My husbands bachelor party and escorts? Am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

Me and my husband got married 6 months ago. We had a few arguments about his bachelor party. I told him strippers and girls being there would he cheating to me. He promised there wouldn't be and that he just wanted to get really drunk and off his face (drugs). 4 months into our marriage and I found out (by going through his phone) he had a stripper and looked for escorts in that vicinity. He picked out every girl that was at the house they rented. When I brought it up to him, he yelled about me going through his phone and stormed out saying I don't trust him. Now he won't let me touch his phone and hides it every time he's in the shower. His friends bachelor party is coming up in the next few months and he told me he'll be going to that too. I don't know what to say or do. I know I won't be okay with him going and will probably cry and scream with no response from him.

[kyleelyn199723]

😬😬 not good that you two haven’t established an honest and trustworthy relationship before getting married. This doesn’t look good to me. He’s lying and hiding and would have never told you as long as you didn’t go through his phone. I agree strippers and escorts are cheating. It’s an excuse to cheat before getting married. And you are having such bad trust issues with him, you are examining his phone. Not good. Not good at all. If this can’t be solved, you two may be getting divorced earlier than you thought.

[FilmGuy93]

How on earth did you get to the point of marrying this person? Your communication is horrendous, there's lying, disrespect from both sides, no trust; is there a baby in the mix yet, maybe a house? Forget about who's wrong right now, because there's plenty of fault to go around. I'm serious when I say this: you need to rethink your marriage with your husband. You should not be married right now in general, and definitely not married to that person. You're only 6 months in and you're already facing problems of respect? This isn't the kind of thing you grow together to solve. Respect is either there or it isn't, and in your case it is NOT. Get out of this shit show before you waste anymore of your life on it.

[hahahmm]

Usually there are red flags long before things get really bad. Think back on any signs you saw that this guy was dishonest/cheater type before you even agreed to marry him. Don't ignore signs.

As far as now... if I'm in your shoes I would split up and tell the guy it's going to be zero contact until he decides what he wants more: me or hookers? I'd be living with friends/family. And if he hasn't made up his mind in a month I'd divorce him for sure. Actually, if I found out my wife was cheating on me I'd dump her on day 1 but there's zero question about that in my relationship and we had talked about this kind of thing long before getting married & were on the same page.

[hahahmm]

Also: A relative of mine got her 1st marriage annulled because her husband basically lied about being into her & would never sleep with her. In your case you can get this guy on lying about sleeping with hookers, I'd think. It's a form of fraud. If you don't own major property with this guy it's a good idea. There's time requirements too. In some states you have to do it within 1 year of marriage. Don't know about your state. From a web page on getting a marriage annulled "When you get divorced, it ends your marriage. An annulment, on the other hand, treats a marriage as though it never existed. The two aren't interchangeable, and an annulment normally is more difficult to obtain."

[IveGotNoName]

Well, you shouldn't have gone through his phone, however, you obviously had quite good reasons not to trust him considering what you found. Did you guys ever have a more cooled down conversation where you talked about how you were extremely uncomfortable with the fact that he hired escorts? Another thing I'm worried about is that it really doesn't seem like you trust your husband, and I know I'm young and I don't know anything about anything, but shouldn't you trust the person you marry?

[Asker]

I trusted him. I thought that he wouldn't have strippers and escorts at his bachelor party. Unfortunately I didn't find out until after we got married. Now I don't know if divorce is a thing I should consider.

[IveGotNoName]

Did you trust him? Why did you go through his phone then? (Not trying to be aggressive or accusatory, just trying to understand)

[Asker]

Gut feeling. Something didn't feel right

[IveGotNoName]

Well that gut feeling must have come from not trusting him though...

[TommyMountainFigure]

You asked him to make a promise that he had no intention of keeping, therefore he was wrong. BUT, being right won't won't always make you happy.
Sometimes even though it hurts, you have to make allowances for the sake of your relationship and sorry to say this but strippers at bachelor parties aren't that uncommon.
If your friends were getting married and wanted a male stripper there, would he create knowing you were going to it? I seriously doubt it.

[Asker]

Strippers I can let go of. But escorts? He actually hired someone that's job is to have sex with him? I think that's what I really can't get past..

[TommyMountainFigure]

If you believe he cheated on you, then instead of screaming and crying why not just leave?

[Asker]

It took 4 years of convincing my family to accept him. I'm kind of embarrassed of the "I told you so" conversations they would give me.

[TommyMountainFigure]

For that reason you will stay with someone you know is cheating on you? Life is TOO short to live with regret. . So your family will give you the 'i told you speech' big deal.. at least they love you and tried to warn you. I've been cheated on before and I know that feeling all too well. Trust me. the i told you so you'll get from your family are nothing to being with a cheater.

[Asker]

I'm just hoping it was a one time thing at his bachelor party. I love him, I just want to be able to trust him too.

[TommyMountainFigure]

K.. Make me a promise then. If he cheats on you again. No crying, no shouting.. just leave.. deal?

[Asker]

Of course. Deal

[TommyMountainFigure]

I'm gonna hold you to that :)

[GingerGuy]

It's unfortunate you got married because with or without reason, he's very right in that there is no trust. That's no way to start a marriage. Also a drug user, which isn't going to do your relationship any favors either. Trust is the real issue. Besides this, do you have any other reason (s) not to trust him?

[Asker]

We were good. I definitely trusted him. Now after finding out, not so much.

[GingerGuy]

What initially made you go through his phone? Like was there an argument first over it, then it was confirmed when you went through it, or some other reason? But I don't know what the timeline is, but maybe you can get an annulment? Or some kind of couples counselling? But my guess is he won't be open to that? At very least you need to have some heart to hearts with him, but not fights. Calm discussions about your marriage, trust, etc.

[Asker]

Just a gut feeling. Something didn't feel right. He got distant and hid his phone a lot. I thought no way he's cheating, I panicked and then found that instead. I'll definitely try to have discussions. I'm very open to counselling too. He just gets very very defensive every time and turns it into an argument.

[hopefulecynic]

What made tou go through his phone? Was there suspicious behaviour going on?

[Sam_The_Savage]

I'm with you girl...
He just don't respect you. Wtf

[Asker]

Thank you

[Sam_The_Savage]

Feel free to talk to me whenever you want. Always fight for your respect. ❤️

[pleasestopthis]

You don't trust him, and with good reason. He's a lying cunt. You should leave his ass

[Yourfriend2021]

You're not wrong but it seems like drugs and cheating means the marriage is over.

[Anonymous]

That's enough to file for a divorce and divorce-rape his ass. Make sure to make him pay alimoney to you. He doesn't respect you.

[jeffryrobertbabb]

Sorry, he cheated on you and he will probably so it again

[Anonymous]

Simple. Get a divorce now because this keeps going on. You are only 6 months in.

[Anonymous]

Did he cheat tho? U can have strippers without cheating

[Iron_Man]

You are in the right I
support you