My current boyfriend has a domestic violence past. Should I be worried?

[Nicolemare7]

[Keyboardkat]

Yes, you should be. Guys like this can appear very nice, considerate and affectionate at the beginning, but the problem is that they, for some reason, simply CANNOT believe that any woman would want to stay with them voluntarily, so they become controlling and dictatorial.
He will limit your access to your friends and family members until you are completely isolated and have no outside support system. He will try to limit your access to money, not wanting you to have your own checking account without his name on it. He will limit when and for how long you can be out of the house. He will demand to know where you've been, like he doesn't trust you at all. And any deviation, any show of independence on your part will result in escalating physical attacks on you, starting with a slap. and getting worse from then on.
In between attacks he will act full of remorse, he will bring you flowers, he will swear it won't happen again, and you will want to believe him. DON'T!
My advice to you is, RUN THE OTHER WAY AS FAST AS CAN, AND DON'T LOOK BACK! Don't be fooled by his begging you to come back! It's a spider trap! There a lots of guys who DON"T behave this way toward women! You need to find one!

[JustinTimberlegs]

Yeah I would be worried. Abusers can be extremely manipulative, and sometimes don't show their true colours till much later on in the relationship. I'm not sure about the rest of the world but 6 women die every week in Australia from domestic abuse, and hundreds of restraining orders are approved every day against abusive partners.

There was one guy who was fine until they had a baby, and he got jealous of the baby, ended up killing her by bashing her, even though he just told her father the night before he would never ever lay a finger on her.

I think it's a mistake going into a relationship thinking you can change somebody. a lot of abuse victims think they can change them because they love them so much, but it just doesn't happen.

Whatever happens I hope you are safe and find the love you deserve.

[FlutteringFeelings]

I saw a DV record on this guy that approached me. I saw red flags in the beginning and I decided to let him go. The reaction of me no longer wanting to be in contact was the icing on the cake. I didn’t tell him that I saw a record and the reason I wanted to walk away were red flags piling on top of red flags.


“People change” well I won’t wait around for that and I’d rather move on to the next guy.

[Anonymous]

Definitely keep an eye out. If he lays a hand on you that should be the last thing he ever did and you should be prepared to walk away. I don't care how great the relationship is otherwise. I know this 1st hand. It gets worse! Believe me. Do not make the same mistake I did. After it happened again I was brave enough to walk away. I'm so glad I did. Or I could have been dead next.

[Oigit]

"Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior" is the first thing I thought of when I read this question. Another thing that I quickly thought of is how people will often ignore red flags when they allow emotions over ride the metal aspects of a relation. There is also a good saying for this as well "fallow your heart and don't leave your brain behind"

I'll be honest and say if my child or a close friend was evolved with someone that has a domestic violent past, I'd pushing them to get out as quickly as they can.

[Jake99999]

I am assuming you mean, he has been the perpetrator. Then... Yes. Be worried. Its very unlikely that he has changed. Don't be his next victim. If you are with him now, at the slightest hint of anything along these lines you need to get out of this relationship. I would advise you to get out of it anyway... but if you are going to stay in it, keep your guard up. Don't put up with anything. And hope he does not let loose on you when you least expect it. You are taking a big risk. Why.

Any man who abuses a woman is cowardly scum. Is that who you want to be with?

[readyplayer001]

be very careful and keep yourself safe. first time he ever grabs you outta aggression or hits you, you leave! people like that never change they just learn to hide it better , normally starts with manipulation and emotional abuse starts small like they are pushing you to see what you're willing to take then the full on abuse starts.

be safe though

[MTC29]

Yes, you should be very worried. Don't be fooled if he says he's been through counseling. This may have been court ordered, in which case he said exactly what he was supposed to say to during the sessions in order to keep his ass out of jail.

I can't see any reason a woman should run the risk of future violence.

[BlackBeauty90]

What I have always wondered is why women (and men) get involved with losers?

I mean here you're asking should you be worried about your boyfriend's violent past. Do you need him to smack you around the neighborhood first before you realize you're stupid for getting involved with him?

[libsaretards]

ASOFUCKINGLUTELY! You need to run. People with domestic violence in their history NEVER change. There is the rare instance where the Domestic Violence conviction was false, but do not risk your life on those odds. I worked as a Corrections Officer and MOST of the criminals in our jail committed domestic violence (both men and women). They openly told me the terrible things they did to their spouses, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. Run for the hills.

[spartan55]

You aren't being very specific. Was he arrested? Charged? Convicted? How did you find out about it? Did he take the time to assure you that his criminal behavior is a thing of the past?

[Nicolemare7]

Yes he was arrested and charged he told me. He said he learned from his past mistakes

[spartan55]

I would say avoid him.

[MotorcycleMan]

Yes, you should be worried. Watch for the flags. Does he try to control what you do? Is he jealous and possessive? Does he not like you to hang out with others?

[rienna888]

first of all you’re extremely beautiful, and I think you should leave him as soon as he shows any signs of abuse. Don’t get too attached yet.

[This_is_my_username]

Yes, tread carefully. Actually, I suggest leaving him completely. I understand that some people change... but with abusers, it's highly unlikely. Leave him, life is too short to be scared of the person who is supposed to love you.

[Mofunfour20]

If you're petty yes. If you're chaotic yes. If you have a quick temper yes. If you can't be peaceful yes you should be worried

[VDrago14]

Probably, usually guys like this tend to fall into the same habitual patterns, and it's not worth the time or energy to see if it'll be different this time.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

@scooogy asked a great question: as perpetrator or victim?

If he's been a perpetrator of violence in the past, leave him and don't trust him.

[scooogy]

@Smoke-n-Growls thanks 🙈

[Kaneki05]

well yeah. Pathology of those that do them things is they repeat offend and will hurt people close to them.

[Mangospacho]

It’s possible the ex could be falsely accusing him of domestic violence as revenge. In that case, I wouldn’t worry about it. If he actually did hit her, then you should at least consider leaving him because he obviously has unresolved issues.

[EaterPeter]

Need more context, go with stats. Whatever the stats are. If legal system forgave and expunged him he may be forgivable. How is he with you in general? How long you been with him? Did you get to see that side of him yet.

[Rachelspiks]

Yes, you should be VERY worried! Dump him at the very first opportunity you get.

[YollyM]

Don't be worried, be scared! The brain doesn't delete it stores. His abusive ways will awake from hibernation in his brain and you might get hurt.

[worldscolide]

No context here. Need context.. I personally have a domestic violence history, but where I'm the victim. Without knowing specifics I cannot answer.

[laraWM]

How do you learn that? Did he tell you? If yes maybe he wants to get over that

[_Troian_]

If he showed violence to his previous woman then yeah be worried, cunts like him always try to show dominance on woman in that way and think theirselves as masculine.

[rcljr]

Yes you should worry, leopards don’t change their spots

[FilmGuy93]

That's actually THE reason to be worried. Especially if he isn't the one to tell you about it.

[PinkLady21]

Yesss!!! I wish I knew about my exes past properly before hand, I’d have ran a mile.

[OddBeMe]

Yes. Behavior is the most difficult thing to change. If he’s making daily efforts to change, sure trust him. Is he going to therapy? Is he still quick to anger? Is he still controlling?

[Hypnos0929]

Yes.
Listen my father was a wife beater. He hasn't changed in my 2 decades of life, and has acknowledged he's been a terrible person. Do not risk your safety for love, be smart, break it off.

[BlacklightShade]

You don't need to worry as long as you can sell "I fell down the stairs" to friends and family.

[FunkyMonkee]

No, you should just leave!! That being said, let me know when the wedding's gonna be.

[zagor]

Unless it was a long time ago when he was abusing substances he hasn't touched in years, better stay away.

[Iron_Man]

I will need for you to break it down a lot more than what you have said so far than I will make my final decision

[Dvchill]

How in the past? Did he beat the shot outa his last girlfriend 2 days ago… or was this like 10 years ago and he has a “so there I was story”

[KittygosMeoWW]

Yes! Unless he’s gone to counseling and has made changes he’ll repeat the cycle whether you’re his partner or not

[Jennifertoubl]

No no of course not. Dating a guy who beats girls is perfectly safe.

[Better_off_here]

well i would be wary but depends on what he did and if you have fears about him. maybe he has learned from the mistakes he made. if it really bothers you talk to him about it.

[Ghostlock]

Ummm, yes. I think you already know the answer to this though.

[Browneye57]

Gee, ya think? Maybe he'll KILL you. Wouldn't that be nice!!

[Surely]

Why would you even call him a boyfriend until you knew for sure if he was safe as a SO?

[Anonymous]

Yes. If not for yourself while you're young, think about when you're older and about the protection of your kids.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think you should be more than worried. I think you should leave before it's too late.

[Calgarydirty69]

no, just tell him you and I are dating, loose a good girl like you THAT will teach him not to be abusive, besides he can't hurt me, he is just a little bully with penis envy

[jeffryrobertbabb]

If he sees violence as a solution to problems, you should definitely be worried.

[Grubhub]

Yes you don’t deserve to be a victim unless he’s a changed man. ❤️

[Twalli]

Not unless he starts getting violent with you. Maybe he now has an outlet

[Scotte1us]

Yes ofcourse, leave immediatly before its too late.

[MM5578]

Don’t even consider giving this piece of shit a chance. Get rid of him immediately.

[cloudspy]

Seriously? Of course you should. 🙄

[Ninani]

Red flag, abort, abort!

[DonkeyDan]

Yes I think you should be worried.

[JosyJosy]

Only if he was the aggressor

[exitseven]

Yes, these guys never change.

[karaspara]

Yes you should be worried

[bolverk]

YES, be worried it never goes away.

[Anonymous]

Yes, Red Flag!! Red Flag!!

[ewok737]

Yes you should be, walk away now.

[DWornock]

No! You want attention so that is what you seek.

[TheFlak38]

just another woman who knows how to choose them.

[scooogy]

You mean as a perpetrator or as a victim?

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Good question!

[Wise4myage]

Hell yes you should be concerned.

[EssenceOfLight]

People don't change easily

[Randalama]

Difficult to say without more, juicy details.