed his true colors in my estimation.
Personally, I wouldn't. That would definitely be a deal-breaker for me.
You're in the right though, he deserves to be cut loose for the cheating alone.
Because I still live them and even if they or we don't want children I don't care I would still love them anyways.
that's tough, but I guess for many the desire to have kids is great. he should have probably had a serious conversation with you about his changing feelings towards kids. I know a guy that at the age of 24 got snipped. that's how positive he was that he would never want kids.
Out of the slim chance I ever get married, I don't want kids, too. So if she doesn't either, then all is right with the world.
There are A LOT of Women out there who will say "NO!!!" to kids, get married then change their mind. He was probably banking on the possibility you would be one of them.
I'm sorry that happened. I think marriage is overheated and not needed. And it's religious people that push, oh you must marry, oh you must have kids. Nope all wrong. And another reason not to get married early. Enjoy life first. Like you are a adult and can't make up your mind on a serious thing as in making a kid? Good thing he will be out of your life. That other woman might get f'd in the future by him. Why do idiots keep winning in life?
Profile photo looks fake, not even a country of residence, no badges besides the "logged in" and "posted" badges and supposedly 24 and yet married and now divorcing.
Mmmm, I'm gonna call bullshit here.
Yeah, she looks fake as Hell. I'm glad I'm not the only one calling hogwash on this.
In my case that would work out. No kids for me either. But mostly i want to ask what STBXH means
Soon to be ex husband is what STBXH means
@AintNooAngel thank you!
I wouldn’t I’m not gonna make a life long commitment with someone who doesn’t my long term plan or who’s goals don’t align with mine.
I would and did. Can’t understand why anyone wants kids.
No idea. That would be an automatic relationship killer.
I would do it, because i don't want to have children either.
Same here
There are a lot of reasons..
Like I want her to myself
I have a bad feeling that whether if you had his kids or not he would have still cheated. I’m so sorry💜
If you didn't want children, you two could be a perfect match.
Now, if you really want to have a family (have children), this could be a deal-breaker for you and her.
No one is at fault here. It sounds like you both were young and dumb to marry in the first place , you both should have agreed to part earlier, but it is shitty how it ended
Not having children is spiting in the face of all of your ancestors who had to fight to survive. Also, it’s literally the best thing on the entire planet. Nothing is better then having children and spending everyday watching them learn and grow.
For same reason we ignore million red flags right in our face.
Thanks for like!
Thanks for likes!
No idea, I don’t want children either and would only consider someone that also is serious about not wanting any
I don't know, I honestly am not sure if i want kids
Yes I mean frankly I don't want any. I have a lot of genetic issues from both my mother and father's side of the family. Lots of cancer cases, mental health issues, joints and nerve issues. I don't want this all to pass onto anyone.
You sound a little "too surprised" and shocked by this. Obviously, you picked a loser. It's NOT difficult to find men who want to marry and do NOT ever want children. You're right to divorce him. Best of luck.
I'm sorry you had to go through this. That man has no shame. I think that he thought that he could change your point of view.
That would be cleared up on the early negotiations. I want kids, simple as that.
Maybe because you don't want children either and the both of you are very compatible.
If my partner can't have children then there is always the surrogate option.
I don't want kids either (for a lot of reasons, but mostly they smell bad and break stuff), but yeah thats pretty dumb, you can't change people.
Also whats a stbxh?
Because maybe we both don’t want children. Just a long term relationship.
I would not. I really wanted children and have a wonderful family. I could not imagine life without them. Know what you want before getting married and make sure you are compatible. It's not a guarantee the marriage will last but it's a good start.
I hope she doesn't, because I can't give her any. I make that very clear early on, because I won't mind adopting, but I am not giving her any with my DNA, nor am I raising another man's one if she got pregnant after dating me.
Moral of the story:
Fix your problems before you get married. Otherwise it will complicate the marriage... :/
I love babies and i would never marry a guy who doesn't want to be a father
No children is better, you have more money in your pocket, and can travel to exotic places on your own schedule, not to some school schedule.
I do want at least one child but then I don’t mind not having any aswell
Because I don't want children either. At least not til I'm older like 40
Well I'm ok with that. I want my youth to be about me and not spent raising a child especially since I will be better off financially when I'm older and also I will spend all of my remaining time on raising the child since I will have don't everything I wanted to in life by that time.
@Jonny59 What is wrong with being a parent at 40? If you think about his idea is smart he will be more financially stable paid off a home and student loans make more money and he will provide more for his future babies. Older parents are better. My aunt had hers in her Early 40's she is a successful lawyer paid off her student loans lives in a $800,0000 home and she provides that best for her kids.
Iknowbestgirls You are smart right now you can travel enjoy life by the time you are 40 you will more financially stable and be able to provide for your future babies. Yeah older parents are the best. My aunt had her first baby at age 40 and second baby at age 42 she is successful lawyer finish paying off her student loans lives in a $800,000 nice home now she is able to provide a good life for her kids. Yeah older parents are the best.
@Alwaysreckles93 yea thanks. It's just in really young right now and still figuring things out. I want to travel more and not have to be responsible for anyone else except myself rn. I have pleanty of friend that have kids already and they can't do shit except work and raise their child. If I want to spontaneously go in a trip or something for a couple days take a few days off work, they can't and so I have to do it all in my own.
That's the right thing to do. Divorce him ☺️
Divorcing. Getting him for some alimony. Married for 6 years.
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