That's the problem with a lot of men nowadays... Thinking evolutionary drive would "knock some sense in us". When that doesn't happen, it means we're less of a woman.
What a horrific man you've got there, sis. Good riddance. Do me a favour and suck him dry with alimony.
sorry but he's really a scum
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I'm very sorry to hear about your situation.
Unfortunately, a lot of people get into relationships and marriages with known dealbreakers in hopes that the other person will eventually change (and often times hoping that they can change their partner), which is a huge mistake for many reasons. While people can and do change as they grow older, it isn't smart to count on that happening. If he knew not having kids was a deal-breaker for him, he shouldn't have married you.
I personally see it as a huge red flag in a relationship when both people are not on the same page about having kids. It's something that's impossible to compromise on, and one person or the other will be unhappy no matter the outcome. I consider this to be incompatibility.
Either way, it's extremely messed up that his answer to this was to cheat on you rather than having the decency to simply be honest and tell you that this marriage was not going to work because it was very important to him to have kids. I'm really sorry this happened to you.
My guess is that that he probably married you hoping that you’d change your mind. His fault really. I mean that’s cool he wants kids, it’s also cool that you don’t. However it’s something he should have accepted before marriage. Good for you for sticking to your guns by the way. I think divorce is the best option for you and him. He can raise his kid with his mistress now.
I’ve mentioned on here several times that I have a medical issue that makes it very difficult if not impossible for me to have kids, and my age only lowers that chance. I still want to find a husband and marry, but if I meet a man in my age bracket who’s in a rush to start having kids (and I have met a few), I tell him either he has to be open to adopting or he has to keep looking.
I don't know why he'd marry you in the he first place Ifvyou didn't want kids and he did. Maybe he wanted to ambush impregnate down the road. I wouldn't do that. I ask a girl upfront if she wants kids. If she says no that's fine. She's just not what I'm looking for. I won't even waste her time with a second date. Just politely vtelk her we're incompatible. That's what he should have done. I for one have kids as my #1 reason for getting married. But I really want to be a father and just work my shifts and come home to be with my wife and kids. Family is all I want in life. I only mentioned this last bit because I read other posts with women on the his thread. No I don't think women need to do something they don't want to do or force them into it. But I simply love kids, want kids, and want my family name to live on. It has nothing to do with oppressing women.
I have a little one myself already so whomever I date would have to want kids. Luckily I am dating such a person and he has children himself.
If one person wants kids and the other doesn't then it will surely bring problems down the road. You MUST have a mutual understanding when it comes to having kids or not having kids otherwise the relationship will never work as that's a HUGE deal. I'm so sorry that you were betrayed like that. He should have been adamant from the get go that he wanted kids so that you would know that the two of you weren't going to be compatible. I'm glad you're divorcing his piece of shit, dishonest, cheating ass.
I always knew I didn't want children, so that wouldn't be a problem for me. But he's an idiot for marrying you given that you wanted different things that are so important. Hoping someone will change their mind on something like this is insane. Honestly women do that with men all the time, but this goes to show that some men do it too.
Best of luck in the future.
things change when you are in relationship, or maybe he never accepted it and hoped... a bad plan. I changed from never wanting kids to being happy if could have with my girlfriend. but it's too late for us.
sorry for your loss. you might examine why you don't want kids and if there's emotional junk to cleanup that is limiting your perceptions, which was my case. There could be other reasons. you are young enough. But if not what you want, there are guys who don't want kids as well, have to try again.
Well , its the best way to get divorced - No children.
But in essence your goals or feelings were never aligned even though he agreed , Divorce is never easy , but its A LOT easier with no children , a lot , believe me.
So , its very good that you are getting divorced , but I can understand his side too as a young man , that he wants kids , so did I , and I had two. These days , of course when they say " No Kids " , I scream with joy ! My lady now is much younger and has never given birth , and thats fine.
That's called been a idiot, so he was an idiot and a cheater.
One should never go into marriage trying to change the person.
One should never really enter a relationship trying to change them as well although this one has a bit more leg room since there could be problems early in the relationship or something not quite fitting.
But marriage there is none it's supposed to be when your fully sure they are for you without a single change.
No. If you want kids that’s the stupidest thing you can do. A lot of women marry men with opposing views thinking they can change them but in reality, they are just going to make them resentful in the long run. Marry someone who wants the same things out of life as you do.
That's a funny behavior.
A lot of males have ended up in that arrangement in the past there he dosen't want and she wants, even there she lies that it doesn't matter or doesn't want.
It's probably a belief they can change their mind, that they change their mind later on, believe they can force them when the ring on the finger, manipulate them to want, think they are that amazing that the other one change their mind...
There are many messed up reasons.
Personal wouldn't I go into a relationship with someone that wants. usually turn to shitcake.
That's one of the reasons why I got my tubes tied. Guys will think twice before hoping you would "change your mind" after you tell them you're sterile.
But yeah, it's freaking awful that many people think you'll eventually want kids just because you're a woman and this is "your role". Yuck
Yes I would. I would prefer that, actually.
I’m really sorry to hear about what happened with your ex-husband! It was wrong for him to agree to marry you, knowing you don’t want kids and then have a problem with it later.
And even worse is the way he went about it. Cheating is never the answer for anything.
You were honest from the very beginning , Yet he had hopes you would changed your mind. Clearly he wasn't mature enough for marriage. He should had respected your decision and not try to force his idea about having kids on you. Your answer is No and yet he want off and cheated on you. What a sick human being.
Marriage has been considered a social pact where the man's resource provisioning exclusivity is exchanged for the woman's sexual and reproductive exclusivity. In today's world where marriage means the immediate transfer of all socio-economic and legal power from the man to the wife, one sliver of hope was that you can have your own child and raise it in a family environment. In the absence of that, there is little incentive for men to marry.
I tell everyone straight away I do not want kids and make it perfectly clear. When I am 25 I will be fixed. I am sorry that happened to you.
Drain him dry. Not everyone wants children. You do not have to change just because someone wants you too. I had a problem with my ex demanding that I change. Now I am divorced. My problem is that now I have trust issues.
Things do come around and eventually the facts come out.
I guess the answer would be if you loved and also didn’t want kids and on that same question didn’t you know before you married him that he wanted kids? If so why did you marry him? Definitely wanting and not wanting kids is a pretty big issue to just hope it will go away
No, I would not. Having children is one of my few non-negotiables.
well this depends, cause people don't remain the same & maybe this guy hoped that you might change your view in future to be very honest when you have a life of about 60% remaining to live you can't see the future right away and make decision today so he might have thaught you might change your idea. but this didn't happened so he used you as a leverage till he got in with some another women. sad for you but he's evil that he used you
This is a thingh that i never understood. What is the sense of marriage if spouses don't want to have kids?
As far as I'm concerned, marriage is a legal institution for the protection of children, without children there is no marriage.
As far as I'm concerned the marriage should and subsequent tax rebates should only exist after the first child is born.
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