How to stop thinking about his past?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. I love him but everytime when we fight, it’s because i keep bringing about his past. I can’t stop thinking about his ex girlfriends and imagining that he’s happier with them and strangely my mind believes that he is.

Something happened in the beginning of our relationship that traumatized me even tho he always says that he did nothing and i’m the one who’s being dramatic. However, since i genuinely love him, i decided to stay.
How to stop this overthinking and jealousy? What should i do?

FYI, he was a womanizer before.

[Jake99999]

Stop punishing him for the past.


One of the important ways for couples to succeed together is to agree that you are not going to keep punishing your partner for something that is over and done and settled. You had an issue with him. You talked it over, had arguments, whatever. Then you agreed to move forward. Once you agree to move forward, you can’t keep going back and re-punishing him. Just stop it.


Or, if you just can’t get over it, then end the relationship. If he is living up to what you agreed, then its not fair to just keep throwing it back in his face as a weapon when you are pissed off.

[Asker]

I know but sometimes I get suddenly upset when thinking that he doesn't do something with me that he did with his previous girls and that makes me feel like be treats me differently

[Jake99999]

Stop comparing all of that shit. He is with you, isn’t he? If he liked one of the other girls better, he would be with one of them. But if you keep hassling him, and looking for reasons to be offended, he is going to get sick of it - and you are going to push him away for sure.

[Asker]

Thank you. You are very wise. I really appreciate your answer ❤️ Hope i can be better

[Jake99999]

Just the fact that you are looking at yourself and trying to be self-aware is a huge step. A lot of people never do that. It a very important ability and a very good sign. You will figure it out.

[Rob70]

It is going to be hard for you to just stop the way you feel. The only advice I have is to stop bringing it up to him. If you are upset do not use his past as a weapon. If you start having those feelings think of the positive in your relationship. Hopefully it will stop you from making the mistake of bringing it up to him. If you can't do that maybe it's best if you part ways. Why be in a relationship if you are not truly happy

[Asker]

Thank you!
I kinda feel it’s too hard for me to live him since we’ve been together for 2 years

[FR_Ruby]

If you can't help but to feel worried about it then maybe he should do more to comfort you about it. This shouldn't be your problem, it's his past, he should treat you better than all of those girls and convince you to get over it. You probably just need to talk about it instead of letting it build up, and he should reassure you, not deflect the topic.

[Yourfriend2021]

You can't change the past, so what he can do about it? If he loves you and treats you right, then forget about that past, no one can change it, but they change themselves by learning from their mistakes.

[Asker]

One of his ex were staying with us for 2 months before he finally kicked her out. But at that time, i felt like he still liked her because he treats her very good and when he was still in a relationship with her, he stopped smoking but when he’s with me, he doesn’t stop smoking even tho he knows i don’t like the smoke like she does. He keeps saying that she’s just a good friend but i still find it so weird.
One time they went to the beach and left me alone at home. The other time, we went to an event and he took pictures of her but he didn’t take any picture of me.
I can’t forget this hurtful things he did but i love him and he said he loves me too.
Is it my fault that i behave like this?

[Yourfriend2021]

Well, it seems like you want to believe that he loves you, but he really doesn't. The truth hurts, so you try to make yourself believe that he loves you but it's just empty words because of how he treats you and you can see the things he does.