Am I wrong for breaking off my wedding because I found out that my wife to be was a stripper, and did escort related things before we met?

[Anonymous]

I am 29, she is 27, we have been together for three years. I asked her to marry me about 6 months ago. She happily agreed. Fast forward to last weekend, we are having a joint bachelor/Bachelorette party (weird, but its what she wanted). We are all talking, and at one point one of her friends mentions "Kind of reminds you of your stripper days right" I froze, Everyone froze. I asked her about it, and she shrugged it off like it was a joke, only i was not laughing. I confronted her later on, and she admitted it, Not only was she a stripper, but some times, she fucked her clients that she had private dances with. She said she never told me because she was afraid i would judge her. She was right, I did judge her, But not for her past, Its because she chose to keep it secret. I told her that because i can't deal with someone lying to me like that, because there is no way in hell i would lie to her about anything, that we were just done. She said i was controlling. I told her it had nothing to do with control, and everything to do with the fact that she didn't trust me enough to tell me. A relationship founded on trust can't have lies like that.

She moved out, her stuff is gone, I've returned the rings, including her engagement ring, and oddly I'm at some kind of weird peace. Sure I'm angry, I'm sad. But all i can think of is, if she lied about this, what else would she be willing to lie about. I can't live my life not being able to trust her, the one person I'm supposed to be able to trust the most.

Was i wrong?

[Stevepro68]

Ok here's my answer. my girlfriend is a retired SW. We have been together 4 years. Not everyone can handle it, most men cannot. They are judged and it's not easy. the greatest anxiety my girl faces is telling new people in her life about her past. The best thing the absolute best thing is in prior relationships I held back my own things I may have done which were personally shameful. We all have them. But I am never afraid to tell her the truth. Because I extend her the same no judgement that she does for me. The Lie is the justification for you acting the way you did. Your hangups about sex and women are why she hid it from you. I cannot teach anyone why I am ok with it. I cannot take away the feeling of betrayal you feel. Just understand you expected an impossible task. Think of the one thing in your past that you are truly ashamed of that you try to forget but it's always there. Now imagine you walking around a world where at any time some stranger can tell all your friends and family about it without warning. That's the burden they live with if they feel shame about their prior work. Asking her to bring that out is a massive emotional investment. The unfortunate part is she loved you and wanted to be with you. Most likely she was afraid you would react just like you did. Maybe she thought if you were emotionally invested enough she could tell you. Then later became trapped in the downward spiral of lies to keep you from finding out she lies. Ask yourself one question if she his another type of employment from you for some reason. Blackjack dealer, slaughterhouse worker. Would you feel quite so betrayed? Just a thought. For me she the best thing that has ever happened in my life. She is my happy place my love my best friend.

[Asker]

Dude I have zero hangups about sex, at no point in my question did I mention that I had issues with her past. My problem is only and specifically limited to the lie. If she hadn't lied to me, this would never have happened.

Your assumption that I have hangups about sex is where at least half of your comment is wrong. I wish you people would learn to read the questions and not make assumptions.

[Stevepro68]

I understand and sorry for assuming. One question, you broke off a wedding because of a lie but the reason for the lie has no impact? Then why even mention what the lie was about? Or for that matter why put up the question with those details. Since you claim we are wrong about your motivations I can only accept your statements. But then why add the details? If it's not important to you? Most people, I understand not you, would share that information only because they want understanding of the gravity of the lie. So please I like to understand people motivation since I am not always correct.

[Cormac995]

You're not controlling she's gaslighting you because she's facing the consequences of poor life choices and wants to pawn the blame off on you. You dodged a bullet. She lied to you and now she's trying to gas light you into forgiving her for lying and besides someone that loose with their body won't be loyal. You did the right thing breaking off the engagement. A lie that big is one of the biggest red flags you can have in a relationship. You're not an asshole you have common sense.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing. If it were me, even if she were honest, hard pass. Sorry ladies, this is exactly why your past does indeed matter. Sex workers, Are. Not. Wife. Material. The moment you learn to understand that, is the moment you start living in reality.

Lying is never good, Lying about that is equivalent to lying about cheating. You sir dodged a bullet.

Ladies, if what i said offended you, then perhaps you need to reexamine your life.

[Asker]

I have to agree. Lesson learned. Maybe extensive background checks are in order in the future.

[Cristi019]

You did good. And you'll get over it. The world doesn't stay in one woman. Maybe you'll have trust issues because of this.

[BaronVonBarron]

Definitely a good decision. Respect yourself.

[Nikki1989]

Her past is none of your business, and she is a fool for saying anything.

Furthermore, insecure people are not ready for marriage.

[Asker]

So you support a relationship based on lies, typical worthless piece of shit feminist response.

It has nothing to do with her past, it has everything to do with her lying about it. If you had read the whole thing, you'd see that.

I'm not insecure for being strongly against lying. You're too stupid, too blind, and too feminist to understand the difference. Now stfu.

[Ariesman81]

😬... good call

[EmmiL]

No that's reasonable